Do you just turn on the

   faucet and ooze appeal?   

     I left a post at my Twitter friend Doyle Slayton’s excellent (and provocative) site for salespeople www.salesblogcast.com about the importance of empathy in sales. 

     We’ve discussed it here a few times, but the fact remains that too few of us go through our days without really stopping long enough to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. 

     So what, you say?  So this: When you can take the time and trouble (and it does take longer, and it can prompt considerable effort) to really try to understand and genuinely appreciate the circumstances of a prospect, you will be making more than one sale; you will be selling the dozens of others this one individual tells about your ability to be empathetic.

     The loyal customer you create may never actually use the word empathy to describe you.  How “nice” you were, or how”easy it was to talk” with you, or “how straightforward” or “down-to-earth” or “engaging” –even “charming”–  you were, may be the terms of choice.  But they add up to the same thing.

     How do you earn these credits?  Do you just turn on the faucet and ooze appeal?  Hardly.  Having others appreciate the way you deal with them and the sense of authenticity you put across, comes –no matter how instinctively pleasant you may be– from conscious preparation and hard work.

     It means that you are careful to exercise proactive listening skills, for example, to ask questions about what interests the other person and not you, for example . . . and listen carefully and attentively to the answers without interrupting, for yet another example. 

     The rule of thumb is to talk 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time.  A guideline that works equally well, by the way, in sales as well as relationships and, especially in dealing with children and aging parents. 

     Most nurses are exceptionally skilled at practicing empathy!

     In healthcare (where unfortunately many professionals flip the percentages and talk 80% of the time), it’s called having good bedside manners.  And how many people do you know who prefer to weigh bedside manners above even training and experience when it comes to choosing a doctor, dentist, nurse, physical therapist, occupational or speech therapist, psychotherapist, psychologist, or veterinarian?

     I’m not suggesting bedside manners should replace professional training and experience.  I am advocating that better healthcare results occur when good bedside manners can supplement good training and experience. 

     Isn’t it that you want these professionals to appreciate your unique circumstances so they understand and respect you as an individual vs. lumping you together with all other broken bones, teeth fillings, muscle weaknesses, swallowing problems, brain and emotional problems, and dog-parents? 

     It’s a pleasure to deal with bedside-mannered healthcare professionals, and courteous, respectful salespeople.  Genuineness as a human being is the secret ingredient.  halalpiar

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See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.  # # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 97 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

ONE thing about Christmas  

There is ONE thing about Christmas that thankfully always survives.  And that ONE thing always manages to rise above:

• the protests of close-minded “PC” worrywarts who cringe (and yes, panic) at the thought of anyone mentioning anything more specific than “Happy Holidays” for fear of insulting and upending the belief systems of non-Christians

• the life-threatening turmoil of struggling people and countries

• the out-of-touch, out-of-place over-the-top commercialization of a joyous and sacred religious celebration

• the self-inflicted emotional and physical stress that breeds in upsetting memories and unrealistic worries triggered by self-indulgences and self-inadequacies that accompany annual cultural periods of celebration of love and family

• the shakiest of world economies, national economies, state economies, county and town economies, company and organization economies, family and personal economies

That ONE thing I’m talking about is the ever-expanding collection of traditional Christmas Carols.  The traditional Christmas Carols that all of us have grown up with and sang and hummed (and memorized so many of) that thankfully find their way into our hearts year after year. 

The poorest of times, the saddest of times, the most disconcerting of times are all at once lifted in spirit each year by the music that the celebration of Christmas inspires. 

Well, not for everyone, you say?  Wrong!  For everyone, save those that lurk among and hide behind the evilest and blackest of terroristic souls. 

The impact in today’s world for many is that Christmas carols in all their splendor supercede even much of the sacredness they celebrate.  The music is respected and enjoyed in every corner of our world. 

Find me even one non-Christian who doesn’t know some of these tunes and refrains, and who fails to find reassurance in the messages of peace and love and joy that the marvelous songs convey.

Am I suggesting the music is so pure and the music is enough that we should take down the Santa Clauses, pull the light display plugs, and not exchange gifts?  Hmmmm.  Maybe not a bad idea.  After all, times are pretty tough. 

Let me snap you back to reality: If you are reading this, odds are at least a zillion to one that times are not so tough for you compared to those who are suffering pain and hunger right now.  

I AM suggesting that our traditional Christmas music can and does literally carry the holiday season, even for many less fortunate people.  The point is that it can and does. 

