Jimmy Buffet had it right . . . right song, but wrong location.  

Margaritaville may be a great place to drink, but Literaryagentville is the place to get drunk! 

     Margaritaville may be a great place to drink, but Literaryagentville is the place to get drunk!  Step on all the pop-tops you want to, and blow out your flip-flops ’til you run out of feet, but just one visit to Literaryagentville can waste away your writing skills forever!

     Look at it this way:  You spend years writing and fine-tuning a riveting tale of adventure, the story of your dreams.  In your mind’s eye, you’ve already got Ryan Gosling and Danny Devito in lead roles.  There’s nothing else like it out there.  It’s a grammatical masterpiece.  Not even a dangling participle (similar to Florida ballot box hanging chads, for those not in the know).  The pacing tops any Triple Crown winner.  The character development makes JImmy Durante (God love him) pale by comparison.  The plot shames John Grisham and J.IK.Rowling in a tag-team match. 

     But, no.  None of that matters, say they in Literaryagentville. 

     It’s the one-page query letter that separates the hacks from the Pulitzer winners.  It’s the query letter that encapsulates your entire seventy to ninety thousand words in a sentence or two, that allows you at least another sentence or two to present some version of your bio.  Funny how even a complete dolt could use more space than that. 

     Then, oh yes, there is, first and foremost, the make-it-or-break-it introductory section of the query letter.  This part deals with how flatteringly you can ass-kiss the recipient Literaryagentville resident by explaining why you’re relying on the insanely masterful judgment of this one and only most outstanding human being to represent your unworthy seven-year effort to some arrogant, snot-nosed publisher.   

     Sooooooo, a masochistic pursuit you say?  Well, sure.  Don’t all writers enjoy beating themselves up?                         halalpiar  

     My curser, my ignition switch, starts my screen jumpin’ as my keyboard rocks and my speakers rumble.  At least that’s what it was like when I was young and foolish. 

Now my high-speed transmission days are done; I am 17 years-old, approaching retirement, and on the cusp of joining AARC. (American Association of Retired Computers)

     My user is a relentlessly stupid technological disaster, who’s still at the lefty-loosy-righty-tighty stage with a screwdriver.  He boots me up, and sends me off into cyberspace to fetch his mail, surf his sites, and dig up all kinds of dirt on his search engine subjects. 

     He yells at me when I don’t spit out the junk he wants fast enough, and sometimes he’ll even beat on my mouse, or curse out my mother-board, but I’ll give him this:  he’s always been smart enough to keep my geek/guru Michael’s number taped to the top left corner of my monitor. 

     When those senior moments come to me, and I just blank out, he calls me names and pulls my plugs, and stomps frantically around the room, but then a couple of deep breaths later, thank heaven, he calls Michael. 

     For years, Michael always had the exact right answer for whatever ailed my tower or monitor hardware, or software, or underware.  Michael is my hero, my wizard, my savior.  Until now, that is . . . now that my upper teens are creeping in.  Now Michael has done a turncoat thing.  He’s actually urging my user to start shopping for a replacement. 

     You’d think after all these years, he’d at least consult with me, figure out what ails me, call in a specialist.  Something.  But no, he only cares about my user.  Next thing you know, he’ll probably be campaigning for my removal to the voc-tech school where kids will autopsy me piece by piece, or send me to some high tech dump where I’ll be scrapped for parts. 

     Ah, but the secrets I hold inside my harddrive will be mine alone forever, to take with me into a life on the other side.  Hmmmmm, could be fun at that!  Maybe I’ll come back as something simple that requires no maintenance . . . like a rock!  Maybe you’re not such a bad guy, after all, Michael.  I might enjoy just hanging out for a few centuries.                               halalpiar

(Wth special thanks for the inspiration from Kathy Alpiar)

We may lose, and we may win;

but we will never be here again . . .

