When you attack

a person’s self,

there can be no resolve.

One of life’s hardest lessons for every business owner and every manager is to always criticize behavior, never the person at fault.                                                        

“I don’t like the way you handled that customer and here’s what I suggest . . .” is a lot more productive and easier to swallow than “You moron! Why did you send that customer to our competitor? I can’t believe you’re so stupid!”

The assumption here of course is that because you and/or your business is invested in every employee, it’s important to help keep those investments on track and growing.

Step ONE is to nurture and protect and ensure the individual human being that lives inside the employee facade or uniform. You will never achieve these ends when you are critical of the person.

It is indeed true that this process is not necessarily an easy one, particularly when you may be dealing with a hostile, or relatively incompetent individual, or someone who has just committed a colossal screw-up.

But keep reminding yourself that your behavior –as well as the one you criticize– are both the result of a conscious or unconscious choice.

You can, in other words, choose to make the situation a difficult, stressful and nonproductive one

. . . or choose for the approach and the outcome to produce a win-win for both parties 

But –again– if the employment investment is worth protecting, then you need to bite the bullet, take some deep breaths, and accept that your role must be as a calming influence, a patient and understanding teacher. Hand-holder? No! Warm, fuzzy pardoner? No! But not confrontational either.

Taking the middle road need not be a torturous trek. And, in fact, it can be a learning experience for both you and the person whose behavior you need to address. 

Look at the prospects of confronting some unwanted behavior as the unique opportunity it is to help a valued employee become more valuable and to notch off another credit level on your human relations resume.

Ask not WHY something occurred. Instead, focus the person involved with improving her or his process. Deal with WHAT can be done and keep it specific, and hand the problem-solving back to the problem-creator.

“What three things can you write down for me on  a piece of paper before you go to lunch that you think will be the best steps you can take to avoid this kind of behavior in the future?  

Oh, and keep the ALWAYS RULE in your back pocket: ALWAYS praise worthy employee behavior in public, and ALWAYS criticize unwanted or unworthy employee behavior in private.

Go to great lengths to insure this ALWAYS RULE and you will quickly gain or enhance the kind of reputation that will increase sales and business growth (yes, even in a bad economy!)

 # # #

Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Tough or Tender?

You know what 100% of meat-eaters prefer, and what most lovers prefer, but when it comes to running a successful business in a near catastrophic economy, there’s little room for being tender. Is it like reaching the point with a drug addict to abandon “Tough Love” tactics?

Killer economy business owners have to be tough to hold on.

They also have to be tough to let go.

Either way–unlike government and corporate life or professional sports– there’s no one else to blame.

There’s no one else to step in and take over, and nobody else to pick you up.

Gloomy, huh?

Sure, there’s always the lottery, but real entrepreneurs don’t gamble because the risk is not reasonable. So what’s a struggling business owner to do, fire yourself? Maybe. Maybe not.

You probably won’t accomplish much by firing yourself, but you might accomplish a great deal by –instead– taking stock in yourself. Start with the assumption that you have what it takes to make things work. After all, you’ve already gotten this far, right?

1. Take back that attitude you had when you first started your business. Remember, that one where you relied on your SELF? You did whatever it took to nurture your ingenuity, persistence, gumption, stick-to-itiveness, determination…and all those other qualities?
2. Realize and accept that you can only rely on your SELF when you keep yourself in touch, day-to-day, with your own personal strengths and weaknesses. Be constantly on the alert to what they are and how they change. Adjust them and your SELF to fit changing times and situations, and to prompt opportunities to rise to the surface.
3. Remember that you have an important responsibility on Election Day to vote — and before that, to promote others to vote — for the kinds of sweeping changes nationwide that are clearly required and called for to recognize small business as the key to economic survival.

The current Congress and Administration most assuredly do not have your best interests or those of our national economy at heart. It does not require brain surgery expertise to see that small business creates probably close to 90% of all new jobs in the U.S.

Collectively, however, our political leaders lack business experience at every level, and have recklessly misspent and misappropriated billions of tax dollars in attempting to shore up misguided corporate entities, and bolster a social agenda that’s frivolous at best considering the continued plunge of unemployment, bankruptcy and foreclosure rates.

