When tug-of-wars threaten 

family business . . .

call TIME OUT!

Not to act is to act… Not to stop the roller coaster long enough to raise the issues (and question yourself), puts you out of control!

Conflict is inevitable in any business. But eliminating conflict can destroy a business overnight because it pulls away the blanket of trust and blocks the path to innovation all in one fell swoop.

The goal needs to be to manage conflict productively, not chase it away. Properly managed conflict can breed creative thinking, mutual respect, and boost business growth.

If you want to get technical, some organizational development experts and behavioral scientists would insist that the inability to manage agreement is a far more critical issue to address than the inability to manage conflict.

Experience with hundreds of family businesses though seems to dictate that where conflict is present, manage that first. It’s hard to agree to much of anything once fists are flying.

__________________________________________________

Start by questioning yourself >>> What do I need to do when a conflict issue is critically important to me but not to others? >>>Am I inflating or accelerating an issue and making it worse than it really is? >>> How important is it for me (and for me to help others) to speak up, and not “hint”? >>> For issues that are critical to others but not me, can I mediate better with active listening and questioning?

_____________________________________________

Here are some quick-fix rules of thumb that can lead you out of the dark tangles and into the sunlight:

1) Be willing to listen more. Ask the presenter(s) to slow down so you can write down a bullet list of items he/she/they want to deal with (When you do this, you slow down the attack potential and reduce the odds of getting overwhelmed with a bombardment of unrelated issues. When it’s agreed that the list is complete, ask for help prioritizing it, then focus on #1 only until it’s resolved, before moving to #2, etc. Divide and conquer the issues.

2) Stay 100% focused on the issues and on behaviors, not on the individuals themselves or their personality defects or character traits.

3) Resist being defensive or attacking back. Rebuttals only stimulate more rebuttals. Even if you’re right and win the battle, you can lose the war.

4) Be pleasantly direct about expressing what you want and feel. Use assertive language that respects others and their rights, that is objective and clear. More use of words like “I” instead of “you.” If things get heated, call TIME OUT! and follow with statements like “I came here to discuss, not argue” and “I want to know your feelings about this” and “I want to hear your position on this.”

5) Practice substituting the word “and” for the word “but” when trying to work through differences [“I agree with your thinking that we need to increase sales, but I think how that happens should be the responsibility of the sales department” is NOT as effective as “I agree with your thinking that we need to increase sales, and I think how that happens should be the responsibility of the sales department.”] Words like “but” (and “though” and “however” which are simply polite “buts”) serve to discredit…whereas “and” suggests a process of building on a mutually agreeable idea.

To deal effectively with another person’s anger, you must –above all– not get hooked by it.

Second, accept it as belonging to the other person.

Third, affirm the other person’s angry feelings as real, and that you hear and understand them.

Fourth, acknowledge that you may or do feel defensive, and state clearly how you feel about having any anger directed at you.

Fifth, ASK for clarification, for examples, for diagrams; diagnose the cause — take it apart piece at a time.

Sixth, renegotiate the relationship.

And remember what grandma used to say: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

(or call or email Hal -see below- for some free pointers)

Resolving conflicts? It’s always worth doing. It’s your business.

302.933.0911 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

You Become

What You Think About.

You’ve heard this from Napoleon Hill, Brian Tracy, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Earl Nightingale, Buddha, Stephen Knapp, Sanskrit, The Secret . . . and the list goes on. But what have you DONE about it?

“Thoughts Are Things” is also the title of a book written by Prentice Mulford in 1889. This great bit of wisdom in just three words (!) from Mulford came long before contemporary authors ever began writing about the power of thought.

“Okay, okay, so it’s been around a long time. So what? This is 2010, the economy sucks, and in my business, there’s no time for touchy-feely mumbo-jumbo stuff that doesn’t bring sales in my door!”

Aha! But it can. And it does. You, though, must first respect it enough as a way of life to follow, as an approach to adapt to yourself and your own business and personal pursuits, and make it be your own.

To work, you must remain committed to it (and to yourself and your purposes) night after day, and day after night!

Mulford explains that we each have two minds:

1) The mind of the body (Need a quick example you can believe? Talk with any cancer survivor.)

