The sky is falling!  

What is this,

Chicken Little?

     Enough of this doom and gloom crap, already. 

     The only ones out there who are doing their jobs successfully are the two-faced mainstream media alarmist exaggerators!  And they have become so effective at brainwashing public opinion that they’re making the rest of us look like fools! 

     U.S. business owners and managers everywhere are walking face down with slumped shoulders.  They’re tsk-tsk-tsking the same people they had been rah-rah-rahing to build their businesses just a few short months ago. 

     What is this, Chicken Little?  The sky is falling? 

The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Washington Post, Boston Globe, Baltimore Sun, Time, Newsweek, and majority of other U.S. propaganda news publications . . . plus ABC, CBS, NBC, TNT, CNN, MSNBC, PBS, and majority of other propaganda news broadcasters have been doing their damnedest to paint our lives bleak and hopeless. 

     They have made every manipulative, conceivable effort to create unrest and depression.  Why?  It’s in their best interests; it serves them well: 

1. They’ve made the public hungry to find out more about this economic monster that’s crushing in around us on all sides, which sells newspapers and grows broadcast audiences (which attracts advertisers and commands higher rates).

2. They’ve made us search desperately for light so they can rally us to overcome the odds and revel in the brightness they think they can lead us all to, from out of the dark shadows they’ve created and wrapped around us.  (This is also designed to build sales, increase rates, and attract advertisers.) 

3. It helps them justify their years of relentless attacks on a President they despise, and pave the way for their annointed savior next month.  Unfortunately, nothing in their optimism could be more pessimistic.  (And this bit of shortsightedness may actually cost them money!)

4. Nothing (nothing) could be further from reality than the strategic roads they ride, but reality doesn’t sell newspapers or build viewer and listener bases — that command higher rates and sell more advertising. 

     What these great mind-bending institutions have failed to realize, however, is that they can never take away our freedom of choice.  And what we need to realize –to rise above the din of narrow-minded defeatest thinking that mainstream media representatives would have us wallow in– is that we CAN think and behave as we choose. 

     We can choose to simply reject all the nonsense the media would have us associate with their “recession” drumbeats.  We need only to look inside ourselves as business owners and managers, as key pieces to the business and economy turnaround leadership puzzle. 

     Finding fault doesn’t find the path out! Cutting budgets doesn’t create sales! 

     We need only to exercise our own intestinal fortitude as a nation of entrepreneurs, as a nation of businesspeople driven to achieve.  We are believers to the core.  We are people who exercise universal charity, who reach out to help the downtrodden back up onto their feet.  We see problems as opportunities. 

     We business owners and managers inspire by doing.  We do not accept the negative values that the media or others try to put upon us.  As a nation, we strive to be winners.  By charging forward to scale the heights, and by reaching beyond where others think is possible, we brighten the lights that bring hope to this planet.  halalpiar         

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  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Dogs, music, and BJ’s

. . . sounds a little raunchy, but remember the source.

       How hard is it to keep your stomach from gurgling with anxiety when you’ve got blog posts to put up and articles that need writing and editing, and the hours tick by, while no one at the cable company knows more than to tell you that your connections are not functioning?  Duh!  Uh, we called you, remember? 

     So me, the great 30-year teacher of stress management needs to . . . well, you know the rest. 

       A little diversionary follow-up report to yesterday’s post, btw, is that the BJ’s I mentioned, that had the gall to charge prospective customers for the privilege to shop in their new (197^th) store, opened today.   

     The most telling comment I heard was that there were more people inside the store at any given moment of the day than live in the entire town (and probably four surrounding towns as well).  So that just goes to show you how little I know about what works anymore in retailing.  Who woulda thunk it?  Right, BJ’s! 

       But the good news is that the store is 100% perfect, bright, cheerful, beautifully laid out, lots of quality merchandise at very low prices, and offering a huge selection.  Just too crowded!  Oh, well.  We’ll try it on a weekday.  I’ll let you know.  Humpf!  

