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“The Dirt Floor Visit”!

Well, I promised exciting news for tonight, and I’ve got it.

     BUT–

• if you’re not a grandparent,
• or don’t know a grandparent,
• or haven’t yet told a parent that she or he is about to become a grandparent,
• or haven’t told a parent the he or she is already a grandparent,
• or don’t have friends who are already grandparents, or about to become grandparents,
• or for some bizarre reason just don’t care about grandparents (is that possible?)

     — then it’s okay to leave this post tonight and go about your site-surfing because you definitely won’t be interested! Come back again soon though. I love you anyway.

     Now, those of you who are left: Hunker down, and give a listen!

     Mark your calendar for September to go to Barnes & Noble or your nearest bookseller (online or in-person) and sally on up to the counter (or just plunk out your PayPal or charge card numbers) and plop down $20 US, or $25 in Canada (you get a nickle change in either country), and go home with a copy of the wonderful new book edited by writer/ publisher/painter and Internet talk show host Valerie Connelly, to be published by Nightengale Press, entitled:

THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING

     As a thrilled, privileged, and happy contributor (of a reality-based story called “The Dirt Floor Visit” about grandpa and 12 year-old granddaughter!), I have just had the good fortune to read the first draft proofs, and I must tell you that:

Absolutely no grandparent in the world should be without a copy!

     You will not believe the great advice, the messages of love and understanding, the dynamics of grandparent and grandchild that never make it to the TV screen!

     Get a dose of the real grandparent/grandchild world of diapers and gurgles and thumb-grabbing and eyeglass-pulling and hugs and kisses and confidences and interactions you probably never imagined were part of this special relationship that spans the planet and the centuries. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You’ll grab the arm of your chair.

     You’ll hear more about it here (Stay Tuned!) as well as at www.TheArtOfGrandparenting.com once school starts again, and the leaves begin to turn. Reserve a copy now for yourself, or your favorite grandparents or your favorite grandparents-to-be.

     What a great gift! It’s all about being able to share in the special relationships that make (and will make) any new or growing grandparent experiences special! 

Tomorrow: Back-to-Business Basics 

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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SPIT: Rarely the object of

attention in a tender love story

     If we laugh out loud the first time we see a child’s bib block lettering proclaim “SPIT HAPPENS,” it may be because those of us with little kids in our lives know it does.  Or perhaps the humor surfaces as our minds flash unwittingly to the bumper stickers (with the adult version of the saying) and know instinctively for it to be true grit more often than not.  Isn’t it, after all, simply the unsophisticated, Americanized version of C’est La Vié?

     Spit.  We do it in disgust.  We do it in relief.  We watch baseball players do it on TV 14,397 times every game.  Boxers have their own buckets.  Spit conjures up thoughts of adrenaline, mucus, repulsion and sinusitis.  Sometimes we miss the spittoon, the gutter, the car window (yucht!) and end up with it on our sleeves, the fronts of our shirts, the tops of our shoes, rivuleting uncontrollably down our cleavages or hunkering down somewhere deep inside the thickest of our beards.

     Spit is swapped and mopped, and comes in all shapes and colors and levels of viscosity (yucht again!).  Then there’s the specialized version of spit we all know as flem.  Flem—having once been front and center in the embryonic form of a booger that got sniffed back—usually originates as a kind of loose stalagtite structure hanging mercilessly from the back recesses of the nasal passages. 

     Flem can be lumpy, smooth, or intricately woven into kiwi and mustard colored strands, occasionally available in nasty deep brown globs.  The thickest and most projectile-worthy of these is probably preceded by a throat ravaging clearance effort that sounds like a lot of little haagggt, haagggt, haagggt noises—or one death-rattling H-A-A-A-A-A-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-T !!!

     Tough guys spit from atop their horses, tanks, and tractors.  Adolescent boys (and some adolescent-minded men!) will dry themselves up by having distance and closest-to-the-wall contests.  But many of the winners move onward and upward to the higher challenge of launching their spittle from rooftops, movie balconies, and prime bridge locations over passing cars, boats, and trains … and unwary pedestrians.  Tomboys and other masculine females use it to draw their lines in the sand, and don’t dare step past the bubbly little puddle!

