Archive for the 'Anger/Conflict' Category

Jul 27 2013

Business Owners/Operators and Managers

Innovators: KEEP OUT!!!

I’ve been called an entrepreneurship evangelist. I’ve worked with thousands of doctors, business owners/operators and managers, market innovators and entrepreneurial thinkers. Like most, I’ve spent a lifetime taking (reasonable) risks, rejecting authority, breaking rules, and regularly working long into the night,

And I developed a nothing-is-taboo attitude[So don’t tell me what to stay away from!]

But — what’s the old saying?– “The truth will (win) out!” And my experience says that the truth is if we are to make a success of  business, professional practice, career, and life pursuits, we need to set success goals that include what to avoid, as leaders, as people.

My top 7 suggestions of what to avoid and why:

KEEP OUT of jail. Let’s face it. There’s not much of anything positive or worthwhile to be had, or add to your resume, by being in jail. Yes, a handful of inmates out of millions might learn a life lesson or two, but jail is hardly a breeding ground for success at any level. So, stay away from it. Question your motives before you act or speak.

KEEP OUT of courtrooms (unless you’re a lawyer). Courtrooms can be just a stress notch away from jail. The attached anxieties alone are enough to topple years of hard work and good intentions. You may think that courtroom appearances are not always your choice, but if you don’t choose to initiate a legal event, you do choose to set yourself up or put yourself in position that could lead you there. No it’s not always avoidable, but much of it is. Bottom line: Can your business afford for you to put business time, energy, and funds into a pursuit that’s not your business?

KEEP OUT of doctors’ and lawyers’ offices (unless you’re a doctor or lawyer). If you are constantly and consciously choosing to live a healthy lifestyle, you can often avoid doctors and minimize  situations beyond routine healthcare.

Remember that once a doctor sends you to another specialist, you are IN THE SYSTEM, and the most tenacious efforts to escape it’s time and money-consuming clutches rarely succeed. For the same high stress reasons to avoid jail and courtrooms, choose to minimize lawyer visits and limit them to essential  occurrences and preventive maintenance.

KEEP OUT of hospitals (unless you work for one). Contrary to the onslaught of misguided hospital marketing that blankets this country, hospitals do NOT spawn good health. They treat those who no longer have good health, and –in many documented cases– actually contribute to the exacerbation of ill health. This is not to question professional dedication or skills. It is simply a reminder to strive for life directions that have the best odds of helping you avoid hospitals.

KEEP OUT of hiding places (unless you’re playing hide-and-go-seek with the kids) when it’s time for family and church and community. These are the times that define you and what you’re all about as a human being.

KEEP OUT of fights (unless you’re a boxer). Disagreements can be healthy, but disagreements require self-vigilance to prevent them from accelerating to the point of getting out of control. Anger, mean-spiritedness and grudges can ONLY work against you and quickly become the undoing of all you’ve worked so hard at to put together.

KEEP OUT of nonproductive relationships (unless you’re a shrink or a cop and your career calls for engagement). In other words, stay around positive-minded people as much as possible and pursue opportunities to surround yourself with others who consistently demonstrate positive, upbeat attitudes. This: will come back to help you!

 

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Hal@TheWriterWorks.com or comment below.

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You!

Make today a GREAT Day for someone!

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Oct 09 2012

The 2nd of 10 Things Nobody Tells Entrepreneurs

BUSINESS & POLITICS DON’T MIX!

                                                                      

Best Advice: Speak out in private, but hold your tongue in public! Customers and others you do business with may or may not agree with your politics, but the odds appear overwhelming that they do not want to hear your political views as part of any business transaction.

Treat every opportunity to speak out in accusation of your political opponents or in defense of your political favorites as you might instinctively deal with dysfunctional elements of your own family at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

In other words, exercise greater caution, discretion and respect than you would normally be inclined to, for the welfare of the rest of your family, and for the betterment of your own well-being and stress level. Save confrontations for when you become a professional boxer or hockey star.