2) The mind of the spirit (Go back to the first sentence for a resource round-up to learn more, and as you Bing and Google it, tuck the pieces you get under your business hat. It won’t take much to give yourself a wake-up call, if that’s what you seek.)

Stephen Knapp in chapter 3 of his work “Your Thoughts Create Your Future” http://bit.ly/9PaXsp is an interesting source for more of where this concept direction can lead you on a personal basis, and is a great place to start . . . even for a 30-second zoom read of just a few sentences that pop up on your screen.

“In the course of our lives we may be bombarded with negative thoughts, energies or scenarios that may come not only from within us but also from outside ourselves or from others,” says Knapp.

“All around us is a network of people, businesses, governments, publications, movies and music, all telling us what has been going on, or what they think is best for us, what we should buy and do, or what we should think about something. As soon as we tune into the radio, television, or open a magazine, it all jumps out at us,” Knapp continues.

“Our minds,” he says, “can be receptacles of these thoughts and desires, or even criticisms, which then become a part of our own consciousness if we are not careful. These thoughts are like electrical currents which, although unseen, can be felt and produce internal effects.” More at www.stephen-knapp.com

Knapp theorizes that the more prominent people become in society, which certainly includes within your company, within your trade or industry or profession and the communities your business serves, the more that others “will focus their thoughts and energies on you. Some may simply be envious of you… blame you for their problems.”

Translated for business owners, solid evidence exists that the everyday misunderstandings that lead to business downfall can be prevented.

Knapp’s suggestion is to practice raising the consciousness of those who try to attack you. “First,” he so wisely points out,“there is no attack unless you accept it,” and he labels attack efforts as “calls for help” that we can best deal with by responding with help, instead of reacting.

Happiness is a state of mind. It is, in other words, a choice that each of us can control. We can choose to be happy and not be negatively affected by what goes on around us every day. Is it hard? Sure, if we choose for it to be hard. But we can choose for happiness to be easy.

That doesn’t mean it will be easy every day, or every minute, but happiness certainly will happen more often. The happier we are, the better leaders we become, and the more rapidly and solidly our businesses grow. Can’t we just do this for awhile ’til things get back on track? Can you stop dieting and exercising and sleeping right as soon as you start to improve and feel better?

# # #

931.854.0474 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“I’m too busy for you!”

(Translated: “I’ll never be a leader because

I don’t really care about anybody else!”)

Is “I’m too busy for you!” the verbal or nonverbal message you might be putting out to others?

I just read a promotional endorsement written by someone I know who, years ago, I used to respect. He starts out his explanation of why the particular newsletter he raves about is one of a very few that he actually makes time to read. He opens his statement by saying:

“I’m busy — painfully busy, so

I’m stingy with my time…”

Pull-eease! Who cares? The source, though, may want to know that comments like this scream of the kind of personal frustration known to have led many to depression and isolation.

It would be viewed by not a few psychology professionals as the monolithic signature of an individual who has deep fears of experiencing any forms of intimacy with others.

“Intimacy,”defined by ground-breaking Gestalt Psychology authors James and Jongeward, “is free of games and free of exploitation. It occurs in those rare moments of human contact that arouse feelings of tenderness, empathy…genuine caring…and affection.” 

Businesspeople are not immune to these kinds of connections and cannot hide behind “business” as if it were a protective shield. But many don’t know that they’re doing it. It may be going on for so long, that it feels natural to be a “workaholic.”

Some may say, why interrupt my career mission to get close enough to someone who will want me to pat their hand when they have a crisis? Dealing with other people’s crises slows me down and forces me to sidetrack.

Much has been written in the literature of Gestalt and Reality Therapy about those who play the “Harried Executive” game in life and business.

These are people who define themselves as “overwhelmed” and “overloaded” and “swamped” and “up to my ears…”

They make themselves too busy to have to spend any genuine quality time relating to others.

This is not a healthy mindset, but it is often masked by offering token attentions and participating in general socializing. It frequently requires professional counseling and coaching to move this type of behavior beyond the personal relationship barricade the person has set up for her or himself.

That you might be conveying to others that you are too busy for them, means you are close to the edge of the abyss that forecloses on many of life’s most valuable opportunities.

“I’m too busy” type statements can also be taken by many to mean:

“You’re worthless to me;

  get out of my way!” 

