Tapping Feet Tap

Untapped Potential

—–Take Note Owners, Managers, and Sales Professionals—– 

     Any good coach will tell you that nervousness is often a good source of energy that can be productively channeled.

     Stress is not always negative. Positive stress is required to be able to read this right now, to sit in a chair without falling off, to make love and excel in sports (well, okay, maybe not at the same time!), to talk on the phone … even, btw, txt msg!

     When stress, however, becomes negative … when it reaches a point of dis-stress or over-stress, it becomes physically, mentally, and emotionally unhealthy … often taking the high-risk leap from nonproductive to COUNTER-productive. It can quickly suck unsuspecting others into the whirlpool it creates.  

NOTE: Holidays are a primary cause of both negative and positive stress. To be better equipped to manage your holiday stress effectively, and keep it tipping to the “plus” side, go here for a 60-second quick fix:  http://bit.ly/Bb1Tw

     When you observe a customer or employee tapping feet (or other extremities), odds are (almost universally) that the individual does not want to be where she or he is, and is anxious to get out of the room or extract her or himself from the present situation.

     When you observe this, acknowledge the anxieties attached to the circumstances — show some put-yourself-in-their-shoes empathy (unless their shoes are by this time, really clicking away recklessly, in which case you may want to 911 a podiatrist!) —  and suggest an option like:

“Why don’t we take a break here and…”

“Let’s think on that subject for a little bit and talk about this other issue…”

     Like a speaker who’s focused on shifting verbal gears in order to prompt defensive arms-crossed listeners to “unfold” arms and rest their hands more receptively at their sides or on the table, you need to try out different thought directions.

     See if you can get the tappingto subside without calling attention to it. Raising someone’s consciousness about her or his nervousness can make that person even more jittery.

The more the tap subsides, the less you need to dance!

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Pity all you want, but

nothing happens ’til you’ve

put yourself in other’s shoes.

     Okay, you’re a leader. You own and/or operate and/or manage a business, or part of one (or you’re a sales professional, which is essentially the same thing!). You need to wear many hats, day to day, and probably one of the most difficult of these to keep balanced on your head (and for most leaders) is the one that dictates your role when serious, draining emotional problems arise.

     Odds are you have no training as a shrink or you would be one, and it’s bad enough being constantly looked upon by others who think of you (and sometimes openly treat you) as a surrogate parent … then along comes tragedy, or calamity, or personal, or family, or community, or even a company upset or grief period.

     And it’s often hard to know how to respond.

     First of all, respond. When you can respond instead of react, you can never over-react, and you will more likely than not help others to also respond instead of react too. That’s a good thing. HOW do you make that happen? First recognize that responding instead of reacting (like all behavior) is a choice! Next, try:  http://bit.ly/Bb1Tw 

     When you can focus your response energy on empathy and being empathetic (which the dictionary defines as “understanding and sharing the feelings of others”), you can help yourself and others to be immensely relieved, productive, positive, and motivating.

     When you focus instead on sympathy and being sympathetic (which the dictionary defines as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune”), it’s rare to experience an outcome that’s anything more than one that has simply piled on more pity and sorrow.

     We need only to turn to what’s probably the greatest exampleof our lifetimes — in the defining behavior, for example, exercised by “America’s Mayor” Rudy Giuliani after the infamous terrorist attacks of “9/11” — for inspiration and a lesson in the values of using empathy in leadership. His ability to put himself in other’s shoes, and to help a panicked nation be there with him by virtue of his acts and words, sprouted calm and order and honor and harmony from the chaos.

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You’re going to work for a

living SOME where, right?

Recommended: Print & pass to a business hopeful attending or considering college

     So you’ve earned a PhD, an MBA, LLB, MD, MS, MA, and all kinds of bachelor and associate degrees. You are Mr. or Mrs. (maybe “Dr.” ?) Joe (Josephine?) College, in the flesh. And the academic credentials got you a decent job. Now what? Do you seriously believe your 4.0 grade average means you’ve got what it takes to thrive … even survive?

     After your punishing (and expensive!) labs, coursework, exams, thesis papers and consulting with so-called “Academic Advisors,” if you have learned anything less than HOW to put ALL of the following to work, you’re in big-time trouble, and college put you there.

