Do I understand you

  correctly to mean…? 

 Can you give me

an example?

When you’re not 100% sure that you fully understand the meaning and intent of someone’s words, ask paraphrasing-type questions

. . . and ask for examples.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asking these two questions is evidence of quality leadership. Because true leaders listen. Paraphrasing and asking for examples are key indicators of effective listening. The responses clarify. The responses help ensure accurate two-way communications, and they help prevent errors and misunderstandings.

Simply by posing these two questions (plus this one), leaders can help agitated people (e.g., upset employees, irate customers, impatient investors) to jet down. The asking alone serves to build trust, loyalty, teamwork, and promote open innovative exchanges. It also, by the way (but not unimportantly), reassures, flatters, and compliments.   

Used correctly, paraphrasing is equally effective in personal life as well as business. Business partners, employer/employee and parent/child relations, teacher/student, married and unmarried couples and family relationships can all benefit by using paraphrasing.

It is, in effect, a clarification checkpoint practice that works. 

What does “used correctly” mean? Process. Dynamics. The process and dynamics of asking the questions — the how, when, where, and circumstances; the nature of the people involved; the nature of the actions to be taken or tasks to be done– all have a bearing on the value of the outcome. How you ask. Your tone of voice. Your posture.

Yes, some could see this kind of attention to communication detail as a lot of unnecessary work. Those people are choosing to feel threatened by the intrusion of having to expend extra energy and time (yes, it will take more time that “normal” for a meeting or phone call or e-exchange) to get stuff right the first time instead of on a re-visit.

If you’re not presently building these kinds of questions into your daily practice of leadership –business, home, professional practice, community organization, classroom makes no difference– put it to the test. You will find, inside of just three weeks, major improvement at many levels, including increased receptivity.

You can greatly enhance the prospects for yourself to succeed with this challenge by adding note taking to your listening time. If you think it makes people feel good to be asked if you’ve understood something correctly, or to provide an example, wait ’til you see their faces when you start jotting down what they say.

Back to the agitated communicators, when you can also ask someone: “Would you mind please slowing down (or repeating what you just said) so I can make some reminder notes for myself to be sure I don’t miss any of the important things you say, I will appreciate it. Now if I understand you correctly to mean…?” You defuse the upset.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

The mouth says “Yes!”

 but the body says “No!”

What’s wrong with this picture?

You stand there, head down and tilted to the right, parentally staring over the tops of your glasses.

Your arms are folded defensively across your chest.

Your aggressive right-side shoulder is turned away and leans on the doorway or wall.

Your aggressive right-side foot is being held back by your receptive left-side foot which has it blocked or covered.

And you are telling your contentious investor or your irate customer that she is right, that you agree completely.

A mixed message? 

_________________________

Great sales professionals know that when your job involves some form of persuasion (name just one that doesn’t!), you can’t learn too much about body language.

Why?

Because without some great theatrical dynamics in your DNA, or having taken some pantomimist course of study, people’s bodies speak truer than their mouths.

(Precisely why txtmsgs fail in every attempt to exercise persuasion.)

Without being able to see firsthand how the person or group you’re communicating with responds to greatly handicaps the persuader’s ability to gain acceptance. Remember that every successful decision to buy, or buy in, is one that’s emotionally-triggered–not logically reasoned.

Telephones are a step up from texting because careful listening allows us to “see” responses like a smile, a frown, anxiety, preoccupation, anger, but it’s true that there is nothin’ like the real thing, baby! Skype? Pretty close to in-person, though you’re not likely to ever know if the tie and jacket are just upper hosts to underwear and bare feet!

Studying up on observation skills is always a good thing, but don’t expect it to suddenly turn your tide. Careful listening and effective eye-contact (note the word “effective” means to eliminate staring, glaring, leering, and flirting) are equally important assessment tools. They give you the unspoken chance to make adjustments.