     . . . sang The Eagles in their 70’s hit, “Take It Easy.”  I’m grinning at the truth behind the words as I listen and am reminded that you and I (we) will never be here (now) again, and we could all stand to be thinking in terms of how to make the most of each precious passing moment of life on Earth. 

     Described by her EMT co-workers as a magnificient,  and glowing personality, a young mother of three was snuffed out this week in Georgetown, Delaware, in a freak accident that took her life and that of her octogenarian patient when the ambulance they were riding en route to the hospital swerved to avoid a deer and crashed into a bank of trees.  Surely nothing anyone could ever have dreamed possible.  Yet her loss, and the patient’s, underscore the certainty of The Eagles famous line because they will never be here again.

     It’s not without pause that I consider this as I drive nearby the mourners today, and “Take It Easy” pops into my ears from the technologically magical I-Pod my daughter gave me and that my granddaughter programmed for me.  The words give me cause to think about what I’m doing with the here and now’s of my own life.  I wonder about others. 

     Do we just forget that we don’t live forever?  Do we just think that others die, but we won’t?  Or that we’ll live to be 100 regardless of what we do or don’t do?  Or do we just not think at all? 

     I like the advice I’ve heard to look in the mirror everyday and ask myself if I’m having fun, if I am doing my best to reach my goals, if I am helping others to achieve theirs, and ask myself what I need to do today to keep my life moving forward.  After all, I am the only one with the answers to these questions, right?

     Amazing things, I-Pod’s.  But the thoughts they prompt by the music you personalize yours with (because it IS a composite of all your favorite, songs, instrumentals, and audio clips that you most closely identify yourself with—true?) can be even more amazing . . . IF you’ll let them be . . . which of course you increase the odds for when you “Take It Easy!”               halalpiar

As reported in the 6/2/08 edition of DMNews www.dmnews.com a recently released study by www.UniversalMcCann.com on “Global consumer Internet activity” from a sample of 17,000 Internet users in 29 countries reveals: 

We, as a society, are now apparently

 overrun by what I am calling

 “Blog-potatoes!”

     The bottom line is that we, as a society, are now apparently overrun by what I am calling “Blog-potatoes!”  According to the data cited, roughly 73% of Internet users “Read blogs” and 55% “Leave a comment on a blog” site.  Y’know what you 73% and you 55% need to do?  Get a life!  Good heavens, people, have you nothing better to do than absorb and contribute to the clutter of cyberspace immortality? 

     You think “immortality” is an exaggeration?  Just “Google yourself” and see how much crap you said or was said about you years ago, that you long forgot about, that’s still hanging around in some mystical floating frame of reference that seems never to have lost contact with our stratosphere, and that can still be printed out and used as evidence to make you look bad at tomorrow’s meeting!  Go ahead.  Check yourself out (on Google, that is!); you’ll be as amazed with your own sense of emerging maturity as you will with your inability to change or delete unsavory past references.  

     Doesn’t it make you wonder if Al Gore ever fully appreciated what a monster he created by inventing the Internet?  For the benefit of those younger Blog-potatoes (sorta like small-fries?) who may be wondering about this, I’m referring to a period of time that was (yes, it’s true) prior to Mr. Gore having also invented global warming.

     So, back to your Blog-potato lifestyle as it were, assuming one exists beyond Net surfing, and leaving your busy little trail of blog posting comments across the universe, maybe (oh, I know this is difficult). maybe you could do something a little more a c t i v e ?   Perhaps, even if it’s just for the sake of those around you, you might consider bringing yourself to a point of at least some token moderate level of movement that actually engages whatever remains of your musculoskeletal functioning.  Like, get off your butt and get some exercise and fresh air.  Or at least go take a shower?

     Sorry.  My imagination gets a bit carried away when I think about what it must be like to live like a sloth with a monitor and keyboard.  Well, right, okay, I do realize that sloths tend to hang upsidedown much of the time . . . though the ratio of showers taken may be closer than one might guess.