     Can you honestly say you have learned how to practice (and hopefully excel at) ALL of these attributes?:

• Making Decisions
• Managing Stress
• Managing Time
• Managing Customers
• Communicating Clearly
• Being a Leader
• SELLING
• Delegating
• Innovating
• Being a Team Player
• Listening and Giving Feedback
• Organizing
• Empathizing
• Respecting Others
• Being Genuine, Honest and Transparent
• Valuing Experience
• Accepting Criticism
• Setting and Pursuing Goals
• Being Accountable and Cultivating Trust
• Avoiding Political and Psychological “Games”

     Give or take perhaps a couple of the above items, these are the attributes that add up to being effective in business or professional practice (ANY business or professional practice) and without which, your road to success will be a long one indeed, especially if you aspire to a forward-moving or productive management position.

     Good leaders do all of these things well. So do good salespeople. All good leaders are also, not incidentally, good salespeople [SEE TOMORROW’S POST ON THIS SUBJECT!]  

     What’s sad about all this is that institutions of higher learning (other than a very small handful that do in fact address a number of these subjects as part of academic platforms on, for example, nursing and entrepreneurship and some behavioral sciences like human development) not only scoot around these issues; they outright reject them.

     Colleges and universities (again with rare exception) fail to value reality. They are invested in fantasizing on the past which will never come again, or the future which hasn’t yet arrived, and may never. They refuse to acknowledge their hands in front of their faces.

     So YOU end up losing out to an arcane system of learning that fails to deal with preparing students for life in the real world. It’s true.

How do I know? I’ve worked extensively in creative roles with Fortune 500 companies, as a consultant with entrepreneurial businesses and professional practices, as a management trainer for over 20,000 business and healthcare executives, and as “Professor of the Year” at a major university and two colleges. I’ve been in the thick of it.

     You DO have a way out. There IS hope. You need to first accept that you’ve been taught subject matter, not real life applications, not how to succeed. Second, you must commit to yourself to learn as much as you possibly can about yourself as possible.

The more you know about what makes you “tick,”

the more skilled and successful a leader you will be.

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No Room In The Inn for

Obsessive-Compulsives

• Cleaning and grooming, such as washing hands, showering or brushing teeth over and over again
• Checking drawers, door locks and appliances to be sure they are shut, locked or turned off
• Repeating, such as going in and out of a door, sitting down and getting up from a chair, or touching certain objects several times
• Ordering and arranging items in certain ways
• Counting over and over to a certain number
• Saving newspapers, mail or containers when they are no longer needed
• Seeking constant reassurance and approval

     What causes OCD?  There’s no single, proven cause. Some research shows that it may have to do with brain chemicals that carry messages from one nerve cell to another. One of these chemicals, serotonin, helps keep people from repeating the same behaviors over and over again. Someone with OCD may not have enough serotonin. Many people with OCD can function better when they take medicines that increase the amount of serotonin in their brain.

     Are other illnesses associated with OCD?  People who have OCD often have other kinds of anxiety, like phobias (such as fear of spiders or fear of flying) or panic attacks. They may also have depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), an eating disorder, or a learning disorder such as dyslexia. Having one or more of these disorders can make diagnosis and treatment more difficult, so it’s important to talk to a medical doctor about any symptoms present.

Source:  www.FamilyDoctor.org  and

The American Academy of Family Physicians

Are your customers

your personal Guests?

     You wouldn’t have your personal guests sit  in a waiting area for 30, 60, 90 minutes without popping in periodically to say hello, chit-chat, explain the delay, see if they want or need anything. Why would you do that with customers, clients, patients, passengers?

     With so much business ownership and management effort  needing to be diverted to overcoming economic doldrums, and the renewed focus we all share to beef up sales and innovation these days, it’s easy to lose sight of those who wait for us.

     No, this is not an issue that’s slam-dunk resolved  with waiting and reception room stacks of dog-eared magazines, old newspapers, stale coffee, staticky music or a TV channel selector riveted to some ridiculous, insultingly manipulative station like MSNBC or CNN or ABC or CBS or NBC (instead of, for example, something more truthful and less stressful, like Nature, History, Animal, or even Weather Channel).

     Unfortunately,  these token tools used to distract those who wait are not only annoying and stressing up your visitors, they are becoming more pervasive; it’s not just car dealerships and medical offices anymore. Even restaurants have joined the news bombardment parade.

