Obama, Hallmark, Rush,

airlines, surgeons, tourism!

     What do Obama, Hallmark Cards, all of the airlines, Rush Limbaugh, plastic surgeons and tourism councils all have in common? Whoa! Now that’s a question and a half, right? I mean what could such a collection of diverse interests possibly have in common?

     They paint pictures with words and sell them from a stage that’s literally dripping with seduction. And of course there are others. I just picked these because they’re such unlikely bed partners. Okay, here we go. Follow along. Yes, if sales are important to you, there IS a valuable lesson here.

     It’s not too big of a stretch to see how the traditional approach to schmaltz-layering, that Hallmark has so wisely (and effectively) invested of itself over the years, has rung up spectacular success. Here’s a business that makes bigger profits than bagels.

     The company buys up a zillion tons of paper, much of it scrap, folds it into four zillion tons of little envelopes and message cards, prints a few mushy words on the cards and sells the card and envelope for $5 each or thereabouts, times four zillion! 

     What’s the value enhancement? The messages they put in these cards appeal to our psyches. They seduce our egos. What did Obama do to get elected? The same thing. What’s he trying to do now with his go-for-broke healthcare fantasies? The same thing. 

     What do the airlines sell? The seat and space you are actually renting and the transporting expertise to get you where you’re going? Are you kidding? They sell you the destination! They sell you smiling hand-holding couples skipping through the surf, cliff divers in Mexico, pubs in Ireland, koala bears in New Zealand.

     Plastic surgeons selling elective procedures present us with(carefully air-brushed) photos of the killer bathing suit-clad model that we all could no doubt be. We know we could be because the word description with the picture tells us that just a few little nips and tucks here and there can give us the same results. No mention of course of the anesthesia and procedural risks, the recovery sacrifices, the expenses. 

     Rush Limbaugh sells us concepts; he’s a genius at seducing our brain frustration centers by painting verbal pictures of how good it can be if we simply think and act more conservatively, more fiscally responsible and more respectfully of the vigilence that gives us our freedoms and the values that give us our American heritage. (Now THERE’S a unique thought!)

     Island resorts: “Ooooh, let’s get together and feel alright…” Regardless of the location or message, you can be sure they’ll be nothing about the expenses, the lousy transportation, the pricey rooms and meals, the bad water, the pickpockets, the badgering street vendors, or any of the other lovely amenities you only learn about too late or sometime after your psyche has been sold. 

Selling the psyche requires you to paint pictures with words because the right word…is worth a thousand pictures!

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Input aways welcome: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in    subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  

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The gun goes off!

     No, I’m not suggesting some form of warfare is needed for starting a business (though, at times it can feel like being on the edge of a military engagement). I’m talking about a starter’s gun, the kind that’s used to start events, that shoots blanks? Whew! Glad we got that straight.

     Starting a new business, or a new venture spinning out of an existing business–in case it’s been a while and you’ve forgotten–is very much like the beginning of a crew race. Okay, you live in the desert or the mountains and haven’t the foggiest idea about a crew race.

     Maybe you saw one once on TV? Crew races take place in rivers, lagoons, bays, and lakes. Skinny, lightweight 62-foot-long sculls (boats) with 8 rowers (each with a two-handed oar: 4 on the port side and 4 on the starboard side). Yes, there are also 4 and 2 and 1-rower sculls.

     Each oarsman/oarswoman has his or her feet strapped in, and each slides forward and backward on little butt-snuggling seats that actually have each rower precariously perched in such a manner as to practically hang out over the boat edges just inches above the water.

     There’s a “coxswain” (usually a featherweight athlete with  heavyweight vocal cords) in the bow (front) who steers the boat with guide wires and pounds the rhythm into blocks on the sides of the boat. This little person does a lot of yelling through a megaphone. Oh, thatcrew race! Sooo?

     Competing boats get positioned on the starting line, standing still, dead in the water. Oars and rowers ready. Let me try that headline again: The gun goes off! Every rower slams their oars as fast and furiously as they can in and out of the water in order to get some starting momentum and get the boats moving from their dead weight standstill positions.

