“I’m too busy for you!”

(Translated: “I’ll never be a leader because

I don’t really care about anybody else!”)

Is “I’m too busy for you!” the verbal or nonverbal message you might be putting out to others?

I just read a promotional endorsement written by someone I know who, years ago, I used to respect. He starts out his explanation of why the particular newsletter he raves about is one of a very few that he actually makes time to read. He opens his statement by saying:

“I’m busy — painfully busy, so

I’m stingy with my time…”

Pull-eease! Who cares? The source, though, may want to know that comments like this scream of the kind of personal frustration known to have led many to depression and isolation.

It would be viewed by not a few psychology professionals as the monolithic signature of an individual who has deep fears of experiencing any forms of intimacy with others.

“Intimacy,”defined by ground-breaking Gestalt Psychology authors James and Jongeward, “is free of games and free of exploitation. It occurs in those rare moments of human contact that arouse feelings of tenderness, empathy…genuine caring…and affection.” 

Businesspeople are not immune to these kinds of connections and cannot hide behind “business” as if it were a protective shield. But many don’t know that they’re doing it. It may be going on for so long, that it feels natural to be a “workaholic.”

Some may say, why interrupt my career mission to get close enough to someone who will want me to pat their hand when they have a crisis? Dealing with other people’s crises slows me down and forces me to sidetrack.

Much has been written in the literature of Gestalt and Reality Therapy about those who play the “Harried Executive” game in life and business.

These are people who define themselves as “overwhelmed” and “overloaded” and “swamped” and “up to my ears…”

They make themselves too busy to have to spend any genuine quality time relating to others.

This is not a healthy mindset, but it is often masked by offering token attentions and participating in general socializing. It frequently requires professional counseling and coaching to move this type of behavior beyond the personal relationship barricade the person has set up for her or himself.

That you might be conveying to others that you are too busy for them, means you are close to the edge of the abyss that forecloses on many of life’s most valuable opportunities.

“I’m too busy” type statements can also be taken by many to mean:

“You’re worthless to me;

  get out of my way!” 

(Can there be any more insulting an attitude to communicate?)

Can you, or anyone who works with you, actually afford to practice being too busy, never mind flaunting it as in the above example?

Time is our most precious and cherished commodity. Of course we need air and water and food and clothing and shelter, but time is what drives those needs.

One of your grandparents no doubt once told you that “Time and tide wait for no man” (a statement that predates modern English and whose authorship is ascribed to St. Marher in 1225) and that “No man is an island” (attributed to the Englishman who was proclaimed the greatest of all metaphysical poets, John Donne, 1572-1631). 

Surely you’ve heard those statements somewhere? Maybe they are worthy of re-considering from time to time.

What kinds of nonverbal “I’m too busy” messages could you be sending out? Arms and/or legs crossed defensively in meetings? Parentally looking over the tops of your glasses at other’s suggestions that seem too time-consuming?

You keep checking your watch, the clock on the wall? You keep checking for text messages? You keep reading emails while someone is speaking with you? Do you walk ahead of others you’re speaking with, or shoulder to shoulder?

Do you pick up the phone and dial when someone approaches you? Do you put off invitations to family gatherings and neighborhood events, or show up to smile and handshake a few people and then slide out the side door when others seem preoccupied?                                                                    

You may want to listen to yourself more…and, hey, check out that great smile of yours in the mirror once in awhile!

 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Not all work is labor.

“BARNEGAT GIRL”

10/15/97 – 9/1/10   R.I.P.

We are in deep sadness for having lost a dear family member and great friend and companion today.

It’s never a good time for letting go. This is especially true for the one who’s been the loyalest, sweetest, and most fun-loving guardian of our lives for 13 years. But today, Barnegat was called to a higher place. Her body simply couldn’t survive her permanent puppy mindset any longer.

She was a trooper through and through. No animal on earth could possibly have had more heart than Barnegat Girl. She protected. She inspired. She mended fences. She stood tall in troubled waters. Her smile was real and contagious.

She loved the cold weather and making “dog-angel” imprints in the snow. When we brought her home, it was in one hand; she was the size of a football. Today, as she left us, her 95 pounds of upbeat spirit will live on.

Barnegat had taken us through three moves to three different homes in two different states and she outlived two wonderful male cocker spaniels “Sam” and “Tuckerton” who each thought she was their big sister.

