WHAT MAKES YOU TICK?

     Do you know how, when, where, and why you choose to feel angry?  

     Are you aware of some of the things you choose to do to distance yourself from others when you feel threatened or bored or anxious or intimidated? 

     Do you know the difference between your thoughts and your feelings?  Can you separate fact from opinion?  Are you choosing to not like these questions?  Good!  You’re on your way to being a better salesperson.

     Every day, in every way, we sell ourselves to others: to friends, family, neighbors, classmates, bosses, associates, co-workers, existing and prospective customers/patients/clients, to entire communities. 

     We sell ourselves to make a living, to make love, to make enemies, to make opportunities.  

     Sometimes we’re successful and sometimes not.  We can increase the number and frequency of successful sales simply by choosing to dig into and explore more of our insides. 

     The more we choose to learn about what motivates us, what we choose to feel aggrevated about, what we choose to stimulate us, antagonize us, energize us . . . what makes us tick . . . the more we strengthen our abilities to be effective in dealing with (and selling) others.

     There are many steps in the sales process.  Some of these include: 

• Sizing up the prospect (this is a difficult task if you cannot first size up your SELF!)
• Being able to listen (not “hear” – listen) 80% of the time and speak 20% of the time (a challenge for those who like to talk and don’t know enough about themselves to know how to turn off the chatter)
• Understanding and appreciating the customer/prospect’s circumstances (which requires a major dose of empathy – being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes – a quality rarely found in salespeople who haven’t been willing to choose to step or even look outside their own shoes!)
• Overcoming objections (something that only comes naturally to those who have learned enough about themselves to rise above their own feelings of inadequacy and chosen to put aside excuses)
• Closing the sale (the final critical step that makes all others inconsequential if it’s not achieved and which is more likely to be the case when a salesperson is thinking about anything besides trying to help the customer or prospect in front of her or him to make a good buying decision that will truly satisfy a need or want, and that is honest and makes sense for that person. 

     Only salespeople who possess a helping professions mindset and attitude that they’ve learned or instinctively nurtured for themselves will succeed consistently at closing sales because they are not thinking about closing sales as much as thinking about helping someone make a right decision.

     None of the sales process steps above (or any of the dozens of others) can be readily implemented by an individual who has not fully explored the inner recesses of his or her mind, and the emotional triggers to feelings that come from different responses. 

     Consistent success in sales does not come to those who fail to fully appreciate their own unique qualities, strengths and weaknesses.  

     Take advantage of every opportunity to learn more about your SELF and what goes on inside you.  Treat your mind and emotions as uncharted territory and be an explorer.  Remember how much of life you choose for yourself, and that once you’ve learned a road, it’s easier traveling on your next journey.

# # #

When did the plumber

and the weatherman 

get their operations? 

     Am I living on another planet, or what?  When did the plumber become a mechanical contractor?  When did the weatherman become a meteorologist?  (Don’t get me wrong.  Meteors are interesting phenomena, but I only care about temperatures, rain and snow.  For meteors, I have the Science Channel.) 

     Oh, and please, when did an “operation” become softened to a procedure?  (Probably when numerous hospitals became medical centers, chiropractors became sports physicians, and cardiothoracic surgeons became heart specialists).  Ah, yes, and of course 99% of procedures are also routine procedures! 

     Speech therapists, who specialize in helping people speak and swallow better, no longer want to be called speech therapists; now they’re speech pathologists.  (Don’t pathologists specialize in dead people?)  

     Many salesmen and saleswomen who became “salespeople” during the sexual revolution are now (more PC) sales associates.  Like the trouble with mailmen and female mailmen finally settling into a state of  androgenous mush to become universally known as postal workers.  Oh, and have you noticed how few companies have employees anymore?  How about Members as in “going to work at the clubhouse.” 

     When I was in school, we had a janitor to clean the building.  Then the janitor became a custodian which no doubt upset many legal custodians (and, correspondingly, numerous lawyers and attorneys and attorneys at law — all of whom, in my judgement, deserve to experience upsets!).  Ah, but take heart, now the old guy is called a maintenance facilitator, leaving little doubt as to custodianship! 

     I hope we don’t all begin confusing the MVB with the DVM and start getting our cars in for flea and tick treatments, and tail light inspections for our dogs!  By the way, in this age of specialization, a canine ophthalmologist?  This is for those near-sighted pitbulls? 

