Stop shooting yourself

in the Subject Line!

     I had occasion today and yesterday to delete a few thousand emails that had accumulated at an old, unused email address. 99.9% of them (including substantial numbers from leading name companies) had subject line copy that was too stupid for a 6 year-old to consider opening.

     Okay, I realize the vast majority of these were spam, but you would have to be from Pluto or Uranus to think you could find value in clicking open emails with Subject copy like:

• Get Yore Advanced Collage Decree Today: EZ and cheep [I gather we’d not be talking about a Master of Fine Arts in Writing here.]  
• Women will cling to you day and night[This is not something I can imagine a desirable state of existence regardless of gender.]
• Hi. Angelina here. I missed hereing from you[Wow! An old acquaintance; I mist you two!]
• Jumpstart your customer base now! They’ll come rushing to your door with their wallets out! [Not sure that jumpstarts are such a good idea for my surgeon clients! And not many doctors run anywhere with their wallets open anyway!]
• Call Today! Start Earning $10,000 A Week Immediately![Okay. let’s see, that’s $520,000 a year. Hmmm, not bad. Must be a steroid franchise!]

     You get the idea. And you surely get your own fair share as well. The point is that there’s also a very large and very successful email marketing medium out there that is thriving because the people involved are professional enough to recognize that GREAT Subject line copy gets emails opened.

     What makes it great?

1. First (like the ingredients and message of every great direct mail campaign envelope), it’s as personalized as can possibly be.
2. Second (like the copy for every great billboard and branding theme), it’s seven words or less that tell a story that has a beginning, middle and ending and is persuasive!
3. Third (like every great ad and every great marketing campaign), it succeeds at attracting attention, creating interest, stimulating desire, and bringing about action while assuring satisfaction.

     WHEW! That’s a lot of stuff for one email Subject line! Yup! And it takes a lot of time and special skill that can often be pricey. But, how important is it to get your email advertisement opened to start with?

     Remember: no matter how spectacular your message is inside, it’s not worth a hand of sand if your prospect doesn’t open it.   

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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“The Dirt Floor Visit”!

Well, I promised exciting news for tonight, and I’ve got it.

     BUT–

• if you’re not a grandparent,
• or don’t know a grandparent,
• or haven’t yet told a parent that she or he is about to become a grandparent,
• or haven’t told a parent the he or she is already a grandparent,
• or don’t have friends who are already grandparents, or about to become grandparents,
• or for some bizarre reason just don’t care about grandparents (is that possible?)

     — then it’s okay to leave this post tonight and go about your site-surfing because you definitely won’t be interested! Come back again soon though. I love you anyway.

     Now, those of you who are left: Hunker down, and give a listen!

     Mark your calendar for September to go to Barnes & Noble or your nearest bookseller (online or in-person) and sally on up to the counter (or just plunk out your PayPal or charge card numbers) and plop down $20 US, or $25 in Canada (you get a nickle change in either country), and go home with a copy of the wonderful new book edited by writer/ publisher/painter and Internet talk show host Valerie Connelly, to be published by Nightengale Press, entitled:

THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING

     As a thrilled, privileged, and happy contributor (of a reality-based story called “The Dirt Floor Visit” about grandpa and 12 year-old granddaughter!), I have just had the good fortune to read the first draft proofs, and I must tell you that:

Absolutely no grandparent in the world should be without a copy!

     You will not believe the great advice, the messages of love and understanding, the dynamics of grandparent and grandchild that never make it to the TV screen!

     Get a dose of the real grandparent/grandchild world of diapers and gurgles and thumb-grabbing and eyeglass-pulling and hugs and kisses and confidences and interactions you probably never imagined were part of this special relationship that spans the planet and the centuries. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You’ll grab the arm of your chair.

     You’ll hear more about it here (Stay Tuned!) as well as at www.TheArtOfGrandparenting.com once school starts again, and the leaves begin to turn. Reserve a copy now for yourself, or your favorite grandparents or your favorite grandparents-to-be.