These destructive measures have been at the expense of a balanced budget, at the expense of the vast majority of Americans, and in the face of small business owners’ attempts to make things work. We need to get back on track –swiftly– with REAL tax incentives to small business for job creation (not SBA tokenism buried under reams of complex paperwork).

Your role in this is much more important than you may have thought.

Exert your influence to bring people into office –regardless of party affiliation– who will stop the tax and spend mentality in its tracks.

America needs representatives who will appreciate the sacrifices and values of small business ownership, and use that appreciation to see that jobs are created  . . . to begin to own up to the realities of what needs to be done to turn the tide of this devastating economy.

# # #

 931.854.0474 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

ARE YOU ALL YOU HAVE?

You can hire (even borrow) others

 but you can only bank on your self!

Whether you function out of a home closet, garage, kitchen table, 100,000 sq. ft. factory or warehouse, a fancy corporate center, a retail storefront, or a truck, it’s one thing to find people or a person you can trust to help you with your business, and quite another to translate that find into responsibility you can bank on.

Reality check: No matter how much you love someone who works for you, no matter how conscientious an employee may be, you are ultimately the one who has everything on the line, and you are the only one who has to answer to investors, lenders, suppliers, and — in the end — customers.  

Short of turning to your family (and even that rarely works), it’s probably close to 100% true that people only accept responsibility commensurate with what they think is merited by their compensation. In other words, only business owners and partners practice an ownership sense of responsibility. This goes beyond turning off lights and taking out the garbage.

If you’re not ready to make your support team owners/partners, then consider these options:

• Teaching others to have ownership attitudes and sense of responsibility is not the same as cultivating it or making it happen.
  • Leadership by example is one way.
  • Small frequent rewards is another.
  • Reliance on Maslow’s Hierarchy as a guide for rewarding people at their need level is yet another.

# # #

 302.933.0116          Hal@BusinessWorks.US

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

The Business That “Glows”

Together Grows Together

NO, power plant jokes aside, this is not just an empty little quick-fix message for entrepreneurial leaders, business owners, managers, and sales professionals.

First, it’s not “empty.” Second, it’s not “little.” Third, it will fix stuff quick, but it’s not a “quick-fix” remedy. And fourth, it’s not limited to  entrepreneurial leaders, business owners, managers, and sales professionals.

It’s something for everyone. In fact, please do share it with your family!

YES, like the classic stress management post take some deep breaths — this message works for families and friends as well as bosses and employees. No age limits, health restrictions, or strings attached. And, by the way, no charge.

Do some little thing that you usually

do every day in a different way…and

 see what you learn about your SELF. 

You typically start your daily shower, scrubbing under your left arm? Start under your right instead. Decide how it feels to be changing your routine. You usually travel the exact same route to work or school or a transit hub? Take a different route tomorrow. Note to yourself how it feels. What do you experience that’s different? New?

Perhaps you run straight to your emails or leave them until the evening? Try bunching them up a half hour before lunch and a half hour before quitting time. You’ll be more likely to make quick decisions and quick responses and not get tangled up with them for hours 

Why does any of this matter?

• Because the more you learn and can know about your SELF, and why you do and say the things you do, what feels right, what feels comfortable, and why, the more effective you will be at dealing with other people and interruptions and unplanned-for events (sounds like most of life?). Guess what the end-product is? Doesn’t self-discovery make you glow?                                                                  
• Because the more you can prompt yourself in small, seemingly insignificant ways to try new behaviors, new ideas, new directions, the more you are priming the pump in your brain to think and act more innovatively. Guess what the end-product is? Doesn’t being more innovative make you glow?                                                                             

In other words, changing your physical behavior — even just a tiny bit — can produce a tiny jolt in your brain that opens up some place where you have a crimped hose that is preventing free flow of information that can be holding back those great performances you are capable of, and those great smiles you have that you too often store in some closet.

You have the ability to make things happen for yourself every day, but are probably choosing to have other stuff get in your way. You might not be consciously making that kind of choice, but you can consciously choose to explore a new path or two. You can consciously choose to make more of the kind of difference in life you’ve always wanted to, instead of just talking or thinking about it.

