I grew up with unreasonable demands being made on me and my brother and my mother by my alcoholic father. I began thinking that that was life, and all the other stuff that came my way from teachers and coaches and bigger older kids was just more of the same. So were the demands of college, grad school, and parttime jobs. Or so at least it all seemed.

The more I kept inside, the

tighter, more withdrawn

and resentful I became.

Ever feel that way yourself, or am I just imagining? Don’t we all hold onto some kind of resentment? If it has to do with responsibility, maybe it knots up our shoulders. If it’s a love relationship, it may give us chest pains or heartburn, sadly sometimes heart attacks and heart disease.

Some experience “butterflies” in their stomachs, pains in their lower backs, or legs. We get headaches when oxygen and blood flow get sidetracked from traveling freely through our necks and end up like crimped garden hoses. We run to surgeons and chiropractors and massage therapists and drugstores and liquor cabinets for relief.

Did you ever have such an explosive feeling inside that you wanted to scream, but you ended up instead making some feeble guttural sounds, swallowing the wrong way, coughing or choking, or perhaps you simply stuffed food down your throat because it’s hard to express how you feel when your ability to speak is blocked with food?

All of these symptoms and often not-such-good solutions are magnified for small business owners and managers. Besides all the everyday life stresses of family and friends, small business owners and managers cannot leave their workday traumas at their workday worksites. Doing business 24/7 is what life is about. Entrepreneuring takes guts!

When you own or run a business,

you even dream about it!

If someone insults a corporate or government guy at work–and hopefully this is a rare or never occurrence–he may feel resentful and carry it around, or dismiss it, or confront it. Insults are standard daily fare, however, for many if not most small businesses, and the pressure is enormous to not dismiss it or confront it reactively. 

“Trading insults” leaves us with more insults than we started with!

By reacting insread of responding, it will surely come back to haunt

because only reacting opens the floodgate to OVER-reacting! 

So if all of that is the valley of darkness,

how do we rise up into the light?

Well, here’s how I did it. Try this little recipe.

You might pleasantly surprise your SELF! 

First is to acknowledge that we harbor resentment and identify what circumstances or to whom we attach the ill feelings. Next is to take some deep breaths to better circulate that oxygen and blood flow. Then ask ourselves if it’s really worth hanging onto the upset feelings and to what ends or purpose?

Is it worth “hanging on” in exchange for the bitterness to take its toll on our one and only bodies that we want to have usher us into long happy and healthy lives? Take some more deep breaths. Are you so stubborn that you’re willing to give up years of life in exchange for not being a big enough person to forgive? Isn’t it time to move on?

Watch how good your body starts to feel when you finally agree to answer those questions honestly and let go of that resentment you’ve been harboring all these many days, weeks, months, years.   

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Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116 

 Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting.  God bless you. 

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

There was a time, once upon a time, when I was young and foolish, and convinced I knew everything. Well I did know everything. Of course I did. After all, I was 29 or 30 and way past the dirt-poor boyhood lessons of life and growing up. In fact, I had been growing up in New York, which –when I look back– was a miracle all by itself. I mean, who grows up in New York?

A New Yawka? Ugh, who

wants one of them around?

It’s a weird thing when you think you know it all and have seen it all and have been there and done that and have the t-shirt, and then: swhooooosh! —out of the blue– the real you, broadsided with a new learning experience.

It happened when I was one of those hot-shot Madison Avenue advertising guys you may have seen portrayed on TV’s “Mad Men,” or maybe not. (Actually, that show was not very authentic, but what does TV have to work with except half-truths anyway?). I commuted 40 minutes each way by train into the city, M-F, creating great ads.

I married too young, and as I went “over the hill” at age 30, I was already ending a messy marriage, and winning diapers-galore legal custody of my three children (2,2, and 4), one of the twins profoundly retarded. Imagine the small army of friends, neighbors and household help (from a loyal young caring live-in couple, Wayne and Peggy).