Great athletes will tell you that the ability to make adjustments –batter to pitcher, quarterback to hard-charging defenders, boxer to boxer, skier to slope conditions, golfer to wind, marathoner to temperature, etc.– is the difference-maker and deal-breaker when it comes to actual performance.                                                                                  

Still trying to think of a job that doesn’t involve some form of persuasion? There are none. And that should tell you something all by itself. The better you can be at quietly and unobtrusively “reading” and processing another’s body language (kinetics, if you prefer formality), the more effective you’ll be at growing your business.

When you note someone folding arms, crossing legs, sitting back, jiggling a foot, or steepling their fingertips, you must decide how to mentally/physically/emotionally step back from whatever you’re representing, long enough to prompt a change to more receptive posture before moving forward.

Thinking is one thing. Awareness is another. 

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0911 

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Ever notice how the

number “7” is magic??

Well here, entrepreneurs,

is number 8!

With special thanks to www.Twitter.com/RealLifeSecrets for the first 7 one-word “secrets to life” — Listen, Read, Love, Fight, Believe, Live, Pray. You can follow @reallifesecrets for more.  

Okay, so: 3 wishes and 3 kings. But there are SEVEN of everything else — 7 seas, 7 habits, 7 brides, 7/11, John Elway and Mickey Mantle, The “Number of Perfection” in the Bible, so why shouldn’t there be 7 secrets of life? And why should there be anything else besides: 1) Listen, 2) Read, 3) Love, 4) Fight, 5) Believe, 6) Live, and 7) Pray?

Oh, but there is. There’s one more. Can you think of what it might be? I mean, just imagine, if you’ve done all those great seven things consistently, what else could possibly matter? What else could be so powerful? A number 8? Seriously?

We’ve learned that effective managers, salespeople and professionals typically spend 8o% of their interactive time with others: LISTENING. So that first one certainly makes sense. And except maybe for the guy who invented fire, I’ve never heard of anyone becoming truly successful without reading, as much as possible, as often as possible.

Oh, some entrepreneurs may run successful businesses and possibly even successful families without reading, but they probably are not successful with their own physical and/or emotional health. Or they may have great health and successful businesses with no satisfying family life. You get the idea. Listening and Reading are a package deal. 

Love. There’s that word. It reminds me, by the way, to suggest you check out Rob Bell’s vigorously debated new book, LOVE WINS. Besides smashing lots of theories and age-old teachings, it’s a smashing (provocative, quick, and illuminating) read. Love. So craved. So sought after. So misunderstood, So indispensable. So strengthening.

Surely, you can add your own “descriptives,” but suffice it to say that Love is certainly worthy of being one of the magical seven. Then there is “Fight.” A peculiar item on the list? Not really. My college motto in Latin: “Certa Bonum Certamen” (“Fight the good fight”) — ah, yes, in that light of “Standing Tall,” who could find fault?

Believe. Well, without that, there can be little of worth remaining, true? But every true entrepreneur believes in what she or he is doing, so not much need to dwell on this one. Now: Live. This is something only a few entrepreneurs –the successful ones– actually do. Not nightly partying. Daily enjoyment of being alive.

Ah, and then there’s: Pray. If you haven’t in awhile, I recommend you get on with it — more than you think you should. If you already do this, do more. Many of the most successful business owners and managers I’ve known (of thousands) make a point of praying dozens of times each day. Not just requests. Prayers of gratitude.

[Are you thankful for your vision that allows you to read this right now? Room temperature? The chair you’re in? Your last meal? Your next? Your family?]

So you’ve labored through all this just to see what Number 8 is all about. If you haven’t yet figured it out, you won’t be disappointed. It is the one secret of life that’s joined at the hip with all the rest: Be Honest! Nothing speaks higher of your integrity, reputation, intent, and authenticity as a person.

If you seek trust, be trustworthy.  

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Hal@Businessworks.US  931.854.0474

  Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

When you carry a grudge

. . . there’s no room to

carry your business!

