The World’s Greatest Expert

on Death and Dying–

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD

–Points to Five Stages:

• Denial and Isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

     She said we –all of us–  must experience each of these five stages to one degree or another in the order they are shown above with every loss experience. The only exceptions being instances where people get stuck in a given stage and never get beyond it.

     So as business owners, managers, and entrepreneurs, some of us experience bits and pieces of these five stages everyday with daily losses.

     Kübler-Ross said that losses are not limited to human death, and can  include the loss of a limb or faculty, or ability… loss of a valuable possession (a home, a car, a business), loss of companionship (including divorce and separation), loss of freedom (including jail), loss of a job, loss of a client, loss of a prospect or opportunity, loss of self-esteem, loss of authority, etc., etc.

     And to a lesser degree, we even experience these stages when we lose a dollar, a photograph, a letter, an address, a contest, and so on.

     So what’s the point? Healthy successful people do everything humanly possible to channel all their energies and mental focus on reaching the level (or “Stage”) of ACCEPTANCE as quickly as possible, and on maintaining themselves at that level as permanently as possible.

     Everything else is non-productive. Everything else leaves us feeling deflated and defeated and negative. Some people stay in these places their entire lives. Some are institutionalized. Some do themselves in.

     Stages 1-4 are pure torment. We must go through them, but the goal needs to be to move through them as rapidly as our minds and bodies allow us to. Getting through the maze may take friends and rescuers to stand by shoulder to shoulder. We have all performed that function for someone else, but perhaps have forgotten?  

     Keep always in the front of your mind that no matter how out of control it may feel to be stuck somewhere in denial and isolation, or in anger, or in a bargaining position, or a state of depression, it IS a matter of choice!

     The minute we choose to accept loss, the quicker we can get on with a happy and productive existence and make the most of the short time we each have here on Earth…make the most of the relationships we’ve been blessed with: with other people and places and purposes.

     We need not choose to lock ourselves into suffering and misery. Life and business life are way too short to have wasted time and energy with anything besides being happy and healthy and in active pursuit of our dreams.  

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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Mind Over Undermine

     At some time or another, every business and professional practice boss discovers a hired or inherited employee or group of employees whose sole mission appears to be to undermine operations—from manufacturing to customer service/patient care to administration to sales.

     Sometimes it’s vindictiveness, jealousy, bitterness, resentment…all good stuff, right? Sometimes, though, it’s naivety, ignorance, immaturity, misplaced loyalties, or just plain stupidity. While the reason might be important to uncover, what’s most important is to act on the discovery before it has chance to fester.

     If it’s too late to contain the infection from spreading out and affecting others in your organization, it may require you to rise to the confrontative occasion and call for all the cards to be put on the table. This, however, is not always the best solution.

     Why? Someone who may have been undermining you or your business or practice may be truly innocent of premeditation, or was perhaps unwarily acting out someone else’s issues. In that situation, you could be pulling the plug on someone who is a valuable potential asset to your operations or reputation.

     This may be the right point, instead, to pull in a professional to facilitate differences and/or re-train problem employees, or to counsel you on how to do it, or to force the situation to a head on your behalf. At any rate, it’s certainly worth the time to discuss the circumstances with an outside consultant before making that decision. 

     Prepare a short bullet list of issues and individuals involved with your own assessments of how effectively each performs in the roles for which they/he/she were/was hired. Try to keep your comments as objective as possible so as not to prejudice an outsider’s opinions, but articulate your issues and concerns clearly.

     Make your mission clear, and make your goals for each position that’s involved clear ones. In the process, look to your self as well, and question what (if any) contribution your own statements or behaviors may have contributed. Ask your consultant for a straightforward, unvarnished opinion and recommendation.

     Decide when, where and how to act, and what to say. Be receptive to whatever responses you provoke, and assess those in private. In the end, you will have given enough time and energy to the situation to justify moving forward from the point of implementing your decision. Then move forward.     

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Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116 

 Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting.  God bless you. 

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

“I’m Sick of Worrying!”