“But it’s my right, my privilege, and my responsibility to speak up!” Well, okay, you may think you’re entitled, even required, to express your personal political preferences. And you are certainly entitled to your opinions, but if you own or manage a business, there’s simply no room for political opinion!

Every time you open your political mouth, you risk losing a minimum of 100 customers because anyone who disapproves will tell ten others,who will each tell ten others. Can you afford this kind of loss?

How do I know all this? Because I’ve had a big political opinion mouth in one of my past lives and it cost me substantial business. “Who cares?” you might say. Well, it may be costing you too!

The problem is that while you may not care about someone who’s critical of you offering editorials– critical of your criticism, so to speak– you maybe need to care a great deal about someone who’s related to, or controlled by that individual, and there’s just no way to ever know when some big mouth comment will come back to haunt you.

Taking the low road is not always a bad thing. Low road activity is often read in a positive light by others. Non confrontative attitudes typically produce positive reputation assessments of virtue: “humble;” “reserved;” “rational;” “objective;” non judgemental;” and “thoughtful” come to mind. It’s the sign of someone who walks the talk!

So, now, even if I’m only half right, wouldn’t you prefer those kinds of reputation attributes to “opinionated;” and “loudmouthed;” and “narrow-minded;” and “confrontative;” and “pushy”?

Bottom Line:

Work for your favorite candidates,

but don’t bring your favorite candidates to work!  

                                                           

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HAL ALPIAR Writer/Consultant 302.933.0911 TheWriterWorks.com, LLC
National Award-Winning Author & Brand Marketer – Record Client Sales

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Oct 03 2012

The 1st of 10 Things Nobody Tells Entrepreneurs

FAULT AND BLAME

                           

 DON’T MAKE SALES!

                               

Here we sit, small business owners, managers, and entrepreneurs, on the day of the first 2012 Presidential Debate. We are seething with anger, frustration, disappointment, and stress over what has and hasn’t happened since the last 2008 Presidential Debate. We blame it all on the political candidate we least agree with. And the harder we blame, the more we lose.

We have seen our businesses and personal finances go every direction except up.

We have become more outspoken about that, especially as we’ve seen respect for America’s military and America’s job and housing markets collapse . . . and food and gas and transportation prices explode through the roof! Normally free-spending customers have become suddenly frugal and stoic. All of that must, after all, be somebody’s fault.

But let’s be honest with ourselves here. How much real fault sits on our own shoulders for not planning properly, for not adjusting our business and professional practice development strategies appropriately, for not having solid contingency plans in place? It’s true that some circumstances prevent proactive business management. But many do not.

The way I see it, we have indeed had pathetic government leadership, but aren’t we just as much to blame as anyone for not keeping our own businesses fluid as they slid sideways across the top of shifting sands. After all, we chose to stand there in the first place. With that commitment, comes the responsibility to be flexible and stay forever on the alert. Am I alone here?

I’m not suggesting that going with the flow is easy. But, with a small business, it’s essential.

And that means staying tuned in to government screw-ups and broken promises because they will–in the end–affect where, when, and if you grow… or even if you survive! Easy to “Tuesday morning quarterback,” yes, but we’re looking at a lot more shifting sand before we see solid ground no matter who gets or doesn’t get elected.

It took us time to get here; it will take time to get out of here. So, there’s no time like the present to reassess your branding efforts, to initiate an overhaul of priorities and to inject time and expertise (necessary business growth ingredients that no doubt feel unaffordable) into monthly, weekly, and daily schedules.

That investment alone can make the difference for you no matter what happens on November 6th. And hopefully something will happen. The bottom line:

SALES MAKE BUSINESSES GROW.

FAULT AND BLAME AND PROMISES DON’T MAKE SALES!