     What a great gift! It’s all about being able to share in the special relationships that make (and will make) any new or growing grandparent experiences special! 

Tomorrow: Back-to-Business Basics 

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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Life is more like baseball

                                                           

than any other sport.

____________________________ 

This post, repeated from a year ago is dedicated to one of my softball league buddies, Jimmy Travers, whose great sense of fun and spirit left us this weekend for his next life.

Thanks for the laughs and the hustle. Hit ‘em where they ain’t, Jimmy!

___________________

   With every inning a decade long, where only a few of us actually get into extra innings, life is more like baseball than any other sport! 

     We walk, strike out, we get some foul tips, and sometimes manage to get big hits in the clutch.  We make errors.  We tag others whenever we can, and avoid those who come barreling home. 

     We get cheered when we perform.  We get booed when we don’t.  There are times when we need to get a glove and get in the game, and other times when we need to step up to the plate.  All of us have to sacrifice from time to time, and a few of us steal when no one is looking. 

     Those who are exceptional travel inside the park and make round-trippers.  And have you ever balked?  When did you last set the table, or be in a clean up position?  We relax on deck, and work when we’re in the hole, and we work even harder to stay away from arbitration, appeals, getting thrown out, and avoiding the bullpen or —heaven forbid— being shut out! 

     We go through different coaches, and we fire managers, but no matter how much money we make, we still always do what the owner and general manager order us to do. 

     Usually in our later decades, we bring in short and long relievers, and of course the eventual closer.  But reality is that we only live life in the National League . . . because we never get to have a designated hitter! 

     If Shakespeare was right that “All the world’s a stage . . .” he had to be talking about our love affair with the diamond.  Diamonds are, after all, forever!

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 Hal@TheWriterWorks.com or comment below.

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, and God bless you!  

“Ja’hear how to catch a rabbit?”

     If you want to be a great writer, you need to be a great reader.If you want to be a great actor, you need to be a great theatre-goer. If you want to be a great doctor, you . . . well, no, I don’t want to be urging you to be a patient (but I’m told by many doctors–especially those specializing in proctology and colo-rectal surgery(!)– that it certainly makes a difference to have been on the receiving end!).

Great salespeople are great customers.

     What makes a great customer?

• You make firm purchase decisions and rarely return what you buy [Unless, of course, it’s __Defective; __Inoperable; __Clashing color; __Missing parts; __Wrong size; __Bad hair day; __Decided my father can’t afford it, or any of those other wonderful escape reasons you’re offered on the “Reason For Return” checklist that comes with most catalog or online sale shipments].   
• You exhibit enormous patience with and are empathetic and understanding toward an over-burdened clerk or salesperson[Even though it may be your bad fortune to have bungled into the dimmest human being to ever comb his hair with a fork… inevitably someone in possession of an IQ that’s just a few notches higher than a piece of scrapple, who is totally preoccupied with removing bubblegum from his shoe with your credit card].
• You use your great sense of humor to occupy waiting time and even cheer up other customers in line.[“Hey, Ja’hear how to catch a rabbit?” (Empty looks) “HA! Ya hide behind a tree and make a noise like a rabbit! hahahaha.”]
• You don’t whine, moan, bitch or complain about a company’s false, misleading or deceptive advertising [because you know they need to survive in a tough economic marketplace and it’s understandable that they might need to exaggerate the quality or price issues. You’ll write them a wussy letter asking them to let you return the merchandise or get a re-do of the faulty services. They laugh.] Seriously, you hopefully confront the boss, then file reports if the response isn’t appropriate. 

     Truth is sales professionals ARE often the best customers. They ask relevant questions. They have more engaging personalities than most non-sales-oriented customers. They do their homework ahead of time on major purchases—they know what they should pay and how to pay for it; they know what the warranties cover and what kind of performance is to be expected; they buy on impulse only when it’s affordable, and/or when they like the business or the store or the sales rep.

