First, keep in mind that

all of the above choices

inflict pain! 

     It’s difficult to engage the services of a literary agent, doctor, dentist, lawyer, plumber, vet, auto mechanic, or computer geek without broadside exposure to physical and/or emotional and/or financial pain. 

     It is also often difficult to hire one of these vendors (or “professionals” as they like to call themselves) without running the risk of annihilation of your body, your feelings, and your wallet (and if those, then probably your brain as well). 

     Thus the Boy Scouts of America Motto: “Be Prepared” echoed by none other than Henry David Thoreau who proclaimed the need to “Be forever on the alert!”

     The point arrives in everyones’ lives where a “prepared” and “alert” choice must be made between perceived characteristics of services that are “older, more experienced, physically weaker, and more conservative” vs. “younger, less experienced, physically stronger, and more liberal.” 

     Do you go for the stronger, quicker, 20-something, messier, higher-priced plumber (or doctor or lawyer or literary agent) who shows up with an attitude, when he or she feels like it, with her or his backward baseball cap (to prevent neck sunburn?) and some form of stereotypical “crack” exposed . . . or the the weaker, slower, 50-something, neater, lower-priced plumber (or vet or auto mechanic or computer geek) who shows up humble and accommodating, exactly on time, with his bald head uncovered or her hair neatly out of her face and, oh yes, a longer shirttail?       

     So have you done your homework, or just thumbed through your phonebook yellow pages or newspaper classifieds?  Did you know it’s been proven that we spend more time and energy evaluating the purchase of a can of beans than we do choosing a doctor?  (That is weird!) 

     I always liked the old ad for a $200 motorcycle helmet that said something like,

If you think your head

is worth $24.95,

buy a $24.95 helmet!” 

     If you think your reputation, material possessions, your body, teeth, pipes, pet, car, or computer isn’t worth more than a can of beans, then go ahead and pick a doctor (lawyer, dentist, plumber, vet, mechanic, or computer guru) from advertising!  Then be “prepared” and “alert” for pain.  Your choice.  Enjoy!       halalpiar

Note:  Hal Alpiar is the author of DOCTOR SHOPPING . . . How To Choose The Right Doctor For You And Your Family, which won a national book award for consumer health information.  See www.TheWriterWorks.com for additional details on Hal’s professional practice consulting, training and marketing programs or call 302.933.0116

     Is it just me, or what?  Counting six of the last ten, it seems every book I read these days (and I average about two a week) is wrapped around a wussy character . . . the kind of protagonist who makes me want to throw lamps and TV clickers!  

     Instead I punch the cover and yell into the binding:

Will you P U L L E S E speak up, stand up, be assertive, cock your hat, make a fist, stick out your tongue, puff out your chest, pull your shoulders back, put something of substance out on the table for all of us tortured readers to see and hear and imagine and think about! 

     You’re the lead character, for crying out loud!  Stop leaving us frustrated and anxious and angry at you.  Why can’t you speak your mind and tell it like it is?  Stop with the dumb, mamby-pamby, mealy-mouthed excuses.  Stop crawling away from confrontations.  How can you expect us readers to support your wimpy approach to other less-capable characters who run roughshod over you?  We’re not all social workers out here. 

     It’s not true—dear author-creators of leading-role, candy-ass characters—that everybody loves an underdog.  Well, maybe in sports, but you know what?  When you act like an underdog in real life or as a main character in some author’s story, people won’t side with you; they won’t like you; they will stop reading! 

     And this happens because?  Because there’s enough anger, anxiety, negativity and frustration in real life.   We read books to learn, be informed and entertained, to escape . . . not to see more of the same that we deal with every day. 

     I just finished an absolutely wonderful story about a racecar driver who took it on the chin so many times from his evil, mean-spirited in-laws that when he lowered his head, there was probably nothing left between his bottom teeth and his chest!  The only reason I took it to the end was that this magnificant story was told by a classy, assertive part-Laborador retriever (but of course who could only bark!).  The hero car driver was such a wuss, he made me want to throw myself off a bridge! 

     Okay, you say, but you did read it, and so what else is new?  Well, I also just gave up on a book that revolves entirely around the weakest personality to ever grace the human race.  This cross-country trekker who only God knows how this fragile, feeble character managed to survive by bicycle from Rhode Island to Colorado before I threw it down.  This guy would have made Ghandi and Saint Theresa look like terrorists! 