As luck would have it, my troubled twin (now PC-termed “profoundly developmentally disabled”) slept all day and cried all night as I walked the floors with her. So with endless spare time on my hands, I made the mistake of taking up with more of the politics I’d left behind as a teenage and 20-something volunteer for the Democratic Party.

I know, I know, but it was because my parents were lifelong Democrats — “The working man’s party,” my father proudly exclaimed. I figured he should know which team was the good guys because he was of course, a working man! Besides the Democrats all spoke from the heart and made powerful promises and shook my father’s hand.

So what’s changed? The Democratic Party. It walked away. Democrats are now the party of greedy union bosses, elite academics, never-say-die tree huggers, fat and happy government employees, free handout beneficiaries . . .  and UN-American, share-the-wealth-with-thieves-and-illegals-to-build-votership idealists with no sense of reality.

Then I became an entrepreneur.

Democratic Party leadership (now there’san oxymoron!) is invested in destroying entrepreneurs and entrepreneurial spirit . . . obliterating the same entrepreneurial spirit that built this great nation. They are on a relentless anti-capitalism freight train crusade to run over and destroy small business enterprises and ownership

. . . at the expense of job creation and economic survival!

Doesn’t sound like much of a good trade-off to me, but, hey, what do I know? I’m just a transplanted New Yawka whose business is busy fighting off our great White House visionaries who obviously value votership over entrepreneurship. 

Can there be such a thing as short-sighted visionaries? How about 30 million short-circuited small business owners? How about we vote together for a change? November 6, 2012. Be there.                  

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Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116 

 Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting.  God bless you. 

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

“I am me . . . 

in all the world,

there is no one else

exactly like me.

I am okay!”

 — World renown family therapist VIRGINIA SATIR

[What? You came here looking for that all-time great 56-year-old recording hit “Only You,” by the Platters?]

People around you may sometimes prompt you to think –because you own or run or manage a small business or professional practice– that you are Mr. or Ms. (or Dr.) Awesome in the flesh. And perhaps that’s warranted, especially if you are what’s commonly referred to as “self-made,” in which case: congratulations!

If, however, you can’t even begin to think about your business success because right now you’re down there in the trenches with America’s other 29,999,999 small business owners who are struggling to survive the fanatical progressive/socialist/liberal agenda that has steered government into a trample-free-market-competition mode.

Then the time has come to step back and take personal stock of who you are and where you’re going. And I’m sorry to tell you I can’t help you with where you’re going; only you know that answer. Godspeed!

So let’s explore the real you, the only you, the you that only your inner circle of family and friends knows. I can help you with that. I have lots of experience guiding people (especially business people) to find themselves. It’s not always easy. Some entrepreneurs thrive on making themselves be needles in a haystack.

Begin with accepting the awareness that you are unique.

There is (if you check with your friendly local DNA expert, and as Virginia Satir’s quote above says), no one else exactly like you.

Next, consider that if in fact this is true for every human on Earth, then HOW employees and customers respond to the messages you put out is never exactly the same twice.

Now that should tell you something right off the bat. What you want others to know about you, your products and services is very likely to be not what they are getting from your messages. But let’s return to you.

Government has cultivated dependency among the brain-dead, who make themselves too busy with life to bother with work. Who needs a job when you can get it all (food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, education) for free? There are others who work just enough to get by, but most of them seem to have RDD (Responsibility Deficit Disorder).

You are not among those who live off of others or you wouldn’t be reading this.

But some questions for you are in order: Do you choose to make yourself too busy with work to live life? Is it essential to your survival or are your business priorities simply wrapped around “what if” worries? Do you take enough breaks and pat yourself on the back enough for the good things you do? Do you eat and sleep right?

Have you ever “almost died”?

Do you get enough exercise? Are you answering these questions truthfully? Do you realize that because you are unique, so are your needs, so is your activity level, so is your spunk and gumption, so is your faith, your sense of patriotism, and your entrepreneurial spirit? When did you last stop to think about those values and variables?