(Can there be any more insulting an attitude to communicate?)

Can you, or anyone who works with you, actually afford to practice being too busy, never mind flaunting it as in the above example?

Time is our most precious and cherished commodity. Of course we need air and water and food and clothing and shelter, but time is what drives those needs.

One of your grandparents no doubt once told you that “Time and tide wait for no man” (a statement that predates modern English and whose authorship is ascribed to St. Marher in 1225) and that “No man is an island” (attributed to the Englishman who was proclaimed the greatest of all metaphysical poets, John Donne, 1572-1631). 

Surely you’ve heard those statements somewhere? Maybe they are worthy of re-considering from time to time.

What kinds of nonverbal “I’m too busy” messages could you be sending out? Arms and/or legs crossed defensively in meetings? Parentally looking over the tops of your glasses at other’s suggestions that seem too time-consuming?

You keep checking your watch, the clock on the wall? You keep checking for text messages? You keep reading emails while someone is speaking with you? Do you walk ahead of others you’re speaking with, or shoulder to shoulder?

Do you pick up the phone and dial when someone approaches you? Do you put off invitations to family gatherings and neighborhood events, or show up to smile and handshake a few people and then slide out the side door when others seem preoccupied?                                                                    

You may want to listen to yourself more…and, hey, check out that great smile of yours in the mirror once in awhile!

 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“BARNEGAT GIRL”

10/15/97 – 9/1/10   R.I.P.

We are in deep sadness for having lost a dear family member and great friend and companion today.

It’s never a good time for letting go. This is especially true for the one who’s been the loyalest, sweetest, and most fun-loving guardian of our lives for 13 years. But today, Barnegat was called to a higher place. Her body simply couldn’t survive her permanent puppy mindset any longer.

She was a trooper through and through. No animal on earth could possibly have had more heart than Barnegat Girl. She protected. She inspired. She mended fences. She stood tall in troubled waters. Her smile was real and contagious.

She loved the cold weather and making “dog-angel” imprints in the snow. When we brought her home, it was in one hand; she was the size of a football. Today, as she left us, her 95 pounds of upbeat spirit will live on.

Barnegat had taken us through three moves to three different homes in two different states and she outlived two wonderful male cocker spaniels “Sam” and “Tuckerton” who each thought she was their big sister.

Barnegat loved chasing baseballs and tennis balls and swimming in the ocean –even in the winter ice and snow.

She bounded at the slightest beckoning. And would rise to any occasion regardless of the circumstances.

The proof of her disposition was proven by hundreds of tugging, pulling children over the years that she would reward with licks again and again. 

Her travels took her to the mountains and the ocean coasts of Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, and the mountains of Vermont, North Carolina, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania, plus the coast and farmlands of Delaware . . . and –of course– untold lakes, rivers, streams, lagoons, and creeks all along the way. 

Yes, she was a “privileged child,” but never failed to earn her keep, or be loving and attentive to all who entered her life.

God Bless You, Barnegat Girl, and thank you for 13 years of unsolicited love and trust and the kind of friendship that all on Earth should strive to equal.

It’s lonesome under my desk . . . but YOU, sweet girl, will never be forgotten.    

 www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Feuding Families,

Combative Couples,

Peeved Partners  and

Belligerent Boards

Constant arguing, bitter and mean-spirited discussions, “business infidelity,” resentment, continuous bickering and back-biting, breaking trust and undermining confidences, changing changes.

. . . I want out and it’s time to go!

Or, as the renown Scottish farmer/poet Robert Burns’ prophesied in 1786 with his “Ode To A Wee Mouse” in what may be the world’s most quoted and paraphrased bits of advice: “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.” (often go awry, or wrong)   

                                                        

How can you continue with the financial problems? The Mission and Vision disagreements? Operational differences? Business expansion and “parenting” plans vs. consolidation?

Do your business and business relationships look increasingly fragile? Are partners distancing themselves? Does collapse seem imminent?

Divorce between married couples is now in the mainstream of American life, and unfortunately serves to set the table for acceptance at a business level. What else is a business partnership besides a marriage? And family business upheavals can be the worst of all because they frequently involve or contaminate marriage relationships that are the very underpinning of a business structure.   

