Blow the sale or

hold your tongue?

Diplomacy: Skill and tact in dealing with people

It’s comin’ ’round agin… the ole trainin’ ground fer dip-lo-macy. Yup! Thanksgivin’ gatherin’s.

Now if you can get through the entire dysfunctional-family -Thanksgiving-experience this year (especially this year with the sucky economy and your brother-in-law crabbing about the price of gas to drive to your house to eat), you will have earned a medal.

But –more importantly —  you will have completed the qualifying round for your annual refresher training on how to deal diplomatically with your internal and your external customers! (Internal: associates, employees, referrers, alumni, key suppliers; External: customers / clients / guests / patients, other suppliers, industry and community organizations, and the media) Maybe missing someone here, but you get the idea.

IF you can deal with your in-laws,  little kids terrorizing your dog and spilling unknown fluids on your furnishings and floor coverings, your uncle ranting about his adolescence (which he’s still in), your aunt Tilly reminiscing about her last 47 Thanksgivings, the neighbor’s kid revving up his overhauled Mustang next to your only broken window, and having to step over eleven spastic bodies glued to some idiotic football game on the TV that separates you from the only available bathroom, while hearing that four hours into the roasting process, the turkey still has ice inside of it

… YOU are ready to sell (No, not your house! Your products and services!)

How do we know this?  Because you’ve managed to deal with all of that and not be in jail, or the nuthouse! Somehow, you’ve risen to the occasion, kept the peace, swallowed your pride, bitten your gums and held your tongue (doing the last three items at the same time, by the way, is a pretty good trick!)

So what will you have learned  on the Thanksgiving firing line? There are times to speak and there are times to listen. EVERYONE is a prospective or repeat customer. EVERYone. Your appearance and demeanor and receptivity will determine whether others have a good time or not. Too much alcohol can undo the best of intentions. Too much food will give you a stomachache. Not stepping outside into the fresh air periodically will give you a headache (but avoid the side of the house with the revving Mustang!)

Every day is a new opportunity to do the best that you can do.  Thanksgiving, besides being a truly great opportunity to appreciate family and friends and all the brave young servicemen and servicewomen who make it possible to be able to gather together in the first place. It is also a great day to practice diplomacy and carry that renewed spirit forward in returning to your work.

OR, hey, don’t wait ’til the end of the month;  just read about it here, today, and start holding your tongue tomorrow! Sales are only made by listening! 

# # #

OK, so now you’re

knee-deep in self-control

     So, what’s next?  Well, now that you have a firm grip on yourself and total control of all those latent late night and early morning temper tantrums, what’s next on the agenda? How about some practical how-to stuff for defusing OTHER people’s anger? Oh, joy!

     First off,  you’re not likely to get an angry associate, employee, friend or family member to instantly calm down just because you can now wave printouts of this blog site at her or his face and point out that the angry feelings are a CHOICE. Right. That’ll get you a subway fare to Madison Square Garden and a sharp stick in the eye.

     What then can I do, oh Anger Guru? What then can I do?  You can START by really paying close attention to the person who’s angry and by listening carefully to what’s being said. To begin, when we lose sight of the present moment and make a conscious or unconscious choice to feel angry about something or at someone, our brains take us rushing into a past who-did-what-to-whom accounting of past wrong-doings OR into an imagined scenario that hasn’t yet happened (and may never)!

     The goal then is to try to help the individual who is angry to come back to the reality of each passing moment as it passes,  to be focused on the here and now. BUT, unless you’re a shrink (and especially if the rampaging bull is wielding some instrument of destruction), it may be in your best interests to simply pretend you’re a rock. Assuming though that the anger is something less than maniacal in measurement, consider the following:

1)  Ask the other person if they would be good enough to please slow down the torrent of complaints long enough for you to be able to write them down on paper so that you can give serious thought to solving each problem (or addressing each issue) one at a time. [Then do proceed to write down each point as a separate item on a list]

2)  Ask the angry individual to help you prioritize each of the items listed so that you can number them as 1: First most important to take care of, 2: Second most important to take care of, 3: Third most important to take care of, etc., etc.