What can you do right now to give your unique self a boost?

We do, in fact, become what we think about. Have you been thinking about what you really want to become, or have you been preoccupied with being the person you think others want you to be? There’s no such thing as working smarter and not harder. The issue is one of balance. There is a way that you already know . . . and, there is prayer.      

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Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116 

 Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting.  God bless you. 

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Business and personal

courage come in as many

different packages as there

are people on Earth

 To decide to live (personal or business) instead of to die takes courage. Being brave enough to step up conscious effort far surpasses the alternative of choosing to give up, give in, quit. Choosing death (personal or business) takes no inner strength, no conviction, no belief, no sense of self-worth, no guts. Yet both choices have their advocates, don’t they?

~~~~~~~~

I know many who have chosen life over death in spite of suffering:  and they are my heroes —  all of them!

I have unfortunately also known some who have simply chosen to die rather than fight to live and face the reality of their fantasies. We are rarely aware of these poor souls living among us in our work settings, neighborhoods, and families… until they bring us great sadness! 

How –after all— do we assess someone’s gumption? Isn’t gumption a (if not the) key attribute of courage?

Maybe we’re not consciousness-raised enough to tune in to others’ plights, or perhaps it’s just too overwhelming to think about? One need not be a shrink in order to sift through some obvious clues. Great amounts of ongoing, chronic, pain can often be a quit-life sign. Overall failure to adjust attitude or to respond instead of react are others.

Don’t go running around now trying to psychoanalyze your employees and family. Thoughts presented here are simply meant to trigger some awarenesses and prompt some introspection.

Perhaps the biggest and most dramatic difference between those who choose life over death has to do with whether people live most of their lives in the mentally and emotionally unhealthy “then and there” past, or the “if and when” future, vs. the far healthier and happier conscious stability of “here and now” present moment reality. 

Mental and emotional good health –even with physical suffering– means paying attention to and appreciating every present “what’s happening” moment as much of the time as possible. It means authenticity. It means seeing and hearing and responding to what’s right in front of one’s face. It’s Gestalt.

Do past and present ever come into play? Of course. We’re human.

Gestalt thinking and practice recognizes that past and future indulgences have value when they’re managed from the present. Past memories, for instance, can have a great soothing effect and enormous learning value. Future thinking is essential to survival because we must all plan and schedule.

The trick is to constantly work at keeping focused on the here and now. Generally, the more someone has one foot grounded in the existing real time world, the healthier she or he is apt to be, and the better prepared he or she will be to live (and continually choose to live) a rewarding and meaningful, make-a-difference life. 

How to get to the point of maximizing life requires some major letting go of behaviors that may be comfortable in favor of taking new pathways. And that bit of transition and personal growth takes courage.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

TY, Thank You, THX,

Thanks, Appreciation,

Appreciate, Appreciated,

Appreciative, Grateful,

Gratefulness, Gratified,

Gratification,  tks, Please,

Pls, YW, You’re Welcome!

Have you paid off  your TY IOUs lately? Do you have a list of them? Are they in some order? Which ones are the oldest? To whom do you owe more than one TY? What are they for? What were the circumstances? How long ago exactly was the favor or courtesy or thoughtfulness extended? Might it now be time to clean some of these up?

If you don’t have one, let’s start with a business list, then move on to personal, or vice versa if you prefer. I like to keep a thank you list next to my desk phone, divided into two columns: “Calls” and “Emails.” I add to them during the day between meetings, other emails, and other calls, and cross out the ones I’ve handled as each day passes.

Why? Who Cares? EVERYone cares. Which also answers the question “Why?” Simply put, there can be no better investment of your time and energy for boosting your business and personal reputations. And sales pros will tell you that personal and business reputations built on these courtesies translate directly to sales.