     So what does all this mean? 

     For small businesses (especially startups) and big business HR departments and others who make these decisions: Don’t parade yourself around on stationery and business cards and websites as “CEO” when you’re a one or two-person firm, or as a large company “Director” of something that no one else is involved with (So how can you be directing?). 

     That kind of inflated title stuff worked in olden times, before every bank in town had 14,000 vice presidents, but not today. 

     “Founder,” by the way, is equally unimportant unless you started Dreamworks or Microsoft or Google.  If it’s that important to your ego, put it on a sticky note on your bathroom mirror to remind yourself of your genius talents.

     Bottom line:  Call yourself what you are!  Say what you do!  Stay away from fancy and misleading language.  Make-believe titles, overblown and over-inflated job descriptions do disservice to your organization, regardless of whether you’re a Mom & Pop operation or a Fortune 500 mega-corporation.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

FOR ONE-MAN-BANDS AND MULTI-NATIONAL CORPORATIONS AS WELL, ONGOING SALES SUCCESS IN TODAY’S BUSINESS WORLD IS ALL ABOUT BUILDING AND CULTIVATING “HIGH TRUST” LEVELS. 

THIS IS ACCOMPLISHED BY CONSISTENTLY  DEMONSTRATING STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS, A COMMITMENT TO AUTHENTICITY AND SOCIAL CONCIOUSNESS LEADERSHIP . . . AND –REGARDLESS OF INDUSTRY– TO BEING FULLTIME DEDICATED TO THE PROTECTION AND PRESERVATION OF ENVIRONMENTAL WELL-BEING.

 ATTITUDE IS THE CORNERSTONE.

     # # #

When is the customer wrong?

You want the real answer, or the make-believe one?

The make-believe answer is that the customer is wrong when he or she acts, thinks, or behaves wrong — is rude, insulting, crass, mean-spirited, slovenly, repulsive smelling, too-tattooed or overly-pierced, loud, arrogant, drooling, dribbling, fist-waving, table or countertop pounding, or threatening to throw shoes.

And you can run around self-righteously bitching at the elevator operator, maintenance person, or your Mother, pretending that the obnoxious ignoramus is a descendent of some dumb and dumber Neanderthal gene pool.

You can do this until you’re blue in the face or get yourself fired or drunk or sick, or take up smoking again . . . none of which, I can assure you, will help your cause.

On top of all that, it doesn’t even matter that the nasty customer spit on your shoe, called you an illegally-birthed person, smelled of garlic or not bathing, sic’d his or her dog on your ankles, or paid her or his bill with seven thousand rolls of pennies.

Your indignation will come quietly to an end when (if) you next stumble onto a “right” customer.

Aaaah, but Mr. or Ms. Neanderthal will not recover so quickly.

In fact, studies prove that she or he will tell at least ten other people about the bad experience and each of those individuals will tell at least ten others.

At least one person I’ve heard of makes a point of sending out email blasts to 250 contacts offering the condemning details of why she will never again deal with a disrespectful business.  Let’s see, that’s 2,500 bad vibes . . .

So, your one momentary (perhaps only fraction of a second) slip of a snotty comment or a copped attitude or a demeaning or disrespectful action –even as seemingly innocent as a wink or blink at the wrong time, or an inappropriate giggle/gumchew/ noseblow if you’re on the phone!– will snowball into a major bad news broadcast to at least 100 other people, many (maybe all) of whom could have been prospective customers. 

Can you really afford to lose that many opportunities?

     So here’s the REAL answer:  NEVER!

     Let me say this another way:  The customer is ALWAYS right!  And except for physical violence, there are NO exceptions.  Why?  Your job is to provide the product or service being purchased regardless of whether you like the purchaser or not, regardless of what the purchaser says or the way the purchaser says it!

If you don’t like that, choose to change the way you think about it.

  It’s called “take it on the chin!”  The payback is that the reputation you’ll gain by being kinder than necessary will come back to haunt you, with more sales!

     Remember that everyone you meet (customers included) is fighting some kind of battle.  Giving the benefit of doubt breeds sales and customer loyalty!  

