Archive for the 'Gestalt Therapy' Category

Apr 23 2011

BUYING HYPE

As a national book award-winning author, a national marketing award-winner, and two-time university Professor-of-the-Year award winner, I can deliver the sales you want. 

                                                

Don’t believe it!

 

But if I tell you that I’ve created client programs that have delivered over $1 billion in sales, believe it! (Actually, all of the above is true. But if it’s sales increases you seek, “sales produced” is all that really matters, right?)

I am a writer so (for more than thirty years) I read approximately 1.5 books a week. Fiction. Nonfiction. You name it. I have my favorite books and authors, but I am always trying out new ones.

I rarely if ever choose to do any kinds of “reviews” on this blog, but —and I really should know better by now as I look back at bogus past big-name “Prize” recipients like Carter, Gore, and Obama-– when a Nobel or  Pulitzer Prize winner of any kind comes along, I am still (unfortunately) mainstream-media-conditioned to snap to attention.

Hence, to make a business point at the conclusion of this post, here is my 100% subjective review of Pulitzer Prize-winning book TINKERS by Paul Harding, MFA (who taught writing at Harvard and The University of Iowa):

First of all, considering that the speed of reading this meager (183-page) book could be equated with underwater page-turning, and that the torture of the story offered –which literally tells you how a clock is made when you simply want to know what time it is– Water-Boarding might have been a more fitting title.

If it doesn’t put you to sleep, or drown you in the author’s sweat (which he surely poured forth trying to polish and perfect every overkill shred of every word), it will make you so thoroughly depressed you’ll want to run to the nearest cliff to swan dive into the rocks below.

Even if your genes have been handed down from Socrates, you’ll be bored to tears at this writer’s heart-wrenching effort to draw you into a totally unremarkable story of death and dying.

If, by the way, the subject intrigues you, look up Elizabeth Kübler-Ross for a real education minus all the fluff.

But my advice? Don’t waste your time with TINKERS (or your $14.95/$16.95 in Canada) unless word craftsmanship and belabored descriptions get you excited.

If it’s a great read you’re looking for, you may rather want to go directly to Jed Rubenfeld, Nelson DeMille, Cormac McCarthy, Kent Haruf, or E. Annie Proulx.

Now, why is this like business? What does this have to do with entrepreneuring?

                                                                                            

Lots of business service people out there sport big-name awards. But the odds are pretty good you’ll never relate to their missions. And, even if you do, they’re not likely to produce sales for you!

It’s probably a best bet to disregard what business elitists think, and direct your needs to those providers with real-life performance track-records.

If you’re brave enough to ask, I’ll be happy to tell you endless tales about creative groups, ad and PR agencies, marketing firms, management consultants, SEO “experts,” website designers, media moguls, and incompetent but well-intentioned relatives who have won major awards, charged a fortune in fees, and produced nothing!

Generally speaking, the classier and slicker the presentation (or book cover), the more award-conscious (as opposed to sales or productivity-conscious) a given provider tends to be.

                                                                         

As a business owner or manager, this translates to:

  • Exercise extreme care when hiring outside consultant or service providers to make sure they are more committed to producing what you need than to serving their own pursuit of awards.

  • Be careful about appearances. They are rarely what they seem.

  • Ask for samples and examples. Put genuine effort into the screening process.

  • Remember that awards of any kind are (like my review above) totally subjective. Sales are real, tangible, and measurable.

 

# # #

Your FREE subscription: Posts RSS Feed

Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]
Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

2 responses so far

Apr 05 2011

Dealing With Psychos

Mixed in with your Employees,

                                                     

Customers, Vend0rs, SalesReps,

                                             

Investors: is a “Psycho” or two!

                                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                             

Channel-surfing the other night, a woman addicted for over twenty years to daily feasting on toilet paper! I was promptly reminded that there are weirdos everywhere, and the business world is no exception. Thankfully, I never had to work with the likes of a TP-eating sicko, but I have had to deal with some genuine head cases, and guess what?