Barnegat loved chasing baseballs and tennis balls and swimming in the ocean –even in the winter ice and snow.

She bounded at the slightest beckoning. And would rise to any occasion regardless of the circumstances.

The proof of her disposition was proven by hundreds of tugging, pulling children over the years that she would reward with licks again and again. 

Her travels took her to the mountains and the ocean coasts of Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, and the mountains of Vermont, North Carolina, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania, plus the coast and farmlands of Delaware . . . and –of course– untold lakes, rivers, streams, lagoons, and creeks all along the way. 

Yes, she was a “privileged child,” but never failed to earn her keep, or be loving and attentive to all who entered her life.

God Bless You, Barnegat Girl, and thank you for 13 years of unsolicited love and trust and the kind of friendship that all on Earth should strive to equal.

It’s lonesome under my desk . . . but YOU, sweet girl, will never be forgotten.    

 www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Feuding Families,

Combative Couples,

Peeved Partners  and

Belligerent Boards

Constant arguing, bitter and mean-spirited discussions, “business infidelity,” resentment, continuous bickering and back-biting, breaking trust and undermining confidences, changing changes.

. . . I want out and it’s time to go!

Or, as the renown Scottish farmer/poet Robert Burns’ prophesied in 1786 with his “Ode To A Wee Mouse” in what may be the world’s most quoted and paraphrased bits of advice: “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.” (often go awry, or wrong)   

                                                        

How can you continue with the financial problems? The Mission and Vision disagreements? Operational differences? Business expansion and “parenting” plans vs. consolidation?

Do your business and business relationships look increasingly fragile? Are partners distancing themselves? Does collapse seem imminent?

Divorce between married couples is now in the mainstream of American life, and unfortunately serves to set the table for acceptance at a business level. What else is a business partnership besides a marriage? And family business upheavals can be the worst of all because they frequently involve or contaminate marriage relationships that are the very underpinning of a business structure.   

And those who are caught in the middle typically suffer the most. In a couple marriage relationship, it’s the children. In a business partnership it’s the partner families, employees, employee families, investors, suppliers and vendors and last, but not least, the customers! Nor does the damage line always stop there. In many instances, a neighborhood, community, town, region, industry or profession can also be negatively affected.

Ways to patch things up:

Start with giving the other person or people involved the benefit of doubt. You got into this relationship because something was extremely positive. By re-focusing on whatever that was, you may find that existing differences can be easily reconciled. Isn’t it worth a try? Don’t you have a lot invested in each other? Wouldn’t it be easier to move the business forward if differences could be worked out than to simply part ways and have to start all over again?    

So here’s the plan:                             

• If you can get past that first step of thinking, sit down and write out on paper with a pen, a statement of agreement to seek to resolve differences. Each principal involved in the dissension climate must be willing to do this.

• Exchange copies of these statements without commenting or responding.

• Plan a follow-up Q&A clarification discussion the next day (no rebuttals permitted) to review one another’s comments.

• Plan an open discussion of the Q&A clarification discussion a week or so later.                                    

• Next, and again something all involved must be willing to do: write out one sentence on paper that identifies exactly what you identify as the most critical problem.

• Then each needs to write out clear specific improvements desired in the form of a goal statement that is specific, flexible, realistic, and has a due date. 

Or get professional counseling:

An “outside” consultant who is experienced and skilled in both business management and human relations can help each individual involved put her/his differences in writing, channel productive exchanges, and foster committed attitudes aimed toward working through the differences.

A professional can help set up a recovery path with a schedule for renewable  efforts, and a contingency exit plan that can serve to strike a balance and encourage renewed efforts to make things work. Many leadership training-based organizations can provide assistance in identifying and retaining qualified coach/counselors.

This is always a better solution-approach than slamming the door and walking out! And it just might work! 

 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Do You Hate

What You Love?

 NOTE: This blog article was originally posted two years ago in August, 2008. I have elected to repeat it here today because it touches on some sensitive leadership issues that have surfaced for a number of small business owners I’ve heard from recently.

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“You must be very

  proud of yourself!”

“No, I own a business

and I have a life!”

Self-pride can, and almost always does, get in the way of progress — and even survival!

Self-pride. Now isn’t that like stubbornness? “Stop being so stubborn,” my stubborn mother used to say, “it’s gonna get you in trouble. People care about you as a person and they respect what you’ve accomplished, but no body cares about your honor except you   . . . not even me!”