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HAL ALPIAR Writer/Consultant 302.933.0911 TheWriterWorks.com, LLC
National Award-Winning Author & Brand Marketer – Record Client Sales

Open Minds Open Doors

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Jul 29 2012

B2B Client Psychology 101

When to draw the line_______

                                                                   

You’ve already done all that you were contracted to do, but the client keeps making changes, causing delays in the agreed-to timeline. The result is you are unable to move forward (or even sideways) with the next phase, and unable to send an additional invoice. Okay, so maybe a “client-changes” policy should have been put in place or made clearer from the outset.

But what’s done is done, and here you are, getting stressed.

                                         

What to do? When do you draw the line?

“I know, I know,” you say,

“it’s just a matter of being more assertive.”

                                                                                

Right! That always sounds like the right answer, but you run the risk of losing the client, future business and referrals if you are perceived as too pushy or demanding, or if some request you make for added fees gets interpreted as sounding unreasonable.

                                                    

What to do? When do you draw the line?

                                                                          

Renegotiate.

Okay, that makes sense, but every professional salesperson will tell you that the starting point for virtually every successful negotiation or re-negotiation is to ask questions!

                                                                    

So maybe the answer to: “What to do? When do you draw the line?” is:

As soon as you have a strong, meaninful,

and productive list of questions to ask!

                                                                    

When you start with questions, you can use questions to make your point without risking your relationship.

Y’think?

                                                    

Well consider how you’d respond to being told that you look like a nervous wreck and should get better control of yourself vs. simply being asked: “Are You Breathing?

Think about your present circumstances. What are the three most important questions you can ask to win your client’s relationship security, project support . . .  and open the door for your next invoice? Making things change is, after all, your choice. Yup! YOUR choice!

 

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HAL ALPIAR Writer/Consultant 302.933.0911 TheWriterWorks.com, LLC
National Award-Winning Author & Brand Marketer – Record Client Sales

Open Minds Open Doors

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

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Jun 16 2012

TRANSPARENT LEADERSHIP

Seeing through it all

                        

…maybe, maybe not.

There’s an awful lot of talk in top management circles trending to the favor-ability of transparent leadership, but reality often dictates the need to exercise the exact opposite, at least for certain situations. Two-facedness? Manipulative? Irresponsible? Lacking integrity? Ruling by exception? Well, even open windows do not always afford a clear view.

When every word you say and move you make is public to all around you, it can be inhibiting to decision making that might be for the good of all involved. Adhering to a policy of transparency can instead take on a neurotic life of its own which can prevent meaningful forward motion.

Consider, for example, the advisability of sharing content of investor or prospective investor discussions as they occur, with all employees. . . or, publicly airing the private meeting critique of an under-achieving employee. Actually, many if not most sensitive-type bits of information might best be kept private and only be shared on a need-to-know basis.

We badger government officials to maintain transparency because they are elected and paid by us to represent our interests, and we are entitled to know what they think and say, and how they behave. But business (thankfully, for the cause of cultivating entrepreneurial spirit and the capitalism that fuels our economy) doesn’t conduct itself that way.

Private enterprise shareholders are entitled to know how business management represents the interests of a given company, but not have a say in every issue. Shareholders are instead invested in the integrity of the management that represents the company they are invested in.

Effective transparent leadership may translate to open-door management for many, but even those who take their doors off the hinges have been known to beef up their effectiveness with periodic whispers and private notes. Because sharing everything with everyone can easily create more problems than it solves.

Another way to think of it is simply that not every organization member is capable of understanding areas of specialization beyond what she or he is directly involved with, and to expect that that’s the case is to invite confusion and delay that will block progress. It’s healthy to look at the total leadership picture before throwing all the doors and windows open.

To paraphrase Lincoln’s famous quote: “You can be transparent to all of the people some of the time, and you can be transparent to some of the people all 0f the time, but you can’t be transparent to all of the people all of the time.”

