So you had bad toilet training

as a child. So what?

     Imagine what this world would be like  without hidden agendas. Okay, maybe you can’t change the world. Imagine what your business would be like without hidden agendas? Your life?

“Man is not totally at the mercy of either his heredity or his environment, He can modify both.” It starts with increasing “a person’s awareness of the real power he has to direct his own life, to make decisions, to develop his own ethical system, to enhance the lives of others, and to understand that he was born to win.” 

Excerpts from the Preface of BORN TO WIN by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward

     Here’s the deal:  Psychological “game-playing” (often unconsciously provoked) has been defined by psychology icons Dr. Eric Berne and Dr. Frederick Perls as a series of transactions or communication exchanges (often repetitive) with a hidden motive or agenda.

     These “game” exchanges,  which may seem innocent and perfectly rational on the surface, can have extremely destructive mental and emotional consequences. “They prevent honest, intimate and open relationships” at home and on the job, say author/therapists James and Jongeward.

     They go on  to point out that we “wear many masks and have many forms of armor” that keep our true selves confined and unknown, even to ourselves. The possibility of encountering our own reality–learning about ourselves– can be “frightening and frustrating.”

     Many of us,  say James and Jongeward, “expect to discover the worst” when we set out on a path of self-exploration, “and a hidden fear lies in the fact that we may also discover the best.”

     To discover the worst  means we must “face the decision of whether or not to continue in the same patterns” of behavior, they say, and “To learn the best is to face the decision of whether or not to live up to it.”

     Because either discovery  may involve change, it is anxiety-provoking, which can be good or bad, depending on how we use the information and exercise the change.

     It all comes down to  making a conscious choice to learn more about what makes you tick so you can minimize game-playing, recognize it in others and not play, be better able to generally run a healthier more productive business… and experience a healthier and happier personal life in the process.

     What have you got to lose?  Finding out you had bad toilet training when you were three years-old? So what? Choose to make the reality of your present moment your focus, and watch the joy that comes to the surface, and stays! 

 # # #  

Input aways welcome: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in    subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  

# # #

This blog free via list-protected email: Posts RSS Feed (center col.)…$1.99/ month on AMAZON Kindle. Creative? Add your own 7 words to the 313-day 7-Word Story (under RSS) We’re making it up as we go!  GET Hal Alpiar short story in Sept. release book from Nightengale Press: THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING Amazon, B&N, OR order special (signed by Hal) pre-publication $22.45 total check only (includes s&h), payable & mail to: TheWriterWorks.com, LLC @PO Box 1236, Millsboro, DE 19966. Include continental US ship-to address. 9/13 is Grandparent’s Day!

NO business is worth

your family!

     With the odds for success practically in the minus zone, it’s a wonder that family businesses–including, of course, formal partnerships–ever survive at all, never mind continue to be born on a daily basis.

     I mean I’ve always thought human beings were gluttons for punishment, especially in business and especially in family life. And here we have a non-stop wave of people actually putting the two lunatic fringes together, and calling them “family businesses.” 

     Maybe instead of LLC (for Limited Liability Corporation), these undertakings (pardon the expression) should be designated LMD (for Limited Maniacal Dysfunctionality).

     What kind of a nut case do you have to be to go into business with your brother-in-law? You never liked each other to start with. He’s a lazy good-for-nothing snail brain who prefers sitting in the back room watching TV and drinking beer to waiting on customers and stocking shelves.

     Oh, you’re a law firm? Sorry. Actually, that makes it all a whole lot worse; arguing over a TV and can of beer is nothing compared to suits and counter suits… and bad suits. Husband and wife team? HA! For how long?

     It takes a VERY special relationship for a couple, or any family members, to make things work in a business setting. There are natural authority and responsibility levels attached to family membership that almost necessarily spill over into the business.

     Family business partners need to work harder at not taking business too far into home life. It’s a good idea for couples to paint a red line across the bedroom doorway (one couple I know uses yellow “CAUTION” tape) to serve as a conscious reminder to separate business from personal life.

     Talking through business-related issues before heading home should be a goal if you want your personal relationship to stay healthy. When something needs to come home for discussion, do it in a home office, or porch or basement or backyard, but keep it away from the kitchen, the bedroom, the family room, and the dinner table.

     It takes two to tango goes the old expression; it takes two to drag business into personal home space. CHOOSE to detach yourself from potential confrontations. Home office? Keep it there when you leave the workspace. You need to work at this together. It doesn’t happen by itself.