     I just wrote a reminder note for Monday Vet checkup appointment for my two dogs and that stool samples are needed.  Best place to put it is with my papers for early morning meeting with clients so I remember to get on the road asap after the meeting.  Hope the note doesn’t fall out.  “Bring poop samples to next meeting!” might be hard to explain.

       It’s weird to be typing this in Word instead of my friendly little blog window. 

I was reminded today of two things you can never get back:

the stones you throw and the words you use.

     Belated Happy Birthday to my son the musician.  We spoke (and I sang!) on his day, 12/11, but I hadn’t yet managed to squeeze Christopher www.alpiar.com into my blog.  Anyway, he sent me the following link that he ran across:  http://video.stumbleupon.com/?p=kkdpiahine . . . a pretty cool solo performance no matter what your level of music interest.

       Oh, right, dogs.  So now you know the slow motion truth of my brain activity.  But since you already know about their poop, you should want to know that one’s an all black 5 year-old cocker spaniel, Tuckerton (he’s named after NJ’s Tuckerton Seaport, a mile from where we once lived), and the other’s an 11½ year-old golden retriever, Barnegat (she’s named after NJ’s Barnegat Bay, where we once welcomed the waves onto our front yard).  Now you know why I’m not moving to Machipongo, VA, anytime soon.  

     I promise more substance tomorrow, assuming the great awakening of my cable company.  In the meantime, have a wonderful night.   halalpiar

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Be kinder than necessary

because everyone

you meet is fighting

some kind of battle!

     I know, I know, I promised more today on listening skills.  Well the number one rule of listening for many people and many professions is to use empathy, and that’s what this heading is all about. 

     Empathy is mentally putting yourself in another person’s shoes.  It is a step up from sympathy, or feeling sorry for someone, because empathy implies active involvement.

Of course there’s more, a lot more, to active listening skills than being empathetic, but I relate strongly to the message of the heading, so I’m leaving it there while I take you down another listening skill path: paraphrasing!

“If I understand you correctly, you are saying that . . .” or “What I think I hear you saying is . . .” or “Do I understand you to mean . . .? are three excellent lead-ins to use when paraphrasing (putting your “take” on a statement into your own words) something someone else has just said.  Why would you do this?  To make SURE that you got the opinion or information or directions right!

This paraphrasing device, by the way, when it’s delivered in a persistently unemotional, understanding tone of voice, has great value in defusing moments of conflict.  It forces a person who’s just tossed out an emotional barrage of complaints to hear how their words have come across to someone else in a non-threatening and non-confrontative way.

  Paraphrasing serves to slow down the rush of upset, and often prompts the other person to reconsider or at least to better explain the issues.  It sets a stage for the upset person to talk more, and often to be more careful and reasoned.

   We’ve all heard that (especially in sales, customer service, counseling, consulting, and marriage ) we need to try to speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time.

This may be a challenging prescription, but speaking and listening are behaviors.  We choose our behaviors.  We also choose to be challenged or we can choose to be accepting.

Water flows best downhill.  Choose the easy route.  Just tell yourself to “Listen up!” [Taking notes ALWAYS helps, and flatters as well.  “Would you please speak a little slower (or repeat that) so I can jot it down; I want to make sure I get it right!” works wonders in terms of ensuring full understanding and in boosting the other person’s ego.]

On the flip side, ask someone who’s just unloaded a barrage of concerns to help you sort them out by writing them down, one at a time, and assigning a #1 for most important and #2 for next most important, etc. to each item — and then proceed to address (chew and digest) each issue separately and exclusively, beginning with #1.

Odds are pretty good you’ll never get past the first two or three items on the list before the complainant withdraws the remaining ones or backs off the initial sense of fury, or both.  Either way, you have nothing to lose by trying, except miscommunications and upsets.

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 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

What one thing

could you be doing better? 

     Before you start accounting for any business downturn you experience by blaming swings in the economy, in the stocks and bonds markets, in real estate, in interest rates, in politics, in government, in international relations, or anything else beyond your immediate control . . . STOP!