Oh, and let’s not forget that long-lost art of a personal handwritten thank you note stuck in the mail or office inbox. There is NOTHING compares with receiving one of those. And the busier you are, the more impact a note from you has. In other words: The more personal you can make your expression of thanks, the greater the impact!

It’s hard to beat a message that has a little hug hanging on its coattails!

Probably needless to add, but it’s well worth remembering: It’s also FREE, which makes it a no-brainer practice for business owners and operators, and especially for professional practice principals, who are seldom regarded as grateful for their patients and clients! 

Social media subscribers probably use the expressions in this post’s headline more than any other segment of society except Salvation Army Santas. It’s become standard fare Internet ettiquette. It’s the sub-culture of long-distance communications dipped in politeness and exchanged for the world to see, but seldom felt from the heart.

Twitterers send Tweets. If you like the Tweet, you respond mostly with a RE-Tweet (or RT) as a polite form of endorsement. Someone whose Tweet gets an RT, inevitably returns a TY (Thank You) note Tweet to that endorser. That endorser may send (Tweet) yet another note, like YW (You’re Welcome).

It’s said that these kinds of exchanges are all cover-ups for the acknowledged impersonalness of social media communications, that they somehow compensate for handshakes and eye contact and voice tone and inflections. Well, they don’t really. Not much could. But they do set social media cordiality apart from other media forms. 

Anyway, Thank you for visiting. I am truly grateful for the minutes you spent here, and if any of what I said is helpful to you in any way, well . . . YW.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116 

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you. 

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Who knew?

You can end up going 

under when you’re

too over-the-top!

The boy who cried wolf… the lady doth protest too much… the sky is falling. Doomsday attitudes breed doom. We become what we think about!  

The more we think it, the more we bring it on. We become what we think about. We all know the type: the doom and gloomer — no matter what we say or do, it’s “poor me!” and “the business can never survive.”

Well, guess what? If that’s what we believe, we can bet our butts that that’s what we’ll get. We become what we think about. Why do we make it so hard on ourselves to unravel the tangled web of negativity that’s wrapped around our brains? We know better, don’t we? I mean this ain’t rocket science. It’s attitude. It’s a choice. We choose it!

So why do we choose negative thoughts and pessimism when we can just as easily choose positive thoughts and optimism? But it’s not “easy” we say. Well, then that too is a choice. We can choose to make it easy. Sounds good, but a whole lot of the problem is that the tangled web is full of then and there and if and when instead of here and now. 

Choosing to focus our minds on the here and now present moment as much as possible throughout the day (and night) is the healthiest place to be — physically (to prevent accidents, mentally (to prevent errors), and emotionally (to be able to respond instead of react!). It’s not possible 100% of the time, but it certainly can be more than it is!

We’ve all seen examples in every walk of life of unlikely people performing majestic feats only because they believed they could. We become what we think about. Believing in our selves, in things, relationships, sales, profits, innovation, productivity, and performance delivers the goods where hard work alone cannot.

I am now writing my second commissioned memoir. Both books are about a believer who has surpassed all odds –including threats at gunpoint– and succeeded by every life’s measure:

Both men believed so hard in what they were doing (and curiously couldn’t have been farther apart in their pursuits — home fabrics and public service for one, driving faith-based reform into the rough and tumble trucking industry for the other) that, without even trying, they put themselves in the right places at the right times and became winners!

Either of these men could have easily quit at any time, and lived a comfortable life, but both believed there was more to it than that. Both believed in service to others. Both had a here and now focus. Both choose prayer and faith as primary tools to nurture and support their belief systems.

Neither ever ventured “over the top”in their words and deeds, or in the ways they treated and respected others — employees, customers, suppliers, advisors, referrers–  and most importantly, their families. They were models of humility, trustworthiness, self-confidence and, though neither would admit it: inspired leadership.

In both cases, the fact that their competitors put their businesses under by talking too much and performing too little proves the point that over the top attitudes can drive business under. 

More on success? No compensation involved, but I heartily recommend Malcolm Gladwell’s book, OUTLIERS. Short. Fascinating. Challenging.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116 