     Character flaws are important attributes; they make the person credible.  But give me a heroine or hero with clout, chutzpah, hubris, nerve, balls, whatever you want to call it! 

     I want to read about winners who stand up for themselves, and who get back up when they’re knocked down . . . because nothing compares to meeting and getting to know someone who inspires!      halalpiar  

CHANGE is hardly ever a good thing 

when somebody else does it TO you.  

     In business, industry, education, government, real estate, food and gas pricing, or otherwise, “CHANGE” is hardly ever a good thing when somebody else does it TO you.  Change is only meaningful and rewarding when YOU can make it happen for yourSELF. 

     When change is done TO you, it prompts inaction, resistance and excuses.  When you create and deliver change for your SELF, you are more likely to take ownership of the steps involved, and follow the process through more determinedly to make it happen.  

     “Okay, Joe, from now on, you’re going to have to print out, copy, and collate three copies of the daily 75 pages of inventory activity that you were just submitting by email before.  The two new bosses want hard copies, and of course I’ll need one too.  Oh, and you may want to run a fourth as a sort of cover-your-butt set that you can check with if questions arise.”    

     How does that feel compared with: “Joe, the new bosses are interested in seeing your inventory spreadsheets without having to jump around on their computer screens; could you come up with a method that you think might work better for them, something that doesn’t require a lot of your time?” 

     Do you think one of these approaches might serve to motivate more than the other?

     “Gwyneth, I want you to clean up your room right this minute, or you’ll not get dessert after dinner!” OR “Gwyneth, I’m getting concerned about the condition of your room; would you please take some time right now to come up with a way to get it shaped up by dinnertime every night, starting tonight, and let me know your plan when I stop back in ten minutes?”

     Notice the focus is on HOW can a task get done.  NONproductive emphasis is on WHY did you screw up, or on what threats might prompt action, or on implying some level of personal incompetence. 

     When you ask someone WHY? you will only ever get a reason or excuse for an answer.  When you ask HOW? you’re prompting the other person to evaluate, assess, and recommend process steps, without suggesting any personal shortcomings.

     HOW to get others to make changes happen for themselves?  Remember that behavior is always a choice.  You can choose to not react.  If you don’t react, you will never overreact!  You will be more effective in controlling and helping yourself and others to more effectively control behavior and accomplish tasks.  Remember if you need to criticise, criticise behavior, not the person.  And do it in private.  Save audiences for giving praise!        halalpiar

What do ABC, CBS, NBC, TNT, CNN, MSNBC, and newspapers (if you can call them that) like The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, and USA Today have in common?  

     If your business is running local, regional, or mass media advertising without the support of a major public relations program, odds are you’re wasting your money, and whatever results you may be getting are just a fraction of what you could be generating. 

     Businesses get stuck running “maximum impact” schedules of TV and radio commercials, and newspaper ads because they’ve been sold a bill of goods, or because the competitors are doing it, or because that’s just the way it’s always been, or because they enjoy the ego-gratification that accompanies flashy, “big-time” exposure of their business, and perhaps themselves, or because of friendships, or whatever feeble excuse comes to the surface.

     Reality, though, is that the only thing these businesses are accomplishing–at their own expense–is that they’re making the media moguls rich.  Yup, probability is that the media people we’re talking about are the very same ones who consistently deliver insane, insulting, opinionated, negative garbage to our living rooms: Flagship and affiliate radio and TV stations of networks like ABC, CBS, NBC, TNT, CNN, MSNBC, and newspapers (if you can call them that) like The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, USA Today, and the smutty scores of other trash opinion messengers (a much truer categorization than their self-appointed “news” misnomer) . . . and your time or space advertising purchase puts your business smack in the middle of all this crap!  You think your customers don’t care or notice the environment you present your messages in?   

     So you run a small or medium sized business that is presently stuffing these destestable fantasyland coffers with your hard-earned dollars?  What can you do?  STOP!  Stop accepting the rape cards (pun intended!) that their salespeople thrust in your face!  Stop accepting the packaged program scheduling that’s pushed in front of your checkbook!  Go back to those media you consider truly essential to getting your message out, and bring your own package with you . . . to sell them!  If they truly honor and respect you as a customer, they’ll be thrilled at the innovative prompting.