3)  Attack the items in order of the ranking by paraphrasing what was said about each (i.e., “Now let’s see, if I understand you correctly” or “Do I understand you correctly to mean that when Mary pulled John’s toupee off, he reached for it and she went to bite his hand but her dentures fell into the mixing vat and got processed into the pickle jars that were just loaded on the truck that left twenty minutes ago? Is that what you’re saying?”

Repeat and paraphrase until the angry person agrees 100% with your understanding of what the upset is all about, then complete that with a positive comment: “Good. I’m glad I understand this.”

4)  Ask for help in resolving the issue at hand, or at least provide some alternative action options for the angry person to consider.

     Be consistently and pleasantly adult-like and rational and logical and unemotional throughout.  This may be harder than it sounds, but if you’ve done steps 1-4 above, odds are you will already have effectively taken the wind out of the sails and restored some calm and order. As you proceed through the list, items will simply dissolve.     

# # #

What’s eating you is

what you are eating.

     Now, waitaminute!  I am not some flaky diet fanatic who claims to know the best ways to get your minimum daily calorie, saturated fat, lard and grease requirements. I am not on any brown rice and bean crusade. And I could care less if you think the Food Pyramid belongs in the desert somewhere.

     Here’s what I have to say:  You own or operate a business and/or you are an entrepreneur or you manage a business or a big chunk of a business, and/or you’re a professional salesperson. The last thing you need is to have to be sick in bed, run dry of energy, be speeding your brains out on the amphetamines in diet drugs, or getting any fatter than you are, right?

     Then why do you insist  on inventing reasons that you can only afford the time or the money to subsist on Oreos, Coke and Pepsi, Dunkin Donuts, Big Macs, Gummy Bears, Kentucky Fried Chicken, whipped cream in your latte, butter/syrup/jelly AND powdered sugar on your pancakes, 3-martini lunches, and those foil-wrapped dark chocolate and potato-chip stashes you keep hidden in your purse or briefcase?

     I’m not even going to talk about  all the big-time clogged artery-type physical ailments that accompany junkfood dependency. Let’s just stick with business stuff here. Are you REALLY serious about making your business work? If you are, you need to be REALLY serious about making yourSELF work because it takes two to tango (or even lap dance!).

     If you’re finding yourself  getting more irritable lately, don’t blame it on the economy. But you might want to do an honest assessment of what you’ve been eating and drinking. If you’re not sleeping well, and you’re tired a lot, take an inventory of what you’ve been eating and drinking.

     Yes, you CAN change it.  Yes, you CAN have a more successful business. Yes, you CAN start to get yourself to eat better without having to wait for your birthday or a New Year’s Resolution. All you have to do is make the choice. It’s really that simple. If you think it’s too hard, choose for it to not be hard. All behavior –let me say that again– ALL BEHAVIOR is a choice!

     Why make choices  that will make you and your business suffer? Besides, your better eating choices will make you and your business healthier, and that will increase the odds you return to this site again looking for more “food for thought”… and your return visits will make me very happy. (So, okay, do it for me then.) Happy better-eating-choices weekend!   

# # # 

You’ll always get what you want

if you help enough other people

to get what they want!

— ZIG ZIGLAR, Motivational Guru and Sales Trainer

     You know, a lot of business people  still have trouble digesting this idea. It’s easy to see why a small business owner who’s struggled to pull together enough of a business and personal life to make a go of it, can feel threatened by the loss of time, money, and energy that it takes to lend others a hand.

     Especially  strangers.

     I mean it’s one thing  to pull your needy in-laws up by the bootstraps, and quite another to give up an hour or two of valuable work time to meet with someone who calls you from out of the Yellow Pages, who has no money to pay for your products or services, and offers no promise of networking connections, but who seeks guidance and advice.

     “Let ’em go to a guidance counselor!”  I’ve actually heard more than a few entrepreneurial types say. “I’ve got no time to waste with some low-life looking for a free ride. Whadda I look like, a community college business department?”

     Now, I’m NOT suggesting  that business owners and managers throw open their doors to every gutter-crawling illegal immigrant welfare recipient drug addict out there and suddenly offer free products, services, and career counseling. There are caregiver organizations that already exist that provide these essentials.