The old Dutch proverb and German expression,“Vee grow too soon oldt, und too late shmart” sums up much of why we fail miserably to fully understand and effectively cultivate relationships. Our seeming inability to let go of the angry feelings someone close to us once provoked has toppled many business ventures, even entire empires.

                                                                                       

But, ah, the ability to forgive and forget those who crossed us up is a choice. 

And the consequences of making or not making that forgive-and-forget choice are the differences between:

• Having peace of mind, plus the energy to pursue both business and personal success–because by letting go and moving on, you are marshaling your energy and exercising control of you, captaining your own ship.

VS.

• Suffering a permanent or recurring headache that’s potentially terminal to you and your enterprise– because by holding on, you are wasting energy and choosing to subject yourself (and ultimately your business) to someone else’s control.

Carrying a grudge is

what leadership is not!

Many of us carry more grudges than we are probably conscious of. We keep them in our throats, and they come out as guttural utterances when certain names or circumstances surface. We keep them in little invisible knapsacks in our brains that send a flood of upset feelings into our nervous systems whenever they’re unzipped.

Some people get tight chest muscles (love relationships), tight shoulders (related to responsibility), backaches (associated with memories), stomach flutters, fists, headaches, leg pains, shortness of breath, indigestion, diarrhea, constipation, toothaches . . . it’s called being over-stressed, and it’s debilitating. For an entrepreneur, it can kill.

Ask any cardiologist.

Stress is both physical and emotional. It can be good (like the stress that keeps you sitting up straight in a chair), or bad (DIS-stress!), like the level that produces symptoms such as those in the earlier paragraph. Carrying a grudge, having revengeful feelings, like uncontrollable anger or road rage, can be a self-destruct path of no return.

Recognizing that letting go is a choice may not make doing it any easier, but that –itself– is also a choice. You can choose to make it easier. You can also ease the process by practicing more deep breathing and/or by taking a yoga or meditation program. Doctor-sanctioned serious exercise, like daily jogs and brisk walks can also help.

Think of it this way–

Every minute of your life that’s consumed by harboring angry or frustrated or disappointed feelings about another person (even, and perhaps especially, family!), or entity or event or policy is a minute you will never get back, and it’s a minute that you are choosing for someone or something else to reach inside your brain and control your thoughts.

And you are facilitating that impossibility to happen. After all, no one else can really control what you think and how you behave, except you . . . unless you choose for that to happen.

Now, why would you want to do that?

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Hal@Businessworks.US 

  Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Entrepreneur wake-up call . . .

Stop trying to please

 everyone in the world!

Let’s face it, Entrepreneur: You’re a fire-in-the-belly person, and that’s enough heat for any body; you don’t need heartburn too! You’re in business because you believe in your ideas. You’ve stayed in business during this pathetic excuse for an economy because you want to make your ideas work.

Lately, you’ve been getting yourself caught up in trying to please too many other people, and your ideas are taking a hit. You can’t start a fire with a magnifying glass if you keep moving the magnifying glass. Well, you also need the sun. Maybe that’s why rainforests are not exactly a hotbed of entrepreneurial expression and innovation? 

The suggestion bandied about by leading motivational gurus and schools of entrepreneurship that anyone who starts or owns a business must set the world on fire in order to succeed is totally false. Anyone who seeks to succeed as an entrepreneur must have a burning desire to succeed. Period. Here’s a good translation of that point: 

To Thine Own Self Be True!

                                                                             –Shakespeare          

Once you’ve pleased yourself by getting your business idea off the ground, you need to please your customers, employees, partners and financial backers, in order to get your business idea into orbit. Next, you need to please your community and industry or profession, to stay in forward motion.

Oh, right, and please let’s not forget about your family! Without some kind of strong family support, you’ll never be likely to get past the rough spots you’ll bump into along the way. Now, right there, in those last three sentences–look again! There’s enough to fill the lifetime of any entrepreneur. Isn’t that enough? You’re a masochist?