     Anyway, I love getting blog posting comments, but I would much prefer to think that those of you who’ll pass up the opportunity here will instead be out there getting your collective bodies in motion, and your brains dislodged from electronic transmissions.  It truly is a great experience to get your bloodflow and oxygen supply moving somewhere — anywhere.  Have a great, active, No-Blog Day!         halalpiar

     In spite of all that’s been written and preached, the subject of Attitude is hardly a tired one.  What is trite, may be the message that everyone needs to change, alter, improve, and refine their attitudes.  It is trite perhaps only because we hear the warnings and directives so often. 

Seldom offered are the tools, guidance, insight, and support (the how-to’s) necessary to help make positive attitudes happen . . . 

     Because Attitude is the result of choice, and most people are presumed capable of choosing the type of attitude they desire, practical discussions and solutions of how to best affect a change in attitude tend to be overlooked or purposefully ignored. 

     To establish or re-establish a positive productive approach to what we do each day, we need to start the process with some hard-nosed self-assessment.  First, we must sort through the issues that require immediate and priority attention in our lives, and separate the business from the personal.  Next, separate negative from positive business issues, and negative from positive personal issues.  View the problem areas as opportunities and take action steps that support this perspective.  Remember that change is only threatening when it happens to you, but that it’s an opportunity when you do it for yourself!

     So, start with your SELF.  Determine how you physically evidence upset feelings.  Do you clench your fists?  Does your face get flushed?  Do your jaw and neck muscles tighten?  Do you raise your voice?  What is the result when you react instead of respond to a situation?

     In his decades-old book, What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, author Mark McCormack notes that if you can act, you don;t have to re-act.  If you don’t react, you will never overreact.  You will be the controller rather than the controlee.

     Once you’ve figured out your “reaction trigger,” concentrate on it.  Be doubly aware of how you’re appearing to others and work at reversing it.  If you normally scowl at bad news, try smiling instead.  One “Fortune 500” CEO used to yell when he got upset, and all he accomplished was to upset others.  Now he whispers instead and his people pay closer attention to him.  They tend to respond instead of react, and feel less threatened.  As a result, they perform more effectively, and the company is more successful.  More of this Attitude stuff is on the way.  Stay tuned.                   halalpiar  

 “If only

I knew then

    what I know

  now!”

     This is not just a wistful daydream of lost love affairs.  It is a reflective statement. Is it most typically expressed by those who are too old to actually do anything about what they’ve learned in life?  Or is it the kind of comment we might expect to hear from those who think and behave “old” for their years, who don’t see or even consider the acceptability of alternative paths?

     “If only . . . “   Is it somehow more legitimate an offering when it comes from someone who’s survived the clutches of physical or emotional death?

  Is living on the flip side of “If only . . .” a healthier place to be?  I mean, I rarely if ever recall hearing such regretfulness from those who possess the gift of street smarts, those who accept and practice the reality that some action is always better than no action, who take steps on their own behalfs, seem hellbent on success and most often achieve it.  Could it be that those who most readily accept and appreciate the need to take reasonable risks are better off than those who take none?

  Asking oneself “What’s the worst that could happen?” is like bringing a parachute along, not necessarily a bad thing!  And weighing the worst case scenerio keeps us in balance as we move forward.

But the truly earth-shattering question to ask the mirror on your wall (or car, or medicine cabinet, or pocketbook), the question whose answer determines the worth of every minute of life for every human being, the question whose answer sees determined, dedicated and motivated teams and individuals make their way confidently through devastation, addiction, and seemingly insurmountable losses . . . the question to ask yourself over and over again each day and night:

Is what I am (we are) doing

this very minute

leading me (us) to where

I (we) want to go?

(Try asking yourself this question ten times a day for one week.)

You’ll amaze yourself! 

Whenever your answer is “No,” take a deep breath, shift emotional gears, change the station in your head, and move yourself into a more productive direction.  Hard to do this?  Yes, if you choose for it to be.