The task is not as impossible as it may seem at first. The key is to separate yourself emotionally from the smoking volcano. Rise above it and give it as much space and patience as possible.

You don’t want to be a shrink?

Sometimes in life, when you’ve directly or indirectly chosen to box yourself into an undesirable situation, there’s no choice.

                                                                                      

On those occasions (which hopefully are rare), turn on your alert system without setting off any alarms. Tune in to what’s in front of you. Take some deep breaths to help yourself get focused. Contact your inner “adult” — the part of you that’s calm and caring and empathetic but that’s –as Thoreau once urged us to be– forever on the alert.

Recognize that your self-identity (how you see yourself) needs to step back and your personality (how others see you) needs to step up. People who are in difficult emotional or mental states (or physically ill or injured) will rarely have any interest in what you think of yourself. It’s difficult for them to think much beyond their own skin.

If you’ve ever had any practice with a cranky baby or temper tantrum toddler, you’re way ahead of the game.

                                                                         

Instead of trying to override or overpower a troubled individual, try to “buy into” a compatible level of relating and then exercise a gently persistent adult-like tone. Without being bossy or pushy or demanding, simply be rational and understanding. Be persuasive by not allowing yourself to get drawn into the other person’s dilemma or issues.

Does all this take time and effort? Is it hard work?

Hey, do shrinks get burned out?

                                                                         

It’s definitely not a frame of mind you want to be in for any lengthy period of time, but it’s also one that –if you make up your mind to commit your energy to assisting someone else instead of thinking about yourself– gives you an opportunity to help an unbalanced someone to gain enough stability to function without the presence of threat.

If your own personality tends to be explosive, you may want to stay in your rubber room and not deal with others at all, but then, you wouldn’t be much of a leader, would you? Business success requires leadership at every level, not just sales or just innovative thinking or just financial management. People are your most important asset!

                                                                                                        

Posts RSS Feed FOR FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION

# # #

                                               

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

No responses yet

Feb 21 2011

Business Message for Gov. Walker

If you’re not in the toy business,

                                                  

 and play games with people  

                                    

who act like children

                                  

 . . . you lose!

 

 

Government in virtually any form is hardly a showcase for business leaders. Time and again, and especially with the current Administration, government has proven itself incompetent of thinking and acting prudently or productively. This latest round of childishness that the White House and the Democratic union-vote sheep in Wisconsin are displaying, is pathetic and irresponsible.

Just imagine employees in your company deciding they don’t agree with your hard-line stance against raises at a time when the very survival of your business is at stake and, instead of sitting down to talk about it with you, they pile onto buses and leave town.

Are you kidding me?

Does that sound like a three-year-old temper tantrum or what?

                                              

God Bless you, Governor Walker for having the courage to stand up against this intimidation and lunacy. Wisconsin will rise again, but only after those who choose to play child’s play grow up and face the reality that they are part of the problem and not part of the solution. Those who you represent should be proud of your stance. You are trying to save your State from economic catastrophe.

You are 100% correct that the people of your State come first, and that they will decide, not the greedy unions or Mr. Obama’s thugs. There isn’t an entrepreneurial American business on Earth that wouldn’t agree. 

  • We know from almost all forms of psychotherapy that when those you are trying to communicate with as adults will only respond as children, you can get down into their playground mentality, become one of them, and accomplish nothing.

  • Or, you can rise above them and act parental, which will create added havoc and ignite either explosions or implosions.

  • Or, you can stay persistently adult until they finally come full circle, accept their foolish waste of time and energy as an aberration, and join forces, or at least agree to disagree, and move on. And, this is the only avenue that holds promise of productive solutions.

                                                           

Union mandates are far beyond the point of reasonability and the infantile attitudes of it’s-my-ball-and-I’m-taking-it-and-going-home-Wisconsin-State-Legislators (who have fled from their responsibilities to parts unknown) must both be quashed.