     I can’t think of a less appetizing setting  than to be served lunch while facing an all-news TV station showing live pictures of some bloody tragedy. What can someone possibly be thinking when they put that channel on? [Obviously, they’re not.]

     Oh, yeah, and it’s like a whole  get-ready-for-your-blood-pressure-and-heartbeat-readings deal while waiting for the doctor; if you didn’t have a stress ailment before you got there… 

     If the people waiting were friends or family members,  would you extend them such small insignificant “courtesies,” or make a point of personally visiting (maybe with cold bottled water and fresh warm cookies as one office does routinely) to keep them posted about how much more time you guess it might be? Would you at least send someone out to socialize with them?

     Here’s how I see it.  When people are waiting to spend their hard-earned dollars on your products or services, they deserve to be waited on hand and foot. They are also giving up personal time in their lives (that they’ll never get back) to sit and stand around because they are sold on and believe in what your business or professional practice has to offer.

     These people are your greatest asset.  They love you to start with, or they wouldn”t be there. When you treat them with tokenism and no personal attentiveness, you are essentially letting them know that you and your business are not worthy of their trust and confidence and patronage.

     What’s the answer? Be grateful.  They are giving you the most precious possession they have — their time –which is finite, limited, and irreplaceable. Appreciate what you have.

     If you have customers, clients, patients, passengers  who are willing to wait to spend their money with you, you are truly blessed, and those people need to know how much you value their sacrifice of time.

Perhaps you’ve missed or forgotten that

your best customers are those who wait.

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Blow the sale or

hold your tongue?

Diplomacy: Skill and tact in dealing with people

It’s comin’ ’round agin… the ole trainin’ ground fer dip-lo-macy. Yup! Thanksgivin’ gatherin’s.

Now if you can get through the entire dysfunctional-family -Thanksgiving-experience this year (especially this year with the sucky economy and your brother-in-law crabbing about the price of gas to drive to your house to eat), you will have earned a medal.

But –more importantly —  you will have completed the qualifying round for your annual refresher training on how to deal diplomatically with your internal and your external customers! (Internal: associates, employees, referrers, alumni, key suppliers; External: customers / clients / guests / patients, other suppliers, industry and community organizations, and the media) Maybe missing someone here, but you get the idea.

IF you can deal with your in-laws,  little kids terrorizing your dog and spilling unknown fluids on your furnishings and floor coverings, your uncle ranting about his adolescence (which he’s still in), your aunt Tilly reminiscing about her last 47 Thanksgivings, the neighbor’s kid revving up his overhauled Mustang next to your only broken window, and having to step over eleven spastic bodies glued to some idiotic football game on the TV that separates you from the only available bathroom, while hearing that four hours into the roasting process, the turkey still has ice inside of it

… YOU are ready to sell (No, not your house! Your products and services!)

How do we know this?  Because you’ve managed to deal with all of that and not be in jail, or the nuthouse! Somehow, you’ve risen to the occasion, kept the peace, swallowed your pride, bitten your gums and held your tongue (doing the last three items at the same time, by the way, is a pretty good trick!)

So what will you have learned  on the Thanksgiving firing line? There are times to speak and there are times to listen. EVERYONE is a prospective or repeat customer. EVERYone. Your appearance and demeanor and receptivity will determine whether others have a good time or not. Too much alcohol can undo the best of intentions. Too much food will give you a stomachache. Not stepping outside into the fresh air periodically will give you a headache (but avoid the side of the house with the revving Mustang!)

Every day is a new opportunity to do the best that you can do.  Thanksgiving, besides being a truly great opportunity to appreciate family and friends and all the brave young servicemen and servicewomen who make it possible to be able to gather together in the first place. It is also a great day to practice diplomacy and carry that renewed spirit forward in returning to your work.

OR, hey, don’t wait ’til the end of the month;  just read about it here, today, and start holding your tongue tomorrow! Sales are only made by listening! 

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“Envy is the religion

of the mediocre.”

–CARLOS RUIZ ZAFON, From his best-selling novel The Angel’s Game

      All of us have envied someone.  We’re human. But let’s hope by now we’ve outgrown those feelings or learned –perhaps the hard way– to put them aside. If you’re still struggling with them, and you also happen to be in the position of running a business, it might be a good idea to give some thought to where envious feelings are leading you.