     Father & Son, Mother & Daughter, Husband & Wife, Brothers & Sisters, In-Laws, Cousins, Aunts & Uncles: Talk to each other about it. More importantly, LISTEN to each other about it. RESPECT each other’s privacy and need for quiet time.

     When you push the limits, you push the relationships, and if one collapses, it all collapses. If you’re going to do this insane family business thing, do it in a spirit of cooperation and trust and mutual respect. Maybe then, you have a chance of making it work!     

# # #  

Hal@Businessworks.US  or comment below.

Thanks for visiting. 

Go for your goals, good night and God bless you!

So go get a new family!

     Do these kinds of situations sound at all familiar, or am I just imagining…???

• The owner’s wife in charge of collecting receivables takes the task too personally because –through her eyes– she can only see that some deadbeat is preventing her from pleasing her husband since she can’t afford to serve him the kind of dinners he most enjoys.    
• The owner’s son is not as business-minded as his mother. She’s constantly berating him for wasting too much time playing around with creating new advertising approaches, and not paying enough attention to customer service, billing, and inventory.
• The two feuding sisters are always trying to outdo one another’s sales accomplishments, and neither is willing to handle growing staff problems.

     Having worked with hundreds of family businesses (from trash collection to surgery practices), I can assure you –since the popular shrink notion is that every family is dysfunctional– that your family business is not unique in it’s breadth and depth of problems.

     It is —on the other hand— unique inasmuch as it takes some very special give-and-take tolerance levels to be able to work day-in-and-day-out with the people you’re related to, and have grown up with.

     Having a history with others can be a positive and rewarding and affectionate experience, but working with those you have a history with can present many challenging opportunities.

     Opportunities? Aha! Therein lies the answer to family business problems. Would it be fair to say that the primary difference between whether someone views any given situation as a “problem” or as an “opportunity” reduces itself to how that person chooses to view it? 

Behavior is a choice… how we view it and how we do it!

     Okay, so some family members thrive on choosing “problems,”  yes? Oh, but you know what? It takes two to tango. YOU don’t have to choose to make a family-problem-chooser’s problems YOUR problems!

     Choose instead to walk away. Or choose to change the channel in your head from a confrontative talk station to easy listening. Or choose to offer choices.

     Above all, choose to be aware that it is a choice! That awareness alone will carry you through some of the rough spots and help keep others focused on what’s important. 

# # #  

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial.

FEELING CREATIVE? Add your own 7 words to the end of the 293 POSTS:  Click under “7-Word Story” (center column)

WATCH FOR ONE OF HAL’S SHORT STORIES COMING this September in a new book from Nightengale Press: THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING

To be on sale at Barnes & Noble and at special discounted price here! 

The World’s Greatest Expert

on Death and Dying–

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD

–Points to Five Stages:

• Denial and Isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

     She said we –all of us–  must experience each of these five stages to one degree or another in the order they are shown above with every loss experience. The only exceptions being instances where people get stuck in a given stage and never get beyond it.

     So as business owners, managers, and entrepreneurs, some of us experience bits and pieces of these five stages everyday with daily losses.

     Kübler-Ross said that losses are not limited to human death, and can  include the loss of a limb or faculty, or ability… loss of a valuable possession (a home, a car, a business), loss of companionship (including divorce and separation), loss of freedom (including jail), loss of a job, loss of a client, loss of a prospect or opportunity, loss of self-esteem, loss of authority, etc., etc.

     And to a lesser degree, we even experience these stages when we lose a dollar, a photograph, a letter, an address, a contest, and so on.

     So what’s the point? Healthy successful people do everything humanly possible to channel all their energies and mental focus on reaching the level (or “Stage”) of ACCEPTANCE as quickly as possible, and on maintaining themselves at that level as permanently as possible.

     Everything else is non-productive. Everything else leaves us feeling deflated and defeated and negative. Some people stay in these places their entire lives. Some are institutionalized. Some do themselves in.

     Stages 1-4 are pure torment. We must go through them, but the goal needs to be to move through them as rapidly as our minds and bodies allow us to. Getting through the maze may take friends and rescuers to stand by shoulder to shoulder. We have all performed that function for someone else, but perhaps have forgotten?  

     Keep always in the front of your mind that no matter how out of control it may feel to be stuck somewhere in denial and isolation, or in anger, or in a bargaining position, or a state of depression, it IS a matter of choice!

     The minute we choose to accept loss, the quicker we can get on with a happy and productive existence and make the most of the short time we each have here on Earth…make the most of the relationships we’ve been blessed with: with other people and places and purposes.

     We need not choose to lock ourselves into suffering and misery. Life and business life are way too short to have wasted time and energy with anything besides being happy and healthy and in active pursuit of our dreams.  