     STOP and reassess what IS within your immediate control that you’re not doing as well as you could be doing. 

     The odds are (assuming you’re willing to be honest with yourself) that one thing, if not THE one thing you could be doing better has something to do with communication.  Possible?  Or am I just imagining things?

     If you’re still with me, it seems fair to say that you probably agree that you and your employees could do a better job of communicating.  If that’s the case, then the liklihood is great that you and your employees most need to do a better job of listening.

     When you can become a more active, more effective listener, you set yourself up to be more in control of your business and better equipped to guide it through difficult times.

Take this little test . . . 

If you were the boss, choose one of the four choices offered (only one choice really works!) as to how you would most likely respond to the following situation: 

Disgusted with all the resistence given to suggestions offered, the disgruntled employee storms out of a meeting on how to increase sales, complaining loudly, “What the hell’s the point of coming up with innovative ideas around here anyway?” 

Should your response be A, B, C, or D?

A) “Don’t worry; you’ll come up with another good campaign.”

B) “I understand; I have trouble getting new ideas across myself!”

C) “Sounds like you’re discouraged about trying to change things.”

D) “Can’t you re-think key aspects of the campaign and present it again next week?”

     If you answered A, B, or D, you chose a type of reponse that 99% of managers would have used.  While each shows good intentions (A is reassuring; B is sympathizing; and D is questioning) — they all represent roadblocks to effective communication with the troubled worker. 

     If you chose C, you may have an edge in effectively handling employee complaints.  A, B, and D represent expedient but totally nonproductive responses.  What’s going on?  Most bosses are in too much of a hurry to make the problem go away and aren’t willing to use active listening skills. 

(Test and conclusion from an American Airlines in-flight magazine article by Gage and Beuford)

     Partly because it takes more time, effort and energy to listen carefully and most people find it difficult to believe that it’s worth the effort.  Partly because most people (maybe even more than 99%) have no training in how to be active listeners. 

     When an employee complains, the instinct of almost all managers is to dispense with the problem as soon as possible.  These expedient kinds of responses are natural, but they don’t get to the heart of the issue, and, in fact, often deepen the employee’s feelings of not being understood, appreciated or accepted.

     Experiment:  Take one entire day and try to listen harder.  Make notes to yourself about what you think you really hear.  It certainly can’t hurt; it doesn’t cost a penny; and you might be surprised.    halalpiar 

Tomorrow: Active listening best practices that can impact your bottom line immediately

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Sleeping With The Boss?

A staggering number of U,S, businesses —96%— are estimated to be either family-owned or family-controlled! 

     It’s anyone’s guess how many are family operated, but the bottom line is that it takes a very special relationship or cluster of relationships to work together effectively all day, every day (even every few days!), and still maintain healthy personal lives and separate identities.  Teamwork.  Shared leadership.  Give and take.  Active listening.

     This post comes from firsthand experience. 

     My wife Kathy and I work together, eat together, sleep together and vacation together.  We’ve been doing that every day, pretty much seven days a week, for over twenty years. 

     We’ve nearly killed each other a hundred times, but neither of us would have it any other way, and we’d do it all over again if we could.    

     Noted management professor and author Harry Levinson says “The family is never free of the business; all conversation and relationships seem to be built around it.  Nor,” he adds, “is the business ever free of the family.”

     When you eat, sleep, and drink the business, it’s often difficult to separate personal issues and concerns, to live personal lives, to be preserving your relationships. 

     But keep in mind that because all behavior is a matter of choice, separating business from personal is only difficult when you choose for it to be difficult.  You can choose for it to be easy!

     In entrepreneurship development programs and family business counseling sesions I ran, I would often advise married business partners to paint or tape a brightly-colored line across the doorway to their bedrooms, and not allow any business discussions, or even business thoughts to creep in and cross the divider. 

     One couple reported they enforce a required laugh out loud –even half-hearted– as admission to cross their red lightbulb-lined (on a timer) door frame.