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you. 

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Planned and run correctly,

meetings are invaluable.

All the rest suck eggs!

Dear Boss, Please stop dragging people into meetings in order to give yourself an audience. They hate it, and you’re wasting their time as well as yours! Not to mention that time is money. Unplanned-for, slipshod-run meetings produce the exact opposite of what you need. They discourage and de-motivate. They frustrate and result in costly dumb errors that lose customers and antagonize suppliers.

All meetings? Of course not.Just the ones with no time schedule, no agenda that’s been circulated in advance and posted in the room, inadequate meeting space and supplies, no facilitative leadership, and no follow-up. That’s all. Just those. Aaaah, but wouldn’t you know it? That’s probably the majority of meetings worldwide. Now. Tomorrow.

Well, so that makes it okay because most other businesses and organizations are winging it, right? Not on your life. Not in this ever-deepening quagmire of an economy. Not in this day and age. There is no time to waste. This ain’t the good ole days! You can’t sit around with your feet up and a pot of coffee and brainstorm jokes for a couple of hours.

Meetings must be well-planned, executed, and filled with high energy. Good meetings ignite positive, problem-solving mindsets. Long-distance online meetings from Skype to Go-To-Meeting-type options can be effective tools. So can good old-fashioned teleconferences. Texting? No. Facebook chats? No. Tweets? No. Instant Messages? No.

First, hand pick participants according to what each can contribute, who has a need to know the subject matter, and whom you want to know more. Forget about titles, rank, age, or how busy people are. For long, status report or job/task review type meetings, stagger participants to come and go according to topic relevancy.

If you anticipate a meeting turning into a political firestorm, check this bit of enlightenment.

Everyone doesn’t need to be part of every discussion. When you think it through ahead of time, it’s more work and takes longer to plan, but the results will be dramatically improved, and more productive (both time and dollar-value-wise) for participants. Better-planned and led meetings can positively impact your bottom line as well. 

The single most important meeting tool and most often overlooked is the agenda. It needs to be carefully planned. It can’t be too overwhelming (more short meetings beat fewer long ones). Chunk it up! Some even attach time in minutes to each topic. Circulate it ahead of time and ask for input. Reproduce it poster-style in the meeting room.

Follow it. Do not allow anyone to not follow it. Politely thank people for off-topic comments and ask them to save them for the next meeting or include them on a separate agenda. You cannot stick to a time schedule if people sidetrack the agenda items. Be a clock watcher until it becomes second nature. Always honor start and stop times.

Hidden Agendas? Try this information on for size!

For a period of time when I had some major talker-types involved in weekly meetings, I had all the chairs removed or covered with boxes. It didn’t take long to get everyone focused on moving the agenda along quickly when they had to stand. Whatever you do, give meetings more attention. The ROI can be pleasantly surprising.   

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116 

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you. 

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

CHANGE is hardly ever a  

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Hal@Businessworks.US  931.854.0474

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Do I understand you

  correctly to mean…? 

 Can you give me

an example?

When you’re not 100% sure that you fully understand the meaning and intent of someone’s words, ask paraphrasing-type questions

. . . and ask for examples.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asking these two questions is evidence of quality leadership. Because true leaders listen. Paraphrasing and asking for examples are key indicators of effective listening. The responses clarify. The responses help ensure accurate two-way communications, and they help prevent errors and misunderstandings.

Simply by posing these two questions (plus this one), leaders can help agitated people (e.g., upset employees, irate customers, impatient investors) to jet down. The asking alone serves to build trust, loyalty, teamwork, and promote open innovative exchanges. It also, by the way (but not unimportantly), reassures, flatters, and compliments.   

Used correctly, paraphrasing is equally effective in personal life as well as business. Business partners, employer/employee and parent/child relations, teacher/student, married and unmarried couples and family relationships can all benefit by using paraphrasing.