     Surely you are more of an expert at your business than any of the media, so (on your own, or with professional help) develop your own content (e.g., a radio or TV feature show, a daily or weekly news column, a blog site, a series of feature magazine articles), package it, and sell it to receptive media programmers or editors (they’re not all bad!) along with your company’s sponsorship.

     Start a PR program to support, back up or even replace your advertising program.  BUT make it good; make it consistent; make it benefit others; make it NEWSWORTHY!  And be tenacious in your follow-up to give the program teeth!                    halalpiar

If you’re interested in how to make what’s suggested here actually work for your firm, or you have questions about any of the comments in this post, contact Hal Alpiar at 302.933.0116 or visit www.TheWriterWorks.com

     Jimmy Buffet had it right . . . right song, but wrong location.  

Margaritaville may be a great place to drink, but Literaryagentville is the place to get drunk! 

     Margaritaville may be a great place to drink, but Literaryagentville is the place to get drunk!  Step on all the pop-tops you want to, and blow out your flip-flops ’til you run out of feet, but just one visit to Literaryagentville can waste away your writing skills forever!

     Look at it this way:  You spend years writing and fine-tuning a riveting tale of adventure, the story of your dreams.  In your mind’s eye, you’ve already got Ryan Gosling and Danny Devito in lead roles.  There’s nothing else like it out there.  It’s a grammatical masterpiece.  Not even a dangling participle (similar to Florida ballot box hanging chads, for those not in the know).  The pacing tops any Triple Crown winner.  The character development makes JImmy Durante (God love him) pale by comparison.  The plot shames John Grisham and J.IK.Rowling in a tag-team match. 

     But, no.  None of that matters, say they in Literaryagentville. 

     It’s the one-page query letter that separates the hacks from the Pulitzer winners.  It’s the query letter that encapsulates your entire seventy to ninety thousand words in a sentence or two, that allows you at least another sentence or two to present some version of your bio.  Funny how even a complete dolt could use more space than that. 

     Then, oh yes, there is, first and foremost, the make-it-or-break-it introductory section of the query letter.  This part deals with how flatteringly you can ass-kiss the recipient Literaryagentville resident by explaining why you’re relying on the insanely masterful judgment of this one and only most outstanding human being to represent your unworthy seven-year effort to some arrogant, snot-nosed publisher.   

     Sooooooo, a masochistic pursuit you say?  Well, sure.  Don’t all writers enjoy beating themselves up?                         halalpiar  

     My curser, my ignition switch, starts my screen jumpin’ as my keyboard rocks and my speakers rumble.  At least that’s what it was like when I was young and foolish. 

Now my high-speed transmission days are done; I am 17 years-old, approaching retirement, and on the cusp of joining AARC. (American Association of Retired Computers)

     My user is a relentlessly stupid technological disaster, who’s still at the lefty-loosy-righty-tighty stage with a screwdriver.  He boots me up, and sends me off into cyberspace to fetch his mail, surf his sites, and dig up all kinds of dirt on his search engine subjects. 

     He yells at me when I don’t spit out the junk he wants fast enough, and sometimes he’ll even beat on my mouse, or curse out my mother-board, but I’ll give him this:  he’s always been smart enough to keep my geek/guru Michael’s number taped to the top left corner of my monitor. 

     When those senior moments come to me, and I just blank out, he calls me names and pulls my plugs, and stomps frantically around the room, but then a couple of deep breaths later, thank heaven, he calls Michael. 

     For years, Michael always had the exact right answer for whatever ailed my tower or monitor hardware, or software, or underware.  Michael is my hero, my wizard, my savior.  Until now, that is . . . now that my upper teens are creeping in.  Now Michael has done a turncoat thing.  He’s actually urging my user to start shopping for a replacement. 

     You’d think after all these years, he’d at least consult with me, figure out what ails me, call in a specialist.  Something.  But no, he only cares about my user.  Next thing you know, he’ll probably be campaigning for my removal to the voc-tech school where kids will autopsy me piece by piece, or send me to some high tech dump where I’ll be scrapped for parts. 