     But don’t hang up or slam your door  on someone who’s sincerely interested in getting your help, who happens to be down and out. Because why? Because there but for the grace of God, it could be you. Because everyone deserves a break. Because EVERY one is fighting some kind of battle. And who are you to judge?

     Stories about the magic  of helping others are written every minute of every day, but we’ll never hear about these good and inspiring happenings because mainstream media doesn’t want us to think positive.

     Mainstream media sells more advertising  by focusing news reports on trivia like who has what right to tell the President the truth, or what some Hollywood buffoon thinks about cap and trade or our healthcare system.

     Mainstream media wants your mind  dwelling on what horrible torture is delivered to some child or domestic animal, or who died in what terrible accident. So what’s bad, ends up squashing what’s good. And — from childhood — we get brainwashed about that.    

     But, you know what?  That’s not an excuse for not reaching a genuine helping hand out to others. Just because the media is invested in sensationalizing and editorializing, doesn’t justify buying into their onslaught of negativity any more than bad toilet training as a baby justifies murder as an adult.

     The point is that it’s a choice.  All behavior is a choice. And you know what else? Choosing to help someone in need will give YOU a better sense of self-worth, which translates to self-esteem, and which — by the way, for the benefit of those more hard-nosed business folks among us — translates to self-confidence, which (ah) just so happens to often translate to sales. Hmmmm.

# # # 

Leaders who fail this

exercise fail as leaders

     As the leader  of your organization, department, division, constituency, team, troop, household, office, clinic, crew, institution, property, building, club, store, or factory, you have and will form a number of prejudices in your lifetime.

I can tell you  that these feelings are your choice and you should choose something else, but it won’t make a difference. If you truly intensely dislike some segment of society, odds are the feelings are so deeply rooted that a BandAid isn’t going to heal the gaping wound.

     You CAN,  however, take some time (and, yes, it is worth it) to examine more carefully what it is exactly that tips your scale into tiltsville. At least you will have narrowed down the ugly feelings enough to have the good sense to know when to walk away from a potentially volatile situation, vs. setting yourself and others up for an explosion.

     First of all,  and this is important, remember that you need not like somebody to do business with her or him. Of course it’s nice to enjoy a customer or prospect’s company because it makes the sales process (Oh, yes, leadership IS sales, because leading IS persuading, right? But you know that of course!) more pleasant.

     But, you know what?  For some peculiar reason I’ve never figuired out, odds are that the biggest and most important leadership (sales) accomplishments have occurred with people who you are not particularly fond of. So…

Half the battle is knowing what prompts you to think the way that you think before the circumstances arise that prompt you to think that way!

Can you look in the mirror and give yourself honest

one-word judgments/assessments of these 46 types:

Men? Old men? Young men? Middle-aged men? Women? Old women? Young women? Middle-aged women? Children? Infants? Toddlers? Adolescents? Teenagers? Black people? White people? Blondes? Brunettes? Redheads? Bald-headed people? People with wigs? Toupees? Beards? Mustaches? Tattoos? Face piercings? Tongue piercings? Pierced Ears? Indians? Pakistanis? Mexicans? Frenchmen? Muslims? Jews? Irishmen? Asians? Fast talkers? Slow talkers? People who don’t look you in the eye? People with bone-crusher handshakes? People with fish fillet handshakes? Rednecks? City slickers? Tree huggers? Overweight people? Underweight people? Handicapped people? Athletes?   

     Here’s my best guess on scoring: 

• If you dislike/distrust more than 10,  you have a problem that you should confront and deal with because it’s keeping you from being successful in your leadership role.
• If you dislike/distrust more than 20,  you’ll be happier as a hermit than as a leader. Cash in your assets and head for a cave.
• If you dislike/distrust more than 30,  please run, don’t walk, to the nearest psychotherapist and beg for help (and until you get help, keep yourself locked up at home watching Animal Channel)!  
• Ah,  did we raise some consciousness here? Good! Happy Week! 

# # #  

Your Small Business

Management Methods 

Getting Stale? Try This.

     It’s already September.  If your business is going to survive the year, you’d better get on the stick! Counting holidays, you’ve only got about 70 business days left in the year! Now is the time to hustle your butt! With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Jewish holiday slowdown periods thrown in, you’re looking at super crunch time.