     Once some forward motion is established (and assuming no capsizings or tangled oars with other crew teams), the coxswain starts in with a quick paced rhythm, calling “in” and “out” for rowers to coordinate oar placements in and out of the water.

     This builds the pace of movement in a smoother, more team-coordinated manner. The coxswain eventually calls out “stroke” as the pace lengthens out into longer harder quicker pulls.

     The coxswain is all the while banging on the boat because rowers cannot always hear the shouted ins and outs because of wind, but they can feel the vibrations of the pounding and respond to that.

     Rowers slide forward and back in time with lifting their oars up out of the water, twisting the handles so the oar blade skims back across the top of the water, then plunging the blade back in for the exhausting pull through the water, then repeating the motion again and again.

     Rowers must concentrate on staying in tandem (from a head-on view, an observer should see but one single rower when the team is in perfect sync). They must also focus on working to not “catch a crab” (getting an oar stuck out of rhythm with the other seven oars, going into or coming out of the water, and creating a splashy puddle).

“Catching a crab” can be serious enough to “catch” an oar blade and take the oar that’s fastened into the oarlock beyond the point of recovery. This will likely turn the entire boat over, which –aside from losing the race and likely damage to the expensive fragile boat– is not a fun thing in 50-degree water with a hooded sweatsuit!  

Are you beginning to see why this athletic ordeal reminds me of starting a business? Are you paddling fast and furiously to get some forward motion? Are you trying to row and steer your fragile, expensive boat at the same time? Are you missing hearing the steps you have to take but feeling the vibrations? Have you “caught a crab”? Are you lengthening out? Capsized?

Hey, there’s always another race!

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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Budget-bashed?

Go for the GOLD!

You thought “Working Under Pressure” was a power-wash business? (I know, enough jokes; get to the free champagne part; OK, keep reading!) 

     Let’s imagine you’ve got a bashed budget in one hand and are limited to the Northeast. Well, that’s not a strangulation script all by itself, but now add to the mix that you’ve just gotten requests from above (in your other hand) to pull off a spectacular meeting at a spectacular location. Sound familiar?

     So how in the world do you find that top-quality all-inclusive, stunning property with less money than you had last year? Like the elusive butterfly that will land on your shoulder when you stop chasing it, STOP looking! This is a time for greatness. And you came to the right place. The champagne’s on ice, waiting for you. Read on. 

     This is a time to rise above the clutter and clamor, to find the exact right place at the exact right price and book it. It will come to you. Close your eyes… no, wait, don’t close your eyes; you’ll miss getting the answer. Here it comes… are you ready? Here it is:

     Take those meager budget dollars out of your sweaty little fist and count out what’s left. Go ahead; I’ll wait. Okay, good. Now, pick up the nearest phone and dial: 1.800.222.2909 and ask for Kristy, Kevin or Dan. If they’re not in, leave a message with your name and number and best times to call back.

     When you get one (or all) of them, tell he/she/them your sad story. Ask what’s possible… and remember to tell them you got their contact information from Hal’s Blog… they’ll throw in a free champagne toast to start or end your meeting (200 people? No problem!).

     Not only will you get everything your boss ever dreamed of and more in a truly spectacular setting with experienced top professional meeting support, food and room service staffs, plus every amenity imaginable, you can meet in private paradise just a 2-hour drive from Manhattan, 3 from Boston.

     From executive ropes course to golf and racecar-driving school to canoeing and kayaking, spacious clean rooms and top-rated casual dining with fresh EVERYthing, even homemade ketchup! The people you bring to this property will never stop talking about it, and they’ll never forget their meeting experience. What more can you ask?

     You want a taste before you call?

     Go to www.InterlakenInn.com right now. See for yourself why top meeting planners have been booking at Interlaken since the Berkshires had Foothills.        

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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You still need “Meeting Magic” 

but your budget’s been bashed!

The boss expects you to arrange your next meeting at a 5-star resort with 5-star service in 5-star surroundings at ONE-star prices?? 