And those who are caught in the middle typically suffer the most. In a couple marriage relationship, it’s the children. In a business partnership it’s the partner families, employees, employee families, investors, suppliers and vendors and last, but not least, the customers! Nor does the damage line always stop there. In many instances, a neighborhood, community, town, region, industry or profession can also be negatively affected.

Ways to patch things up:

Start with giving the other person or people involved the benefit of doubt. You got into this relationship because something was extremely positive. By re-focusing on whatever that was, you may find that existing differences can be easily reconciled. Isn’t it worth a try? Don’t you have a lot invested in each other? Wouldn’t it be easier to move the business forward if differences could be worked out than to simply part ways and have to start all over again?    

So here’s the plan:                             

• If you can get past that first step of thinking, sit down and write out on paper with a pen, a statement of agreement to seek to resolve differences. Each principal involved in the dissension climate must be willing to do this.

• Exchange copies of these statements without commenting or responding.

• Plan a follow-up Q&A clarification discussion the next day (no rebuttals permitted) to review one another’s comments.

• Plan an open discussion of the Q&A clarification discussion a week or so later.                                    

• Next, and again something all involved must be willing to do: write out one sentence on paper that identifies exactly what you identify as the most critical problem.

• Then each needs to write out clear specific improvements desired in the form of a goal statement that is specific, flexible, realistic, and has a due date. 

Or get professional counseling:

An “outside” consultant who is experienced and skilled in both business management and human relations can help each individual involved put her/his differences in writing, channel productive exchanges, and foster committed attitudes aimed toward working through the differences.

A professional can help set up a recovery path with a schedule for renewable  efforts, and a contingency exit plan that can serve to strike a balance and encourage renewed efforts to make things work. Many leadership training-based organizations can provide assistance in identifying and retaining qualified coach/counselors.

This is always a better solution-approach than slamming the door and walking out! And it just might work! 

 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Do You Hate

What You Love?

 NOTE: This blog article was originally posted two years ago in August, 2008. I have elected to repeat it here today because it touches on some sensitive leadership issues that have surfaced for a number of small business owners I’ve heard from recently.

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“You must be very

  proud of yourself!”

“No, I own a business

and I have a life!”

Self-pride can, and almost always does, get in the way of progress — and even survival!

Self-pride. Now isn’t that like stubbornness? “Stop being so stubborn,” my stubborn mother used to say, “it’s gonna get you in trouble. People care about you as a person and they respect what you’ve accomplished, but no body cares about your honor except you   . . . not even me!”

So, yes, I am the son of a wise mother.

As a management consultant and entrepreneur coach for many years, I’ve seen my share of business and life failures. Research studies always point parental fingers to “being under-capitalized” as symptomatic of poor management and the key reason for business failure.

But rarely does anyone look beyond “poor management” being the ultimate culprit to see what else is lurking in the shadows . . . what else is there to account for business and life failures?

Someone should be looking. Why?

Because at the end of this fraying personal and business lifeline is a very heavy anchor that is best categorized as self-pride. It’s something that happens when you choose to get sidetracked from your business and life pursuits, to deal with some imagined threat to your ego.

You put day-to-day operations off to the side to entangle yourself in a legal suit that you know you’re right about just to gloat in satisfaction at having humiliated an annoying competitor, or to realize a thousand dollars payoff after legal expenses.

How much business is lost in the process of your ego-indulging diversions?

The minute the sidetracking starts, it has a tendency (like An object in motion tends to stay in motion) to snowball itself into an avalanche. And it doesn’t take long (sometimes just minutes!) to get to the point of completely immobilizing growth and survival modes.

In minor role applications, the sidetracking diverts needed attention from goal pursuits, family well-being, and from business and career opportunities and success.

Turning your spotlight inward takes the focus away from where you’re headed, and when it gets dark — you’re bound to trip over or run into some thing. You may or may not get up, or be able to.

In major role applications of this sidetracking, businesses go bankrupt, couples get divorced, children get abandoned, and some people can end up depressed enough to be taking their own lives as their failures become more pronounced.

What to do?

There’s always choice involved. Turn the other cheek! Why not? Is letting go so hard when you consider the consequences of holding on?