     When someone else hits a home run  in business (in your industry or marketplace, or inside your own company!) many business owners and managers turn the other way, sometimes with a “shoulda been me” look of scorn on their faces…especially if the success is achieved by a competitor and / or a brother-in-law and / or a former employee…you get the picture. So what else is there to do except feel resentful?

     Well, how about  examine what went right for the other person and decide if there are any ingredients involved that might have application to your circumstances? I’m not suggesting that you have to pile on the other guy’s bandwagon and be an adoring teammate, or president of his or her fan club. I’m saying instead that it pays to be a detective and an explorer.

     When you take the time and trouble  to step back from what’s going on and what has been achieved, and objectively review and evaluate what has taken place that’s produced the end result, you will also be in  a better position to assess the dynamics of what occurred and have a clearer idea of what might possibly apply to your circumstances.

     In other words, take advantage  of what you know and what you can find out, and choose to make the  most of that information (instead of choosing to feel upset or depressed or vindictive or annoyed or ambivalent… or envious!)

     If “the road to hell”  is indeed “paved with good intentions,” envy of other’s accomplishments will most assuredly help to hustle you along the way. Instead make a conscious choice to put away your ego, and see each potentially envious situation as a great learning opportunity that you can absorb from and capitalize on. Take notes. Smile more. Open minds open doors.                          

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  Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116

  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

OK, so now you’re

knee-deep in self-control

     So, what’s next?  Well, now that you have a firm grip on yourself and total control of all those latent late night and early morning temper tantrums, what’s next on the agenda? How about some practical how-to stuff for defusing OTHER people’s anger? Oh, joy!

     First off,  you’re not likely to get an angry associate, employee, friend or family member to instantly calm down just because you can now wave printouts of this blog site at her or his face and point out that the angry feelings are a CHOICE. Right. That’ll get you a subway fare to Madison Square Garden and a sharp stick in the eye.

     What then can I do, oh Anger Guru? What then can I do?  You can START by really paying close attention to the person who’s angry and by listening carefully to what’s being said. To begin, when we lose sight of the present moment and make a conscious or unconscious choice to feel angry about something or at someone, our brains take us rushing into a past who-did-what-to-whom accounting of past wrong-doings OR into an imagined scenario that hasn’t yet happened (and may never)!

     The goal then is to try to help the individual who is angry to come back to the reality of each passing moment as it passes,  to be focused on the here and now. BUT, unless you’re a shrink (and especially if the rampaging bull is wielding some instrument of destruction), it may be in your best interests to simply pretend you’re a rock. Assuming though that the anger is something less than maniacal in measurement, consider the following:

1)  Ask the other person if they would be good enough to please slow down the torrent of complaints long enough for you to be able to write them down on paper so that you can give serious thought to solving each problem (or addressing each issue) one at a time. [Then do proceed to write down each point as a separate item on a list]

2)  Ask the angry individual to help you prioritize each of the items listed so that you can number them as 1: First most important to take care of, 2: Second most important to take care of, 3: Third most important to take care of, etc., etc.

3)  Attack the items in order of the ranking by paraphrasing what was said about each (i.e., “Now let’s see, if I understand you correctly” or “Do I understand you correctly to mean that when Mary pulled John’s toupee off, he reached for it and she went to bite his hand but her dentures fell into the mixing vat and got processed into the pickle jars that were just loaded on the truck that left twenty minutes ago? Is that what you’re saying?”

Repeat and paraphrase until the angry person agrees 100% with your understanding of what the upset is all about, then complete that with a positive comment: “Good. I’m glad I understand this.”

4)  Ask for help in resolving the issue at hand, or at least provide some alternative action options for the angry person to consider.

     Be consistently and pleasantly adult-like and rational and logical and unemotional throughout.  This may be harder than it sounds, but if you’ve done steps 1-4 above, odds are you will already have effectively taken the wind out of the sails and restored some calm and order. As you proceed through the list, items will simply dissolve.     

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Doctors were never intended

to be businesspeople.

     Doctors teach  us every day how NOT to run a business. They are over-stressed, under-nourished, over their heads financially, and under the radar of best business practices. Sure there are exceptions. There are exceptions in every field of endeavor.

     But after 25 years  of working as a practice development business consultant and a personal and professional growth and development counselor to physicians and healthcare executives, I know whereof I speak.