Governor Walker needs to continue to stand firm, and deserves the support of all 30 million of America’s small business owners and operators.

If Wisconsin’s radical leftist and union leader demands succeed, and added State financial support is handed over to e.g., $90,000-a-year-salaried teachers at the cost of collapsing the State, everybody loses.

Can it possibly be that partisan politics is more important than the well-being of Wisconsin families and businesses? Is building a Democratic power base more important than Statehood survival?

Please, those of you who provoke fights and then run from them: Stand up for those who have supported you, not those who give you pretend pledges!

Reality is that your State, like many, is in serious trouble. Meeting union demands is not a solution. Acting like adults and thinking like entrepreneurs will at least get you to the solutions table.

Stop worrying about losing votes and losing union support, and start realizing you hold the key to your childrens’ and grandchildrens’ future. You’ve made your points, now turn it around.

NOW turn it around.

Wull you give the rest of the country reason to applaud you

or cause to spit on an empty trail that you’ve left behind!

 

# # #

YOUR FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BLOG, CLICK: Posts RSS Feed

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

No responses yet

Feb 19 2011

Defeating Depression

Consciously or unconsciously,

                                         

every entrepreneur somehow

                           

chooses to fold him or herself

                                               

into a depression sandwich…

 

                        

Then what? Withdrawal? Repressed anger? Heart attack? Stroke? Suicide? Not much of a payoff for being depressed, is it?

So what’s a poor, struggling, depressed entrepreneur to do? My suggestion? Take a page from my favorite “go to” book, BORN TO WIN by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward. It’s 40-years-old and as true to the moment as if it’d been written this morning.

[If you don’t have a copy within arms distance, you’re either a masochist and enjoy suffering, or you are the poster-girl or -boy for emotional stability and perfection. This book will help you grow, sell, communicate, love, forgive yourself, be inspired, and win.]

                                                     

Whenever you make a move toward autonomy, old feelings and behaviors may remind you of how you “used to be.”

Being aware of how you feel, even if it doesn’t seem rational, gives you a chance to change.

                                                                         

Here’s a sample of some how-to suggestions the book offers us for first-hand, realistic dealing with depression. What have you got to lose for trying? You’re not going to be doing anything else important until you get yourself out of the funk you’re in anyway, right? So try this recipe (recommended to do in private, and out of others’ earshot!):

                                                                              

1. When the blues start, take a good look at yourself in the mirror.

  • Study your face carefully. What do you look like when you’re depressed?
  • Now look at your entire body. How are you holding your shoulders? Your hands? Your abdomen, etc.?
  • Do you resemble how your mother or father or some parent figure looks or used to look?

2. Now exaggerate your symptoms of depression.

  • First exaggerate your facial and body expressions.
  • If you tend to withdraw and sulk, curl up in a ball, cover up your head, stick out your lower lip, and sulk in a big way.
  • If you cry, get a few imaginary buckets, and fill them with imaginary tears.
  • Exaggerate any symptom you’re aware of.

3. Now become aware of how your body feels when depressed. 

  • If you feel uptight around your shoulders and neck, try to discover whether the tenseness is related to a specific person.
  • If it is, say softly, “Get off my back.” If this phrase “fits,” say it louder and louder, increasing your power until you are shouting.

4. Now ask yourself

5. Next, reverse your depression symptoms.

  • If your eyes look sad, your mouth droops down or something similar, reverse your expression.
  • If your head is hanging low and your shoulders are drooped, raise your head high and pull your shoulders back. Thrust your chest forward and say “I am not responsible for everything and everybody!” or “I’m OK.”
                                                                 

All five of these steps will be enhanced and even more productive for you if you toss in a sprinkling of deep breathing. You’re worried about appearing foolish? Imagine how foolish depression looks on your pleasant face and positive posture. Bottom Line? You’ve got nothing to lose, except depression. Have a great day!