# # #  

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial. FEELING CREATIVE? Add your own 7 words to the end of the daily 280 POSTS tale! Click under “7-Word Story” (center column)

Sign up now for

“The Dirt Floor Visit”!

Well, I promised exciting news for tonight, and I’ve got it.

     BUT–

• if you’re not a grandparent,
• or don’t know a grandparent,
• or haven’t yet told a parent that she or he is about to become a grandparent,
• or haven’t told a parent the he or she is already a grandparent,
• or don’t have friends who are already grandparents, or about to become grandparents,
• or for some bizarre reason just don’t care about grandparents (is that possible?)

     — then it’s okay to leave this post tonight and go about your site-surfing because you definitely won’t be interested! Come back again soon though. I love you anyway.

     Now, those of you who are left: Hunker down, and give a listen!

     Mark your calendar for September to go to Barnes & Noble or your nearest bookseller (online or in-person) and sally on up to the counter (or just plunk out your PayPal or charge card numbers) and plop down $20 US, or $25 in Canada (you get a nickle change in either country), and go home with a copy of the wonderful new book edited by writer/ publisher/painter and Internet talk show host Valerie Connelly, to be published by Nightengale Press, entitled:

THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING

     As a thrilled, privileged, and happy contributor (of a reality-based story called “The Dirt Floor Visit” about grandpa and 12 year-old granddaughter!), I have just had the good fortune to read the first draft proofs, and I must tell you that:

Absolutely no grandparent in the world should be without a copy!

     You will not believe the great advice, the messages of love and understanding, the dynamics of grandparent and grandchild that never make it to the TV screen!

     Get a dose of the real grandparent/grandchild world of diapers and gurgles and thumb-grabbing and eyeglass-pulling and hugs and kisses and confidences and interactions you probably never imagined were part of this special relationship that spans the planet and the centuries. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You’ll grab the arm of your chair.

     You’ll hear more about it here (Stay Tuned!) as well as at www.TheArtOfGrandparenting.com once school starts again, and the leaves begin to turn. Reserve a copy now for yourself, or your favorite grandparents or your favorite grandparents-to-be.

     What a great gift! It’s all about being able to share in the special relationships that make (and will make) any new or growing grandparent experiences special! 

Tomorrow: Back-to-Business Basics 

# # #  

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial. FEELING CREATIVE? Add your own 7 words to the end of the daily 278 days old growing tale! Click under “7-Word Story” (center column)

Are you a Zippity

or a Doo-Dah?

“You can never resolve a problem by condemning it.”

–World-famous author/consultant Wayne Dyer

     They may not always be right, and they might not always do things right, but Zippity’s get things done!

     Doo-Dah’s typically bungle what they attempt and rarely make attempts on their own to get things done anyway. For a Doo-Dah, it’s easier to make excuses than to take action…easier to complain about a problem or condemn it, than to attack it or solve it.

     How many Doo-Dah’s surround your business and personal life? Stop reading here for 30 seconds, and count them. Think about it. Go ahead: count! I’ll wait. How many?

     Are you helping them? Are they helping you? If you’re not gaining something by association, you’re losing. There is no middle ground. Either you are doing a good deed by spending time and energy (and perhaps money?) with each, and can afford to do that, and want to do that…OR you are losing speed, quality, credibility, and success.

[It may be useful here to remember that achieving the success you seek will surely afford you greater opportunity to help more Doo-Dah’s, if indeed that’s a goal for you!] 

     Distancing yourself from Doo-Dah’s may seem cruel, and may be impossible when family is involved. Ha! Hit a nerve there, huh? Well, considering that most shrinks will tell you that everyone has a dysfunctional family, it should be no surprise that you ended up with a Doo-Dah brother-in-law or uncle or cousin or parent or child.

     But guess what? If you don’t start taking steps sooner than later to surround yourself and your business with Zippity’s, you run the risk of falling prey to the disengaged incompetence of the Doo-Dah’s now and forever after. It’s your choice.

     If you really can’t let go of being Mr. or Ms. Do-Gooder and you’re not into switching to a priesthood, nunnery or social worker career, then you’d better learn to live with your business and your life being universally uneventful, stale, and stagnant…an investment in the status quo.

[Can your business survive that? Can you?]

    No, it’s not a likely scenario if you are actually still reading this. And assuming you are still reading this, get yourself Zippity’d and stayZippity’d.

# # #  

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial. FEELING CREATIVE? Add your own 7 words to the end of the daily 276 days old growing tale! Click under “7-Word Story” (center column)

U.S. Hospitals and healthcare

proposals waaaaay past 

the point of 1st Aid!