     This impending brain drain  is only going to be worse if you’re starting to feel like the economy has clobbered you into la-la land (and you don’t even live near Los Angeles!), and you and your business are getting stale.

     You’re trying? BS!  Stop trying and DO something about it! Hold a garage sale! You will get such a rude awakening by forcing yourself (and neighbors, if you’re the energetic type) to face up to the realities a garage sale produces:

• agreeing  with yourself to let go of prized possessions for a fraction of the prices you paid

• collecting  all these items together from every corner of your home

• pricing  and labeling each item

• picking  appropriate hours, obtaining necessary permits, and scheduling your life accordingly

• promoting  and advertising with posters, local newspaper ads, flyers and signs

• moving  your complete inventory into your driveway or yard or garage 

• making  sure you have enough change and single dollar bills on hand     

• displaying  your inventory in the most appealing manner (and, heartily recommended, writing an informative or enticing headline for each major piece you offer for sale

• dealing  with garage sale “professionals” who will come knocking at your door 30-60 minutes before your announced time — an interruption you can count on even if you advertise 6am; they’ll show up with flashlights; set your coffeemaker for 4:30am

• smiling  and greeting every visitor like a long lost cousin without being too pushy or too salesy

• moving  and rearranging items to keep most enticing-looking items up front and to keep table surfaces constantly filled

• accepting  that some people will rip you off by short-changing you and/or by outright stealing stuff when your back is turned — and that it’s generally best to bite the bullet and ignore these incidents by reminding yourself how desperate or deranged an individual has to be to be trying to make off with an extra dollar and a quarter’s worth of junk

• returning  unpurchased merchandise without feeling rejected

• inventorying  your sore feet and back, as you count up your meager profits

     If this experience  doesn’t turn you and your business attitude into a fresh new direction overnight, I’d be astonished. The experience of being the whole business and making all decisions and responding instantly and keeping positive customer relations as you make sales, is enlightening to say the least.

     The awareness’s  and perspectives you gain will shed new light on your business and freshen up the approach you’re taking to make the rest of this year work FOR you! 

# # #

  FREE blog subscription: Posts RSS Feed

  Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116

  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

I was down, but now I’m up,

cause the book is out . . .

and the book came in!

     And it’s even better than I imagined.  I couldn’t be more pleased than to be in the company of such warm-hearted and talented authors as are represented in the new Nightengale Press book THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING.

     It’s a terrific collection  of essays and short stories. Included is an engaging short story I’ve written about a Grandpa’s visit from his Granddaughter. You have  been hearing my horn toots for weeks on end, and the book is now officially born. If you’ve ever even thought about grandparenting, this collection will charm the socks off of you.

     If you are a grandparent,  or have a grandparent, or are about to become a grandparent, or are on the cusp of making someone a grandparent (!), get this book. It is  warm, witty, enlightening, laughable and provocative. It is all about grandparenting in today’s life, about not tsk-tsking kids for text messaging, but knowing what “txtmsging” means (along with LOL and W8 and <3 and ;<).

     It’s about the challenging,  undefined, and ever-changing role of providing value systems, camaraderie, spiritual support, encouragement and challenge without overstepping bounds or compromising parental control, without risking parental jealousy or being an annoyance. It’s about walking a thin line of leadership influence and letting your presence (note, not presents!) do the talking.  

     Am I excited about this? Does a baby need a diaper change? Sunday (9/13) is Grandparent’s Day. There couldn’t be a nicer way to express appreciation or honor a grandparent you know —anytime from Sunday, forward— with a copy of this refreshing new book. [Ordering details below]

     We’ll get back to business as usual  (if there is such a thing) tomorrow. Right now, I’m happily signing the first shipment of forty sold copies, while looking forward to sending one your way soon.

# # #  

RIP Police Officer Chad Spicer

Tonight’s blog post is dedicated to the family of Georgetown, Delaware, Police Officer Chad Spicer, 29, who was killed by gunfire last night in the line of duty during what was an attempted speeding vehicle stop after an apparent drug deal had gone bad. Officer Spicer leaves a wife and 3 year-old daughter. Another officer was wounded. Two suspects were apprehended; a third is still at large as of this writing. Details and family donation information are available at www.wgmd.com Rehoboth Beach radio.             