However the spirit moves you best

is the best way for you to move. 

But whatever you do for or about Christmas, let yourself SING OUT!  It’s as good for your soul and well-being as laughter is for your heart!   halalpiar

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See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.  # # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 91 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

Kick your own butt? 

     Yesterday, we talked some about the importance of being genuine (apologies to all you Ernests out there), and we did a brief inventory to see how obnoxious we were. 

     We touched on some ways to shore up the self-indulgence landslide brought on by trying to impress others, by acting controlling, by exaggerating, by glossing over, by constantly talking and posturing, by trying to act like the boss instead of just behaving like a leader. 

     Being more authentic as a human being earns respect.  Being more of what genuinely makes you tick may feel risky at times but in the end, commands loyalty, sets powerful examples, and delivers sales.  That was the gist of the message.  Of course I tossed in a couple of spoonfuls of my Father for good measure. 

     Today I want to know how much more authentic you can be than you were yesterday?  How much more conscious of your need to grow in this direction are you, or do you need to be?  What will work best to kick your own butt?  Can you start being a more authentic person the minute you click off this screen?

     The point here is that no one can really tell you what you need to do or how you need to do it except you!  YOU are the only human being on the entire planet who knows the REAL you, who knows your real potential.  Are you measuring up to what you know you’re capable of? 

     Or are you feeling like a downed-out failure?  With thanks for the referral to worldclass Internet “HARO” network genius Peter Shankman www.HelpAReporter.com, try this quick-fix for your brain (P.S. Kathy says we should watch it regularly!):   

http://wimp.com/bigfailures/      

     Oh, and on your way to becoming the very best you can be, get in the habit of making something wonderful happen every day before you go to sleep –like right now! 

     No excuses.  What were you planning to do after reading this page anyway?  Take an extra minute.  Think of some outstanding happy thing you could do or say that could make the whole day a great one for you or someone else — some words or action that will make you grin as your head hits the pillow tonight.

     If you already did something wonderful today, congratulations and thank you and go to bed!  You’ll need the sleep.  Why?  Because when you wake up tomorrow . . . you will be facing the greatest opportunity of your entire life!  Halalpiar

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 70 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

What ARE you looking

to do with your life?  

     Okay, your business is your life, or at least a humongous chunk of your life, yes?  That’s great.  I love my work and consider myself fortunate to be doing what I most enjoy as my means to earning a living so we’re in this together.  BUT . . .

     When did you last break away from your job

and thinking about your job to . . . hug? 

     Renowned Gestalt-based family therapist/author/icon Virginia Satir www.advanta.net/ said it takes 12 hugs a day to grow emotionally strong.  And you do know that being mentally and/or physically strong enough to do your job effectively, and excel, requires that you also be emotionally strong. 

     What good are you as a business or professional practice owner or manager if your emotional scale is tipped too far to the left or teetering on the edge of a breakdown, temper tantrum, road rage, or worse? 

     So what does your scorecard look like?  How many hugs today?  You initiated them or someone else did?  Planned or spontaneous?  Real or token?  Pitter-pattery or bone-crushing?  Start keeping track.  You’ll learn a whole lot about others and your self.  And the more you know about you, the better you’ll deal with others.

     Ah, dealing with others.  Right.  So now that your cage is arattlin’, lets’ try another quiz: When did you last pat someone on the back for a job well done?  A staff member?  A peer?  A teammate?  An opposing team member?  A child?  A parent?  A stranger?  Your spouse?  A customer?  A partner? 

     People –ALL people (and most domestic animals too)– appreciate being appreciated, especially for performing small deeds and accomplishing routine little tasks that ordinarily go unnoticed.

     Try a pat on the back accompanied by: “Thanks for taking the responsibility to do your homework before playing computer games!” or “Thanks for the great dinner; I really enjoyed that salad!” or “Good job with that regular weekly report; it’s nice to see your efforts be so steady and reliable!” or “Good hustle, Harry; you were almost safe, and you did knock in that run!” or “I don’t ever mention it, but you should know I appreciate that you just automatically do so much laundry every week, and never even complain; thank you!” 

     Or just: “Thank you for helping me become the person I am” or “Thank you for helping me become a more authentic person” or “Thank you for helping me to grow” or “Thank you for being so supportive when I needed it!” 

IF WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN LIFE, START BY MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WAYS YOU SUPPORT AND APPRECIATE OTHERS. 

     In the process, you will “happily surprise” others, but you will astonish your self!  Guaranteed!  Thank you for considering these ideas! 