Does this mean you always have to be charging forward?  No, pausing and resting are ways of gathering strength.  It’s a matter of focus, and staying tuned in to the present here and now moment as much as possible.  Did you know that then?  Do you know it now?

# # #

  FREE blog subscription: Posts RSS Feed

  Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116

  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone!

You’ve heard there’s no 

                                      

such thing as a “quick fix”

                                      

in business or family life?  

                                 

Take a step back, and 

                               

look again! We quick-fix 

                               

business strategies and  

                               

personal relationships 

                                       

every day!

     When the local pizza business is in such an obscure location that it’s barely noticed by passing traffic, and puts a huge American flag by the road, then plants a temporary sign next to it that says OPEN with a pizza for the O, and a big fat arrow pointing to the hidden storefront . . . that’s a quick-fix!

     When there’s only enough cash to pay the rent and other basics, and a bank loan comes due, the business owner pressures the bank (it can be done!) into recasting the loan to delay and lower the payments . . . that’s a quick fix.

     When the normally busy builder has been unburdening his slow market frustrations by lashing out at his wife, and suddenly stops to face her, hold both her hands and talk calmly about his upsets . . . that’s a quick fix.

     When the skilled dentist who is losing appointments tries to take a patient point-of-view and notices how shabby her waiting room, how frayed and dated the magazines, how smudged the exam room light and windows are, then sets out to clean and straighten and replace and brighten, and add soft music to cover drilling sounds . . . that’s a quick fix.

     Do these steps work?  Of course they do, at least for the moment.  But what else is there?  Many corporate types might argue that only actions which are the product of long range planning make sense and make money.  Nonsense!  In the overall scheme of life, don’t we who own, run, operate, buy, start, or attempt to win at small business all live for the moment anyway?  Well?

     If you’re not a “here and now” thinking person, you may be a creative genius or a great inventor, but you’re probably not cut out to be an entrepreneur.  You’ll never survive the five year failure rate of something like 9 out of every 11 new businesses going down the tubes with a focus on the past or future, unless that focus is what you’re selling!  Best solution?  Find a job in corporate life, and let someone else worry about your paycheck!  Now THAT’S a quick fix!  

# # #

Your FREE subscription: Posts RSS Feed

Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Light the candles, dear; 

     

      our company is here!”

     You do it at home.  Do you do it at work?  Your “COMPANY” is anyone and everyone who comes into your office, store, showroom, factory, or outdoor or mobile worksite.  It’s anyone and everyone who visits your website, your blog, your email address, your mailbox, your telephone, your voicemail, your fax machine. 

     In fact, if you’re a true entrepreneur or dedicated and savvy corporate executive, your “company” is really anyone who steps into your life at any given moment, even including family gatherings! 

     It doesn’t take any more to make your “company” feel welcome than it does for others to make you feel welcome, and odds are that’s not a whole lot.  Usually, the slightest bit of extra attention does the trick—something so seemingly small as a smile, a warm and genuine handshake, a hand-written “Thank you!” or a smiley-face response to an email!

     Yes, all you tempermental, creative, self-indulgent types . . . you doctors, lawyers, writers, artists, chicken-pluckers, assemblyline workers, scientists, landscapers, construction contractors, professional athletes, (add your own list here) . . . yes, you need to take a page from salespeople and keep these thoughts on your front burners as you go about your business. 

     Life is one big interruption, so stop acting annoyed when your “company” interrupts what you’re doing!  Look on the moment as an opportunity to solidify your relationship and build a closer, more productive alliance.  

     Remember that your company’s company is probably sizing you up in the back of their minds as you respond to, interact with, or ignore them.  They want to feel reassurred that you are the right person for them (or those they represent) to do business with.  They are seeking some sign of integrity.  Integrity is a funny thing that always has a way of coming to the surface.

     Integrity is doing the right thing even when you think nobody is looking.    halalpiar

Your success in business . . .