     I guess the thought of that is a laugh by itself, but frankly, this bedroom divider line idea is probably useful advice for any couple, regardless of career. 

     Keeping a pen and paper (and penlight!) next to the bed to record middle-of-the-night bursts of inspiration or jot down to-do lists that keep you awake should provide all the business outlet anyone should need once he or she steps into the bedroom. 

     Bedtime in the bedroom is simply not the right time or the right place to talk about sales, distribution, taxes, accounts payable, collections, irate customers, business investments, R&D projects, bank loans, marketing programs, or employee performance. 

     It’s just not, that’s all.  It’s, in fact, destructive, taxing, unhealthy, and highly stressful . . . like the negative wired-out edge you might expect to get from watching network tv news all night! 

     Besides allowing yourself to jet down, and sleep more soundly, it will help soothe your neurological system to get brainstorm ideas and troublesome thoughts down on paper, and out of your head!  And DO remember the penlight.  No one likes waking up in the middle of the night to glaring lights and her or his bed partner writing up a business storm.    halalpiar 

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What ARE you looking

to do with your life?  

     Okay, your business is your life, or at least a humongous chunk of your life, yes?  That’s great.  I love my work and consider myself fortunate to be doing what I most enjoy as my means to earning a living so we’re in this together.  BUT . . .

     When did you last break away from your job

and thinking about your job to . . . hug? 

     Renowned Gestalt-based family therapist/author/icon Virginia Satir www.advanta.net/ said it takes 12 hugs a day to grow emotionally strong.  And you do know that being mentally and/or physically strong enough to do your job effectively, and excel, requires that you also be emotionally strong. 

     What good are you as a business or professional practice owner or manager if your emotional scale is tipped too far to the left or teetering on the edge of a breakdown, temper tantrum, road rage, or worse? 

     So what does your scorecard look like?  How many hugs today?  You initiated them or someone else did?  Planned or spontaneous?  Real or token?  Pitter-pattery or bone-crushing?  Start keeping track.  You’ll learn a whole lot about others and your self.  And the more you know about you, the better you’ll deal with others.

     Ah, dealing with others.  Right.  So now that your cage is arattlin’, lets’ try another quiz: When did you last pat someone on the back for a job well done?  A staff member?  A peer?  A teammate?  An opposing team member?  A child?  A parent?  A stranger?  Your spouse?  A customer?  A partner? 

     People –ALL people (and most domestic animals too)– appreciate being appreciated, especially for performing small deeds and accomplishing routine little tasks that ordinarily go unnoticed.

     Try a pat on the back accompanied by: “Thanks for taking the responsibility to do your homework before playing computer games!” or “Thanks for the great dinner; I really enjoyed that salad!” or “Good job with that regular weekly report; it’s nice to see your efforts be so steady and reliable!” or “Good hustle, Harry; you were almost safe, and you did knock in that run!” or “I don’t ever mention it, but you should know I appreciate that you just automatically do so much laundry every week, and never even complain; thank you!” 

     Or just: “Thank you for helping me become the person I am” or “Thank you for helping me become a more authentic person” or “Thank you for helping me to grow” or “Thank you for being so supportive when I needed it!” 

IF WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN LIFE, START BY MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WAYS YOU SUPPORT AND APPRECIATE OTHERS. 

     In the process, you will “happily surprise” others, but you will astonish your self!  Guaranteed!  Thank you for considering these ideas! 

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Open  Minds  Open  Doors

Many thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“Where laughter fails

to heal, it never fails

to ease the pain.”

 – A terminal cancer patient

     I am convinced that nothing –nothing– is better medicine or better health food than laughter.  Nothing binds people together like laughter. 

     Laughter is the magic ingredient that’s the single most overwhelming key to success in business, professional practices (I know, it;s hard to imagine laughing lawyers, doctors and accountants, but stay with me here), marriages, families, organizations, and partnerships. 