     In fact, many professional salespeople PREFER to sell to other salespeople. If you don’t, and you’re in sales (and you are “in sales” if you own or manage a business of any kind), you may want to re-examine the image you have of sales, the approach you use, and the attitude you project to others… especially to other salespeople, who can often be your best customers!  

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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Gonna Chunk It? Then Chew It!

     If your current state of existence fits the last (“Discombobulated?”) post, and you’ve decided to try managing your time in chunks instead of clock ticks, be aware that you can’t just wolf down the chunks like my Golden Retriever. She rarely bothers to chew when she’s excited.

     You however are not a dog. At least, I must assume that you’re not. But just in case you ARE some blog-reading canine phenom, please call me immediately; we’ll make lots of money together. So the bottom line is that your digestive system simply doesn’t work well with chunks.

     Still with me here?We’re talking time management. Chunks. Chunking up time and activities is better than nonstop eating of the same (physical, mental, or emotional) food for eight hours a day. After all, even casino dealers work 20 minutes on and 20 minutes off.

     The guys who clean out the winery vats are basically AA candidates after just 15 minutes of vintage fermentation fumes (although that’s not such a bad way to go) and have to take mandated breaks.

     Imagine for a minute if the chiropractoradjusted every single bone in your body all in one visit. You’d be like Gumby. It’d take you a week simply to get off the table. Ah, then there’s the dentist and doing all the fillings and extractions and crowns and all the other rotten stuff dentists do all at one time. Whew! That one hurts even to think about.

     Start by breaking up your daily “To Do” list…little pieces work better (like outline the Narrative section of the business plan,” which could take a couple of hours). Little pieces are more attainable, and achieving each will motivate you a whole lot more than having “Write Business Plan” on your list, which could take months.

     In other words, after chunking, chew. After chewing, digest. Your body wasn’t made to take a pounding 16 waking hours a day. Neither was your mind, nor your emotions. The more you push and force yourself, the longer you’ll take to complete each task, and the more likely you will be to screw up each task, not to mention the indigestion, heartburn, and ulcers that you’ll be cultivating. 

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Send your input anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Good night and God bless you! halalpiar              # # # 

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Discombobulated? 

     When overwhelm strikes, like a tsunami, and you dive under the nearest pillow or cannonball into your hot tub from the second floor deck, or run screaming down the hall that little chickens are falling from the sky, you may be on the cusp of committing to some daily psychotherapy explorations, but you’re probably normal. You may simply have spent too many years locked in your office.

     We all feed ourselves to the clock and occasionally become time-stricken. Great, you say, to hear so many others share this misery, but, you say, whassup with how to get out of the clock before it chews off my feet –or head, depending on how close it was able to get to me when the hickory-dickory docked?

     The answer, my friend, is not blowin’ in the wind. It’s in chunking up your day so you’re never in any one place mentally or physically or emotionally long enough to get gobbled up by Old Man Time. In other words, start planning your daily schedule by “CHUNKS” instead of by hours.

Motivational guru Brian Tracy suggests we ask ourselves, “What is the most valuable use of my time right now?” as many times as we are able to think of it, day after day.

He says that asking ourselves this question consistently makes us more productive and guarantees success.

     If you’re finding yourself lost in your work for days on end or corkscrewing yourself into a bottleneck of problem-solving, you may want to re-visit some of what you might have forgotten about the art of delegation, and you may want to simply start taking more breaks.

     Some of the world’s most UN-productive people are those who dedicate their efforts to their work so single-mindedly that they eat lunch at their desks, cannot relax around family or friends, injure themselves anytime they try some kind of exercise that takes them away from their jobs, and have to have it be a real effort…to smile ;<})

     When you can chunk up your work schedule, your exercise, family time, your goals, decision making, even travel, you will be happier, healthier, and more productive more often. Remind yourself that your body is not a machine, that you ARE your body.

     I mean imagine that carnivorous clock noted earlier eats your body, now what? What’s left? Don’t give me “heart and soul” stuff here. Think it through. You run a business. You know how to think. Do you know how to chunk it up? Give it a shot. What have you got to lose? More valueless time?    