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Open Minds Open Doors

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May 24 2012

Couples Who Work Together

Mom and Pop Businessess

                       

Are Alive and Well In

                          

Every Industry

                       

and Marketplace

                                   

 

Because so many entrepreneurial ventures are launched, or brought on by, or result in hardworking people who also share a couple relationship (and because the marriage and work relationship I had with my wife lasted over 25 years), it seemed appropriate to devote a post to the subject. Maybe a couple of experience points here can benefit others?

  • FIRST: If you are in a love/work relationship and not killing each other every night, congratulations and God Bless You! You have somehow managed (or are at least still managing) to beat the odds. Being the spouse of a business owner or the spouse who is the brains behind the business owner (or are an involved but not-married business couple!) makes you special!

Very few relationships can withstand the attack on emotional, rational, and physical sensibilities that are brought on by the stress of running a business together, while living under the same roof. It’s important to stay “here-and-now” as much as possible. Have flexible, specific, realistic, due-dated goals (and write them down!), but remain focused on the present.

RELY ON HUMOR.

                                                          

It takes a special way of relating to one another that requires greater sensitivity and sense of purpose than  a typical marriage where one or both partners leave the home each morning and return each night. I have often counseled to paint a line around the bedroom doorway and threshold beyond which, business discussions are not allowed . . . and communicate, communicate, communicate! Listen, listen, listen!

  • SECOND: Extreme trust and extreme sacrifice are the two characteristics of successful work/love relationships that cannot be compromised under any circumstances . . . ever! The temptations will be endless, but violating your love/work partner’s trust or not pulling your share of the load spell instant business failure, and often instant relationship failure too!

This distills down to being constantly conscious of not putting yourself in situations that could undermine the well-being of either your work or emotional relationship. Don’t go out partying on your own. Don’t hang out at bars or strip-clubs or trade show suites when you’re on business trips. Don’t wear provocative outfits when you’re on the road or attending meetings. Making a business and a relationship work at the same time requires integrity.

In other words, don’t ask for trouble

 because you’ll surely find it.

                                                               

Working couples need to accept that friction will always be present. The trick is to work at making it be positive and productive friction. It takes far greater tolerance, patience and understanding than a non-working-together-couple relationship. The trade-off is that working couples–two people with one mindset–are almost always more effective and successful than flying solo.

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Open  Minds  Open  Doors

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May 06 2012

Business is NOT life or death!

“If you think sometimes

                          

  that you just can’t win,

                      

remember that life

                       

is not a contest!”

— Kathy Alpiar

 

She reminded me of this shortly before her life struggles ended this past March at age 55. She had reminded me of it often over the last 25 years of our marriage . . .  almost always after my face retreated into my hands bemoaning some frustrating situation or another that I had somehow boxed myself into. I’m told everyone does this on occasion?

If you’re an American, you probably grew up with the conviction that everything you had to deal with every day –from school and Scouts to college or trade school and a career to marriage and family raising– was (is) a contest!

Admittedly, in a nation dominated by sports performance and competition at literally every level of life, it’s hard to grasp that “life is not a contest.”

But it’s NOT a contest.

(Workaholics, please re-read those last five words!)

  • Life is a gift. It is a blessing. We either consciously or unconsciously choose to embrace it, or choose to waste it.

  • Life is a waste when it’s obsessively dedicated to ultimately meaningless, make-believe values — making money, acquiring things, trying to impress, being self-serving and self-indulgent, putting others down, bullying, chastising differences, thinking and acting dishonestly.

                                                  

How much of our precious time on Earth is wasted each day trying to get even; trying to undermine, manipulate, or represent ourselves as more than what we are; trying to pretend; trying to bait those who are weaker into our arena so we can defeat them or make them look foolish? Can any of that possibly be serving our true best interests?

If the answer to that question about how much time, by the way, is anything more than one minute, it may be worthwhile to think twice about Kathy’s quote. In other words, is our purpose here on this planet to make a difference?

How important is integrity?

