Is this new

Alert System for you?

Tonight’s post summarizes some of the highlights of a new Business Terrorist Alert System devised by small business owners for small business owners.

The aim is to keep terroristic employee chatter to a minimum, productivity to a maximum, and provide advance warning of all levels of problem issues to all who work in and with your business.

System design serves to prompt increased awareness levels of suspicious behavior with need-to-know reporting access which includes direct communication transmission to the FBI, the CIA, The United States Secret Service, The Amalgamated Meat Cutters and Butcher Workmen of North America, and Judge Judy.

[Is your tongue in your cheek yet?]

When your employees approach the entrance to your work site each day –whether a construction location or fancy office building, or your garage– they will see a brightly-colored flag designating the level of terrorist alert you want them to adhere to.

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RED, for example, relates to the most potentially threatening category: market competition. It may indicate an impending price war or that quality control invasions have been incurred overnight, that “bad press” mass media sound bites and photo ops have been unleashed, or that UFOs or crop circles have been sighted in the immediate vicinity of your business.

An ORANGE flag signifies that information overload has occurred sometime between the departure of your last work shift of employees and the present arrival of this (orange-flagged) shift. Generally, when some combination of 63,000 emails and a full tape-machine of voicemails has accumulated overnight, you got trouble! Orange flags are an automatic distress call for your business’s Spam Management Team to kick into high gear.

A GREEN flag at the front door or worksite entrance usually indicates some internal catastrophe regarding faulty operating equipment or systems, or the recording of budget excesses, lunchroom maintenance or menu irregularities –or suddenly discovered unaccountable inventories– have surfaced overnight. It could also represent a database collapse or information overload memos are presently sitting at every workstation.

A PINK flag means pink slips. Serious downsizing is in order, and substantial outsourcing is in progress. It may additionally indicate that HRD recruitment programs are presently being conducted to solicit lower-cost replacement personnel from nearby prisons, psychiatric hospitals, nursing homes, and terrorist training camps from far-away deserts.

Any time one of these flags is displayed together with a BLUE flag, it is done to warn unsuspecting employees and visitors that alarmist situations have risen to a fever pitch and that these events are typically accompanied by the installation of telephone, conference room, and men’s room listening device bugs; a de-bugging equipment room; hallway or worksite ceiling (or tree-mounted) mirrors; a beefed up security department; armed sentry positions; hidden satellite cameras; the installation of quirky receptionists on a rotation schedule; and new back-up tire-puncture plates in each parking space.

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If NO flag is flown on any particular day, you and your employees can consider yourselves fortunate. You have somehow made it through the last 24 hours without incident or serious threat. Thank your lucky stars. But don’t let down your guard. Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men? The Shadow knows. Hahahahahahahahahhaha.

It seemed like as good a time as any for you to break from serious business stuff, just for a day! ;<) Have a great weekend ahead. See you back here with “KILLER BUSINESSES” on Saturday night!

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!