So, yes, I am the son of a wise mother.

As a management consultant and entrepreneur coach for many years, I’ve seen my share of business and life failures. Research studies always point parental fingers to “being under-capitalized” as symptomatic of poor management and the key reason for business failure.

But rarely does anyone look beyond “poor management” being the ultimate culprit to see what else is lurking in the shadows . . . what else is there to account for business and life failures?

Someone should be looking. Why?

Because at the end of this fraying personal and business lifeline is a very heavy anchor that is best categorized as self-pride. It’s something that happens when you choose to get sidetracked from your business and life pursuits, to deal with some imagined threat to your ego.

You put day-to-day operations off to the side to entangle yourself in a legal suit that you know you’re right about just to gloat in satisfaction at having humiliated an annoying competitor, or to realize a thousand dollars payoff after legal expenses.

How much business is lost in the process of your ego-indulging diversions?

The minute the sidetracking starts, it has a tendency (like An object in motion tends to stay in motion) to snowball itself into an avalanche. And it doesn’t take long (sometimes just minutes!) to get to the point of completely immobilizing growth and survival modes.

In minor role applications, the sidetracking diverts needed attention from goal pursuits, family well-being, and from business and career opportunities and success.

Turning your spotlight inward takes the focus away from where you’re headed, and when it gets dark — you’re bound to trip over or run into some thing. You may or may not get up, or be able to.

In major role applications of this sidetracking, businesses go bankrupt, couples get divorced, children get abandoned, and some people can end up depressed enough to be taking their own lives as their failures become more pronounced.

What to do?

There’s always choice involved. Turn the other cheek! Why not? Is letting go so hard when you consider the consequences of holding on?

When you choose to feel insulted (you’ll know when you feel your face flush or knees wobble or stomach churn or head ache or fists clench), you need choose to stop where you are and stop whatever you’re doing.

Force yourself to take some (at least 3 or 4) really deep breaths, while saying to yourself with each inhale, “Healing energy into my body!” and with each exhale, “Stress and tension out of my body!” Remind yourself again that your behavior is your choice!

You can choose to escalate a situation or simply back away from it because it gets in the way of your success (and presumably because you prefer success to getting sidetracked). Getting (choosing to be) sidetracked is simply an admission that you have chosen for someone else to get inside your brain and control your behavior.

Don’t choose your self-pride over your self!

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

“Out of the mouths of babes

oft times come gems.”

–A present day reality from the Bible

When did you last ask a child in your life— your own or someone else’s — for an opinion on, observation of, or response to your three longest-standing business problems?

Why do you imagine business owners and managers rush to the judgment that children are incapable of contributing meaningful business solution thinking to chronic business problems? “Because,” you might offer, “children lack experience.” Well, this is certainly true. It’s more likely than not, however, that the solutions to nagging problems will not come from having been there and done that.

You don’t need an MBA or to be on the cusp of retirement in order to render a (generally most productive) simplistic approach to business problem-solving.

Like most things in life that adults tend to over-complicate, common sense typically dictates the best approach.

Children are literal fountains of uninhibited common sense.

I heard a radio commercial this week for a home-building company owned by a gentleman named Robert Pittie. The 12 year-old with me who heard the same message started laughing hysterically. It took me a few seconds to catch up because I was preoccupied driving, but when calm finally prevailed, I too near busted a gut as I figured out the lamebrain message (delivered of course with total sincerity):

“When you want a home that lasts,

call Pittie Full Construction Services.”

(Uh, I don’t think so.)

Mr. Pittie might have spared himself the embarrassment had he first tried the words on a child. Most of us, in fact, could probably benefit by the kinds of regular booster shots of childlike innocence, simplicity, and authenticity that routinely roll off the tongues of 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 and 13 year-olds. They don’t pull punches. They tell it like it is.

Kids are not controlled by paychecks, promotions and compensation plans (though a little ice cream or some Silly Bands can make for worthy incentives). They are free-thinkers. They are joyful. The more you show them active listening by asking questions and withholding judgments — even taking notes — the more likely they are to spark a new idea or ignite a productive old one you forgot. 

Besides, when you force yourself to take the time out to spend these minutes together, you are reinforcing not only the relationship with this child (or group of children . . .  assuming you think you can handle a focus group discussion!), and you are building self-esteem.