# # #

Hal@Businessworks.US    931.854.0474

SKIM, MEMORIZE, CHEW,

DIGEST, OR JUST DELETE ~~~ 

Here’s a short list of what I think were some of my best blog blurts for 2008.  If something strikes you and you want the whole story, just go to Archives in far right column and click on the month, scroll (and if the dates not showing, just click on next at bottom of the page)!

Anyway, here’s a compilation of hot headings . . . stuff that makes you think about where you are and where you’re going which, on the cusp of a brand new year, is probably a good thing for all of us.  A few more tomorrow.  But for now: 

1) Think and

2) Laugh and

3) Have a great (and safe!) New Year’s Eve!   halalpiar

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — ’tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.”  Mark Twain  5/1/08

“The solution to any group or organization problem lies within the group or organization that has the problem…No one knows you better than you…Knowledge is strength”  5/2/08

“Write a billboard–7 words or less with a beginning, middle and end, and be persuasive–that encapsulates what you want to express before you express it in a letter, business plan, print or broadcast advertisement, sales pitch, speech, short story, editorial, script, sermon, novel, poem, email, chapter…”  5/6/08

“If everyone in your company knew how to deal effectively with customers, you wouldn’t need any customer service reps!”  5/18.08

“A sale is made or broken in the first 10 seconds, and there is no such thing as a second first impression.”  6/1/08

“OPEN MINDS OPEN DOORS!”  6/4/08

“If you think your head is worth $24.95, buy a $24.95 helmet!”  7/8/08

“Life is more like baseball than any other sport!”  7/11/08

“Do you have all your marbles but can’t find the playground?”  8/6/08

“You ARE your attitude!”  8/15/08

“Your every action, your every thought, is your CHOICE!”  8/19/08

“We do best what we most enjoy!”  9/7/08

“Besides that they suck, meetings waste time; hold your next meeting STANDING!” 9/16/08

“Hustle your muscle — SOME action beats no action!”  9/24/08

“People need to be rewarded and motivated at the level of what’s important to them at the time.”  10/5/08

“The sooner you accept the ugly fact that you have to be a salesperson, doctor, the healthier your practice will be!”  10/10/08

“You have a stableful of race horses that act like they came from wagon-train school?”  10/13/08

“I’m tellin’ you, ball, next pitch . . . you gotta be a strike!”  10/20/08

“Just go to the basement and make more money!”  10/24/08

“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”  Dr. Wayne Dyer 10/29/08

“Take two talkwalks, get a good sleep, and call me in the morning!”  11/8/08

“Where laughter fails to heal, it never fails to ease the pain.”  11/13/08

“Sleeping With The Boss?”  (Family Business Ups & Downs)  11/22/08

“What one thing could you be doing better?”  12/1/08

“I coont efen spel untreeprenewer, an’ now I are one!”  12/6/08

“EVERY purchase decision is emotionally-triggered!”  12/12/08

“Is what you’re doing right this very minute taking you to where you want to go?”  12/27/08 

… and thank you, worldclass #1 novelist Dean Koontz for being such an authentic, inspiring, and upstanding human being! 

# # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 111 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

CRM=?

CRM=Customer Relationship Management, on the one hand, and CRM=Customer Retention Management, on the other.  Which is it?  Why does it matter?  Who cares?  Aren’t they both the same anyway?

Whoa!  First of all, there’s a remarkably big difference.  I heard a major sales muckity-muck from a humongous corporate entity–who really should know better–give a presentation today to one of my clients, and he tossed out the terms interchangeably before finally parking himself in the retention garage.

A careless miscue methinks.  Something about that ambivalence represented his whole attitude, which was essentially to laugh and smile his way through misleading and oh-one-more-thing half-truth price quotes that seemed to change with each clock tick closer to New Year’s.

Managing relationships with customers and attracting new ones by virtue of positive-oriented, proactive processes that involve some give and take, some sharing, the development of “high trust,” and mutual respect based on consistent demonstrations of integrity is where best-practice, leadership companies continue to move.

On the flip side, managing to retain or keep customers is a negative-oriented, knee-jerk reactive, desperation-based process that amounts to clinging-on-to-customer behaviors and seeking to appease at all costs . . . even giving away the store (or farm, or horse, or youngest son or whatever)because customer RETENTION programs are driven by insecurities and fears.