     Ah, but the secrets I hold inside my harddrive will be mine alone forever, to take with me into a life on the other side.  Hmmmmm, could be fun at that!  Maybe I’ll come back as something simple that requires no maintenance . . . like a rock!  Maybe you’re not such a bad guy, after all, Michael.  I might enjoy just hanging out for a few centuries.                               halalpiar

(Wth special thanks for the inspiration from Kathy Alpiar)

We may lose, and we may win;

but we will never be here again . . .

     . . . sang The Eagles in their 70’s hit, “Take It Easy.”  I’m grinning at the truth behind the words as I listen and am reminded that you and I (we) will never be here (now) again, and we could all stand to be thinking in terms of how to make the most of each precious passing moment of life on Earth. 

     Described by her EMT co-workers as a magnificient,  and glowing personality, a young mother of three was snuffed out this week in Georgetown, Delaware, in a freak accident that took her life and that of her octogenarian patient when the ambulance they were riding en route to the hospital swerved to avoid a deer and crashed into a bank of trees.  Surely nothing anyone could ever have dreamed possible.  Yet her loss, and the patient’s, underscore the certainty of The Eagles famous line because they will never be here again.

     It’s not without pause that I consider this as I drive nearby the mourners today, and “Take It Easy” pops into my ears from the technologically magical I-Pod my daughter gave me and that my granddaughter programmed for me.  The words give me cause to think about what I’m doing with the here and now’s of my own life.  I wonder about others. 

     Do we just forget that we don’t live forever?  Do we just think that others die, but we won’t?  Or that we’ll live to be 100 regardless of what we do or don’t do?  Or do we just not think at all? 

     I like the advice I’ve heard to look in the mirror everyday and ask myself if I’m having fun, if I am doing my best to reach my goals, if I am helping others to achieve theirs, and ask myself what I need to do today to keep my life moving forward.  After all, I am the only one with the answers to these questions, right?

     Amazing things, I-Pod’s.  But the thoughts they prompt by the music you personalize yours with (because it IS a composite of all your favorite, songs, instrumentals, and audio clips that you most closely identify yourself with—true?) can be even more amazing . . . IF you’ll let them be . . . which of course you increase the odds for when you “Take It Easy!”               halalpiar

As reported in the 6/2/08 edition of DMNews www.dmnews.com a recently released study by www.UniversalMcCann.com on “Global consumer Internet activity” from a sample of 17,000 Internet users in 29 countries reveals: 

We, as a society, are now apparently

 overrun by what I am calling

 “Blog-potatoes!”

     The bottom line is that we, as a society, are now apparently overrun by what I am calling “Blog-potatoes!”  According to the data cited, roughly 73% of Internet users “Read blogs” and 55% “Leave a comment on a blog” site.  Y’know what you 73% and you 55% need to do?  Get a life!  Good heavens, people, have you nothing better to do than absorb and contribute to the clutter of cyberspace immortality? 

     You think “immortality” is an exaggeration?  Just “Google yourself” and see how much crap you said or was said about you years ago, that you long forgot about, that’s still hanging around in some mystical floating frame of reference that seems never to have lost contact with our stratosphere, and that can still be printed out and used as evidence to make you look bad at tomorrow’s meeting!  Go ahead.  Check yourself out (on Google, that is!); you’ll be as amazed with your own sense of emerging maturity as you will with your inability to change or delete unsavory past references.  

     Doesn’t it make you wonder if Al Gore ever fully appreciated what a monster he created by inventing the Internet?  For the benefit of those younger Blog-potatoes (sorta like small-fries?) who may be wondering about this, I’m referring to a period of time that was (yes, it’s true) prior to Mr. Gore having also invented global warming.

     So, back to your Blog-potato lifestyle as it were, assuming one exists beyond Net surfing, and leaving your busy little trail of blog posting comments across the universe, maybe (oh, I know this is difficult). maybe you could do something a little more a c t i v e ?   Perhaps, even if it’s just for the sake of those around you, you might consider bringing yourself to a point of at least some token moderate level of movement that actually engages whatever remains of your musculoskeletal functioning.  Like, get off your butt and get some exercise and fresh air.  Or at least go take a shower?

     Sorry.  My imagination gets a bit carried away when I think about what it must be like to live like a sloth with a monitor and keyboard.  Well, right, okay, I do realize that sloths tend to hang upsidedown much of the time . . . though the ratio of showers taken may be closer than one might guess.