     It is a sad day indeed on Delmarva Peninsula.  Once again, we live through the senseless murder of a brave American who gave his life to protect those of his neighbors. One thing’s for sure, he never imagined leaving his family and friends behind like this when he woke up yesterday and reported for duty.

     If the odds for not surviving  another day haven’t crossed your mind lately, let this terrible incident be a reminder. We live lives too short as humans to devote our energy, time and attention to all the business stresses that run through our minds and shudder through our bodies every day.

     We may think that the older we get,  the closer we move to death’s door, but death makes so such exception when the suddenness arrives unannounced. When that moment is here, will we want to have spent our years and months and weeks and minutes being worried about business events that haven’t yet come… and may never?

     Will we want to have spent our time on Earth  dwelling on past business events that are over and done with, and about which we can do nothing to change? Just because we own or manage a business, do we use that responsibility as an excuse for mistreating ourselves and others, or even for wishing ill-thoughts?

     As our businesses go, so go opportunities to grow and help ourselves and others to better appreciate the riches of all that surrounds us every day. It’s easy to bitch and complain, to make excuses and blame. But “easy” is not part of being human. Genuineness is. Love is. Caring is. Hard work is. Service to others is. A sense of humor is.

     Business is our tool.  Let us use it to lead others to cultivate life by thinking and acting positively in all that we do. It may not always be possible, but it’s always possible to try.   

# # #  

And now’s the time to prune the

brittle dead and the overgrown.

     In this second straight year  of continuing economic setbacks for you and your business, you have no doubt suffered losses —money and people— you would certainly have preferred to avoid. And now you’re sitting out on the farthest-most limb of your company tree, saw in hand.

     Well, scramble back down  and spare that big old branch. It may not look altogether healthy, but there’s some green stuff coming out of those barren bark areas, and it’ll survive and thrive if you just —instead— get out the pruning shears for one last ruthless sweep of the brittle dead and the overgrown.   

     But, wait, you say,  you’ve done this already, just months ago! Well, if you’ll promise to shoot the message and not the messenger, I’ll take the risk of telling you that you need to consider it again. When overgrown shrubs and dead branches are lopped off, more nutrients go into growing that which remains and the discarded pieces will return to life in some other form.

     When you let go  of marginal employees, you are strengthening the organization and you are giving everybody a chance to reinvent themselves. They may not like it; they may suffer for it; they may not see it as an opportunity, but in the end they’ll be happier for finding work situations that are better suited to them.

     UNLIKE trees and shrubs,  you are dealing with human emotions and frailties, so a realistic tone of understanding, empathy, active listening, and genuine helpfulness is what you must offer as your end of the trade-off. Losing a job is equal to losing a life for many because it’s such a devastating blow to the ego and self-esteem.

     You must be tuned into  that dynamic and do everything possible to help ease the life transition your business survival needs are prompting. Yes, you must be firm in making and communicating your decisions, but you must also be willing to listen, eager to refer, agreeable to compensate, and share in the responsibility. Why? Because it comes with being a leader.

     And why now?  Because as we let go, we grow. Because the longer we hold onto weak, unproductive, marginal employees, the closer we come to the point of no return, where it’s simply too late to let go and too late to survive.

     Just keep in mind  that there is also a time for every purpose under heaven, and that one purpose of a leader is to show heart in helping the downtrodden to see the light, while showing courage in inspiring the strongest of remaining forces to move forward, onward and upward for the collective good.

# # #  

Input aways welcome: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in    subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  

# # #

This blog free via list-protected email: click RSS Feed above…$1.99/mo on  AMAZON Kindle. Creative? Add your own 7 words to the 318-day 7-Word Story (under RSS) We’re making it up as we go!  GET Hal Alpiar short story in Sept. release book from Nightengale Press: THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING Amazon, B&N, OR order special (signed by Hal) pre-publication $22.45 total check only (includes s&h), payable & mail to: TheWriterWorks.com, LLC @PO Box 1236, Millsboro, DE 19966. Include continental US ship-to address. 9/13 is Grandparent’s Day!