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Hal@Businessworks.US     302.933.0116

Open  Minds  Open  Doors

Many thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Pain Shots: 1-Free-With-11?

At some point in your career, you’ll know when you’ve seen it all. How about discount coupons for a lawyer? (Or, hey, what about one free last will and testament thrown in with every divorce case?)

Every third chiropractic spinal adjustment (whoops, sorry: “subluxation”) gets a $10 rebate? (Maybe they should be packaged with an oil change and lube job?)

How about a one-free-with-eleven deal on hypodermic needle injections from a pain clinic? (Depending, of course on what kinds of toppings you like…pepperoni, extra cheese…)

     P L E A S E, Dear Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant, Dentist, Chiropractor, Physical Therapist, Nurse Practitioner, Acupuncturist, Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Nutritionist, Occupational and Speech Therapist – PLEASE stick to your professional expertise and find someone with professional marketing expertise to represent you and communicate your messages to the outside world.

     Professional training and hands-on experience certainly make no secret of emphasizing and reinforcing the need for professional practitioners to exude self-confidence. And the temptation is great to think that adding “entrepreneur” to your list of credentials is, as baseball old-timers call it, a can of corn! (Or for the less athletic: a piece of cake!)

     But the truth is that all one needs to do is open any phone book to professional listing sections and check out the ridiculous ads . . . 

• Will you race off to the plastic surgeon because his ads show a sexy centerfold “After” patient?

• Do you really need a specialist at Reiki, EFT, EST, Craniosacral Therapy, and Rolfing in order to quit smoking? 

• Do you get all jittery inside merely thinking about the excitement you know you’ll feel when you call that dentist whose ads proclaim he now has mucosal blade inserts?

• Can you just not wait to handshake and backslap all those thousand dollar suits standing around a five thousand dollar desk in the ornate law office ad photo simply because the headline says “Our Attorneys Work For You And We’re There When You Need Us!” (Right, as long as your wallet’s open!)

• Oh, and surely you can’t wait to get to that doctor who’s a specialist in electrodiagnostics. Don’t we all like to get zapped once in a while? 

• Is an IRS enrolled agent tax law specialist CPA necessary to help you get a bank loan?

     Professional marketers with professional marketing skills will present you and your message in the best. most professional environment and be able to emphasize your strengths in simple, straightforward, layman’s language.

     They will get you better prices for printing, and database lists, and media time/space than you can get on your own. They will know the best ways to reach your target market (and better help you define it) on the best dollar-value basis. They understand and market via the Internet! 

     They will know the best sets of words and highest impact graphics to use (including fonts, spacing, colors, layouts and designs, photos and illustrations, sizes, materials). They will have experiences that you will not have and that you will not want to pursue anymore than you’d want them to perform your professional services on your family!          

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 Open minds open doors.

Thanks for visiting. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

I’m so happy and so grateful,

clap my hands! CLAP, CLAP!

I’m so happy and so grateful,

clap my hands! CLAP, CLAP!

I’m so happy and so grateful,

I could eat another plateful,

I’m so happy and so grateful,

clap my hands! CLAP, CLAP!

     Okay, so when’s the last time you acted like a 3 year-old and danced around the room and did this little routine, or something like it? C’mon, be honest. Weeks? Months? Years? Never? Well I have some good news and some bad news. I know, I know, you want the bad news first.

     Here it is: If the last time you danced around the room and did a dumb, childish little happy act mixed with a dose of gratefulness was longer ago than this morning, you’ve been eating stress between meals! If it’s been weeks, months, years, or (heaven forbid) “never” you may be well on your way to premature death, or you may already be dead?

     Ah, but the good news is: ratta-tat-tat, ratta-tat-tat (yeah, a pretty feeble drumroll, but, hey, we’re talking 3 year-olds here). The GOOD news is that you can turn your whole life around right this minute by getting up from your computer (go ahead; I’ll wait!), by taking a deep breath (go ahead; I’ll wait again!) and by  stretching. Good!