     More than half  of the thousand-plus doctors I have known and worked with never wanted to be doctors in the first place. Many were pushed into it by well-intentioned parents who saw only the media-glorified healer earning big bucks… parents who pulled their buggy whips out of storage.

     I don’t know any longer,  but only a few short years ago, the average doctor only lived to be 58 years old. The stress of the work is literally inhuman. Medical schools and training, like military boot camps, breed and cultivate stress. Some good reasons, but mostly not.

     Ridiculous nonstop work shifts  that can only be maintained with easy-access sugar snacks and self-prescribed amphetamines carry over into reality as doctors face the need to juggle (and drum up) patients and referrals, manage staffs and offices or facilities, run businesses, comply with insurance dictates and every type of regulation imaginable, then cope with malpractice issues… oh, right, and maybe even have families. No thanks.

     Yeah, but think of the money.  I know of surgeons who take home close to two million dollars a year after taxes. Without exception, they are physical wrecks, with severely fractured family lives, if any, and have forgotten to laugh… and pray… and eat right… and sleep right… and exercise… and be happy!

     Many drink too much  or pop too many pills or live like zombies. So, yeah, think of the money.

     The bottom line is  that we need to give doctors a break. They don’t have any inventory to sell, or staff who can step up to let them take time off to rest or vacation more than a few days. They are devoted to delivering care to patients but won’t get paid by insurance companies if they spend too many minutes with each patient.

     Oh, and the insurance companies  often don’t pay the doctor until many months after patient care is delivered, and even then it’s typically a nightmare trying to collect what’s owed. Healthcare screw-ups are not because of doctors.

     And healthcare screw-ups  will NOT be solved by any kind of universal federal government mandates. A competitive business arena must exist if healthcare is in fact ever to be viable and available to all. And physicians must be allowed to be an integral part of the process. They deserve the opportunity to deliver quality care without politician interference. 

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You’ll always get what you want

if you help enough other people

to get what they want!

— ZIG ZIGLAR, Motivational Guru and Sales Trainer

     You know, a lot of business people  still have trouble digesting this idea. It’s easy to see why a small business owner who’s struggled to pull together enough of a business and personal life to make a go of it, can feel threatened by the loss of time, money, and energy that it takes to lend others a hand.

     Especially  strangers.

     I mean it’s one thing  to pull your needy in-laws up by the bootstraps, and quite another to give up an hour or two of valuable work time to meet with someone who calls you from out of the Yellow Pages, who has no money to pay for your products or services, and offers no promise of networking connections, but who seeks guidance and advice.

     “Let ’em go to a guidance counselor!”  I’ve actually heard more than a few entrepreneurial types say. “I’ve got no time to waste with some low-life looking for a free ride. Whadda I look like, a community college business department?”

     Now, I’m NOT suggesting  that business owners and managers throw open their doors to every gutter-crawling illegal immigrant welfare recipient drug addict out there and suddenly offer free products, services, and career counseling. There are caregiver organizations that already exist that provide these essentials.

     But don’t hang up or slam your door  on someone who’s sincerely interested in getting your help, who happens to be down and out. Because why? Because there but for the grace of God, it could be you. Because everyone deserves a break. Because EVERY one is fighting some kind of battle. And who are you to judge?

     Stories about the magic  of helping others are written every minute of every day, but we’ll never hear about these good and inspiring happenings because mainstream media doesn’t want us to think positive.

     Mainstream media sells more advertising  by focusing news reports on trivia like who has what right to tell the President the truth, or what some Hollywood buffoon thinks about cap and trade or our healthcare system.

     Mainstream media wants your mind  dwelling on what horrible torture is delivered to some child or domestic animal, or who died in what terrible accident. So what’s bad, ends up squashing what’s good. And — from childhood — we get brainwashed about that.    

     But, you know what?  That’s not an excuse for not reaching a genuine helping hand out to others. Just because the media is invested in sensationalizing and editorializing, doesn’t justify buying into their onslaught of negativity any more than bad toilet training as a baby justifies murder as an adult.

     The point is that it’s a choice.  All behavior is a choice. And you know what else? Choosing to help someone in need will give YOU a better sense of self-worth, which translates to self-esteem, and which — by the way, for the benefit of those more hard-nosed business folks among us — translates to self-confidence, which (ah) just so happens to often translate to sales. Hmmmm.

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