I mean, if you want to torture yourself, go ahead, but I can’t imagine that you would feel you need to please the Chinese Communists, Mexican drug lords, the White House, al-Qaeda terrorists, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Mafia, Lybian and Cuban dictators, “Gangs of New York” or gruesome novelist Stephen King. Whew! Some list, huh?

So if that’s the case, why do you need to please your in-laws? Your teachers? Your neighbors? The shelf-stocker at Staples (“That was easy!”), your dentist (well, okay we really do need to please our dentists!), but you get the idea. Every time you step outside your inner circles of influence, you risk your ideas losing energy and attention.

Nothing kills an entrepreneurial venture quicker

than trying to be all things to all people.

 Be Your Own Hero!   Reality Rules.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116

  Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

July 2, I promised a “SMASHING” small business message tonight 

Well, maybe it won’t  

 smash you, but if you run

a busy business . . . this

will make you think!

If it’s as true as piles of pundits, preachers, parsons, pastors, pioneers, and philosophers proclaim, [Alliteration trophy, here I come!] that all of life –yes, ALL of life (including how you handle your business) is simply preparation for death . . . are you ready?

Let me guess: you’re too busy living to think about death right now, eh? Or you’re one of those young,  indestructible types who just refuse to believe death is even possible or worth considering until you’re 89?

Hey, good for you. Either of those may be as honest an answer as you’re capable of mustering at the moment.

I mean, after all, unless you’re a last-will-and-testament lawyer, an estate planner, serial-killer, burial plot salesman, funeral director, or a N.J. Mafia guy, you’re probably not giving much thought to this inevitability on a day-to-day basis. 

Well, don’t let me dampen your holiday-shortened work week, but reality –in case you haven’t looked around lately– the odds are that, recently, someone whose life has been close to yours has died unexpectedly, or will soon.

Maybe a business you know has recently closed down and boarded up. And probably, your own has visited some shaky ground sometime over the past couple of years.

How do you get ready for something you don’t want to think about? In all likelihood, the best way to do this is to ask yourself some hard self-assessment questions that you surely have the answers to, and surely are able to change outcomes any time you choose. Try the following for starters, and add your own in the process:

• Have you done a good job with yourself? With others? With your business?

• Have you and your business helped others?

• Do you make someone happy every day?

• Do you stand up for what’s right?

• Are you tolerant of other’s opinions?

• Do you take your business practices beyond good customer service and good employee relations?

• Do you respect and act gracious to every person you encounter every day, regardless of her or his appearance, behavior, influence or apparent socio-economic or educational status?

• Are you setting examples for others to follow on the job, and off?

• How will others remember and define you?

Like the necessity (no matter what your age and assets) for formalizing and maintaining an updated written will, the questions above only take on great value and deep meaning when you take the time and trouble to write down your answers to each on paper, and then periodically review them for progress and adjustments.

How else can you know if you’re truly making the most of your time on Earth if you have no frame of reference to draw from, explore, adjust and upgrade? Your written records of you empower your productivity. 

Until such time as you may be judged, you are your own best judge.

To thine own self be true! 

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116

  Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Seeking sales fireworks?

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116

 Open minds open doors.

Thanks for visiting. God Bless You.

God Bless America and America’s Troops.

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

June 29, 2011: Today’s Presidential Press Conference . . .

Mr. Obama:

“Call me naive, but my expectation

   is that leaders are going to lead.”

The American People Respond:

“Duh!”   

Really, Mt.Obama, you can do a whole lot better than kick around the subject of leadership and pretend you know what it means. You clearly haven’t the foggiest idea about it. Talk with Rudy Giuliani. Read Peter Drucker. Watch some newsvideos of Ronald Reagan. Visit today’s issue of the TBD Consulting “Leadership News” newsletter.

Making a mockery of something you have no ability to do doesn’t speak well of you or the office you hold.

• My mother would have accused you of being “the pot that calls the kettle black.”
• My father would have told you to “Pull yourself up by the boot-straps and start getting the job done you’re getting paid to do.” 

ANY small business owner has better better common sense leadership skills than you have demonstrated.