     An important followup note on last night’s blog post topic: “Worry” as noted comes from being too over-focused on the FUTURE, which ignites weapons of self-destruction fuses and pulls the pin out of expectation grenades that inevitably breed disappointment, followed by negativity, depression, stress…

     This is all true, but as I re-read the post, I see that I failed to include being too overly-focused on the PAST as a worry trigger as well. Consider getting caught up in giving either too much attention to future plans and expectations, or in over-and-done-with past events, as “partners in crime.”

     These “bad guy partners” are out to get you, and you can stop them short, before either one ever gets close to delivering harmful effects to you, your family or your business. Success means simply that you need to exercise more of your brain power to deliver increased personal awareness and increased self-control to your SELF! (Considering Einstein reportedly only ever used 10% of his brain power, just imagine what’s possible.)

     Thinking about the past can be productive, relaxing, and instructional, but not once it reaches the point of dwelling on past events. As with allowing future thoughts to become worrisome, our balance and stability as humans is equally threatened by dwelling on the past. 

     The past is over and cannot be changed. Worrying about and dwelling on it is a nonproductive (actually counter-productive) waste of time and energy. Conscious or unconscious, the fact remains that paying over-the-top attention to either the past OR the future—instead of the (much-healthier) present—is a choice.

     To get past the “points of destruction” in your mind, you need to be a detective about yourSELF. Figure out what it is that trips your circuit-breaker, that gets you “lost” in past or future thoughts and issues. Once you know what your “trigger” is, then every time you are aware of it coming to the surface, let it serve as a reminder to pinch yourself or feel your pulse or heartbeat, or take a deep breath…and return yourself to what’s going on right in front of your face.

     Oh, but that’s hard and I don’t know how to do it! It’s hard if you CHOOSE for it to be hard. You can just as easily CHOOSE for it to be easy. As for how to do it, just start paying closer attention to your own behaviors…how you respond and react to others, to situations.

     Keep track of your words and actions. Write your observations down someplace and review your notes every few days. Keep asking yourself what you are learning about yourself right this minute.

     You’ll surprise yourself. And odds are you’ll far exceed your own expectations of what you believed to be possible for your own physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness. Try it. You’ll like it! But don’t wait too long. There’s no time like the present!      

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar              # # # 

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The Six Ghosts of Fear

In his 1937 classic book (over 15 million copies sold), THINK and GROW RICH, Napoleon Hill set the stage for today’s motivational thinking, and offers specifics on “How to Outwit the Six Ghosts of Fear” that successful leaders in every walk of life continue to use even now as you are reading this.

What ARE the “Six Ghosts”?

1. The Fear of Poverty

2. The Fear of Criticism

3. The Fear of Ill Health

4. The Fear of Loss of Love

5. The Fear of Old Age

6. The Fear of Death

Worry is what unites and strengthens these negative emotions and, left unchecked, will ultimately cause them to materialize. Worry paralyzes reasoning and destroys self-confidence and initiative. It’s easy to say –as the calypso song encourages us–“Don’t worry!” but truth is our minds often work harder at making it a difficult choice instead of a simple  one.

Worry accomplishes NOTHING. It comes from being overly-focused on the future…on events that haven’t come yet and that may never come. It happens when we slip past “planning” and head toward expectations. It starts with disappointment and leads quickly to the most wasteful and harmful thinking that humans engage in.

It evolves from fantasy, not reality. It leads to businesses going under, negative thinking and neurosis taking over. It leads to illness, accidents and depression. It leads all too often to premature death.

The greatest single weapon against worry is to work tenaciously to keep your mind in the present here and now moment as often as you can possibly think of it during every hour of every day. Staying here and now, like a baby, like a puppy dog, like a naturalist in the wilds, like a mountain climber, opens the pathway for you to good health and happiness.

No one can be living in the present moment every single moment. (Just imagine an air traffic controller without a break.) But all of us are capable of maximizing our present moment attentiveness. Deep breathing helps. Regular exercise helps. Taking breaks helps. Eating right and sleeping right as much as possible helps.

You want to think and feel healthier? Have a happier existence? A stronger business? Start paying closer attention to keeping your mind from wandering too far astray from what’s right in front of your face right now at any given moment throughout the day, every day. It’s a choice, you know. Choose to set yourself up to not worry as much and you’ll be well on the way to defeating the six ghosts of fear!

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Input welcome anytime:

Hal@BusinessWorks.US  or comment below.

Thanks for visiting. 

Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! 

What do others say

you’re selling?

     Think of every half-truth you tell (business or otherwise) as throwing a shovel full of dirt up out of the hole you’re digging for yourself! And now that you’re imagining yourself down in that hole, you might want to consider how many more shovels full it will take before the sidewalls start caving in around you. 

     Yes indeed, there are times when the truth hurts, you might say to yourself, as reason to avoid dealing with it. But you know what? NOTHING hurts more than a lie (business or otherwise). This, by the way, is not just one-on-one, person-to-person we’re talking about here. Many businesses lie to the public! (And we know about the track-record of government.)

     “Harrumph! Not me or mine,” you say. Ah, but perhaps some service you engage is lying FOR you –sort of “on your behalf”– and it never really occurred to you to call their hand. After all, they’re professionals (and probably charge professional rates!) and certainly they should know where to draw the line…the ad adgency, the Internet marketing firm, the PR and sales consultants, the lawyers.

     Are your marketing, advertising, promotion, merchandising, packaging, sales training, Internet activities, public and community and industry relations being created, prepared, produced and delivered by “outside” sources?

     Do these people really understand your business and what you need to communicate to the rest of the world? Do they care if they err on the side of exaggeration on what they believe or tell you is on your behalf? When was the last time you gave your advertising messages a lie-detector test?

     Am I trying to make you neurotic? No. Is it important to do periodic reality checks with your outside services? Yes! Why? Because –in the end–YOU are responsible. Sure advertising and public relations firms carry certain liability issues on their shoulders, but frankly, they are much more clever at avoiding trouble, covering up trouble and bailing out of trouble.

     Just as “sales” runs through the blood of your business, walking a thin line is the mantra for many outside agencies and consultants. Many often make their names and reputations on how close they can come to carrying or suggesting off-color, bad-taste, or politically-inappropriate (to your business) campaigns and themes…or making promises you can’t deliver!

     Why? Because being over-the-top can win them awards that they can self-promote to get more higher-paying clients. It’s all part of “the ad game” and “the PR game” and the “Internet and SEO game” and like the tango, it takes two. Periodic reality checks and reviews of vendor integrity can save you money and reputation.

     Odds are 100 out of 100 that your customers buy integrity. Integrity is doing the right thing even when nobody else is looking! Are you? Are those who work for you?       

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Send your input anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Good night and God bless you! halalpiar              # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial. FEELING CREATIVE? Visit the daily growing 7-Word Story (That’s now 245 days in the making) and add your own 7 words: http://halalpiar.com/?page_id=157

ARE YOU

BREATHING?

1-Minute private technique kills business stress

This 4-step, on-the-spot stress management technique is being used—right this minute, as you are reading this—by millions of healthcare, business, sports, entertainment, teaching, and homemaker professionals.  It works for every age and level of health.  

It will work for you too!

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Hal@BusinessWorks.US 

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You!

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Shut Your Business Down!

     Can the service your business provides be better? Are you in a position to MAKE it better? I would hope so, or you wouldn’t be likely to be visiting this blog for business owners and managers. But perhaps you think you need to live with what you’ve got?

     Maybe you feel like you just shouldn’t rock the boat? Or could it be that you might be stepping on someone else’s toes, or that service improvements wouldn’t work, or may create havoc in your industry or –let’s see– you could never get your dollar value back for the time invested?

     Anything like any of those reasons serve you as a quick answer so now you can move along to some other site? Do yourself a favor. Shut your business down tomorrow. You’re likely to have more success selling off your office or site supplies and equipment than you will staying where you are, doing what you’re doing. You find that insulting? Good! Maybe there’s hope yet.

     If the suggestion to hang up your spikes makes you angry, maybe you need to look in the mirror and shake yourself by the shoulders and breathe some new life into the services you’re providing. Making your services better is more likely, FYI, to INCREASE your business than decrease it.

     Why? Because people talk. People who get better quality services tell others, and this works much quicker and much deeper than any advertising can produce. A couple of years back, some shrewd entrepreneurs even invented the word BUZZ as the modern day equivalent of “Word of Mouth”– except that word of mouth is genuine; BUZZ is contrived.