Ah, yes, well there is that little economic suffocation pit we’re thinking we need to be crawling out of.  Bull!  If you think that, you show that, and you won’t sell stilts to pygmies.  Get off your knees and out of the hole and stand up tall and sell value and sell your confident self!  Focus on the relationship!

And customers, by the way, get this.  It’s easy to spot people selling their wares from a position of perceived weakness, compared to those who register in the strong zone as they present themselves.

Think about it.  Would you rather have someone level with you and work to cultivate a relationship with you, or speak to you with crooked mouth and work to retain you?  There’s a much bigger difference in the RE words (RElationship and REtention) than most probably stop to think about.

The differences though account for the both the personality and the character of a given company.  Because the difference is a matter of attitude.

Attitude, we might want to remind ourselves is what accounts for the difference between success and failure, on the athletic field, on the stage, on the factory floor, in the farmland, the office cubicle, the great outdoors (to make sure we cover all you forest rangers, lumberjacks, truck drivers, lifeguards and ski patrol people out there), the boardroom, or the computer workstation.

It’s all about attitude.  All. 

What’s YOUR business ALL about?                  

# # #

 931.854.0474    Hal@BusinessWorks.US

“The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”  [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

     ‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, were new toys, new clothes, new computer and mouse. While I on my YouTube, Mama all a Twitter, forum posts on Face could make Rudolph jitter.

OMG!  What to our wondering eyes did appear but a pile of wrappings, half-filled glasses of cheer; some wine in this one; in the other, some beer.

Then out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, it was junior’s new pull toy descending the ladder that Santa had climbed to get up on our roof when Blitzen drank beer and twisted her hoof . . . Okay, okay.  Enough! 

     It’s back to business and personal inventory time. 

     It’s that time of year to itemize, sort out, assess, adjust and go forward. 

•      So, what didn’t work this past year? (Not “why?”; that might take weeks to answer, just “What?”). 
•      And what, praytell, is working now? 
•      What needs to be eliminated? 
•      And what will work going forward? 
•      What needs to be reevaluated?  
•      What needs to be fixed?  Adjusted?  
•      Completely overhauled? 
•      What needs to be attempted? 
•      What needs to be planned? 

     Remember, this is YOUR business and YOUR self we’re talking about here, so ONLY YOU can decide where to go next and ONLY YOU can choose how to get there.  ONLY YOU know the real answers to all the questions about growing your self and your business! 

     And after hours of research and surveying, the bottom line is –dear entrepreneur, dear business owner and manager– that in the end, YOU must charge forward by experience, instinct, and informed subjective judgement.  YOU must take REASONABLE risks!

     What you choose as a course of action may be wrong, but YOU are the captain of your ship, and YOU can adjust the course you’re taking at any hour of the day or night, or simply put into port for a short layover to get yourself more focused if need be, simply by choosing!  (Since all behavior is a choice.) . 

     No excuses here.  Get hopping! 

     It’s YOU and YOUR BUSINESS that need your input and guidance and decision making as the 2009 bell starts to ring.  No one else can do it for you!                        halalpiar 

# # #

See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.          # # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 107 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

Do you just turn on the

   faucet and ooze appeal?   

     I left a post at my Twitter friend Doyle Slayton’s excellent (and provocative) site for salespeople www.salesblogcast.com about the importance of empathy in sales. 

     We’ve discussed it here a few times, but the fact remains that too few of us go through our days without really stopping long enough to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. 

     So what, you say?  So this: When you can take the time and trouble (and it does take longer, and it can prompt considerable effort) to really try to understand and genuinely appreciate the circumstances of a prospect, you will be making more than one sale; you will be selling the dozens of others this one individual tells about your ability to be empathetic.

     The loyal customer you create may never actually use the word empathy to describe you.  How “nice” you were, or how”easy it was to talk” with you, or “how straightforward” or “down-to-earth” or “engaging” –even “charming”–  you were, may be the terms of choice.  But they add up to the same thing.

     How do you earn these credits?  Do you just turn on the faucet and ooze appeal?  Hardly.  Having others appreciate the way you deal with them and the sense of authenticity you put across, comes –no matter how instinctively pleasant you may be– from conscious preparation and hard work.

     It means that you are careful to exercise proactive listening skills, for example, to ask questions about what interests the other person and not you, for example . . . and listen carefully and attentively to the answers without interrupting, for yet another example. 