     Talk about meeting planners having an impossible job… You’re expected to work miracles without a wand or a prayer… and now, to top it off, your budget’s been bashed. Right? Or am I just imagining things? In the “old days” you could book fancy meetings at fancy locations for fancy prices and get top management compliments left and right. Right? No more.

     In fact, if you’re still on the job, and your organization is still having off-site meetings, you may be what little kids used to call a “lucky duck”! Maybe that’s not a reassuring thought, but what I’m about to tell you can be the most reassuring option you’ve had in years.

     Here it is:I have designed, delivered, and facilitated nearly 2,000 management training sesions, workshops, seminars and meetings nationwide and in Europe and the Caribbean. The sessions I ran took place in some of the world’s finest hotels, conference centers, and campus and cruise facilities.

     I understand the importance of having an experienced, competent, and reliable on-site support team on-call, of not having technical glitches, of having personable engaging staff services from people who know when to provide quiet top level performance behind the scenes and out of the spotlights.

I appreciate the need for knock-out facilities and inspiring surroundings where participants can be both relaxed and challenged.

     I know how good it isto have facility services that are so outstanding that the chef actually visits tables (not while meetings are in session), that someone shows up at your door with a replacement toothbrush five minutes after you call the desk, that nice weather prompts a last-minute request to meet for golf or car-racing or ropes course experiences, or to relocate a session to poolside or lakeside or gardenside and it’s quickly and cheerfully accommodated.

     Yeah, right, you say, at six gazillion dollars per person. Nope. The best-kept-secret location—known for hosting America’s top executive management teams— is available at far less than you paid for your last exotic location booking, and probably far less than you paid for your last boring one-dimensional location booking.

     And odds are, by the way, if the absolute perfect setting and services you seek are likely to be just a couple of hours drive from Manhattan or Boston Commons, transportation expenses will be a whole lot less too!  

     If you’re interestedin knowing more about this no-gimmicks/no-strings-attached opportunity to book the best world-class service facility and location for the least amount of money I’ve ever experienced, return here later this week for the details. If you just can’t wait, email me as noted below.  

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED!

     Imagine coming here for a business meeting from a small town in another country. You’re just starting to learn English. Your host picks you up at Newark Airport and–intent on getting you to her office in “The Big Apple”–heads for the New Jersey Turnpike and the Lincoln Tunnel into midtown Manhattan. Great Guggamuggah! Talk about culture shock!

     You’ve struggled with deciphering the difference between driving on the parkway and parking in the driveway. You read signs: “CASH” and “NO CASH.” You get cash at this little booth? No, it must mean you give cash. Then why go to “CASH” and pay if you can go to “NO CASH” and act broke and get by for free?

     “EXIT” or “NO EXIT” or “EXIT ONLY” present intriguing options. Then, just to screw up your brain, is “LAST EXIT BEFORE TOLL” (so why not take it to avoid having to choose between “CASH” and “NO CASH”?). Aah, then there’s the whole question about whether “U TURN” or “NO U TURN” that’s just past the “CASH” “NO CASH.” 

     I mean, why would U turn and have to pay again and why would U not be allowed to turn (especially if U needed to re-turn to the little booth to use the bathroom or something)? And wouldn’t your curiosity be aroused in 90-degree July weather about “BRIDGE FREEZES BEFORE ROADWAY”?

     This doesn’t even compare to the questions the signs raise about your head.

     Uh, “CURVES AHEAD” and “STOP AHEAD” are puzzling, but you start to wonder about what kinds of animalistic creatures would urge you to “BRAKE AHEAD.” Then you see “JUGHANDLE AHEAD”…whew! And the radio blames traffic on “RUBBERNECKERS”???

     Standing still next to the “KEEP MOVING” sign in the middle of the tunnel, your host tells you how many hundred feet you are under the Hudson River and then notes how old the tunnel is and that it periodically springs a leak or two but that you’d probably only have to be there awhile. YUGZOWIE!

     So you finally get to the office. The 35th floor reception room with 4-inch thick buzzer entry glass doors next to the elevator has 6 plastic potted palms complete with strategically located yellowing leaves, a plastic-looking gum-chewing receptionist with spike heels, a 6-inch skirt and a plastic tube and a half’s worth of lipstick plastered between her nose and her chin.