Anyway, one thing’s certain: spit has rarely been the object of attention in a tender love story. Until now. 

Stay on this site and just click here for (in the words of the immortal Paul Harvey) the rest of the story (just a few very short paragraphs!) :

http://halalpiar.com/?page_id=30  

Good Night and God Bless You!  halalpiar     

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You thought Da Vinci Code

was a big deal?

If you already know Twitter, step to the side for a minute.  www.Twitter.com  is a great online “social network” that –like society in general– offers a little bit of everything, and is based on “members” posting 140-character-long notes and responses 24/7 on literally any subject. 

Most of the many hundreds of thousands of members who participate actively every day are primarily involved for social contact reasons.  Many of those are super weirdos, many are super immature, many are super intellectuals, many are sports or political fanatics, many are just plain nice people, and many others are serious business networkers. 

Okay, Twitterers, step back in.

Here’s a very short story about one of the kinds of things that Twitter is uniquely capable of accomplishing:

In addition to being a complete gentleman and genuine human being, Dan Gaffney is a prominent talk radio host on Delmarva Peninsula (focused in southern and central coastal Delaware and Maryland’s “Eastern Shore” www.WGMD.com 92.7FM, “The Talk of Delmarva” out of Rehoboth Beach). 

Dan is also an active Twitter user (Tweeter).  I sent Dan a short Twitter message (A “Tweet”) asking for a best time and number I could call him with a situation I thought he might be helpful with.  Dan replied with the info.  Our hours were not compatible so I emailed him instead.

Dan read my email on the air in his next morning broadcast (today, in fact).  I was seeking contact information for a young man who had engaged me to edit his very touching children’s book manuscript story about an 8 year-old girl who dies of AIDS.  Somehow, I had managed to lose the author’s phone number and business name. 

The man had already paid me an editing fee and received half the manuscript back, but I had completed the last half of it prior to Thanksgiving and (actively hunting for him since then, including driving through neighboring towns searching for his truck), I couldn’t find him.  I knew only the type of business he was in and the general area he was from (which was within the WGMD broadcast area).  

I missed Dan’s morning show this morning, which ends at 10AM, but got an email from him at lunchtime with the author’s business name and phone number.  I have since called and left a message, and expect to reunite the author with my edited version of his manuscript on Monday.  After so much anxiety, I am truly thrilled and greatly relieved to finally reconnect.  THANK YOU, DAN GAFFNEY!

None of this would have happened without Twitter.  And this is just one little story; I have dozens. 

If you do not Twitter, you are missing a huge personal and professional growth opportunity that only comes around once in a lifetime.  Give it a try.  It’s free!  Keep open-minded.  Work it for a few weeks.  You’ll be astonished at what kinds of life and business connections are possible.    halalpiar

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What better way to boost your

business than to learn how to

write killer copy and content?

     Okay, a slight departure tonight to fit in a couple of news items . . .

     The Delaware Technical & Community College Spring “Business & Professional Development” promotional booklet and the College’s “Personal Development” promotional booklet both arrived today, announcing upcoming course offerings, including two I’m scheduled to teach that a number of you have asked about.  Here are the two course offering descriptions:

     Business & Professional Development

1)  BETTER BUSINESS WORDS WORK!  Learn how to boost your business and professional practice revenues with better writing!  Focus will be on writing business plan narratives, strategic marketing plans, business correspondence, reports, creative marketing and advertising for all traditional and non-traditional media applications (Website, email, print ads, news releases, broadcast commercials, brochures, billboards, direct mail, “elevator speeches”).  For owners, managers, entrepreneurs (15 hours, 1.5 CEUs); 2/4-3/11; Wednesdays; 5:30-8pm; 6 sessions. Georgetown, Delaware Campus.  $195 EYC212 231-2  Registration Info: 302.854.6966  www.dtcc.edu/owens/ccp