When you choose to feel insulted (you’ll know when you feel your face flush or knees wobble or stomach churn or head ache or fists clench), you need choose to stop where you are and stop whatever you’re doing.

Force yourself to take some (at least 3 or 4) really deep breaths, while saying to yourself with each inhale, “Healing energy into my body!” and with each exhale, “Stress and tension out of my body!” Remind yourself again that your behavior is your choice!

You can choose to escalate a situation or simply back away from it because it gets in the way of your success (and presumably because you prefer success to getting sidetracked). Getting (choosing to be) sidetracked is simply an admission that you have chosen for someone else to get inside your brain and control your behavior.

Don’t choose your self-pride over your self!

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Female Business Owners

Excel Over Men

 in All But Logic

and Hardsell!

(Yes, this is an “opinion piece,”

but it’s based on 35 years of experience!)

Let’s face up to it, guys! Women are better at almost every part of owning and running a business than we are. They are generally more creative, better money managers, and more personable and charming.

These last two attributes of course give them — if you’ll pardon the expression — a leg up on us with respect to customer service and employee relations . . . not to mention investor solicitations!

Bottom line is that, unlike men (thankfully), women business owners don’t typically put their egos on the line with every decision they make. Every business deal does not have life-threatening implications and repercussions.

Female business owners and managers (as opposed to probably 99% of their male counterparts) don’t analyze issues to death.

They take things in stride. They may cry more. And perhaps they can’t lift as many heavy cartons as some men, but they are more inclined to take action than talk about it.

 Men: If you’re married more than 20 years,

you know what it’s like to work for a woman.

And some of us have actually had female employers. I’ve had a few. One was the shining star of the New York Madison Avenue advertising agency world, and she commandeered respect with every workday breath. Her self-discipline, creative spirit, and enthusiasm were contagious.

Do women make better salespeople? I think that depends on the products or services being sold. Women, it seems to me, have a tendency to not go for the jugular in making whatever might constitute a hard-nosed sales approach. Is that a plus? I guess it depends on how hard your nose is. Q. Are women sometimes illogical? A. Does a bear…? 

Okay, so yes, they might have a couple of faults . . . uh, compared maybe with a few dozen faults chalked up on the macho side of the scale? Right. I do in fact know about the Men are from Mars stuff, but I’ve learned that while women may cross up other women on occasion, they tend to be much more authentic human beings than men most of the time.

If the way one man treats another is consistently honest and straightforward, there’s a good chance at some point the the good guy will get screwed in some business deal.

If that same Boy Scout-type dude treats a woman in business with honesty and straightforwardness, he’s likely to be treated with consistent respect in return.

I might add here that most men in business impress me as not knowing how to express empathy (or care much about it) because they are consumed with acting strong and tough and making sales and making operations work. “Your 15 year-old dog died this morning? Sorry about that. Would you please be sure to get that report on my desk by noon?”

Women, on the other hand, I believe, unhesitatingly put themselves in other’s shoes, and aren’t afraid to interrupt plans and schedules to offer counsel as needed. (I’m not talking about holding hands and spending the day with a troubled employee, watching TV and eating bonbons).  I’m talking here about taking some time out to help make a difference for someone.

Does empathy make women better businesspeople? Probably, because it undoubtedly makes them better leaders. And:

 Business success is all about successful leadership,

regardless of how you’re packaged!

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“Out of the mouths of babes

oft times come gems.”

–A present day reality from the Bible

When did you last ask a child in your life— your own or someone else’s — for an opinion on, observation of, or response to your three longest-standing business problems?

Why do you imagine business owners and managers rush to the judgment that children are incapable of contributing meaningful business solution thinking to chronic business problems? “Because,” you might offer, “children lack experience.” Well, this is certainly true. It’s more likely than not, however, that the solutions to nagging problems will not come from having been there and done that.

You don’t need an MBA or to be on the cusp of retirement in order to render a (generally most productive) simplistic approach to business problem-solving.

Like most things in life that adults tend to over-complicate, common sense typically dictates the best approach.

Children are literal fountains of uninhibited common sense.

I heard a radio commercial this week for a home-building company owned by a gentleman named Robert Pittie. The 12 year-old with me who heard the same message started laughing hysterically. It took me a few seconds to catch up because I was preoccupied driving, but when calm finally prevailed, I too near busted a gut as I figured out the lamebrain message (delivered of course with total sincerity):

“When you want a home that lasts,

call Pittie Full Construction Services.”