     Now, dance in place! Yeah, right there where you are, just you and your screen; put some music on if you want. The thing is D A N C E ! You wanna shout? S H O U T ! Whoop it up! Yell out some appreciation for all the great things you have right this very minute. Sing out!

Hey, I’m a grateful plateful and I’m so happy to have my slippers and my incense and my icy glass of water! Yaaa, ya-ya-ya-ya!”

(or whatever strikes your fancy is fine; in fact, delete me here if it makes you nervous!) 

     Try clapping your hands! It’s okay. Your family or neighbors or dog may think you’ve finally lost it, but, oooh, doesn’t it feel good? Really, doesn’t it? Just imagine how good you can feel every day by moving your body and losing your brain–for just one minute like that–every day!

     You may not be able to stand yourself. (But you’ll be happy and grateful. And that brings you more incidents, things, people, places, experiences, and ideas to be more happy and more grateful for. That sure beats being unhappy and ungrateful and creating more incidents, things, people, places, experiences, and ideas to make you more unhappy and ungrateful.)

     What’s the old saying about misery loves company!? Bull! You don’t need to buy into that thinking. You owe it to your SELF to be happy and healthy and thankful. I’ll tell you what: if anybody can leave a comment here that tells me what could possibly be more important to YOU than those three qualities, I’d like to hear about it. This offer, by the way, does not apply to zombies, hermits, cannibals or vampires

     The bottom line: EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE THE SERIOUS BUSINESS TYPE AND PEOPLE ADMIRE YOU FOR THAT, GET UP, BREATHE, STRETCH, SHAKE, SHOUT, SING, CLAP AND LET YOURSELF GO. (If you’re REALLY worried, do it in the closet!) JUST DO IT. IT IS A CHOICE!

TREAT YOURSELF! IT IS A CHOICE! DO IT EVERYDAY! IT IS A CHOICE! You will surprise yourself with your new one-minute-let-loose-personality. And others will like you even more! IT IS YOUR CHOICE! ;<)    

Good Night and God Bless You!  halalpiar     

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VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED!

     Imagine coming here for a business meeting from a small town in another country. You’re just starting to learn English. Your host picks you up at Newark Airport and–intent on getting you to her office in “The Big Apple”–heads for the New Jersey Turnpike and the Lincoln Tunnel into midtown Manhattan. Great Guggamuggah! Talk about culture shock!

     You’ve struggled with deciphering the difference between driving on the parkway and parking in the driveway. You read signs: “CASH” and “NO CASH.” You get cash at this little booth? No, it must mean you give cash. Then why go to “CASH” and pay if you can go to “NO CASH” and act broke and get by for free?

     “EXIT” or “NO EXIT” or “EXIT ONLY” present intriguing options. Then, just to screw up your brain, is “LAST EXIT BEFORE TOLL” (so why not take it to avoid having to choose between “CASH” and “NO CASH”?). Aah, then there’s the whole question about whether “U TURN” or “NO U TURN” that’s just past the “CASH” “NO CASH.” 

     I mean, why would U turn and have to pay again and why would U not be allowed to turn (especially if U needed to re-turn to the little booth to use the bathroom or something)? And wouldn’t your curiosity be aroused in 90-degree July weather about “BRIDGE FREEZES BEFORE ROADWAY”?

     This doesn’t even compare to the questions the signs raise about your head.

     Uh, “CURVES AHEAD” and “STOP AHEAD” are puzzling, but you start to wonder about what kinds of animalistic creatures would urge you to “BRAKE AHEAD.” Then you see “JUGHANDLE AHEAD”…whew! And the radio blames traffic on “RUBBERNECKERS”???

     Standing still next to the “KEEP MOVING” sign in the middle of the tunnel, your host tells you how many hundred feet you are under the Hudson River and then notes how old the tunnel is and that it periodically springs a leak or two but that you’d probably only have to be there awhile. YUGZOWIE!