                                   

Kathy wasn’t suggesting that we all abandon competition and head for some mountaintop to meditate on our navels. Of course we have to be responsible to earn a living and pay our bills. But what she was saying was that there’s a whole lot more to life than having such narrow pursuits d-i-c-t-a-t-e human existence.

Entrepreneurs get pounded over the head with these finger-waving “take time to smell the flowers” thoughts because they tend to disappear into a product/service development zone to the exclusion of friends, family, and many of life’s joyful experiences. They substitute the pursuit of “success” to the exclusion of what’s around them. I know because I’ve been there.

But I’ve come to realize that return on investment is not the sole province of business. ROI has also to do with having an ongoing sense of humor, a conscious effort to cultivate only positive stress, making room in our lives for living, keeping our promises, and being perpetually focused on service to others. Thanks Kathy.

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Hal@Businessworks.US    302.933.0116

Open  Minds  Open  Doors

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Jan 12 2012

The Small Business Career Trap

You got ideas?

                           

You’re ready to trade in

                              

that corporate career?

                          

Don’t be too quick!

 

 

Created by cover-your-butt, tunnel-visioned corporate types, who are busy going nowhere, the “Small Business Career Trap” puts a stranglehold on reentry to the corporate world once someone has “defected to small business life. It’s like deportation. Change your mind? Oh, no, that’s not allowed. Make a come-back? No way, José!

“Tunnel-visioned”? Well, sure– because the assumption behind that label is that you can play either football OR baseball, not both, and that once you switch sports, you can nevermore capture the credibility in the field of expertise you left behind. Ridiculous? Of course. Michael Jordan isn’t the only athlete to master multiple sports.

The kind of corporate mentality narrowmindedness that fosters (and nurtures) this kind of thinking discounts the wealth of unique contributions a small business-experienced individual can potentially make to stimulate the prevailing lethargy of so much corporate life.

And paradoxical, don’t you think, that the attitude strikes at the heart of the very same types of entrepreneurial contributions that no doubt accounted for launching every corporate entity to begin with?

As long as the political climbers at corporate giants refuse to honor the value of small business experience, and continue to fail to take advantage of the opportunities to integrate and cultivate more entrepreneurial spirit in their organizations, there is little hope that the big boys of business will ever favorably affect the economy.

And adventuresome entrepreneurial wannabe’s need to accept the reality

that big business-to-small business career moves probably have no return route.

                                             

This can be pretty disconcerting whenever you (the traitor) reach the point in small business (and you surely will) of realizing you are indeed smarter and more talented than corporate counterparts, MBAs and all.

It will become transparently clear that you could bring greater success to corporate productivity and profitability pursuits than people presently responsible for achieving these goals. Nonetheless, if no one will open the door, your only choice may be to return home and keep looking (Good Luck!) or break the door down.

Not many welcome mats are

laid out for forceable entry.

Will this ever change?

Short of revolution, it’s not likely.

                                                   

If you should have any doubts, by the way, that corporate mindsets are so deeply entrenched in fears of recruiting and hiring entrepreneurial thinkers and doers, just scroll through some corporate help wanted ads. Find just one that addresses small business expertise, a sense of urgency, and the ability to respond and adjust. Good luck again!

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Hal@Businessworks.US   931.854.0474

Open  Minds  Open  Doors

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

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Jan 10 2012

LETTING GO

What do workaholics,

                             

delusionists, and grieving

                          

friends and relatives

                        

all have in common?

 

 

 Why is it that the people who are most in need of breaking out of their workaholic patterns are the ones most resistant to the suggestion? They’re afraid to let go. Well, logically, it makes sense. Fear is the single most destructive emotion (and sometimes, paradoxically, greatest motivator) in existence.

Letting go is life’s single hardest task.

                                             

Workaholics share this infamous platform with those who live in delusion as well as those who grieve the loss of loved ones. Letting go means giving up an important part of yourself in favor of moving on, or back into, reality. Many egotistically, and sadly, are convinced that the world and their business could not survive without them.