     Personal Development

2)  IMAGERY WITH WORDS.  Explore ways to paint fiction and nonfiction pictures with words.  Proven methods for strengthening your creative writing skills will be shared.  Sessions include stress and time management how-to’s for writers.  Tap your inner resources and sharpen your writing wits.  All levels of writing skills are welcome.  Participants will present one-minute weekly reports and bring a work-in-progress for personalized coaching  (10 hours); Wednesdays; 5:30-8pm; 4 sessions. Creative Writing Center of Delaware in Lewes, Delaware.  $119. ENO 289 271-2  Registration Info: 302.854.6966  www.dtcc.edu/owens/ccp

     Please share this information with anyone you think might be interested who lives in Delaware or the Eastern Shore of Maryland, or (especially in the case of the IMAGERY WITH WORDS sessions, anyone who lives in the Cape May, NJ area who might commute via the Cape May-Lewes Ferry.  Thank you for your ongoing support.  Tomorrow night is back to business as usual.  Have a GREAT Tuesday!  halalpiar 

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 124 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

BEAT THE BUSHES (NAW,

NOT GEORGE AND JEB)!

     If this economy is strangling your wallet, step back and take an honest look at what you’re doing to make a living.  A major dinnerware store closed this week.  Duh!  The most expensive special events photography business in the poorest town around just folded.  You gotta be kidding; there must not be many special events!  The local tuxedo store is on its last legs.  REEEAlly?  (When was your last tuxedo?)    

Well, there’s always the cliche path: If the bullet you’re biting is starting to hurt your teeth, it may be time for you to climb down off your high horse (yeah, the one on drugs!), beat the bushes (Naw, not George and Jeb!), and think about pounding the pavement (Ouch! The vibrations!))))) for some new way (with apologies to Porky Pig) to bring home the bacon!

     Serious that the time may have come when it would be smart to take a hard look at whether what you’re doing right now can survive tough (or tougher) times. 

     If you’ve just, for example, finished years of writing your first book that you expect should bring you millions (or even thousands!) and you’re thinking about giving up the day job to find a literary agent to help you sell it to a big-time publishing house (Shazam!  That sounds so easy, doesn’t it?), I hate to be the one to tell you to stay with the crummy day job, but the agent/publisher pursuit could take years also… stay with the crummy day job!     

     If you’re selling the latest in fashionable men’s dress clothes, pay attention to the dwindling supply of fashionably-dressed men.  You might as well be selling CB radios and 8-track cassette players (whatever those are). 

     Consider moving your career path (or business direction if you run your own business), toward a market or industry that is more recession-proof. 

     Now I realize that not all of you will want to leap into the air shouting, “Aha! That’s the suggestion I’ve needed.  Now I can go apply for a job with the funeral home; THEY’LL never run out of customers!”

     No-sir-ee-bob!  This is definitely true.

     But, aaah, I DO know that there are a few folks out there clinging to their liferafts and the seas are getting more turbulent.  It may mean having to adjust your marketing messages to fit a better, more productive, more stabilized niche.  Or it may mean having to scramble and take a second crummy job as a quick-fix solution.  

     Sometimes, it may be simply a matter of switching gears, like the old lemon/lemonade advice.  Or maybe somebody else in the household needs to start tossing a few bucks in the kitty!  Whatever you need to do, do it!  Don’t stand around thinking and talking about it for weeks on end.  Those few weeks of opportunity losses could be enough to sink the liferaft. 

     Oh, and just in case you are that writer I alluded to, you might have to give up your great American novel dreams for now and do some other kind of work, but guess what?  You’ll be gathering experience for your next book!  

     It may not, when all is said and done, actually be the exact right time to find a need and fill it as the headline suggests, but it certainly is time to consider the alternatives.          halalpiar

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 121 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

What are you

waiting for?

I know.  You’re waiting for a parade.  The doctor?  Next Christmas?  Someone else to go first?  Your parent’s approval?  Your boss’s approval?  A work order?  5PM?  Lunchtime?  Vacation?  Your birthday?  A full moon?  High tide?  Rock bottom?  Another way out?  The Mets to win the World Series?  The car in front of you to get out of the passing lane?  Your child to become President?  Your Father to strike oil?  A winning lottery ticket?   