     The coffee table sports three ragged copies of PEOPLE magazine from 1997, a National Geographic with the cover missing, and a few odd pages (aren’t they all?) of last week’s New York Times. The carpet has a large stain that resembles a Law & Order murder scene without chalk lines.

     There are dozens of moving black things breeding in the overhead fluorescents. Something piped out of ceiling speakers that resembles music is playing under the static. The coffee maker in the corner looks and smells like it’s been cooking for two days.

     Are you ready for your return flight yet?

     The business road to reception is filled with stuff we all take for granted. We’re used to rushing through this crummy airport route filled with confusion and traffic congestion. We’re used to rushing into office buildings and through disgusting and completely inhospitable reception areas every day without ever stopping to take inventory of what it must look like to a first time visitor.

     We KNOW there are no second first impressions, but we get ourselves in the mindset of thinking no one notices or cares about these things. They do and they do!

     When you take a customer, client, patient, prospect, associate, vendor, employee, friend or relative into your community and work environment , be sensitive to what that person is experiencing (especially someone from out of town!) and take the trouble to clean up the act before that individual’s arrival. Please note the word “before.” Thank you.   

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

A toy truck, a stroller, 

and pub coasters

strung with dental floss…

     A few years ago, our second or third trip to Ireland, Kathy and I –romanticized by the classic Bing Crosby Christmas song, “Christmas In Kilarney”– spent Christmas (our first away from home) at Kilarney Country Club. 

     Up a rocky, grass-between-the-tires dirt road from downtown Kilarney, jockeying “the wrong side” car controls to bounce cheerfully along between the seemingly endless stone walls that separated cows from sheep, we drove under a brick archway and pulled into a historic-looking brick complex that seemed to sport about three dozen two-story townhouses. 

     There was one other car at the far end.  We parked, found a smiling, green-eyed, freckled face and bubbling thick Irish accent at the office counter.  We registered and unpacked.  We had a spacious two-bedroom upstairs arrangement with living room and kitchen downstairs.  Our windows overlooked the property’s main courtyard and pathway to the Country Club Pub. 

     It seems when I think back that after the first day of being rebuked by a rude non-English speaking tourist family of six that literally comandeered the odd 3ft-deep indoor pool, we were actually the only guests there for the rest of the (Christmas) week. 

     We made the trek into town everyday, a beautiful, historic, bustling hub filled with happy holiday shopping locals, who seemed to visit a shop or two, then stop in a pub, then visit a shop or two, then stop in a pub . . . you get the idea.  And we drove hundreds of miles of picturesque unspoiled (and unlittered) countryside during the week, meeting only pleasant, accommodating-to-a-fault natives all along the way. 

     Night driving seemed a bit perilous, so we opted for evening visits to the Country Club Pub (the alternative was staying in our unit with three tv stations, two of which were German!).  The only Christmas tree we could find ($45 American) made Charlie Brown’s look like Rockefeller Plaza.  I think it was about 30 inches tall and had about 16 (or maybe it was 14?) scrawny branches. 

     We had no ornaments, but confiscated a wide range of carboard pub coasters in our travels, and strung them up with pieces of dental floss, a homemade alluminum foil star on top.  We stuffed two “Season’s Greetings”-scrawled plastic shopping bags with small sofa pillows and hung them in our windows. 

     We grocery-shopped for the all-time elaborate brunch of Irish rasher (bacon), eggs, cheese, jam, butter, toast, fruit, crackers, cavier, coffee, tea, and a bottle of asti that (being entrenched deep in beer and ale country, cost 11 trillion dollars American) tasted a lot better than it was. 

     We exchanged gifts we bought walking down opposite sides of the downtown, waving in between shops, a book for me, a piece of Irish crystal and a little stuffed Irish Christmas Bear for her, plus some other goodies.  It was great! 

     Every minute there was great, even when 15 native Kilarney guys had us singing with them (at the Country Club Pub where they’d hiked to by flashlight from their nearby farms) until 3am which led us to the discovery that no one there had ever even heard of the Crosby song, “Christmas In Kilarney”!!! 