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Hal@Businessworks.US    302.933.0116

Open  Minds  Open  Doors

Many thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“Where laughter fails

to heal, it never fails

to ease the pain.”

 – A terminal cancer patient

     I am convinced that nothing –nothing– is better medicine or better health food than laughter.  Nothing binds people together like laughter. 

     Laughter is the magic ingredient that’s the single most overwhelming key to success in business, professional practices (I know, it;s hard to imagine laughing lawyers, doctors and accountants, but stay with me here), marriages, families, organizations, and partnerships. 

     I did qualify the professional practice types with the word “success” which may or may not interpret as financial success.  Certainly it’s not in the context of the old medical self-love acknowledgement that “the operation was a success but the patient died.” 

     I’m talking about the success in life success, as in business life, social life, family life, religious life, outdoor life, academic life, you get the idea.  Laughter may not make you a success in any facet of life, but it’s hard as hell to think anyone could get there without it!  Ha! 

     Laughter is a universal symbol of mental and emotional health.  Mental and emotional health is increasingly credited by experts as the central source of physical health.

     Did you get the last laugh when you last laughed?  Or were you simply enjoying the spirit of the moment?  Come to think of it, when did you last laugh?  If you can’t answer this in terms shorter than minutes or hours, you in deep trouble, brother! 

     You better take two aspirin, drink lots of liquids, get to bed, and call me in the morning sounding so hysterical laughing that everyone else in your household thinks you’re sick!  Think you can do that? 

     Oh, and before you make the call, pitter-patter your little bare feet into the bathroom (in all probability, an especially essential trip after drinking lots of fluids anyway), and stick that face of yours in the mirror. 

     Er, maybe take care of the fluids first unless the mirror is, well, you know . . . now SMILE into the mirror!  No, not that dorky make-believe grin you give co-workers when they offer you a bite of their meatball sub or the one you save for the neighbor seconds after stepping backwards in your sneakers onto his Saint Bernard’s fresh deposit in your driveway. 

     I’m talking GENUINE smile here.  Go for it!  What’s the worst thing can happen?  Your significant other asks what you’re doing?  Ha!  “I’m smiling.” is all you have to say. 

     Give it your all.  Teeth.  Cheeks.  Eyes.  Something that will burst into a laugh when you actually realize it’s on your own face!  YOW! 

     Man, what a struggle.  You better start doing a lot more of that.  It’s good for you, uses fewer muscles than a frown, and might even make you some new friends!  Hey, a couple of laughs won’t kill you, y’know.  What’s that commercial?  It’s in you.  Do it.  HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!        

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Hal@Businessworks.US 302.933.0116

Open Minds Open Doors

Many thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

TIME & TIDE & LOST LOTTERIES 

     Well, I’m happy to say that I’m still alive (after thinking about yesterday’s post headline quote), though I am a bit achey after twice sliding (Aha!  Safely!) into second base during my 55+ seniors softball league winter game this morning.  I’d probably be less sore if we’d won. 

     And speaking of not winning, I also got a pile of legal papers today showing that I came pretty close to winning a $600,000+ inheritance from a former student who died last year and surprisingly named me in her will (as the only non-family member, eligible only if none of the four named relatives survived; and I just learned that two didn’t, but then, two did!).  C’est la vie.

     Then my computer service provider was down half the day, and –once again– I failed to win the lottery . . . BUT, you know what?  It was a great day to be alive, and the only thing better will be –tatata-tadah!– tomorrow!  Howcum?  Tomorrow, I get to go to work, and I get to figure out when and how to play in between the work!  It’s like gimme dirt in a room and a broom.  Instant gratification, sweeping.   

     I read where a famous writer, who recently died, was asked who in the world would want to be 90 anyway? He responded, “anyone who’s 89!”

     Well, I have a ways to go yet to get to 89, but you know the older you get, the more seconds (minutes?  hours?) each day that age-related thoughts start to pop into your head.  I remember a 20-something assistant I once had who found out I had just celebrated my 30-something’th birthday, told me I was “older than dirt” because anyone over 30 was older than dirt.  She’s now, let’s see, 35?  Hmmm. 

     What’s the bottom line? (as all the financial wizards of Wall Street inquire in too-little-too-late fashion).  You’ve already heard it.  Maybe if I say it again, you’ll actually think about it.  Maybe you’ll even act on it?  Whoa!  Miracles will never cease!  Ready?  Here it is (again): 

You are only as old as you think you are! 