When you choose to work at putting more glow inside yourself, you automatically transmit it to those you are responsible for leading —  and they will rise to the occasion more often and more productively. The business will glow. The business will grow.    

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

A business wallowing

in its own culture is 

rapidly irrelevant, and  

moving toward extinction.

(Yet corporate giants need it to survive!) 

I just read somewhere (Twitter?) that “Company culture is the priority” for some business organization whose name I’ll withhold to spare them embarrassment. I never heard of the company, but no doubt it is either part of some corporate giant sprawl or, sadly, some idealistic young tech business that is tripping over its own inexperience.

Any company that devotes its priorities to promoting, maintaining, nurturing, and protecting its own culture is totally out of touch with the realities of doing business in 2010. Admittedly, “never forgetting where you came from” is a healthy, driving energy force for every business owner, but dwelling on it is exactly what is wrong with the ways corporate giants conduct business today.

If your business is not customer-centric in every application possible, it is headed toward the great business burial grounds up in the clouds. Developing pie-in-the-sky programs to attract and keep top industry performers is a waste of time and money unless you totally lack the leadership it takes to foster and cultivate top performance from within.

The short solution:

Stop wasting so much energy on trying to inbreed specific employee characteristics and allegiances at a time when the only ROI you’ll realize will be major deficits (you remember him?).

If you’re not running some incompetent government agency, heavily subsidized corporate entity, or dreamy-eyed inexperienced new venture, don’t think of a culture focus as your bailout.

Here’s the bottom line: You cannot focus on your company’s culture AND on serving your customers exceptionally enough to earn ongoing profits AT THE SAME TIME. There’s simply not enough hours in the day to devote your concerted efforts in both directions simultaneously. If you haven’t a treasure chest in the closet, stick to pleasing your customers.

What was it Abe Lincoln said about not being able to please all of the people all of the time? Yes, some self-absorbed employees will jump ship who are not catered to, but do employees who come to work with a daily “what’s in it for me” attitude do your business any good to start with?

Did you go into business to cater to employees or to cater to customers? Sure, employee recognition and motivational performance incentives are nice, warm, fuzzy actions. But don’t let them get in the way. If you do a good enough job of pleasing customers, you will automatically please employees as well…at least those who matter to your business.

Those employees who are intrinsically challenged to be outstanding performers, who want to build their careers on achievement will rise to the opportunities you provide when you set the example.

Teach them how to embrace your customer base, instead of constantly pandering to their requests for more social activities.  

Is that a thin line? Perhaps. Yet, business owners who understand communications, and who practice leadership by example, and management by wandering around, can substantially reduce the need for many employee recruitment and reward devices because they create an environment all by themselves that make others gravitate to serve their pursuits. Voila! “Counter Culture”!

Put the spotlight on the customer and teach employees how to focus it, how to keep it shining and how to change the bulb when necessary, then reward them for how well they do what they do instead of for the promises of their smiles behind their resumes.

We need only look briefly at the complete financial losses attached to professional sports team owners who buy into promises of greatness vs. those who make the long term investments of cultivating from within. A great team culture doesn’t matter if you can’t perform in the clutch.

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Once, the rule.

Now, the exception.

 

Best Business Policy, eh?

You expected maybe some cataclysmic statement from the dregs of academia?

You thought maybe some esoteric pronouncement of apocalyptic proportions was about to come crashing down on the world of business owners and cause you to shift into fourth gear to keep up with the corporate bailout recipients?

Or, ah, a new way of thinking for 9AM tomorrow?

Sorry to disappoint you, but tonight’s message is a simple reminder of what you already know, but are perhaps occasionally tempted to forget about once in awhile. When, praytell, might you forget something as important as the Best Business Policy?

Well, it’s entirely possible that you may have overlooked it one recent night when the moon was full enough to see that business just isn’t happening like it was before the recession (which we’re now being told ended in June! What a wonderful thing! Must be that a new one started in July).

Anyway, it could have been that night when the bill-collector werewolves were howling on your doorstep.

Now, I’m not accusing anyone here. I’m just saying. Maybe your empty wallet had some off-stage role in the production? Or maybe –like that courageous town meeting questioner of White House “hope and change” promises earlier this week made note of– you and yours are doing franks and beans these days instead of Saturday night out on the town dinners?