And nothing in the universe bears the fruits of self-confidence and a successful life’s journey like helping a younster to feel good about him or herself. How to start: “Gweneth, can you help me out with something? My company is trying to figure out how to make better jewelry (vacuum cleaners/dogbones/bookkeeping services/customer relations . . . whatever), and you seem to have good ideas.”

To top it all off, you’ll find that just the exercise of having to explain what you do in simple terms and examples, can bring you the answers you’re looking for all by itself. Some small business owners who make presentations like this to neighborhood schools report they get as much value from the experience as the students.    

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

God Bless America and God Bless America’s Troops.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

 What Sport

Is Your Business?

    Does your on-the-job behavior match the thinking of a baseball player?  Are you always anticipating the next pitch, and what you’ll do if the ball goes here, and what you’ll do if the ball goes there, and what you’ll do if the signals change . . . or the winds change . . . or your superstitious teammates don’t change the shirts they’ve worn for the last three games? 

     Nothing wrong with thinking like a baseball player unless the company or industry you’re in is Armenian or Finnish . . . or simply doesn’t leave you time to think.  Maybe the company or industry that you’re trying to represent as the star left fielder, is busy playing hockey or fast-break basketball? 

     Circumstances like these make for tough going, when trying to get your glove to get in the game!  

     Worse, you could be a serious golfer in the middle of a football game (keep the first aid squad phone numbers handy!).  Let’s face it, you can’t play soccer on a tennis court or water polo on a ski slope (Yikes!  Now that would be cold, and you’d never want to miss the ball and have to chase after it, especially in a bathing suit!). 

     So, what’s the message?  If your work situation is unhappy, or giving you headaches, knots in your stomach, or other stress-provoked ailments like lower back pain (or, really, just about anything you can think of . . . uh huh, including those two merciless extremes: diarrhea and constipation), step back from the action (no pun intended), and take some deep breaths [See Archives post: “Are you breathing?”  take some deep breaths]

     Then, ask yourself if you’re “playing the same game” as everyone else, and especially of course, the boss!  Entrepreneurs (and male, female, black, white, purple, orange, MBA or otherwise, makes no difference) rarely survive corporate life because they march to a different drummer.  Regardless of money earned, most would prefer to be an individual performer than to be any team player. 

     Conversely, not many corporate types succeed with business startups.  Often, because they fail to realize that they must now pay the expense account submissions, turn out the lights, take out the trash, skip lunch and work far past the luxurious 9-5 weekdays they’re used to.  [See Archives post: “TO ENTREPRENEUR OR NOT TO ENTREPRENEUR?”  

     Maybe you need to examine the environment you work in more carefully and consider if it’s really the match for your skills and interests and personality that it once appeared to be.  We do change, you know.  And, yes indeed, old dogs can learn new tricks. 

     But before you decide to toss your corporate cookies out the window to become a deep sea fisherman or fisherwoman , think again! The grass . . . yes, it does look greener over there. Where? Maybe anywhere. In fact, these days, EVERYthing is greener!  It’s getting hard to tell which came first —  environmentalists or St. Patrick?!

 931.854.0474       Hal@BusinessWorks.US

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

The check’s in the

                         

mail. I’ll get back   

                              

to you Friday. 

                                                         

I’ll send you that

                                

update the minute

                           

it comes in. As soon

                                       

as we get an invoice.

                                                                  

When shipment

                                       

arrives. But I never  

                                                                        

got your note. Your

                               

email must have

                         

gotten lost in  

                            

Cyberspace. Oh,

                          

that?That was a

                     

“warning”?

                                                                                                                             

     You’ve heard it all, right? Maybe you’ve even said some of it yourself. But when your intentions are genuine and sincere, nothing can be more frustrating than hearing a pile of excuses . . . from a customer, a prospect, a supplier, an investor, an employee, a boss.

     So, what’s the magic answer? It’s somewhere within yourself. You may not be able to control the attitudes that give birth to replies like these, but you can control your own attitude. You, in fact, are the only one who can.

     And by controlling your own response to the excuses you hear, you are cultivating an opportunity for yourself to set a true leadership example. By setting an example, you:  

A) Keep your emotions out of the fray and

B) May actually influence the offender to re-visit her or his initial behavior or verbal representation of it, and reconsider a better, more productive, higher integrity avenue.