     The point is that THIS– this economy, this time in history, this year, this month, this week– is in fact the time to start making better what you already have. Don’t let the biased mainstream news media, the zero business-experienced government, the monster union-dominated automakers, the moronic 37 trillion bank VP’s who all know less than one another convince you to sit back and take it on the chin!

     You didn’t start and grow your business to shut it down. Don’t let others lead you down the path of status quo. Now is the time to rise, to innovate, to take a fresh look at what you have, and who you have…associates, employees, customers, vendors, affiliates, neighbors, industry, community.

     How can you make more of all that now? What new ways can you pull your assets together to put yourself and your service business in a leadership position? What’s holding you back? It’s a choice. It’s your choice. 

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Send your input anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Good night and God bless you! halalpiar              # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column). FEELING CREATIVE? Visit the daily growing 7-Word Story (That’s now 239 days in the making) and add your own 7 words: http://halalpiar.com/?page_id=157

Stop Beating Yourself Up!

     I’ve been hearing an inordinate amount of complaining of late from entrepreneurial types who are facing dried up venture capital sources, shut-down loan opportunities, and the literal disappearance of angel investors up and away into the distant heavens.

     So let’s explore some truths.You are not the reason for the bad economy. You are not the reason for anyone else’s problems. You are only the reason for your own problems and –harsh as you may think this sounds– you are probably the only reason for your business’s problems.

     Your feelings and your behaviors are your choice. Choose to make them good. Choose to make them easy. If your business has problems, think back and think hard and be brutally honest: you are likely the root of your business’s problems. And, yes, that’s also a choice. Ah, but you can just as easily choose to reverse direction.

     Stop making lame excuses for your business not doing as well as it should. Stop having unrealistic expectations for your business performance that are filled with empty hopes and wishes about what you imagine is possible. Stop justifying yourself with the barrage of pitiful media reports about how bad things are.

     Take the bull by the horns. Step up to the plate. Choose to put a positive attitude into your head and then begin to exercise it…consistently. Don’t accept anything less than the active pursuit of your goals as your daily regimen.

     YOU deserve better for yourself and your family and your business than to give it up to media and government know-nothings who haven’t a clue about what it takes to run and grow a successful business.

     Please forgive me for this tongue-lashing, butt-kicking lecture, but if it upsets you: A) Choose instead to see the value in rattling your cage and B) Use it as fuel to initiate positive action now.

     YOU are the smartest person on Earth about what your business needs to do to turn itself around and set the example for others. Now is your chance to make the difference that you set out to make when you started or took over your business. Be true to yourself, and your business will thrive.   

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  Hal@TheWriterWorks.com 

Thank you for visiting. Good night and God bless you!

“Fight The Good Fight!”

(English translation)

     Now how did I know that? It’s the motto for Iona College in New Rochelle, NY, where I received my undergraduate degree. Why is it headlining tonight’s blog post? Because it’s a well-intended slogan that speaks of strength in life, but is fairly ridiculous when it’s interpreted as a call to business owner action.

     In fact, the American mindset of jam-it-down-their-throats competitiveness that rises from football fields nationwide is arguably the real root of all evil in business today. Waging war with the competition. Fighting the government. Beating up on your industry. Breaking down customer resistance. Smashing prior sales records. Kicking regulatory butts. Arguing tooth and nail.

     Are we really all that angry with what’s around us? Are we going to bed and waking up mad? Or is it all a big act? Are we covering up our true feelings? Are we blindsiding ourselves out of commission? What do all these upset-feeling words communicate? Is business really that big of a battle?

     YES. If you choose it to be. YES, if you choose to be too weak-willed to cut out your own path. YES, if you choose to think there’s no way to peaceably co-exist with other businesses. YES, if you choose to look around you and see only enemies. Everyone is NOT the enemy. Don’t choose that perception.

     You already know FDR’s famous “We have nothing to fear but fear itself” quote. We’ve even hear cartoon character Ziggy proclaim “We should enjoy here while we’re here because there’s no here there.” Yet we persist at being fearful. We invest ourselves in neurotic and paranoiac behaviors that require us to take argumentative stances in our daily dealings.

     How can you pull your spiraling business up out of this never-ending, bottomless hole of fear that things won’t work out, things won’t survive unless you do battle somewhere with something or someone, and conquer it, or her, or him, or they?