If you answered “YES” to any of the above, or anything even remotely resembling any of the above, you are too filled with excuses to make a success of yourself.  I can’t help you.  You need a shrink.  Happy New Year and come again sometime.

Now.  Who’s left out there?  Anybody?  Good.  Well, then there’s still hope after all.  If you’re truly not waiting for some event or some person in order to move forward with your life –and especially your business pursuits– then odds are you’ve just been procrastinating. 

Putting stuff off is okay sometimes.  It happens to all of us.  But if you don’t want to end up like those I dismissed in the second paragraph, you might need to give yourself a smack alongside your head or (if you can figure out how to do it) kick yourself in the butt, and get yourself in gear!

How much more productive can you bewith your waiting time (you know. . . bank lines, traffic lights, bridges, RR crossings, commuter trains, subways, boats and buses, the dentist, MVB)? 

Next question: what’s in your pocket or briefcase or pocketbook right now? 

If your answerdoesn’t include a pen, paper, or laptop, or a cassette recorder (remember those?) or cellphone (no, not to call that hot date for after dinner suggestions, but perhaps handle a few business calls that don’t require extensive note taking) or blackberry (no, not to text message –er, sorry, txmsg– cousin Bertha to see what time she’s headed for the local gin mill, but perhaps to send yourself some notes of ideas you get so you needn’t carry them in your head?) or digital camera or pocket pad or sticky notes, or a book to read . . . the answer to the first question is that you can be a LOT more productive.  [Hint: These are all tools or avenues of productivity except as noted!]

I know peoplewho’ve put together complete photo essays standing in line at the post office.  I know highly acclaimed writers who write as many street and business names down as they can see while stopped at red lights (that they can cherry-pick from later when they’re seeking character and location names for their works of fiction).  I know an engineer who says he stimulates his brain by sketching vehicles and machinery while waiting for trains and bridges.

The point is, like the old Schlitz Beer commercials used to proclaim, “You only go round once in life!” (Well some maybe do a few trips, but most of us . . .) and we all only conveniently remember how short lifetimes can be when someone close to us passes away. 

SO . . .

• Stop with the delays, excuses, nonproductive and unproductive waits. 

• Stop staring into space wishing you were somewhere else. 

• Stop bemoaning the lousy delay experiences and start DOING the stuff you’ve been saying, “Well, someday, I …” TODAY is “SOMEDAY”! 

Some action is always better than no action.

And, by the way, remember that it’s ALL YOUR CHOICE because all of behavior is a choice.  So choose to march shoulder-to-shoulder with time. 

Make the most of it. 

Make your mark. 

Make a difference.  

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SKIM, MEMORIZE, CHEW,

DIGEST, OR JUST DELETE ~~~ 

Here’s a short list of what I think were some of my best blog blurts for 2008.  If something strikes you and you want the whole story, just go to Archives in far right column and click on the month, scroll (and if the dates not showing, just click on next at bottom of the page)!

Anyway, here’s a compilation of hot headings . . . stuff that makes you think about where you are and where you’re going which, on the cusp of a brand new year, is probably a good thing for all of us.  A few more tomorrow.  But for now: 

1) Think and

2) Laugh and

3) Have a great (and safe!) New Year’s Eve!   halalpiar

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter — ’tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.”  Mark Twain  5/1/08

“The solution to any group or organization problem lies within the group or organization that has the problem…No one knows you better than you…Knowledge is strength”  5/2/08

“Write a billboard–7 words or less with a beginning, middle and end, and be persuasive–that encapsulates what you want to express before you express it in a letter, business plan, print or broadcast advertisement, sales pitch, speech, short story, editorial, script, sermon, novel, poem, email, chapter…”  5/6/08

“If everyone in your company knew how to deal effectively with customers, you wouldn’t need any customer service reps!”  5/18.08

“A sale is made or broken in the first 10 seconds, and there is no such thing as a second first impression.”  6/1/08