     With the rows of “y’got ta finish dem” topped-off pints of beer and ale lined up from one end of the bar to the other, planted there when 11:15pm closing time came, it ultimately mattered not that anyone heard of any song as long as you sang.  And sing we did!

     So much for that, but we had a wonderful experience there.  Just one thing was missing.  Family.  We spent half the afternoon trying to phone home, with circuit connections going from where we were on Ireland’s West Coast, to Northern Ireland, to Boston, to Florida, to New York, to the clan in New Jersey who sounded like they were in a tunnel. 

     It made us realize that all the happiness of the week there was momentarily lost to being lonesome for family.  We managed to bounce back after that when the resort manager and his wife (who we suspect might have been listening in to our phone connection efforts) invited us to their home to see the doll baby stroller Santa brought for their daughter.  (Last Christmas, Santa brought the doll!).  I think their son got a toy truck.  One single present each and those children were in heaven! 

     That certainly gave us cause for pause.  We in America are blessed with so much, and family is, well, what Christmas is all about now, isn’t it? 

     I truly hope for you that you enjoy what you have today, and not take any of it for granted. 

     Oh, one last thing: Please remember to God Bless Our Troops for their eternal vigilence that grants us the freedom we have to celebrate this joyous day and season!  Enjoy!

Peace be to you.           

The original of this Christmas story appeared on 12/25/08 on this blog site.

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Hal@TheWriterWorks.com

“Like driving in

the middle of the ocean!”

     What a great place to live – DELMARVA Peninsula.  Unless you count the whole State of Florida as a peninsula, DELMARVA is the biggest peninsula in the U.S., and one of the largest in the world! 

     I just found out a couple of years back that the name DELMARVA is because three states share the one peninsulated space . . . hence, the name: DEL for Delaware; MAR for Maryland; VA for Virginia. 

• It’s easily a five-hour drive from the Delaware Memorial Bridge between New Jersey and Wilmington, Delaware, to the Peninsula’s southernmost tip in Cape Charles, Virginia. 
• The Cape May-Lewes Ferry from New Jersey’s southernmost tip to Cape Henlopen (rapidly pronounced K-Pen-Low-Pen), Delaware, home of Lewes (pronounced Lewis), Delaware, the “First Town” in the “First State” in the United States takes 70-90 minutes to cross Delaware Bay at the mouth of the Atlantic. 
• The Bay Bridge across Chesapeake Bay to and from Annapolis?  Well, that sometimes hair-raising ride can be (almost literally) a breeze, or take close to forever.  

     Delmarva history swirls around Nanticoke and Lenape and “Delaware” Indians, rich and abundant farmland and produce —especially corn, soy, wheat, chickens— and of course, crabs. 

     Recent years will find much ado about the nearly one-mile distance that manmade non-motorized catapults hurl pumpkins in the Annual World Championship Punkin Chu-nkin Contest! 

     And there’s much to explore, from worldclass arts and handcraft shows, golf courses, major horse and car racing events, to minor league baseball and national championship softball, fishing, swimming, boating, boardwalks, and wild pony herds in ocean dunes . . . plus, it seems, every religious affiliation opportunity imaginable.   

     When someone refers to “the Eastern Shore” you need to know where that person is standing.  The Eastern Shore in Delaware is the Atlantic Coast line from Lewes, Delaware south to Fenwick Island.  (And some, I’m told, consider the Delaware Bay coast from Lewes, north to Wilmington The Eastern Shore!) 

     The Eastern Shore in the southern Virginia tip of Delmarva is the Atlantic Coast line from Chincoteague south to the southernmost tip of Cape Charles at the foot of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel.  If you’re in mainland Maryland or Virginia, The Eastern Shore is the stretch of Chesapeake Bay coastline and islands galore from Wilmington south to Cape Charles.

     Enough!  It’s a great place with great people.  Visit sometime!  It’ll make you happy!       halalpiar   

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 44 days ago (inside a coffin) that previously appeared at the end of each daily post, that now has it’s own home: Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the lead headline link!