     The rule of thumb is to talk 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time.  A guideline that works equally well, by the way, in sales as well as relationships and, especially in dealing with children and aging parents. 

     Most nurses are exceptionally skilled at practicing empathy!

     In healthcare (where unfortunately many professionals flip the percentages and talk 80% of the time), it’s called having good bedside manners.  And how many people do you know who prefer to weigh bedside manners above even training and experience when it comes to choosing a doctor, dentist, nurse, physical therapist, occupational or speech therapist, psychotherapist, psychologist, or veterinarian?

     I’m not suggesting bedside manners should replace professional training and experience.  I am advocating that better healthcare results occur when good bedside manners can supplement good training and experience. 

     Isn’t it that you want these professionals to appreciate your unique circumstances so they understand and respect you as an individual vs. lumping you together with all other broken bones, teeth fillings, muscle weaknesses, swallowing problems, brain and emotional problems, and dog-parents? 

     It’s a pleasure to deal with bedside-mannered healthcare professionals, and courteous, respectful salespeople.  Genuineness as a human being is the secret ingredient.  halalpiar

# # #

See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.  # # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 97 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

Every purchase decision

is emotionally-triggered!

     I am forever amazed at the ability of some retailers (and especially in this economy) to assume the luxury of pre-qualifying customers before they ever even set foot inside the store.  Have you noticed?  Or have you been asleep at the keyboard? 

     There’s a BJ’s opening nearby.  Kathy and I went to buy (“buy,” mind you) a “BJ’s Club Membership” card to be allowed to shop at this store that isn’t yet open!  For those even more in the dark than I’ve been (hard to imagine), this means you pay for the privilege to shop at this store.

     Like an idiot, I agreed to stay with Kathy and work through the 35-minute application process (when, alas, I could instead have been happily poking through the aisles of the next door hardware store), highlighted by having to have a photo I.D. in order to obtain a photo I.D.

     Now that makes alot of sense, right?  Isn’t that a lot like the bank being willing to give you a loan if you have enough in the bank to cover the loan?

     Yeah, but, the BJ’s fanatics tell me, you can get lots more stuff cheaper than other places, so it’s worth it to let them take out a second mortgage on your third child in order to be allowed to shop in their store (which, I might add, ain’t quite Tiffany’s!). 

     Well, excuse me, but wouldn’t you think any retailer would be thrilled these days just to have you drop by and do a little shopping?  What makes this join/enroll/enlist/sign up mindset so compelling that people feel they just “have to” buy into the program? 

     We are spending our money to buy products and contribute to –in this case– BJ’s profits, yes?  I mean it’s not like we’re qualifying for the Olympics, is it? 

     Aha!  It’s because we’re all suckers!  It’s because BJ’s, CostCo, Sam’s Club, et al suck us into “Club Memberships” knowing we can’t resist making a good solid emotional decision to join in the mutual exclusivity of others we like to believe we identify with in terms of lifestyle. 

     Huh?  Well, remember that no purchase (ZERO, NONE, NADA) is a rational, logical, unemotional decision.  It’s simply the way we justify ourselves.  But what about the economics of joing retail club membership rolls, and paying to be able to act and feel like we are getting exclusive purchase deals?  Well, maybe we are.  But so what? 

     Maybe we really don’t care about any of this, or maybe we can rationalize it all away.  What?  Oh, you don’t make emotional decisions?  HA!  Ask any good salesperson.  Every purchase decision is an emotionally-based, emotionally-triggered decision. 

     The rational, logical, unemotional stuff is what we use to justify our emotional choices, so we tell our friends about the product or service features, the great price, and how the car will do everything except make coffee, but the truth is we think we look good driving it, or we got totally hooked into the salesperson’s personality, or we have a need to “show off” our good taste . . . something emotional makes it happen! 

     What else?  I am now a card-carrying BJ’er.  YOW!     

# # #

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  Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116

  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

And the time to turn on

                                               

that front burner is now. 

     Necessity, you’ve no doubt heard, is the mother of invention.  And I’ll bet you could pop off a few quick examples, right?   