“OPEN MINDS OPEN DOORS!”  6/4/08

“If you think your head is worth $24.95, buy a $24.95 helmet!”  7/8/08

“Life is more like baseball than any other sport!”  7/11/08

“Do you have all your marbles but can’t find the playground?”  8/6/08

“You ARE your attitude!”  8/15/08

“Your every action, your every thought, is your CHOICE!”  8/19/08

“We do best what we most enjoy!”  9/7/08

“Besides that they suck, meetings waste time; hold your next meeting STANDING!” 9/16/08

“Hustle your muscle — SOME action beats no action!”  9/24/08

“People need to be rewarded and motivated at the level of what’s important to them at the time.”  10/5/08

“The sooner you accept the ugly fact that you have to be a salesperson, doctor, the healthier your practice will be!”  10/10/08

“You have a stableful of race horses that act like they came from wagon-train school?”  10/13/08

“I’m tellin’ you, ball, next pitch . . . you gotta be a strike!”  10/20/08

“Just go to the basement and make more money!”  10/24/08

“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”  Dr. Wayne Dyer 10/29/08

“Take two talkwalks, get a good sleep, and call me in the morning!”  11/8/08

“Where laughter fails to heal, it never fails to ease the pain.”  11/13/08

“Sleeping With The Boss?”  (Family Business Ups & Downs)  11/22/08

“What one thing could you be doing better?”  12/1/08

“I coont efen spel untreeprenewer, an’ now I are one!”  12/6/08

“EVERY purchase decision is emotionally-triggered!”  12/12/08

“Is what you’re doing right this very minute taking you to where you want to go?”  12/27/08 

… and thank you, worldclass #1 novelist Dean Koontz for being such an authentic, inspiring, and upstanding human being! 

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Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 111 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

A toy truck, a stroller, 

and pub coasters

strung with dental floss…

     A few years ago, our second or third trip to Ireland, Kathy and I –romanticized by the classic Bing Crosby Christmas song, “Christmas In Kilarney”– spent Christmas (our first away from home) at Kilarney Country Club. 

     Up a rocky, grass-between-the-tires dirt road from downtown Kilarney, jockeying “the wrong side” car controls to bounce cheerfully along between the seemingly endless stone walls that separated cows from sheep, we drove under a brick archway and pulled into a historic-looking brick complex that seemed to sport about three dozen two-story townhouses. 

     There was one other car at the far end.  We parked, found a smiling, green-eyed, freckled face and bubbling thick Irish accent at the office counter.  We registered and unpacked.  We had a spacious two-bedroom upstairs arrangement with living room and kitchen downstairs.  Our windows overlooked the property’s main courtyard and pathway to the Country Club Pub. 

     It seems when I think back that after the first day of being rebuked by a rude non-English speaking tourist family of six that literally comandeered the odd 3ft-deep indoor pool, we were actually the only guests there for the rest of the (Christmas) week. 

     We made the trek into town everyday, a beautiful, historic, bustling hub filled with happy holiday shopping locals, who seemed to visit a shop or two, then stop in a pub, then visit a shop or two, then stop in a pub . . . you get the idea.  And we drove hundreds of miles of picturesque unspoiled (and unlittered) countryside during the week, meeting only pleasant, accommodating-to-a-fault natives all along the way. 

     Night driving seemed a bit perilous, so we opted for evening visits to the Country Club Pub (the alternative was staying in our unit with three tv stations, two of which were German!).  The only Christmas tree we could find ($45 American) made Charlie Brown’s look like Rockefeller Plaza.  I think it was about 30 inches tall and had about 16 (or maybe it was 14?) scrawny branches. 

     We had no ornaments, but confiscated a wide range of carboard pub coasters in our travels, and strung them up with pieces of dental floss, a homemade alluminum foil star on top.  We stuffed two “Season’s Greetings”-scrawled plastic shopping bags with small sofa pillows and hung them in our windows. 

     We grocery-shopped for the all-time elaborate brunch of Irish rasher (bacon), eggs, cheese, jam, butter, toast, fruit, crackers, cavier, coffee, tea, and a bottle of asti that (being entrenched deep in beer and ale country, cost 11 trillion dollars American) tasted a lot better than it was. 

     We exchanged gifts we bought walking down opposite sides of the downtown, waving in between shops, a book for me, a piece of Irish crystal and a little stuffed Irish Christmas Bear for her, plus some other goodies.  It was great! 