     So you finally get to the office. The 35th floor reception room with 4-inch thick buzzer entry glass doors next to the elevator has 6 plastic potted palms complete with strategically located yellowing leaves, a plastic-looking gum-chewing receptionist with spike heels, a 6-inch skirt and a plastic tube and a half’s worth of lipstick plastered between her nose and her chin.

     The coffee table sports three ragged copies of PEOPLE magazine from 1997, a National Geographic with the cover missing, and a few odd pages (aren’t they all?) of last week’s New York Times. The carpet has a large stain that resembles a Law & Order murder scene without chalk lines.

     There are dozens of moving black things breeding in the overhead fluorescents. Something piped out of ceiling speakers that resembles music is playing under the static. The coffee maker in the corner looks and smells like it’s been cooking for two days.

     Are you ready for your return flight yet?

     The business road to reception is filled with stuff we all take for granted. We’re used to rushing through this crummy airport route filled with confusion and traffic congestion. We’re used to rushing into office buildings and through disgusting and completely inhospitable reception areas every day without ever stopping to take inventory of what it must look like to a first time visitor.

     We KNOW there are no second first impressions, but we get ourselves in the mindset of thinking no one notices or cares about these things. They do and they do!

     When you take a customer, client, patient, prospect, associate, vendor, employee, friend or relative into your community and work environment , be sensitive to what that person is experiencing (especially someone from out of town!) and take the trouble to clean up the act before that individual’s arrival. Please note the word “before.” Thank you.   

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

SPIT: Rarely the object of

attention in a tender love story

     If we laugh out loud the first time we see a child’s bib block lettering proclaim “SPIT HAPPENS,” it may be because those of us with little kids in our lives know it does.  Or perhaps the humor surfaces as our minds flash unwittingly to the bumper stickers (with the adult version of the saying) and know instinctively for it to be true grit more often than not.  Isn’t it, after all, simply the unsophisticated, Americanized version of C’est La Vié?

     Spit.  We do it in disgust.  We do it in relief.  We watch baseball players do it on TV 14,397 times every game.  Boxers have their own buckets.  Spit conjures up thoughts of adrenaline, mucus, repulsion and sinusitis.  Sometimes we miss the spittoon, the gutter, the car window (yucht!) and end up with it on our sleeves, the fronts of our shirts, the tops of our shoes, rivuleting uncontrollably down our cleavages or hunkering down somewhere deep inside the thickest of our beards.

     Spit is swapped and mopped, and comes in all shapes and colors and levels of viscosity (yucht again!).  Then there’s the specialized version of spit we all know as flem.  Flem—having once been front and center in the embryonic form of a booger that got sniffed back—usually originates as a kind of loose stalagtite structure hanging mercilessly from the back recesses of the nasal passages. 

     Flem can be lumpy, smooth, or intricately woven into kiwi and mustard colored strands, occasionally available in nasty deep brown globs.  The thickest and most projectile-worthy of these is probably preceded by a throat ravaging clearance effort that sounds like a lot of little haagggt, haagggt, haagggt noises—or one death-rattling H-A-A-A-A-A-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-T !!!

     Tough guys spit from atop their horses, tanks, and tractors.  Adolescent boys (and some adolescent-minded men!) will dry themselves up by having distance and closest-to-the-wall contests.  But many of the winners move onward and upward to the higher challenge of launching their spittle from rooftops, movie balconies, and prime bridge locations over passing cars, boats, and trains … and unwary pedestrians.  Tomboys and other masculine females use it to draw their lines in the sand, and don’t dare step past the bubbly little puddle!

Anyway, one thing’s certain: spit has rarely been the object of attention in a tender love story. Until now. 

Stay on this site and just click here for (in the words of the immortal Paul Harvey) the rest of the story (just a few very short paragraphs!) :

http://halalpiar.com/?page_id=30  

Good Night and God Bless You!  halalpiar     

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