     Surviving a stressful economy requires businesses to do things differently.  We can’t all, arguably, qualify for government bailouts, so we’re backed into corners.  Because we know from life about logistic concepts like “strength in numbers,” we may of necessity end up choosing to combine forces with diverse, even competitive entities. 

     But that’s not a bad thing when it comes to, for example, sharing marketing expenses — unless your egotistical needs to run your own show are too big for you to justify teaming up with others.  That is a bad thing.

     By joining forces, a great deal more becomes possible in terms of both stimulating sales results and saving promotional dollars. 

     One of the most successful regional advertising campaigns I ever produced was for a major lumber company (that also sells a great deal of hardware), which featured wholehearted advertising and promotional endorsement exchanges with a major hardware store (that sold a little lumber) that was located a block away. 

     The two family-owned entities had battled one another for generations, but the advent of a giant home center moving into the area (that would sell both lumber and hardware) prompted the odd bedfellows arrangement. 

     The two retailers combined advertising dollars, and alternated sponsorship messages that always featured testimonials from the other.  Both businesses increased sales and, by working together, both were able to cut marketing expenses.  Each successfully reduced spending totals by one-third while gaining one-third more exposure than they each started with. 

      The home center backed off to a more distant location.

     Contractors, physicians, lawyers, accountants, and others commonly share customer, patient and client referrals.  Online companies engage in cooperative ventures literally every minute of every hour.

     Print and broadcast media often swap space for airtime, and will often barter advertising packages for products and services that they can use as give-aways and contest prizes to gain readership and listenership and viewers.      

     So it’s nothing new.  What’s new is the economic squeeze that pushes considerations of cooperative business marketing efforts to the front burner.  And the time to turn on that front burner is now.  A little receptivity and a lot of responsiveness are the prime ingredients to make combined efforts be productive.  Surely you can muster those? 

     My Father always used to say, “He who hesitates is lost!”  And my Mother always added something about “A word to the wise . . .”     halalpiar

# # #

See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.  # # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 86 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

Be kinder than necessary

because everyone

you meet is fighting

some kind of battle!

     I know, I know, I promised more today on listening skills.  Well the number one rule of listening for many people and many professions is to use empathy, and that’s what this heading is all about. 

     Empathy is mentally putting yourself in another person’s shoes.  It is a step up from sympathy, or feeling sorry for someone, because empathy implies active involvement.

Of course there’s more, a lot more, to active listening skills than being empathetic, but I relate strongly to the message of the heading, so I’m leaving it there while I take you down another listening skill path: paraphrasing!

“If I understand you correctly, you are saying that . . .” or “What I think I hear you saying is . . .” or “Do I understand you to mean . . .? are three excellent lead-ins to use when paraphrasing (putting your “take” on a statement into your own words) something someone else has just said.  Why would you do this?  To make SURE that you got the opinion or information or directions right!

This paraphrasing device, by the way, when it’s delivered in a persistently unemotional, understanding tone of voice, has great value in defusing moments of conflict.  It forces a person who’s just tossed out an emotional barrage of complaints to hear how their words have come across to someone else in a non-threatening and non-confrontative way.

  Paraphrasing serves to slow down the rush of upset, and often prompts the other person to reconsider or at least to better explain the issues.  It sets a stage for the upset person to talk more, and often to be more careful and reasoned.

   We’ve all heard that (especially in sales, customer service, counseling, consulting, and marriage ) we need to try to speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time.

This may be a challenging prescription, but speaking and listening are behaviors.  We choose our behaviors.  We also choose to be challenged or we can choose to be accepting.

Water flows best downhill.  Choose the easy route.  Just tell yourself to “Listen up!” [Taking notes ALWAYS helps, and flatters as well.  “Would you please speak a little slower (or repeat that) so I can jot it down; I want to make sure I get it right!” works wonders in terms of ensuring full understanding and in boosting the other person’s ego.]

On the flip side, ask someone who’s just unloaded a barrage of concerns to help you sort them out by writing them down, one at a time, and assigning a #1 for most important and #2 for next most important, etc. to each item — and then proceed to address (chew and digest) each issue separately and exclusively, beginning with #1.

Odds are pretty good you’ll never get past the first two or three items on the list before the complainant withdraws the remaining ones or backs off the initial sense of fury, or both.  Either way, you have nothing to lose by trying, except miscommunications and upsets.

# # #

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 931.854.0474

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!