     Period. 

     Hogwash, you call that?  Well, don’t take my word for it . . . do a survey (better than taking a poll; we’re polled out these days!).  Really!  Ask a bunch of old people what they think about that statement.  Ask yourself!  Me?  Ha!  I’m getting younger every day!Halalpiar        

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If today were

                                                    

the last day of my life,

                                                                 

would I want to do what

                                                                   

I am about to do today?”

                                                            

Apple founder Steve Jobs in an inspirational commencement address video my son sent me http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=-3827595897016378253&hl posed the question above while noting that he asks it of himself every morning when he wakes up. 

To the young graduates he’s addressing, he says, “Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life!”

How many of us wish we would have heard that advice when we were younger, and of course be able to be tuned in and mature enough to have acted on it?  There is, Jobs points out, “no reason not to follow your heart.”

The point is, it’s never too late.   

I met a 40-something-old plumber today (not “Joe”) who loves plumbing.  I met with two dedicated auto dealership clients (the 40-ish President and the 30-ish IT Manager) of www.igburton.com  and two bright young men (the President and an Account Manager) of www.Delaware.net (eCommerce Services, Custom Web Development, SEM, etc) who clearly enjoy the work they do and the world their business lives in. 

All in the same day, I also spoke with a 50 year-old mother of three who loves mothering, and bought coffee from a (looked to be almost 70) checker at WAWA who obviously liked being a checker at www.wawa.com. 

Unusual?  ABSOLUTELY.  I sometimes go for weeks on end without encountering anyone who’s happy with what she or he is doing. 

In fact, I’ve heard some study findings that report 90-95% of Americans are not happy in their jobs.  Even if this happens to be only half right, then the bottom line is that a majority (or close to majority) of people in the U.S. are doing lousy work!  What?  If someone’s unhappy at work, he or she is not performing well, and vice versa.  Now just look at this post again before you click off . . . it’s a whole plateful of food for thought!  Halalpiar  

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 62 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

You want the truth here? 

With such a big chunk of my business career and two of my books having been devoted to consulting with and counseling doctors (well over a thousand of them — from heart transplant surgeons to chiropractors, veterinarians to shrinks), I’m often asked what doctors are really like . . . 

     You want the truth here, right? 

     Okay, like it is:  I believe that 9 out of 10 doctors are nut cases.  Not only that, but I believe 9 out of 10 doctors would agree!

     Hey, let’s face it, how can you not be whacked out when you spend every waking minute of your life thinking about and tending to other people’s problems . . . even while you’re busy spending the millions of dollars you take home, you’re still preoccupied with healthcare issues. 

     Y’know what I mean?  Like it’s really hard to enjoiy a nice glass of hundred-dollar-a-bottle wine when your beeper keeps paging you because the hospital’s nursing staff is taking turns bitching at you to get you to calm down your exotic poledancer patient who’s trying to gain early admission to the hospital for tomorrow’s scheduled butt wart removal so she can avail herself of “just one of those lil’ ol’ papercupfuls of Oxycontin.”

     They want you to tell the spike-heeled, mink-stolled young lady that threatenening to whip the 80-something year-old ER rent-a-guard with her leather thong won’t work. 

     And it’s yikes so difficult to appreciate your teenage daughter’s trauma over having to wear her old dressage headwear in tomorrow’s horse show because her girlfriend broke the chinstrap on the new one, and can she at least have fifty dollars for lunch at the stables.

     Oh, and not getting enthusiastic about your wife saving $120 off the $3000 flatscreen tv she bought today for the maid’s quarters could have dire consequences at bedtime, which all by itself may be cause to chug-a-lug the rest of the vintage cabernet.

     Ah, yes, and there’s Mr. Stumblebum’s early percocet prescription renewal request at the pharmacy to think about.  The pharmacist says your Stumblebum patient claims his Saint Bernard swallowed the whole plastic bottleful.  According to the old man’s attorney, chauffeur, and dog trainer who all accompanied him to the CVS drive-in window to testify, feeding the beast a dozen tablespoons of petrolium jelly hasn’t even produced the label, and the man wants another month’s worth. 

     First of all, your license could be on the line, but even before first of all–  there’s Mr. S’s bank to consider since they recently financed your $3 million office building and your $5 million oceanfront estate.  Hmmmmm.  License?  Loans.  License?  Loans . . .  