There are many reasons, including of course the economy, that might have prompted you to forget that Best Business Policy and stray per chance for a brief, uncomfortable moment or two. THE “Policy”? Oh, right! It’s the same one you learned from a grandparent, or a religious leader, or a parent or friend or boss, or Uncle Abe. It’s called Honesty. 

But that, you might say, isn’t a BUSINESS policy. And you could no doubt produce a laundry list of other “Policies” that you think deserve to come far ahead on the “Best” list. Things like “Satisfaction Guaranteed” and “Money-Back” and “Giving priority to customer and employee relationships.”

Hey, you know what? Those things are all great; they’re fine policies to practice, but  n~o~t~h~i~n~g  builds trust like honesty. And, in business, TRUST wins every time! More so with today’s informed and value-and-green-conscious consumer than ever before.

Everyone (except maybe Mother Teresa) tells lies sometime. And some very few of those –measured by most moral standards– might be acceptable in special circumstances. But never in business. A real business leader doesn’t tell lies. A real sales professional doesn’t tell lies. A real entrepreneur who is focused on making her idea work doesn’t tell lies.

Business lies always come back to bite your butt.

People judge you by the truth you tell, in your personal exchanges and the ways your business treats everyone who comes in contact with it — inside as well as outside! Honesty, STILL, is the Best Business Policy. And practice makes perfect!    

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Write that book!

Sing that song!

Change that battery!

Txt that msg!

There is no such thing as the right or wrong

time to take a step on your own behalf.

You are after all, the only one who will take a step on your own behalf. Oh, you no doubt have others who will get up to bat for you, and fill in when you’re preoccupied or not around. But –in the end– you are the only one who understands you (or has the potential to) and the only one with a clear vision of your business pursuits.

That translates to you needing to cultivate, practice, and boost your Action Attitude daily. Having a bias toward action doesn’t mean you need to adhere to some maniacal schedule of rushing from one thing to another 25 hours a day (and the clue to whether you fit this madman-paced lifestyle is wishing that you had 25 hours in a day!).

Making an Action Attitude be as important an ingredient in your life and your business pursuits doesn’t mean always being on your toes; it means always thinking on your toes.

Except perhaps during a ceremony, a religious service, or on the line of scrimmage before the ball is snapped, some action is always better than no action! 

Having a bias toward action means always thinking and deciding in favor of forward motion regardless of delays or disarming or frustrating circumstances. It means never being lazy, except maybe on vacation. Action combined with trust is the foundation for leadership that makes a difference. 

No one travels to happiness or success by standing still. Why? Well, besides the obvious, it’s worth remembering the basic tenet of Gestalt-based teachings, that happiness IS the journey and success IS the journey. It is not a place to end. It is the process of getting there. We make that process happy and successful by having an Action Attitude.

I recently read someone’s business mission which stated in part, “Success starts with education followed by motivation.”

Not in this lifetime. Not in this country. And certainly not in the business world.

Success starts with an Action Attitude.

And as we all know from stories of the world’s greatest entrepreneurs, that their accomplishments had very little –if anything– to do with education.

Now, don’t all you teacher-types go getting your bowels in an uproar. I consider myself an educator as well as a writer and business coach. I taught part and full time college for 13 years. I designed and delivered management training workshops for 20 years. Educational achievements have little to do with life or business success.

My happiest and most successful students were typically lousy test performers with great drive, ambition, and a burning desire to make their ideas succeed. Most dropped out of formal classes and worked their way into experience levels that they parlayed into building and growing their own enterprises. Most have made a real difference in business, and with charitable contributions.

Winners don’t dwell on either the starting line OR the finish line. They pay attention to concentrating on each step they take. So having an Action Attitude means first and foremost being tuned in to “the here and now” present moment, every passing moment, as much as possible, throughout as many waking hours as possible, each day.

It is an Action Attitude focus that produces meaningful

and satisfying lives and productive, rewarding businesses.

931.854.0474 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Loose Lips DO Sink Ships . . .

When to keep your

mouth shut, and how.