It is, in effect, a clarification checkpoint practice that works. 

What does “used correctly” mean? Process. Dynamics. The process and dynamics of asking the questions — the how, when, where, and circumstances; the nature of the people involved; the nature of the actions to be taken or tasks to be done– all have a bearing on the value of the outcome. How you ask. Your tone of voice. Your posture.

Yes, some could see this kind of attention to communication detail as a lot of unnecessary work. Those people are choosing to feel threatened by the intrusion of having to expend extra energy and time (yes, it will take more time that “normal” for a meeting or phone call or e-exchange) to get stuff right the first time instead of on a re-visit.

If you’re not presently building these kinds of questions into your daily practice of leadership –business, home, professional practice, community organization, classroom makes no difference– put it to the test. You will find, inside of just three weeks, major improvement at many levels, including increased receptivity.

You can greatly enhance the prospects for yourself to succeed with this challenge by adding note taking to your listening time. If you think it makes people feel good to be asked if you’ve understood something correctly, or to provide an example, wait ’til you see their faces when you start jotting down what they say.

Back to the agitated communicators, when you can also ask someone: “Would you mind please slowing down (or repeating what you just said) so I can make some reminder notes for myself to be sure I don’t miss any of the important things you say, I will appreciate it. Now if I understand you correctly to mean…?” You defuse the upset.

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Hal@Businessworks.US  

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

The mouth says “Yes!”

 but the body says “No!”

What’s wrong with this picture?

You stand there, head down and tilted to the right, parentally staring over the tops of your glasses.

Your arms are folded defensively across your chest.

Your aggressive right-side shoulder is turned away and leans on the doorway or wall.

Your aggressive right-side foot is being held back by your receptive left-side foot which has it blocked or covered.

And you are telling your contentious investor or your irate customer that she is right, that you agree completely.

A mixed message? 

_________________________

Great sales professionals know that when your job involves some form of persuasion (name just one that doesn’t!), you can’t learn too much about body language.

Why?

Because without some great theatrical dynamics in your DNA, or having taken some pantomimist course of study, people’s bodies speak truer than their mouths.

(Precisely why txtmsgs fail in every attempt to exercise persuasion.)

Without being able to see firsthand how the person or group you’re communicating with responds to greatly handicaps the persuader’s ability to gain acceptance. Remember that every successful decision to buy, or buy in, is one that’s emotionally-triggered–not logically reasoned.

Telephones are a step up from texting because careful listening allows us to “see” responses like a smile, a frown, anxiety, preoccupation, anger, but it’s true that there is nothin’ like the real thing, baby! Skype? Pretty close to in-person, though you’re not likely to ever know if the tie and jacket are just upper hosts to underwear and bare feet!

Studying up on observation skills is always a good thing, but don’t expect it to suddenly turn your tide. Careful listening and effective eye-contact (note the word “effective” means to eliminate staring, glaring, leering, and flirting) are equally important assessment tools. They give you the unspoken chance to make adjustments.

Great athletes will tell you that the ability to make adjustments –batter to pitcher, quarterback to hard-charging defenders, boxer to boxer, skier to slope conditions, golfer to wind, marathoner to temperature, etc.– is the difference-maker and deal-breaker when it comes to actual performance.                                                                                  

Still trying to think of a job that doesn’t involve some form of persuasion? There are none. And that should tell you something all by itself. The better you can be at quietly and unobtrusively “reading” and processing another’s body language (kinetics, if you prefer formality), the more effective you’ll be at growing your business.

When you note someone folding arms, crossing legs, sitting back, jiggling a foot, or steepling their fingertips, you must decide how to mentally/physically/emotionally step back from whatever you’re representing, long enough to prompt a change to more receptive posture before moving forward.

Thinking is one thing. Awareness is another. 

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0911 

  Open minds open doors. 

 Thanks for visiting and God bless you.

   Make today a GREAT day for someone!