What You Love?

That’s not as surprising a thought as you might think.  On the spectrum of emotions, “Hate” and “Love” are not at opposite ends.  In act, they are remarkably close to one another.  At the extreme opposite end from both of these emotions is “Indifference.” 

When a child, or puppy, or employee seeks positive attention (praise, pats and pets, a bonus), and doesn’t get it, she or he or it will turn around and begin to start seeking negative attention, because even negative attention (a scolding, for example) is better than no attention . . . or indifference! 

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Contrary to what many of us older-than-dirt types might believe, recent study findings show that today’s teenagers seek praise above all other things.

They would rather have praise than alcohol.

They would rather have praise than drugs.

They would rather have praise than sex.  

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See, and you thought all those upstart employee and puppy types were just masochists.  Nope, but it is true that those who get to a point of losing all hope for receiving attention of any variety stumble along the edges of depression, and can easily become prime prospects for illness, abandonment, homelessness, addiction, violence, even suicide. 

Okay, so indifference is the worst and arguably most destructive emotion?  And love and hate are like cousins or something?  Yeah. 

Well, don’t we sometimes love those we hate and hate those we love? 

How about the jobs we do?  The employees we work with?  Our clients, customers, patients, vendors, consultants, advisors?  Spouses?  Children?  Siblings?  Parents?  Students? Hey, let’s face it — it’s the stuff books and movies and TV shows are made of. 

But we seldom stop to think it through, right?  The point is EVERY one needs recognition, or “strokes” as the shrinks call it.  The challenge in motivating others is trying to figure out what kinds of strokes work best for each of them (See Maslow’s Theory of Hierarchy) at any given moment, and being willing and able to reward each individual in the way(s) that are most meaningful to that person. 

A trophy doesn’t mean much to someone who’s struggling to pay the rent.  A pay raise for a social worker isn’t as much of a motivational factor as a program grant that covers counseling resource expenses. 

Indifference (especially lack of recognition or appreciation) makes hateful people more hateful, and turns those who want to give or seek love headed in other directions.  So where does that leave us? 

Pack up your feelings of indifference toward others.  Stow them away with your ambivalence in a locked attic trunk.  Open, instead, your mind and your heart to accept the weaknesses of others as you would wish them to accept yours.  Watch what happens when you recognize and appreciate that others often say and do what they say and do because they seek your kindness, your pat on their head, your patience . . . your smile. 

That IS a great smile you have,

          by the way.  Pass it on!