                                         

Whether fresh out of school in a first job, or shouldering a few decades of experience, success in business is never what it seems. It is clearly not determined by the single-minded pursuit of money, sales, recognition, and profits that many think it is! 

     Having worked as a consultant and trainer with thousands of entrepreneurial small business owners, educators, healthcare professionals, and professional corporate managers, I have seen firsthand that financial, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual success is driven by one single pursuit:  the never-ending quest to know and function from your true inner SELF! 

     Only by learning all that you can about your personal SELF, about what makes you tick, can you begin to appreciate and exercise the one magic ingredient that makes everything else in your life and business career work together and count for something. 

It’s called authenticity. 

And it can be yours at the drop of a hat simply by choosing to open your mind each day, and let some self-learning sunshine in.

     But why on earth, you might ask, would you want to know more about yourself?  Why would you want to take the risk of finding hidden personality flaws, judgemental errors and character weaknesses that you’d rather leave locked in the closet?

Because no matter how liberal or conservative your thinking, no matter how hard-nosed or soft-hearted your attitude, no matter how energetic or lazy your behavior, no matter how rich or poor your finances, no matter how big or how little your business, you can never be truly effective as a manager of people or tasks unless you are acting from a position of authenticity. 

     Besides, an open closet door allows your strengths to step forth and be recognized as well!

     Only by constantly making the effort to learn more about yourself with every passing day, and to process both how and what you learn, can you ever reach your full human potential. 

     Only by seeking always to improve who you are and what you think and do, are you making decisions, taking steps, and dealing with others in a manner that’s true to what you’re all about as a person . . . and that are consistent with your genuine feelings about who you are and the world you live in.  Think about that, for just five minutes.        

Posts RSS Feed FOR FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION

# # #

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

     Here’s your chance to flex some creative muscle, show off your sense of humor, and test your spontaneity . . . 

     Below are two-word combinations of common terms and expressions that use body parts or functions.  Can you pick one pair and write a funny sentence with it?  Can you pick another pair and write a funny paragraph with it?  Maybe even a short story?  Give it a try.  You might surprise yourself!   

Deaf ears.  Soft shoulders.  Angry eyes.  Trench mouth.  Loose lips.  High brow.  Bad hair.  Ankle biter.  Knee jerk.  Head lock.  Sea chest.  Back pack.  Arm wrestle.  Hip hop.  Tongue twister.  Liver pool.  Heart throb.  Belly button.  Finger nail.  Wrist watch. Head band.  Lip lock.  Tennis elbow.  Achillis heel.  Tip toe.  Dumb ass.  Brain drain.  Kidney pie.  Back lash.  Collar bone.  Funny bone.  Skin alive.  Shin splint.  Jaw breaker. Tongue-in-cheek.  Brass knuckles.  Green thumb.  Tooth brush.  Face cream.  Finger tips.  Hawk eye.  Bull nose.  Califlower ear.  Brown nose.  Eye drops.  Gum drops.  Runny nose.  Runny eyes.  Nose bleed.  Ear shot.  Cone head.  Nose cone.  Fisty cuffs.  Tummy tuck.  Bare hands.  Penis envy.  Palm tree.  Thigh high.  Crotch rot.  Rib cage.  Eye lash.  Ear canal.  Back talk.  Speak easy.  Tongue tied.  Skin flint.  Fire arms.  Beat feet.  Leg up.  Butt heads.  Muscle bound.  Knee pads.  Elbow pads.  Lip stick.           

     If you come up with something that makes someone else laugh, you’ve passed the test with flying colors, and if it’s that good, please consider sharing it with a post at the end of this post. 

     Include your name and email address for a personal “1-5 YUCKS” (5 being best) response . . . AND so I can FWD your contact info along to any interested talent scout in case your creation is good enough to prompt requests from other visitors to hire you for comedy writing ventures!  Have A Great Lip Lock Day!            halalpiar