In fact, in all of history, there has never been a leader of any consequence who has repeatedly gone out of his/her way to consistently blame others for his/her own inadequacies, except you!

Placing blame and analyzing it accomplishes zero–as ANY successful business owner will tell you–unless of course you’re Judge Judy.

Then again, you would need to be open-minded enough to even ask in the first place, and you’ve proven yourself incapable of that. To the average American, the relentlessness you exhibit in your pursuit of who and what to blame is pathetic. You long ago ceased to be effective as a leader, and especially because you think you’re a great one.

Nobody else thinks you are

• . . . certainly nobody else who cares about our still sinking economy that you killed when you had a chance to breathe life into it; that’s called a “blown save” in baseball.

• Then there’s your Lybian Quagmire that you insisted on rushing into with a cocky attitude and no respect for our military; that’s known as underestimating the competition.

• Ah yes, and lest we forget the catestrophic daily oil spill you wasted more than a month analyzing instead of responding to.

• Business owners will tell you when a customer fails with your product, you rush to the rescue with a quick-fix and find out what went wrong later, after you’ve resolved the problem.

• Oh, and the selective weather disasters you chose to respond to? Please. Everyone knows you’re a puppet to begin with, but there’s no reason on Earth that people who’s lives were devastated by floods in the Midwest should be ignored while those raked over by a crushing tornado get immediate attention because they’re in a “blue” state.

• It would be a crime to not at least touch on your simpleton behavior in misappropriating tax dollars to union-thugs and incompetent corporate automakers. Thank the Lord for Ford!

• Again, small business owners will tell you to not get mixed up with those big business muckity-mucks and their union thugs. Advice too late for you no doubt.

Leadership is all about openly motivating others to get the job done that needs doing.

It’s about transparency and respect and authenticity.

It’s not about photo ops, sound bites, grandstanding, or being “amused” as you claimed to be today over being accused of lacking leadership effectiveness . . . which you do.

“Amused”? Surely you jest! 

True leadership? Americans would welcome it, and I’d be first in line. But after seeing the trainwreck you’ve created in such a short time, and how long we’re going to have to be paying for your foolhardy healthcare plan, I don’t hold out much promise. I’m just thankful you’ll never be part of the small business world you seek to destroy.

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 Open minds open doors.

Thanks for visiting, and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Sorry, Docs and Esqs,

 but you’re not God

anymore!

Well, one good thing about the current Administration (and it may be the only good thing) is that it has snapped Americans back to reality — the reality that no matter how great you can talk, action speaks louder. And taking no action speaks loudest of all. Like a whirling dervish, this tax-and-spend do-nothing White House spins in place.

So that’s the good news: we’re all learning from our mistakes. Watch the blur!

_________________________________                                                  

Now on to doctors and lawyers: You guys are being shopped around for on the Internet, and you haven’t yet caught on to the reality that this single shift in patient and client technology is driving your practice into the ground because you’ve chosen to ignore and discount its impact on you. But you can’t. You need to take action now. 

Reality is that your services are no better a commodity than peanut butter, plumbers, snowplowing services, or used furniture once a prospective patient or client gets her or his pudgy little fingers into the Bing or Google search window.

The days when you needed not to worry about your staff customer service skills are long gone.

                                                 

Heart patients in Pennsylvania fly to Arizona or Minnesota for surgery. People with vision problems in Florida will travel to Baltimore. Just because a local physician or lawyer diagnoses a problem seldom means anymore that the patient or client will stay with that professional. Many, if not most, seek specialized care referrals online.

A good part of the reason for this, and one that’s continually dismissed, has a whole lot more to do with office staff treatment and “bedside manners” of the doctor or lawyer than most professionals would care to admit. Truth is it’s likely to be costing you 50% or more of your practice volume. And it’s close to 100% avoidable!