 

# # #

YOUR FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BLOG, CLICK: Posts RSS Feed

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

2 responses so far

Feb 17 2011

GOT BILK? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And in the sweetness of

                                     

friendship let there be

                                       

laughter, and sharing

                                  

of pleasures. For in the

                             

dew of little things the

                           

heart finds its morning

                  

and is refreshed.”

--Kahlil Gibran

                          exam cartoon

“A sense of humor can be priceless in frustrating situations. Having a sense of humor does not mean laughing and joking all the time. But many of life’s problems and predicaments are the result of weaknesses and mistakes.

“If you can recognize these first and release some of your tensions by seeing the humor in a situation, you will be in better condition to begin the serious business of making adjustments.”

--Rita K. Baltus, PERSONAL PSYCHOLOGY FOR LIFE AND WORK

It’s probably true that the boardroom meeting gone sour at hearing the latest plunge-in-sales report, may not be the best venue for reenacting a joyful rendition of “Singing in the Rain” with a tabletop tap-dance.

One might also be well-advised to avoid raising outstretched hands to the roomful of grey-pinstriped-suit-clad directors and addressing them in mock whisper:

Did you hear the one about this guy goes into a bar with a purple parrot hanging off his belt . . .?”

But well-timed doses of tasteful humor do have a place in business. Humor almost always plays an important role in establishing, re-establishing and maintaining balance and harmony in business ownership and business management settings. For leaders, small periodic shots of self-effacing humor lets team members know they’re being led by authenticity.

It’s definitely true that getting a serious-minded sales prospect or existing or past customer to crack a smile or chuckle serves to lighten the burdensome parts of the sales message and generally makes that individual or group more receptive to exploring available products or services in a positive frame of mind.

She/he/they will also be more likely to engage with the emotional buying motive triggers that account for every sale of every product, every service and every idea . . . even those that seem like they are prompted by rational and logical-based decisions.

 Tasteful, well-placed humor is typically exercised most successfully by entrepreneurial thinkers and doers who are self-confident , self-reliant, and proactive thinking. Humor bullets are most often fired by those who are “sales personalities,” who are outgoing people who are invested in building and strengthening relationships.

But plenty of business humor has found its way to the top of agendas hosted by serious introverted business leaders as well, including Henry Ford, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and Thomas Edison, to name just a few. So it’s not a question of that you either have it or you don’t. It’s instead a question of timing, presentation, and appropriateness. And all three are within your reach.

You think you don’t have it in you to make humor part of your repertoire? Then work at it. You really can improve, you know. Aldous Leonard Huxley (You remember him, right? He sat behind you in third grade . . . or was it fifth?) once said:

There’s only one corner of the universe that you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self.”  

# # #

hal@businessworks.US

STRATEGY/ CONTENT/ CONNECTION

931.854.0474 Coaching for Higher Branding Impact

Business Development/ National-Awards/ Record Client Sales

Personal & Professional Growth/ Creative Entrepreneurial Thinking

 

No responses yet

Feb 16 2011

The Return of PACMAN

Bitten Off More Than

                                       

You Could Chew, Eh?

                                                                            

 

We all do it now and then, but some make a steady diet of taking on too many projects. The end result is never pleasant or rewarding, yet most of us fail to learn the first or second or third or . . . time around.

We tend to either be in situations where we have overwhelmed ourselves or chosen for others to overwhelm us, or somehow put ourselves into overwhelming situations.

Some might argue that they have fallen victim to overwhelming situations.

But you know what?

If we trace the root cause of any over-whelming situation, it will inevitably come back to a conscious or unconscious choice we’ve made somewhere down the road.

                                                 

So what? Well, we can’t always avoid making bad choices or choices with bad outcomes –and sometimes we might even intentionally elect to put ourselves in the middle of bad choice/bad outcome circumstances– but when we can accept choices as the driving force, we increase the odds of survival and success.

How is that possible?

When we acknowledge and own up to our behavioral choices, we stop making excuses.

We stop sulking.

We stop blaming others, We stop kicking ourselves (because that, of course, is also a choice!).