     Anyway, I love getting blog posting comments, but I would much prefer to think that those of you who’ll pass up the opportunity here will instead be out there getting your collective bodies in motion, and your brains dislodged from electronic transmissions.  It truly is a great experience to get your bloodflow and oxygen supply moving somewhere — anywhere.  Have a great, active, No-Blog Day!         halalpiar

     In spite of all that’s been written and preached, the subject of Attitude is hardly a tired one.  What is trite, may be the message that everyone needs to change, alter, improve, and refine their attitudes.  It is trite perhaps only because we hear the warnings and directives so often. 

Seldom offered are the tools, guidance, insight, and support (the how-to’s) necessary to help make positive attitudes happen . . . 

     Because Attitude is the result of choice, and most people are presumed capable of choosing the type of attitude they desire, practical discussions and solutions of how to best affect a change in attitude tend to be overlooked or purposefully ignored. 

     To establish or re-establish a positive productive approach to what we do each day, we need to start the process with some hard-nosed self-assessment.  First, we must sort through the issues that require immediate and priority attention in our lives, and separate the business from the personal.  Next, separate negative from positive business issues, and negative from positive personal issues.  View the problem areas as opportunities and take action steps that support this perspective.  Remember that change is only threatening when it happens to you, but that it’s an opportunity when you do it for yourself!

     So, start with your SELF.  Determine how you physically evidence upset feelings.  Do you clench your fists?  Does your face get flushed?  Do your jaw and neck muscles tighten?  Do you raise your voice?  What is the result when you react instead of respond to a situation?

     In his decades-old book, What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, author Mark McCormack notes that if you can act, you don;t have to re-act.  If you don’t react, you will never overreact.  You will be the controller rather than the controlee.

     Once you’ve figured out your “reaction trigger,” concentrate on it.  Be doubly aware of how you’re appearing to others and work at reversing it.  If you normally scowl at bad news, try smiling instead.  One “Fortune 500″ CEO used to yell when he got upset, and all he accomplished was to upset others.  Now he whispers instead and his people pay closer attention to him.  They tend to respond instead of react, and feel less threatened.  As a result, they perform more effectively, and the company is more successful.  More of this Attitude stuff is on the way.  Stay tuned.                   halalpiar  

If only I knew then

                                                                                                                    

what I know now!”

     This is not just a wistful daydream of lost love affairs.  It is a reflective statement. Is it most typically expressed by those who are too old to actually do anything about what they’ve learned in life?  Or is it the kind of comment we might expect to hear from those who think and behave “old” for their years, who don’t see or even consider the acceptability of alternative paths? 

     “If only . . . “   Is it somehow more legitimate an offering when it comes from someone who’s survived the clutches of physical or emotional death?

     Is living on the flip side of “If only . . .” a healthier place to be?  I mean, I rarely if ever recall hearing such regretfulness from those who possess the gift of street smarts, those who accept and practice the reality that some action is always better than no action, who take steps on their own behalfs, seem hellbent on success and most often achieve it.  Could it be that those who most readily accept and appreciate the need to take reasonable risks are better off than those who take none? 

     Asking oneself “What’s the worst that could happen?” is like bringing a parachute along, not necessarily a bad thing!  And weighing the worst case scenerio keeps us in balance as we move forward. 

     But the truly earth-shattering question to ask the mirror on your wall (or car, or medicine cabinet, or pocketbook), the question whose answer determines the worth of every minute of life for every human being, the question whose answer sees determined, dedicated and motivated teams and individuals make their way confidently through devastation, addiction, and seemingly insurmountable losses . . . the question to ask yourself over and over again each day and night:  

“Is what I am (we are) doing this very minute leading me (us) to where I (we) want to go?” 

Try asking yourself this question ten times a day for one week. 

You’ll amaze yourself! 

     Whenever your answer is “No,” take a deep breath, shift emotional gears, change the station in your head, and move yourself into a more productive direction.  Hard to do this?  Yes, if you choose for it to be. 

Does this mean you always have to be charging forward?  No, pausing and resting are ways of gathering strength.  It’s a matter of focus, and staying tuned in to the present here and now moment as much as possible.  Did you know that then?  Do you know it now?       halalpiar