You’re a self-confident entrepreneur, maybe even cocky. The likelihood is that you have a high sense of self-esteem and a big fat ego that sometimes gets in the way of your success —  an ego that you find yourself tripping over every once in awhile.

Your $50-necktie-and-$100-white-shirt corporate brother-in-law thinks you’re a smart-ass know-it-all. The guy you’ve been busting a gut trying to get business from can’t get past the fact that you’ve been everywhere, done everything, and have the same amount (or more) experience that he has. People who work for you start to yawn when you begin ticking off your accomplishments.

“A time for everything under heaven”

is true for sure.

But believing it and acting it

may be two separate issues.

How hard is it to keep your mouth shut when a customer, prospect, employee, or supplier starts offering an opinion on something you see differently, based on your firsthand knowledge?

Do you shut down your listening skills because you’re in a hurry to impress the other person that you already know the details, the scoop, the inside story, the whatever?

If any of this sounds even vaguely familiar, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Consider that no one likes to be upstaged. No one likes not being heard or paid attention to.

Try asking questions instead of offering opinions. Remember that true entrepreneurs who start and run successful ventures seek always to find others smarter than they are to run and manage their operations 

Surely you’ve heard some grandparent

warn a child to “hold your tongue!”

It’s actually very good and often productive advice. Try putting the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth (it’s very hard to speak coherently that way) when someone else starts in on a subject about which you consider yourself well-informed.

It will force you to pay attention and wait. It will force you to take the time to present your ideas in a less offensive, more productive manner.       

If someone else is trying to impress you, it almost always means that that person is already impressed with you.

If the exchangeis a potentially good one for either and/or both of you, tolerance may get you more respect than rebuttals or one-upmanship. Respect generates trust and cooperation and sales. Information presented in a way that others might interpret as bragging does not.

Leadership is about balance.

Balanced communications is the magic combination that opens the lock. Listening, active listening — eye contact, nodding, expressing agreement and understanding, asking for examples and diagrams, questioning instead of telling and offering opinions, paraphrasing, taking notes, showing genuine interest and concern — are leadership behaviors that create balance. 

Anytime you’re tempted to pounce on a discussion topic with with a tsunami of personal experience, supportive data, resource recommendations, evidence you consider conclusive to support your position . . . STOP! Ask yourself if you are more interested in impressing someone with how much you know or are capable of, than you are with growing or boosting your business.

When you can respond instead of react,

you can never over-react!

302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Disagreements are

triggered by real or

perceived threats,

 injustices, and

unmet expectations.

If you’re not seeking a win-win result,

you lose. If, however, you are seeking for

both sides to walk away winners, check this…

Here’s a helpful checklist of steps to keep handy as you seek to negotiate your way through any disagreement with another person or group of people. Following these guidelines can help to disarm real or perceived threats, injustices, and unmet expectations by putting it all on the table and by facilitating (with pleasant assertiveness) forward movement…on the job, or off: 

1)   BOTH SIDES MUST ACCEPT

that the responsibility for striking up a successful relationship, or renegotiating a pre-existing one, is shared.

“Before we set out to produce a useful contract, we both (all) need to accept and act from a position of 50-50 ownership.”  

2)   A FREE, UNRESTRICTED ATTITUDE

must prevail. Agreements that are manipulated or coerced will not last. Those who do not freely choose to agree are not ready to contract with others at any level.

“Before we build this bridge over troubled waters, let us (all) agree to not exert any external stresses on the materials we use, the time we decide on, the people and equipment we choose to do the job, or the costs involved”

3)   BOTH SIDES MUST BE WILLING

 to give fair consideration to one another’s situations, circumstances, opinions, assertions, evidence, concerns, experience, skill, knowledge, and financial and physical and spiritual limitations. Even boss-employee relationships cannot produce something from nothing.

“I’m happy to give you the benefit of some extra hours (days) off if you are willing to put the extra effort in that we need right now, and can get the job done the right way on schedule.”

4)   ANYTHING ANYBODY WANTS

is legitimate. It may not be desirable, advisable, or affordable, but there’s nothing wrong with expressing desires (that are, of course, legal and nonviolent).

“You want a hundred million dollars for this land assessed at $900,000? Okay, you’re entitled to want that.”

5)   Remember the song: “YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT” ?