A SHORT STORY THAT’S ANCHORED IN TWO DECADES

OF INDEPENDENT MANAGEMENT CONSULTING SERVICES

RENDERED TO HOSPITALS AND HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS:

     At some obscure moment in recent history, about 30-40 years ago, it seems to me, someone had the bright idea to start advertising hospital services. And it was contagious. Pretty soon, ripples began to surface amid the vast sea of shallow-mindedness and business incompetency (that many physicians and business professionals still consider a) breeding ground for hospital executives, administrators, and boards of trustees.

     Hey, marketing works for other kinds of services, these do-good-Boy-Scout-type doctor-wannabes were running around proclaiming, why not hospitals?  Sure, agreed the medical professionals who knew even less about business, why not? they said; nothing else you’ve done has worked. And so it came to pass that hospitals then began to compete with hot dogs, beer, cigarettes, cosmetics and car dealers.

     Well, sure, alcohol and tobacco advertising have since taken a big hit (thankfully), but guess what? Hospital marketing has just continued to get worse. With very rare exception, today’s hospital advertising and marketing programs are ineffectual, misdirected, and unnecessarily expensive. The job is simply not getting done, and they keep spending more to make it not work!

     Present federal government administrative healthcare overtures are equally misdirected and will cost taxpayers a fortune, not to mention the staggering losses in professional healthcare skills that will certainly accompany socialized medicine.

     The problem with what the government proposes is the same one that hospitals have struggled with all these years. It’s that the ideas behind it all are being manipulated to appear creative and the public is being sold on the creativity.

    Unfortunately, creativity does not sell. Everyone on Earth can be creative. Very few are innovative. Innovation gets things done. http://halalpiar.com/2009/06/creative-ideas-vs-innovative-ideas/

     The bottom line is that hospitals need to shape up and start to get their messages straight; the public isn’t as stupid as hospital executives think.

     Similarly, the federal government needs to shape up and get its thinking straight, start being innovative, start thinking these empty, ill-suited proposals all the way through in the context of reality, not fantasy.

     The uninformed, incompetent socialistically-manipulative people being relied on may be well-intentioned, but they haven’t a clue about the business of healthcare, or any business for that matter.

     In the end, communities, citizens, healthcare professionals, and taxpayers will suffer. The time to step back and reassess is NOW. Remember that in the end, after all is said and done, it’s YOUR body and your family’s bodies that will be, so to speak, on the line.

     Do you really want hospital business administrators and government representatives with zero or inadequate healthcare knowledge and experience dictating to you what doctor you need to see and when and where? And do you really think socialized medicine will reward you with quality care? Think again. 

# # #  

Hal@TheWriterWorks.com or comment below.

Thanks for visiting. 

Go for your goals, good night and God bless you!

The Business of Healthcare

Reality is that doctors are no longer” just” examiners, diagnosticians, and healers. In fact, the way things have been going, odds are that something about the healthcare profession will be vastly different by the time we wake up tomorrow morning.

And today, doctors are routinely expected to be insurance experts; banking, investment and financial wizards; administrative hot-shots; marketing, patient relations and community relations gurus; human resource management directors; professional buyers; government compliance champions; shrinks (even if they’re not psychiatrists or psychologists); oh, yes, and family icons.

Does this all add up to patients not getting as much quality care and attention? Of course. How can ANY human being whose existence is devoted to providing professional healthcare be expected to give patients full attention with so many other commitments and expectations tugging at her or his stethoscope? There is a way. Read on.

Thankfully, doctors share many of the same hallmark characteristics as entrepreneurs — from managing diverse cases, juggling breakneck schedules, being able and willing to work long hours and turn on the proverbial dime (if FDR ever knew!), to being self-empowering, quick decision makers with fairly strong delegation skills…and commanding (commandeering?) egos.

     Both–doctors and entrepreneurs–are motivated by the desire for personal achievement and financial gain, as well as a deep sense of things spiritual. Both take reasonable risks. Hence the name I created many years ago: “Doctorpreneurs.”

The differences of course are equally important. Human (and animal) healing, relief, care, wellness, and hope are certainly not software, electronics, transportation…or beer, hot dogs, tobacco, and french fries!

Two telling characteristics common to savvy doctors and true-blooded entrepreneurs is that both will only take reasonable risks, and both are smart enough to recognize that:

A) They don’t know and don’t want to know everything outside their realm of expertise, nor do they want to sacrifice the time it takes to learn because it detracts from their specialized skills and interests, and

B) They need to find and surround themselves with people who are experts in their own fields because in the long run it’s easier and less expensive to pay professional fees than to waste time and energy learning by trial and error.