We stop having tantrums. 

And these actions and awareness’s lead us closer to resolution.

                                             

Accepting responsibility for our actions, and for leading ourselves into high pressure situations helps us get on with life quicker than we are able to by wallowing in misery.

I once accepted an offer to write a commissioned memoir about a very prominent, admirable, and likable elderly person in failing health who had led what I thought was a fascinating life. The challenge was hearty. The compensation was fair. The 3-month project turned into 14 months and the degree of engagement multiplied exponentially with each new life path discovery.

For me, research time exceeded writing time by many moons. The project commandeered time away from management and marketing consulting clients, community programs I was developing, and family engagements and contact with friends. Stress arrived at my doorstep dressed in many costumes. But I did it to myself.

 Realizing that I had set myself up for the time crunch didn’t untangle the commitments, but it helped me deal with them more realistically, and all the while (I think!) keep my sanity . 

A friend of mine has a growing family with young children and aging parents. He owns and operates four different, rapidly growing businesses — each with over a hundred employees, sits on three charitable boards of trustees, travels extensively and regularly participates in a variety of favorite outdoor activities. He admits he’s bitten off more than he can chew.

But instead of blaming others or banging his head against a wall, he has engaged his family’s help in consolidating the businesses and finding replacements for the trustee seats he holds from among his employee ranks. He now brings parents and children and spouse along individually and as available on his business trips. They now join him with his outdoor pursuits  . . . and he joins them with theirs! 

The transition is taking time, but PACMAN has stopped eating away at his life. He has turned the corner and found renewed energy. 

You can too! It truly is a matter of choice.

                                               

Need a little fresh “Overwhelm-Deactivation” guidance?

Call or email me.     

# # #

FREE Blog Subscription Posts RSS Feed

302.933.0116     Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

One response so far

Feb 10 2011

TIME OUT!

Juggling Seagulls?

I know, you’re an entrepreneur of some sort, and you haven’t any time for time management. But, guess what? If you haven’t any, who will?

  • Draw a bulls-eye with two fat rings around

    it and label the center circle space:

“FAMILY & PERSONAL”

  • Next, label the innermost ring space:

“WORK & BUSINESS”

  • Then label the outer ring space:

“FRIENDS & OTHER ACTIVITIES”

 

  • Copy each heading onto a separate column on a separate piece of paper. Then list the most appropriate items (names of people, places, things, activities) in each category. Allow yourself one minute per list. 

Put the list down and walk away. Get some water or a cookie or just stare out the window. (This is like a little ginger between sushi pieces.) Then return to your target and lists.

The amount of “blur” between your bulls-eye and your next two rings will indicate how “fast lane” your life is right now. I say “right now” because this is a here-and-now, present-moment exercise: what goes in each part of the target can change by next week, tomorrow, tonight, or within the next seven seconds!

(In fact, when life gets too hectic, it’s a quick useful device for daily assessment, for helping you sort out and stay focused on priorities.)

                                                           

Whatever blur does occur (in other words, whatever the lack of definition there is that exists between the three areas) should give you a good heads up on how efficiently or inefficiently you are using your time, as well as the extent of your allegiances to each entity that is taking time and attention from your life.

Once you’ve done this little diagnostic study on yourself, and have a good overview of your current activities and involvements, you need to decide if these pieces are where you want them to be.

Are you spending too much time with your business and not enough with your family, for example?

Or, are you so caught up in someone else’s problem that you haven’t made time to solve your own?

                                                               

I once found myself so sucked into a Chamber of Commerce project to boost town retail traffic, that I ended up working nights and weekends just to catch up with my own business (which was not retail, and stood to gain nothing from the initiative).

The crunch infiltrated my time commitments to my family. The small disruptions that surfaced were clearly the tip of cataclysmic explosion. I extracted myself from the C of C mission and discovered — lo and behold! — the retailers I was knocking myself out to promote didn’t care enough to pick up the ball for themselves.