     Yes indeedy, the challenging side of doctoring we seldom see (even on Grey’s Anatomy and ER).  Yet, important medical decisions must be made here.  Ah, waiter, another bottle please . . . red wine is, after all, good for the heart!   Halalpiar      

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 58 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

Check out this

Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes list . . . 

     Staying close to family and friends, keeping your mind active, laughing, exercising, maintaining a spiritual connection, eating right, staying abreast of current events, using a cell phone and the Internet, even online dating!

     Now what on Earth do you imagine these activities represent?

     You’d better take a deep breath and get ready for this one.  The list above that starts with staying close and ends with online dating are the results of a recent poll of 100 healthy 100 year-olds (centenarians) who offered these positive lifestyle choices as the secrets to living long lives.  Thanks for this study update to Dr. Andrew Weil as reported in his November, 2008, Self Healing newsletter www.drweilselfhealing.com

     As for a couple of specifics, according to Dr. Weil’s newsletter account, 90 of the 100 polled considered “staying close to family and friends” as “very important.”  Over half attributed “staying abreast of current events” to healthy aging.  Also, older doesn’t necessarily mean sicker; high levels of disability are not given characteristics of triple digit aging.

     So, LAUGH!  DO PUZZLES!  WALK!  PRAY!  EAT BETTER!  PAY ATTENTION TO THE NEWS (EVEN KNOWING HOW WARPED ITS PRESENTERS ARE!)  GET ON THAT COMPUTER AND CELL PHONE!  And for heaven’s sake, start online dating and go to those family gatherings you hate!

     There you are, a prescription for getting to old age . . . assuming you really want to.  On the other hand, what harm could it do to give this stuff a try?  Unless, that is, you decide to be doing three or more of these life extension activities at the same time.  Like, it may not be in your best interests to be making cell phone calls to your online dating partner at your family’s Thanksgiving Day dinner gathering. 

     On the other hand, maybe some shenanigans would be in order for Halloween ;<)Halalpiar         

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 51 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

COMIN’ OUT!

 

                                                

No, it’s not a reference to a specific type of celebration party, or to an at-long-last exit from one’s closet.  COMIN’  OUT! is a cry you can hear in almost every town across America every summer on every baseball and softball field! 

It’s the BP (batting practice) pitcher yelling to all those in the field to be alert and pay attention and don’t turn your back on the ball because the batting practice pitches are about to commence and the batting practice hitters will be trying to hit the batting practice pitches down the batting practice fielders’ throats!   

When an irate customer, business client or partner, patient or associate decides to throw a tantrum (or toss out a bombardment of accusations, half-truths or outright lies . . . in person or via email), don’t turn your back on the ball; it could hit you in the back of your head! 

Regardless of the indignant individual’s motivation to exercise pent up frustrations, flex political muscle, show off, play one upmanship or activate a superiority (or inferiority) complex, don’t waste time being analytical . . . and PLEASE:  don’t react!  Think respond, not react!  If you don’t react, you can never over-react!  The old saying still rings true that it takes two to tango! 

If you’ve mentally and emotionally prepared yourself in advance for such an eventuality, you won’t have to get your glove and get in the game; you’ll already be there! 

It’s easier than it might seem.  (Remember, since every behavior is a choice —yes, it is!— you can CHOOSE for it to be easy or, if you have masochistic tendencies, then go ahead and CHOOSE for it to be hard!) 

Simply imagine you’re in the field, glove in hand, and the pitcher yells over her or his shoulder, COMIN’ OUT!  Then turn to face the ball and get ready to catch it, even if it appears to be heading somewhere else.  Why?  It never hurts to be ready.  Be, as any good Boy Scout will tell you, prepared!  (I didn’t say “neurotic,” mind you, just “prepared.”)

For openers, most human beings caught off-guard by COMIN’ OUT! circumstances can benefit by taking a couple of deep breaths(to circulate oxygen and make the brain more alert, and to circulate blood flow and make the muscles more relaxed), which serves to pull the fuse out of the tendency to react! 

For closers, be persistently objective and unemotional in responding [The Adult ego-state in Transactional Analysis].  Attempt to get the whiner/complainer/bitcher/screamer/fist-pounder person to   s  l  o  w     d  o  w  n  and deal with each issue on a one-at-a-time basis.  Upset people tend to bunch together an avalanche of problems and issues, none of which can of course be addressed or resolved, buried under so many others. 

No guarantees with any of this except that —for sure— you will handle COMIN’ OUT! situations better having thought about best practice responses than you ever would with your back to home plate!

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Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Make today a GREAT day for someone!