     Here’s how: You start by acknowledging that the bad choices are choices. You start by realizing it’s just as easy to choose receptivity and positiveness, and cooperation, and business alliances. It’s just as easy to join forces as to fight forces, in fact it’s easier.

     It is FEAR that’s threatening your business. And you are CHOOSING fear. Change the channel in your brain. Get rid of mental boxing, wrestling, and mixed martial arts. Get rid of non-stop news reports. Just shut ’em down. It’s a choice. Why would you choose to torture and stress yourself?

     If any news event is major enough to warrant your attention, someone in your neighborhood will come knocking at your door to tell you. In the meantime, your news fixation is paralyzing you and your business. It’s locking your brain into negativity and preventing forward motion.

     QUIT THE NEWS FOR JUST ONE WEEK! The world will not end (and in case it does, you won’t have wasted time worrying about it) and you stand to gain/re-gain consciousness. Don’t “fight the good fight” unless you mean to choose self-worth and life’s values over evil and stress. Your business needs you. Your family needs you. You need your SELF.    

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

I’m so happy and so grateful,

clap my hands! CLAP, CLAP!

I’m so happy and so grateful,

clap my hands! CLAP, CLAP!

I’m so happy and so grateful,

I could eat another plateful,

I’m so happy and so grateful,

clap my hands! CLAP, CLAP!

     Okay, so when’s the last time you acted like a 3 year-old and danced around the room and did this little routine, or something like it? C’mon, be honest. Weeks? Months? Years? Never? Well I have some good news and some bad news. I know, I know, you want the bad news first.

     Here it is: If the last time you danced around the room and did a dumb, childish little happy act mixed with a dose of gratefulness was longer ago than this morning, you’ve been eating stress between meals! If it’s been weeks, months, years, or (heaven forbid) “never” you may be well on your way to premature death, or you may already be dead?

     Ah, but the good news is: ratta-tat-tat, ratta-tat-tat (yeah, a pretty feeble drumroll, but, hey, we’re talking 3 year-olds here). The GOOD news is that you can turn your whole life around right this minute by getting up from your computer (go ahead; I’ll wait!), by taking a deep breath (go ahead; I’ll wait again!) and by  stretching. Good!

     Now, dance in place! Yeah, right there where you are, just you and your screen; put some music on if you want. The thing is D A N C E ! You wanna shout? S H O U T ! Whoop it up! Yell out some appreciation for all the great things you have right this very minute. Sing out!

Hey, I’m a grateful plateful and I’m so happy to have my slippers and my incense and my icy glass of water! Yaaa, ya-ya-ya-ya!”

(or whatever strikes your fancy is fine; in fact, delete me here if it makes you nervous!) 

     Try clapping your hands! It’s okay. Your family or neighbors or dog may think you’ve finally lost it, but, oooh, doesn’t it feel good? Really, doesn’t it? Just imagine how good you can feel every day by moving your body and losing your brain–for just one minute like that–every day!

     You may not be able to stand yourself. (But you’ll be happy and grateful. And that brings you more incidents, things, people, places, experiences, and ideas to be more happy and more grateful for. That sure beats being unhappy and ungrateful and creating more incidents, things, people, places, experiences, and ideas to make you more unhappy and ungrateful.)

     What’s the old saying about misery loves company!? Bull! You don’t need to buy into that thinking. You owe it to your SELF to be happy and healthy and thankful. I’ll tell you what: if anybody can leave a comment here that tells me what could possibly be more important to YOU than those three qualities, I’d like to hear about it. This offer, by the way, does not apply to zombies, hermits, cannibals or vampires

     The bottom line: EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE THE SERIOUS BUSINESS TYPE AND PEOPLE ADMIRE YOU FOR THAT, GET UP, BREATHE, STRETCH, SHAKE, SHOUT, SING, CLAP AND LET YOURSELF GO. (If you’re REALLY worried, do it in the closet!) JUST DO IT. IT IS A CHOICE!

TREAT YOURSELF! IT IS A CHOICE! DO IT EVERYDAY! IT IS A CHOICE! You will surprise yourself with your new one-minute-let-loose-personality. And others will like you even more! IT IS YOUR CHOICE! ;<)    

Good Night and God Bless You!  halalpiar     

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