This is NOT to suggest that voluntary community work is not worthwhile. It most certainly is. But I highly recommend such engagements be clearly defined, clearly justified, and clearly scheduled.

                                                  

Plus –realistically —where choice is involved (vs., i.e., an emergency), no one should ever commit to helping others who is not herself coming from a position of strength to begin with. A sick teacher is an ineffective teacher. A cash-poor business cannot donate to charities. A business owner who’s preoccupied with family survival issues or debt collection issues cannot be an effective sales leader.

Draw your target again tomorrow. See if anything changes. Can you make something change? Well, of course. Behavior is, after all, a choice. Maybe if you choose to stop juggling one fewer seagull, it will fly away! 

  # # #

 Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

One response so far

Feb 05 2011

Leadership Bias? F’getaboudit!

Can I forget everything

                        

I know up until now

                                           

. . . right now?

 

This is the question we must ask ourselves, and answer, if we are to thrive in leadership roles with our businesses and the communities we serve and that support us.

It is not a suggestion to wipe out memory banks or get a lobotomy, or set off toward early senility. It means: Can you let go of what you know long enough to shed some new light on the issue or person or group involved?

Can you let go of all the preconceived notions you have about someone or some group (or idea), give the benefit of doubt, put aside your beliefs, suspend your biases and prejudices, be truly non-judgemental, and see and hear the next three individuals or groups you encounter (or the next three times you examine the idea on the table) as if it were the very first time you ever met?

                                                           

Can you forget, in other words, everything you know about her/him/they/it from past experience?

                                                             

Why? Because you’ll see that person or group or concept in a revealing new light and he/she/they will see you with a fresh outlook too! That happening alone will prompt new levels of receptivity and innovative thinking

When you can put the mental and emotional baggage of the past aside, and look at some one or some group with new eyes, you are in effect removing barricades to productivity. By initiating this way of thinking, you help others (and yourself) to rise to the occasion of dealing most effectively with the task at hand.

Every decision to pursue an intense focus on the present moment is typically met with resistance from those parts of your brain that seek to drive past and future issues to the foreground. Trying to disregard past associations, relationships, experiences, or what you know or think you know about the individual(s) you are meeting or conferencing or communicating with can be exhausting.

If you choose for it to be exhausting.

When you decide, for example, that it can really be simple and invigorating and worth it to turn around an historically difficult partner, customer, client, investor, key employee, or whomever, your odds are substantially increased when you can wipe the slate clean.

By responding only to what is communicated –and not to prior conclusions, reputations, beliefs and behaviors you have attached to the source– you establish a new ground for new possibilities to surface. Great leaders do this routinely. You can too. It may take a few tries, but three times on the runway will serve you well as preparation for takeoff. Have a nice flight!

YOUR FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BLOG, CLICK: Posts RSS Feed

# # #

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

2 responses so far

Feb 02 2011

DEALING WITH INDIFFERENCE

Do You Hate

                               

What You Love?

                                                                                                                                                      

That’s not as surprising a thought as you might think.  On the spectrum of emotions, “Hate” and “Love” are not at opposite ends.  In act, they are remarkably close to one another.  At the extreme opposite end from both of these emotions is “Indifference.” 

When a child, or puppy, or employee seeks positive attention (praise, pats and pets, a bonus), and doesn’t get it, she or he or it will turn around and begin to start seeking negative attention, because even negative attention (a scolding, for example) is better than no attention . . . or indifference! 

 _________________________

Contrary to what many of us older-than-dirt types might believe, recent study findings show that today’s teenagers seek praise above all other things.

They would rather have praise than alcohol.

They would rather have praise than drugs.

They would rather have praise than sex.  

 _______________________________ 

See, and you thought all those upstart employee and puppy types were just masochists.  Nope, but it is true that those who get to a point of losing all hope for receiving attention of any variety stumble along the edges of depression, and can easily become prime prospects for illness, abandonment, homelessness, addiction, violence, even suicide. 