     I did qualify the professional practice types with the word “success” which may or may not interpret as financial success.  Certainly it’s not in the context of the old medical self-love acknowledgement that “the operation was a success but the patient died.” 

     I’m talking about the success in life success, as in business life, social life, family life, religious life, outdoor life, academic life, you get the idea.  Laughter may not make you a success in any facet of life, but it’s hard as hell to think anyone could get there without it!  Ha! 

     Laughter is a universal symbol of mental and emotional health.  Mental and emotional health is increasingly credited by experts as the central source of physical health.

     Did you get the last laugh when you last laughed?  Or were you simply enjoying the spirit of the moment?  Come to think of it, when did you last laugh?  If you can’t answer this in terms shorter than minutes or hours, you in deep trouble, brother! 

     You better take two aspirin, drink lots of liquids, get to bed, and call me in the morning sounding so hysterical laughing that everyone else in your household thinks you’re sick!  Think you can do that? 

     Oh, and before you make the call, pitter-patter your little bare feet into the bathroom (in all probability, an especially essential trip after drinking lots of fluids anyway), and stick that face of yours in the mirror. 

     Er, maybe take care of the fluids first unless the mirror is, well, you know . . . now SMILE into the mirror!  No, not that dorky make-believe grin you give co-workers when they offer you a bite of their meatball sub or the one you save for the neighbor seconds after stepping backwards in your sneakers onto his Saint Bernard’s fresh deposit in your driveway. 

     I’m talking GENUINE smile here.  Go for it!  What’s the worst thing can happen?  Your significant other asks what you’re doing?  Ha!  “I’m smiling.” is all you have to say. 

     Give it your all.  Teeth.  Cheeks.  Eyes.  Something that will burst into a laugh when you actually realize it’s on your own face!  YOW! 

     Man, what a struggle.  You better start doing a lot more of that.  It’s good for you, uses fewer muscles than a frown, and might even make you some new friends!  Hey, a couple of laughs won’t kill you, y’know.  What’s that commercial?  It’s in you.  Do it.  HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!        

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Open Minds Open Doors

Many thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Take two talkwalks,

                                         

get a good sleep, and 

                                                                          

call me in the morning!

     A very dear old student friend once told me she got more out of a couple of talkwalks than she did an entire semester of classes, readings, and studies. 

     Over the years I have recommended the practice to many business partners, management teams, marriage partners, close friends and relatives.  Typically the feedback has been of positive results. 

     With just a couple more weeks ’til the beginning of D’FIFTH (Dysfunctional Family Invasions For The Holidays), it seemed like good timing to suggest that the best way to work through relationship problems is by taking a walk together, far (even a block away will do) from the madding crowds, and talking out the issues, the conflicts, one at a time, shoulder to shoulder, without yelling, and without interrupting. 

     Now, admittedly, this may be a little harder to do than just reading it here, especially if you’re used to punching, slapping, kicking, biting, screaming, shooting, stabbing, hair-pulling, and ear-twisting.

     It starts with an invitation to step outside.  No, not like in the old cowboy movie saloon scenes, when a fight was imminent and nobody wanted to end up winning and then have to get hit with a huge bill for damages.  It’s more like, Hey, David, you old brother-in-law son-of-a-gun, you, how about we take a walk around the block and try out these two Cuban cigars I got? 

     Or: Let’s have a talk about that old girlfriend of yours? (or motorcycle?  or fishing pole?)  You get the idea.  Next, especially if David agrees, is to take a series of deep breaths [Click Magazine Articles tab above to see “Are You Breathing?” for 4-step guidance on this], and then to not inhale if you’re doing the cigar thing! 

     Have a three or four point agenda in your head — things that will clear the decks so to speak, level the playing field — junk you’d like to square away with this hardass, but don’t want to end up in a stuffing and cranberry sauce fight right after saying grace.  Y’know? 

     You need a little mental bullet list of subjects you can save up and put out there on the sidewalk in front of you as you do this walk.  Oh, and if you only have wooded trails around, maybe just hoof it around the basement a few laps, particularly if David is an outdoorsy type or has a rifle in his pick-up.