     These are not traits of government or corporate leaders.

In the end, they are the traits that will hold our embattled healthcare programs and services together in much the same fashion that entrepreneurs (ala Jobs and Gates) will be the true agents of change as captains of small business that will turn the economy’s tide to productivity, prosperity, and growth.

# # #

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial.

“I’m Sick of Worrying!”

     An important followup note on last night’s blog post topic: “Worry” as noted comes from being too over-focused on the FUTURE, which ignites weapons of self-destruction fuses and pulls the pin out of expectation grenades that inevitably breed disappointment, followed by negativity, depression, stress…

     This is all true, but as I re-read the post, I see that I failed to include being too overly-focused on the PAST as a worry trigger as well. Consider getting caught up in giving either too much attention to future plans and expectations, or in over-and-done-with past events, as “partners in crime.”

     These “bad guy partners” are out to get you, and you can stop them short, before either one ever gets close to delivering harmful effects to you, your family or your business. Success means simply that you need to exercise more of your brain power to deliver increased personal awareness and increased self-control to your SELF! (Considering Einstein reportedly only ever used 10% of his brain power, just imagine what’s possible.)

     Thinking about the past can be productive, relaxing, and instructional, but not once it reaches the point of dwelling on past events. As with allowing future thoughts to become worrisome, our balance and stability as humans is equally threatened by dwelling on the past. 

     The past is over and cannot be changed. Worrying about and dwelling on it is a nonproductive (actually counter-productive) waste of time and energy. Conscious or unconscious, the fact remains that paying over-the-top attention to either the past OR the future—instead of the (much-healthier) present—is a choice.

     To get past the “points of destruction” in your mind, you need to be a detective about yourSELF. Figure out what it is that trips your circuit-breaker, that gets you “lost” in past or future thoughts and issues. Once you know what your “trigger” is, then every time you are aware of it coming to the surface, let it serve as a reminder to pinch yourself or feel your pulse or heartbeat, or take a deep breath…and return yourself to what’s going on right in front of your face.

     Oh, but that’s hard and I don’t know how to do it! It’s hard if you CHOOSE for it to be hard. You can just as easily CHOOSE for it to be easy. As for how to do it, just start paying closer attention to your own behaviors…how you respond and react to others, to situations.

     Keep track of your words and actions. Write your observations down someplace and review your notes every few days. Keep asking yourself what you are learning about yourself right this minute.

     You’ll surprise yourself. And odds are you’ll far exceed your own expectations of what you believed to be possible for your own physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness. Try it. You’ll like it! But don’t wait too long. There’s no time like the present!      

# # #      

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar              # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial. FEELING CREATIVE? Visit the daily growing 7-Word Story (That’s now 247 days in the making) and add your own 7 words: http://halalpiar.com/?page_id=157

Business fills me up

364 days a year.

But not today.

     She always urged us forward. She spoke so proudly of her two sons for running their own shows…mine and my wife Kathy’s in creative marketing services, my brother’s and his wife Ann’s in insurance.

     She’d sit quietly off to the side and visit for hours in our offices, clutching her pocketbook on her lap, watching and listening and smiling, overcome with pride in what she thought was our humble success…each of us living the kind of life she’d only ever dreamed of    

     Mom never knew the word “entrepreneur,” but she knew that what each of us did, independently, on our own, with our own offices and our own businesses was something special. And she knew it beat working for a huge company as she had, or the government as Dad had.

     Growing up, Dad made our lives possible (though barely, never earning more than $5000 a year, half of which he drank), but Mom was the one who gave our lives meaning. She taught us about helping and taking care of others.

     It was Mom who taught us about reading and writing and laughing and having fun. She also taught us about scrimping and saving and making careful choices in life, about going to church and spending time with family, about being polite and keeping clean, and about how to take out the garbage and tie our shoelaces. And about love and tolerance.

     And all these many years later, though she left us long ago, she lives on in my mind and heart (and I know my brother’s too). If ever there was a heaven, she is surely there bringing still a smile to my face just to pass her impish grinning photo hanging on my stairway wall.

     Thanks Mom for all you gave of yourself to be the best you could be. Happy Mother’s Day to EVERY Mother and to everyone who mothers or has mothered others in their lives. God Bless You All.

# # #      

Send your input anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. BACK TO BUSINESS TOMORROW! halalpiar              # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column). FEELING CREATIVE? Visit the daily growing 7-Word Story (That’s now 238 days in the making) and add your own 7 words: http://halalpiar.com/?page_id=157