Okay, so indifference is the worst and arguably most destructive emotion?  And love and hate are like cousins or something?  Yeah. 

Well, don’t we sometimes love those we hate and hate those we love? 

How about the jobs we do?  The employees we work with?  Our clients, customers, patients, vendors, consultants, advisors?  Spouses?  Children?  Siblings?  Parents?  Students? Hey, let’s face it — it’s the stuff books and movies and TV shows are made of. 

But we seldom stop to think it through, right?  The point is EVERY one needs recognition, or “strokes” as the shrinks call it.  The challenge in motivating others is trying to figure out what kinds of strokes work best for each of them (See Maslow’s Theory of Hierarchy) at any given moment, and being willing and able to reward each individual in the way(s) that are most meaningful to that person. 

A trophy doesn’t mean much to someone who’s struggling to pay the rent.  A pay raise for a social worker isn’t as much of a motivational factor as a program grant that covers counseling resource expenses. 

Indifference (especially lack of recognition or appreciation) makes hateful people more hateful, and turns those who want to give or seek love headed in other directions.  So where does that leave us? 

Pack up your feelings of indifference toward others.  Stow them away with your ambivalence in a locked attic trunk.  Open, instead, your mind and your heart to accept the weaknesses of others as you would wish them to accept yours.  Watch what happens when you recognize and appreciate that others often say and do what they say and do because they seek your kindness, your pat on their head, your patience . . . your smile. 

That IS a great smile you have,

          by the way.  Pass it on!          

 

YOUR FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS BLOG, CLICK: Posts RSS Feed

# # #

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

No responses yet

Jan 24 2011

What Do A Do-Dah Do?

Do-dah’s practice

                    

the three Dah’s:

                                               

“Shouldah”  “Couldah”

                          

and “Wouldah”

 

When did you last embark on a Dah Mission? First off it’s been said by far better men than I that the Shouldahs run together in the woods with the Couldas and the Wouldas.

All three of those Dah’s pump themselves up with regret over their conscious and unconscious choices they’ve made to reject the Dones. There’s I Shoulda Done, YOU Shoulda Done and WE Shoulda Done (whatever the stuff is that never got done!).

And, yes, there is of course the I/YOU/WE applications to Coulda Done and Wouldah Done as well.

Everyone passes this way at one time or another. Those who get themselves stuck in thinking about past events and situations that they or others mishandled (or never handled) are the ones who traditionally become and create problems for others.

Dwelling on the past is as emotionally and mentally (and frequently physically) unhealthy, as worrying about the future (which hasn’t yet come and maybe never will!).

Focusing on what might have been, on what should have been done or could have been done or would have been done, is as nonproductive a waste of time and energy (and often, money) as the underpinnings of those notions advanced by naive leaders that “HOPE” will solve all problems.

Wishing whets appetites for failure.

ACTION, not hope, is what makes things happen.

When you hear one of the three “Dah’s” worm it’s way into a discussion, treat it like a yellow caution light. Slow things down and bring attention back to the reality of the moment.

Emphasize specific steps or suggestions or directions that can be addressed. You drive through a yellow light at your peril.

And, by the way, it’s pretty hard to get where you want to go by driving in reverse, by leaving no stone unturned in assessing and evaluating and analyzing what happened that shouldn’t have, what didn’t happen, or what went wrong.

If it’s not life or death, get on with it. Take a minute to learn from experience instead of burying it under reasons and excuses, then move on. Who did what to whom doesn’t matter when forward motion is what’s called for.

We are a nation of sportaholics and we have brainwashed ourselves into analyzing things to death. We literally live for instant replays.

And just think about how much more detail we can pull out of a replay that we’ve seen three or four times. Sports talk radio stations regularly hear from callers who want to debate a game play that they’ve replayed 12, 15, even 20 times! Now THAT’s Do-Dah material. 

                                                          

FREE blog subscription Posts RSS Feed

# # #

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”   [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

One response so far

« Prev - Next »




Search

Tag Cloud