     Perhaps you’re not Henry Ford or Bill Gates or Mary Kay, and the idea of changing the world is not on your breakfast plate, but — as a small business owner or manager or entrepreneur — you are in an extraordinarily unique position to make a difference for yourself, for your family, and for those you work with, simply by choosing to respond instead of react.

Besides, if you never react,

you can never over-react!

     People offer excuses to cover their own feelings of inadequacy. Most of the time, you can probably count on excuses being not so much intentionally dishonorable as a shortcoming of the person who’s offering them up in the self-esteem category. Some people who feel they can’t get positive recognition will opt instead for negative recognition because it’s at least some recognition.

     Humans crave recognition. And some recognition always beats indifference.

The opposite of love is not hate.

It’s indifference!

     When you hear excuses, appreciate the insecurities behind them. When it’s possible to overlook them, do it and then make a point of offering (genuine) appreciation for instances of getting a job done without a presentation of reasons why it didn’t get done.

     Offer more encouragement than you might usually provide. Be kinder than you might usually be (because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle). Appreciate differences in perso0nalities and behaviors and help others to grasp the choosing behavior idea through your examples.

     Excuses are a way of life, but they are not always intentional or dishonorable. When you give the benefit of doubt to others, you may get bit in the butt a few times, but you’ll be serving the important purpose of minimizing anxieties and demonstrating productive leadership traits most of the time.

     The captain who keeps an even keel and balanced ship through stormy seas marks every journey with success.

 302.933.0116    Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

God Bless America and America’s Troops.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

The face of your business

is second only to the guts!

The first person(s) to encounter your business visitors, customers, clients, patients, prospects, sales reps, suppliers and vendors, delivery people, and solicitors in person and on the phone is(are) “the face of your business.”

Exercise caution in not underestimating the value of this position. It comes second only to your own and the operational guts of your business. However genuine each individual projects him or herself in that role directly equates with what outsiders will think of you and your business. Gum-chewing, short-skirted bimbettes may not always be in your best-image interests. ;<)

You get only one chance at a first impression and one chance with each encounter after that to maintain it, so why nickle and dime your selection, placement, and nurturing process for anyone who will serve as your business face?

If yours is a start-up or home-based business, that individual could be you, or your spouse or other relative.

Most of what follows still applies.

Many business owners and managers find it hard to avoid the temptation to tangle up business face job responsibilities with cost-cutting leftovers from someone else’s task pile. Multi-tasking is useful, but be careful about keeping the workload balanced. Being the face of the business is a primary responsibility that requires an authentic and engaging personality as criteria one.

For some of the same kinds of match-up reasons that –for example– MacDonald’s prefers farmers for franchisees (because of their regimented approach to seasonality and discipline in maintaining consistency) — or that many popular restaurants prefer actors and actors for food-service people because they have a stage presence which typically renders them less inhibited, more outgoing and more entertaining (which can make the difference in upgrade meal and beverage orders, and customer add-ons as well).

Recruiting  process questions to keep

on your front burner and to be able to

answer affirmatively and assertively:

• Does this person have an inherent interest in other people?
• Does this person appear to withhold judgment of others?
• Is this person engaging without being overbearing?
• Is his or her tone of voice consistently calm, pleasant, and respectful?
• Any evidence of this person being patronizing or condescending?
• Has this person a natural instinct to be helpful? (Subtly dropping something near him or her gives you a scenario to assess)
• Does this person’s host or hostess skills transcend turmoil situations? (Creating one during an interview will provide some clue)
• Can this person stay on track with time schedules? (Ask candidates to sort out some typical priorities)
• Does the person you’re considering evidence a good memory for names, faces, and voices? (Are visit #1 intros remembered on visit #2?)
• Does he/she offer to find help that can’t be immediately provided?
• Is the candidate gracious and polite under fire? (This may be hard to determine without considerable contrivance)
• Do you think the person you’re considering will readily acknowledge those waiting in line or on the phone and report delays?

Selecting candidates who excel at these personal skills is almost always a “best bet” situation because business-related skills can be taught, and human interaction skills usually cannot. In other words, changing some one’s knowledge base is easier than changing some one’s personality. For the face of your business, be less caught up in the resume and more focused on the person. Others will be.

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

God Bless America and America’s Troops.

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Make today a GREAT day for someone!