It’s true, and that’s okay too!

6)   YOU CAN CHOOSE TO REFUSE.

You may not want to deal with the consequences of refusing, but you can always simply say “No!”

7)   THE ONLY DEAL ITEMS 

you can put on the table are behavior, results, time and money. Attitudes and emotions cannot be contracted for.

8)   IF YOU OR THE OTHER PARTY

doesn’t have or is unable to provide something, don’t waste time and energy seeking it.

9)   PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT PRESENT

cannot be contracted with.

10)  PUT IT IN WRITING. PUT IT IN WRITING. PUT IT IN WRITING.

11)  BUILD IN  “What Happens If” CONTINGENCY ARRANGEMENTS.

Always take the time to consider “worst case scenario” possibilities. 

12)  MAKE SURE TO SET UP A WAY TO MEASURE PROGRESS.

It’s hard to know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been.   

This adaptation was inspired by a 1985 guideline “When You’re Negotiating” published by Designed Learning, Inc.

302.933.0116    Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

When tug-of-wars threaten 

family business . . .

call TIME OUT!

Not to act is to act… Not to stop the roller coaster long enough to raise the issues (and question yourself), puts you out of control!

Conflict is inevitable in any business. But eliminating conflict can destroy a business overnight because it pulls away the blanket of trust and blocks the path to innovation all in one fell swoop.

The goal needs to be to manage conflict productively, not chase it away. Properly managed conflict can breed creative thinking, mutual respect, and boost business growth.

If you want to get technical, some organizational development experts and behavioral scientists would insist that the inability to manage agreement is a far more critical issue to address than the inability to manage conflict.

Experience with hundreds of family businesses though seems to dictate that where conflict is present, manage that first. It’s hard to agree to much of anything once fists are flying.

__________________________________________________

Start by questioning yourself >>> What do I need to do when a conflict issue is critically important to me but not to others? >>>Am I inflating or accelerating an issue and making it worse than it really is? >>> How important is it for me (and for me to help others) to speak up, and not “hint”? >>> For issues that are critical to others but not me, can I mediate better with active listening and questioning?

_____________________________________________

Here are some quick-fix rules of thumb that can lead you out of the dark tangles and into the sunlight:

1) Be willing to listen more. Ask the presenter(s) to slow down so you can write down a bullet list of items he/she/they want to deal with (When you do this, you slow down the attack potential and reduce the odds of getting overwhelmed with a bombardment of unrelated issues. When it’s agreed that the list is complete, ask for help prioritizing it, then focus on #1 only until it’s resolved, before moving to #2, etc. Divide and conquer the issues.

2) Stay 100% focused on the issues and on behaviors, not on the individuals themselves or their personality defects or character traits.

3) Resist being defensive or attacking back. Rebuttals only stimulate more rebuttals. Even if you’re right and win the battle, you can lose the war.

4) Be pleasantly direct about expressing what you want and feel. Use assertive language that respects others and their rights, that is objective and clear. More use of words like “I” instead of “you.” If things get heated, call TIME OUT! and follow with statements like “I came here to discuss, not argue” and “I want to know your feelings about this” and “I want to hear your position on this.”

5) Practice substituting the word “and” for the word “but” when trying to work through differences [“I agree with your thinking that we need to increase sales, but I think how that happens should be the responsibility of the sales department” is NOT as effective as “I agree with your thinking that we need to increase sales, and I think how that happens should be the responsibility of the sales department.”] Words like “but” (and “though” and “however” which are simply polite “buts”) serve to discredit…whereas “and” suggests a process of building on a mutually agreeable idea.

To deal effectively with another person’s anger, you must –above all– not get hooked by it.

Second, accept it as belonging to the other person.

Third, affirm the other person’s angry feelings as real, and that you hear and understand them.

Fourth, acknowledge that you may or do feel defensive, and state clearly how you feel about having any anger directed at you.

Fifth, ASK for clarification, for examples, for diagrams; diagnose the cause — take it apart piece at a time.

Sixth, renegotiate the relationship.

And remember what grandma used to say: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

(or call or email Hal -see below- for some free pointers)

Resolving conflicts? It’s always worth doing. It’s your business.

302.933.0911 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!