Incredibly, to most of America’s population raised on ER and Law & Order, there are studies floating around that show over 90% of all doctor and hospital visits (including those to the ER!) are for reassurance

— being told with a warm smile and backpat, “You’re going to be alright. Take two aspirin and call me in the morning” seems to sum up what most people consciously or unconsciously seek.

And I strongly suspect the same dynamics of pursuing empathy come into play with lawyers.

Lawyers thrive on delay. Doctors thrive on patient loyalty. Neither of these payoffs are very much in the cards (or the stars, tea leaves?) anymore because people want gratification as immediate as a txtmsg response, and loyalty is directly proportionate to truth (readily verifiable on the Internet), and personal attention with every contact.

So, solutions? Here are 3 FREE solutions: More frequent and more genuine use of smiles, and of “Please” and “Thank you.” Don’t assume your patients and clients are being treated the way you want them to be. I can tell you of over 100 medical and law offices where they are not. Find out. Use friends as “secret shoppers” to report experiences.

Reward positive attitudes. Small, inexpensive, frequent rewards actually work better than lump sum cash or raises (which, remember, are permanent). Consider outside professional coaching help.

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 Open minds open doors.

Thanks for visiting. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

 Every step you take,

 every word you say,

 every blink you blink

  . . . is marketing.

You’re a professional practice or small business owner or manager. Whether you have 100 employees or work out of your bedroom closet, the words you use (and don’t use) and the ways and places you move (and don’t move) say worlds about where you’re headed and how long it will take you to get there.

Every step you take and word you say, every blink you blink is a form of marketing to someone for something.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re trying to get your rich brother-in-law to loan you his $1,700,000 Bugatti Veyron to drive your best customer to dinner at the club, or whether you want to motivate your new assistant, or get approval to cash in a free WAWA coffee coupon that expired yesterday, you are constantly engaged in marketing.

Your business plan and loan applications are marketing documents. When you hire a consultant, you have to impress on that person or group (oh, sorry, “team”) that you and your business are worthy of her/his/their exertions on your behalf. You slide a little salesy language into explaining what your business is all about.

The thing is that most hard-nosed, competitive, aggressive business people know all this and make no bones about practicing proactive, assertive language and posturing at every turn in the road. But those who often have the most to offer in terms of creativity and innovation will typically get themselves caught up in the process, not the selling.

We can’t turn timid creative genius personalities into super sales pros overnight (and probably shouldn’t try or even want to), but we can help raise these folks up a notch by pointing out that five criteria are part of every successful marketing effort . .  and that EVERYthing is marketing SOMEthing! Your steps, words, and blinks must:

1. Attract Attention

2. Create Interest

3. Stimulate Desire

4. Prompt Action

5. Deliver Satisfaction

All five of these must be present in every form and function of marketing to bring about ongoing and long-term success. Look around you. The extent to which these five criteria are effective determines how effectively your message is being delivered to your target markets.

Look for the five in print advertisements and broadcast commercials; billboards and other outdoor advertising vehicle messages; print and video promotions and displays; online presence (websites, social media sites, etc.); sales presentations (in-person, seminars, webinars, teleconferences; trade and professional shows); public relations programs (events, news releases, etc); packaging and labeling; merchandising; even pricing can all be measured for effectiveness when they succeed at making these ten words work . . . even in your “elevator speech.” 

Remember you are being:

watched; heard and overheard; listened to (there IS a difference!); read about; sized-up; checked out; assessed; evaluated; figured out; thought about; tested; weighed; raked over; admired; followed; respected; loved; praised; scourged; mocked; appreciated; and bought

— all day, every day, even as you sleep!

The same way that you buy or don’t buy others, they buy or don’t buy you. Your best insurance for achieving success is to make the sale. Your best way to make the sale is to accept that it is what it is, and that you need to be forever on the alert to opportunities.

Opportunities are created by marketing that attracts attention, creates interest, stimulates desire, prompts action, and delivers satisfaction.

Drive your imagination forward with reality. 

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Hal@Businessworks.US

 Open minds open doors.

Thanks for visiting and Make today a GREAT day for someone!