     The idea is to: 1) isolate the key points that are troubling you, 2) explain what you’ve been feeling and thinking about, 3) offer some options you can think of, and 4) ask for comments, ideas, and feedback (sometimes it’s best to set up #4 before beginning with #1.)  Be sure if you need to be critical, to criticise behavior, not the person.  Make a point of not interrupting, and of asking David to do the same, as you explain your thoughts.  Keep taking deep breaths.  Keep walking.  Keep talking.  Keep listening.

     Happy talkwalks!  . . .  Halalpiar 

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. . . SO GO WITH THE FLOW!

     Today was one of those days.  I woke up with a smile, a full agenda, and a plan I looked forward to implementing, everything figured out and scheduled on a timeline. 

     But the help I’d planned on never materialized and 42 personalized client news releases weren’t going to get distributed unless I did the grunt work myself.  The best I could do for the first six people I called was leave voicemails.  The dog had bad breath and my shoelace broke.  You get the picture. 

     The whole day was headed down the tubes, but I decided to heed my own advice and “g o   w i t h   t h e   f l o w.” 

     In the softball game I squeezed in at lunchtime, I produced three pitiful infield hits and was safe on an error, but, hey, four times on base for four times up, y’know?  And I scored twice and got 2 RBI’s, but ONLY because I decided to run my butt off from the moment of contact and not give up, and ONLY because instead of cursing and throwing my bat after such feeble hitting, I stood catching my breath and laughing with the first baseman who said he was getting sick of seeing me. 

     In distributing the news releases, I uncovered bad contact information for five key reporters and was able to update the master list.  (The help I didn’t get would not have known this, and releases would have been wasted.) 

     It turned storm-level windy this afternoon, killing plans to cookout, but ending up with some super pasta, and being prompted to notice and repair a beleagured windchime! 

     I could go on, but you already know –as Paul Harvey says– the rest of the story! 

     You’ve been there and done that! 

     So, all this is is (is is is like that that?) a reminder to make the most of everyday as best you can by going with whatever lands on your plate, in your lap or on your shoulders. 

     Being happy and helping others be happy is a whole lot more rewarding (and healthy) than sweeping unexpected events you know where in order to pile drive through your task list.  Of course it helps to have a role model in your life, and I do, which is how I know about “Happy-makers.”  I’m married to one!     

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Juggling seagulls

                                                                    

doesn’t work too well

                                                    

either,

                                                                                     

and rattlesnakes? 

      When the assignments on your plate seem impossible to deal with, and you’re getting scratched and scowled and screeched at, step out of the batter’s box, take a deep breath, and reassess where you are, where you’re going . . . and what you can do this minute to give yourself a better at-bat. 

     Are you trying to fulfill requests from two different bosses?  Get them together (or at least on the phone), explain the circumstances, and ask them to decide the priorities for you.  When you take that responsibility on your own shoulders, you are setting yourself up for a strikeout!

     A conflict in your time commitments with two different clients or customers?  This is one you have to decide, but you can always explain your situation, ask each for a little patience, and offer each specific target dates/times when you expect to have their needs met or materials ready.

     The conflict is with yourSELF?  That’s the easiest to deal with.  You probably won’t fire yourself, or cut your salary or take a demotion.  If you repremand yourself, do it in the mirror and make it short and sweet so you can get on with the work that needs to get done.  What you really need to do is focus on your prioritizing and delegating skills here.  You need to tackle task one and see it through to completion before even thinking about task two.  If you can delegate the task, do it.  If you can’t delegate the task at hand, examine what else you CAN delegate, and do that! 

     I mean, juggling cats is as impossible as it sounds, but if you don’t deal with it when you need to, you could go one or two worse . . . juggling seagulls doesn’t work very well either, and rattlesnakes?  Forget about it.  Now that you’ve weighed all this, get back up to the plate; concentrate on the ball; and smack the next one out of the park!                halalpiar    

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