“Sadly,” because these same people will almost inevitably drive themselves into cardiac care units… or the grave… using the excuse as a rationale that they “never gave up the ship!” It’s a lot like being mentally retarded (and having a daughter who is, I can say this with some authority). The single difference is the awareness of having a choice!

Never-say-die workaholics

 simply choose not to choose.

                                                                       

They know they have a choice, but feel threatened by the idea of changing horses in mid-stream. So they instead invest themselves in maintaining the status quo at all costs. Or, as world renown family therapist Virginia Satir used to say, “they get dried up and shrivel up.”

And, Satir goes on to ask: “Don’t you think this affects the growth of their families and that of those who work with them?” See for yourself. Status quo seekers are everywhere, harboring pain and misery, and transferring their own inadequacies and choices not to choose to change.

How dim the lights that light these lives. How stagnant the businesses they run. How rebellious the children they raise. Choosing situations and leaders who make the choices for them . . . how unfulfilled the lives they live.

This picture is bleak indeed, and it permeates many corners of the corporate and union worlds and government universe but, thankfully, has rarely become the payoff of hard work and self-sacrifice that many entrepreneurs practice. How is that? Because most entrepreneurs play and sleep as hard as they work.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  

Open  Minds  Open  Doors

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

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Jan 09 2012

PSYCHOPRENEURS

Think “Shrink”!

 

Are you a basket case business owner?

 

 

Let’s face it, fellow entrepreneurs, everyone is dysfunctional. The experts (whoever they are) proclaim to the universe of both trained and self-designated shrinks out there that everyone comes from a dysfunctional family. Well? Has it ever occurred to you that if each of us has a dysfunctional family, then each of us must also be… hmm?

Okay, so the sanity playing field is now level. So, going forward, let’s just accept that every entrepreneur (us included) is at least in part a psychological mess. Could it be the reason we tend to be so compulsive about so many things? Could it be the reason we tend to be over-stressed and over-react?

Maybe it’s why we jump so abruptly from one thing to another (vs. corporate guys who take the opposite extreme approach of belaboring and analyzing every issue to death, proving their mettle by seeing it all the way through to completion).

Success though is very much about balance, about keeping the highs and lows and the jumping around and the analysis paralysis on an even keel. Moderation is the king of balance. If, for example. we respond instead of react to words, actions, people, ideas , and situations, then there is no possibility of ever OVER-reacting.

Well, that makes sense, but isn’ it easier said than done? How do we get ourselves to respond instead of react when our fuses get ignited? Maybe get a longer fuse. Maybe keep your fuse away from ignition switches and spontaneous combustion dynamics . . .  kind of like not putting yourself intentionally in harm’s way.

It’s a choice. Let’s try that once more with feeling:

IT’S A CHOICE! Choose how-to steps like these:

                                               

First aid techniques include cold water on your face (perhaps a cold shower, depending on circumstances), washing your hands, taking a couple of quick deep breaths, briskly rubbing your temples or the back of your neck, taking a walk around the block, or saying a prayer of thanks for what you have in your life today.

In police crisis intervention training, the number one objective of any “domestic call” (usually a family dispute, and the source of more police injuries and fatalities than any other type of call, including robberies and high speed chases!) is to physically separate the warring parties into different rooms or spaces.

A business derivative of this is to physically separate yourself from a conflict situation long enough to gain or re-gain composure. There is no purpose to be served by “toughing it out”. . . save that notion for your next movie script, or sports field heroics. Reacting and over-reacting have no place in business. None. Zero. Zip. Nada.

SHRINK YOURSELF OUT! Get in front of that mirror. Make an angry face and decide how that looks. Next, take a deep breath and briskly rub your cheeks and forehead for 5-10 seconds. Now smile your best, most genuine smile. How does that look and feel? How hard was to switch gears? You can do that whenever you want. Choice.

                                                                                                                                              

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Hal@Businessworks.US  931.854,0474

Open  Minds  Open  Doors

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

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