(Uh, I don’t think so.)

Mr. Pittie might have spared himself the embarrassment had he first tried the words on a child. Most of us, in fact, could probably benefit by the kinds of regular booster shots of childlike innocence, simplicity, and authenticity that routinely roll off the tongues of 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 and 13 year-olds. They don’t pull punches. They tell it like it is.

Kids are not controlled by paychecks, promotions and compensation plans (though a little ice cream or some Silly Bands can make for worthy incentives). They are free-thinkers. They are joyful. The more you show them active listening by asking questions and withholding judgments — even taking notes — the more likely they are to spark a new idea or ignite a productive old one you forgot. 

Besides, when you force yourself to take the time out to spend these minutes together, you are reinforcing not only the relationship with this child (or group of children . . .  assuming you think you can handle a focus group discussion!), and you are building self-esteem.

And nothing in the universe bears the fruits of self-confidence and a successful life’s journey like helping a younster to feel good about him or herself. How to start: “Gweneth, can you help me out with something? My company is trying to figure out how to make better jewelry (vacuum cleaners/dogbones/bookkeeping services/customer relations . . . whatever), and you seem to have good ideas.”

To top it all off, you’ll find that just the exercise of having to explain what you do in simple terms and examples, can bring you the answers you’re looking for all by itself. Some small business owners who make presentations like this to neighborhood schools report they get as much value from the experience as the students.    

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

God Bless America and God Bless America’s Troops.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

The check’s in the

                         

mail. I’ll get back   

                              

to you Friday. 

                                                         

I’ll send you that

                                

update the minute

                           

it comes in. As soon

                                       

as we get an invoice.

                                                                  

When shipment

                                       

arrives. But I never  

                                                                        

got your note. Your

                               

email must have

                         

gotten lost in  

                            

Cyberspace. Oh,

                          

that?That was a

                     

“warning”?

                                                                                                                             

     You’ve heard it all, right? Maybe you’ve even said some of it yourself. But when your intentions are genuine and sincere, nothing can be more frustrating than hearing a pile of excuses . . . from a customer, a prospect, a supplier, an investor, an employee, a boss.

     So, what’s the magic answer? It’s somewhere within yourself. You may not be able to control the attitudes that give birth to replies like these, but you can control your own attitude. You, in fact, are the only one who can.

     And by controlling your own response to the excuses you hear, you are cultivating an opportunity for yourself to set a true leadership example. By setting an example, you:  

A) Keep your emotions out of the fray and

B) May actually influence the offender to re-visit her or his initial behavior or verbal representation of it, and reconsider a better, more productive, higher integrity avenue.

     Perhaps you’re not Henry Ford or Bill Gates or Mary Kay, and the idea of changing the world is not on your breakfast plate, but — as a small business owner or manager or entrepreneur — you are in an extraordinarily unique position to make a difference for yourself, for your family, and for those you work with, simply by choosing to respond instead of react.

Besides, if you never react,

you can never over-react!

     People offer excuses to cover their own feelings of inadequacy. Most of the time, you can probably count on excuses being not so much intentionally dishonorable as a shortcoming of the person who’s offering them up in the self-esteem category. Some people who feel they can’t get positive recognition will opt instead for negative recognition because it’s at least some recognition.

     Humans crave recognition. And some recognition always beats indifference.

The opposite of love is not hate.

It’s indifference!

     When you hear excuses, appreciate the insecurities behind them. When it’s possible to overlook them, do it and then make a point of offering (genuine) appreciation for instances of getting a job done without a presentation of reasons why it didn’t get done.

     Offer more encouragement than you might usually provide. Be kinder than you might usually be (because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle). Appreciate differences in perso0nalities and behaviors and help others to grasp the choosing behavior idea through your examples.

     Excuses are a way of life, but they are not always intentional or dishonorable. When you give the benefit of doubt to others, you may get bit in the butt a few times, but you’ll be serving the important purpose of minimizing anxieties and demonstrating productive leadership traits most of the time.

     The captain who keeps an even keel and balanced ship through stormy seas marks every journey with success.

 302.933.0116    Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

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