     Every minute there was great, even when 15 native Kilarney guys had us singing with them (at the Country Club Pub where they’d hiked to by flashlight from their nearby farms) until 3am which led us to the discovery that no one there had ever even heard of the Crosby song, “Christmas In Kilarney”!!! 

     With the rows of “y’got ta finish dem” topped-off pints of beer and ale lined up from one end of the bar to the other, planted there when 11:15pm closing time came, it ultimately mattered not that anyone heard of any song as long as you sang.  And sing we did!

     So much for that, but we had a wonderful experience there.  Just one thing was missing.  Family.  We spent half the afternoon trying to phone home, with circuit connections going from where we were on Ireland’s West Coast, to Northern Ireland, to Boston, to Florida, to New York, to the clan in New Jersey who sounded like they were in a tunnel. 

     It made us realize that all the happiness of the week there was momentarily lost to being lonesome for family.  We managed to bounce back after that when the resort manager and his wife (who we suspect might have been listening in to our phone connection efforts) invited us to their home to see the doll baby stroller Santa brought for their daughter.  (Last Christmas, Santa brought the doll!).  I think their son got a toy truck.  One single present each and those children were in heaven! 

     That certainly gave us cause for pause.  We in America are blessed with so much, and family is, well, what Christmas is all about now, isn’t it? 

     I truly hope for you that you enjoy what you have today, and not take any of it for granted. 

     Oh, one last thing: Please remember to God Bless Our Troops for their eternal vigilence that grants us the freedom we have to celebrate this joyous day and season!  Enjoy!

Peace be to you.           

The original of this Christmas story appeared on 12/25/08 on this blog site.

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Hal@TheWriterWorks.com

Not A Cursor Is Stirring . . .

     I started a couple of nights ago with a post of some nostalgic recollections of some Christmas’s past, but then got myself caught into a second-wind rush of business thinking again for the last two nights’ posts.  Is that kind of like going on vacation and taking half a week to unwind and realize you’re on vacation? 

     Anyway, I hope you will take a look at all three of those posts.  They’re certainly two of my writing extremes.  You may like all or neither, but if you prefer one direction over the other, please call or write me and let me know. 

     I continue to straddle the line between literary fiction interests and hard-nosed (but light-hearted if one could possibly have both a hard nose and a light heart?) business teachings. 

     Having been a businessperson, professor, consultant, and author makes it hard to get it out of my system, but I love writing fiction too, and often find myself writing blog posts on a coin toss!. 

     As for this blog site, I have all kinds of analytical stuff to digest, but it rarely helps me know how to most effectively divide my writing pursuits because YOU –you who actually return here without threat of punishment– are really the only ones who can help me do that. 

     So do pass along your thoughts on what you’re more or less interested in.  I may not pay any attention, but I’ll love you for trying.  Seriously, I will greatly value your input. 

     I figure if you’ve read all this, and gotten this far, you either relate to something I’ve written, or you wish me off the planet, or you’re stealing my ideas to start up a new government in Bongo-Bongo (I DO get a lot of regular visits from many foreign countries!), or your tv is broken and you’re ready to join a lonely hearts club, or you’ve got 16 kids with stockings to fill and toys to assemble and you’re doing tasks of avoidance right now by pretending to be engaged in important research as you hover over your screen, or you’re a really sick puppy?!  

     SO:  Tis the night before Christmas, and all through your mouse, not a cursor is stirring, not even the souse who lives next door and pounds on your door when you stomp on the floor and call him a louse . . . whew!  Can you tell I had a glass of Christmas Eve wine? 

     Really, all you dear visitors, I wish for each of you the happiest, healthiest, and Merriest Christmas of all time.  Stay close.  Stay Safe.  Stay warm.  Love Those You’re With and Miss Those You’re Not With.  Relax.  Smile.  Laugh.  See you sometime after a late Christmas brunch (with some fun comments about one very memorable Christmas in Ireland!). 

     Have a great sleep (unless you’re in Bongo-Bongo and just woke up!) and a great day tomorrow!  

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See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.          # # #

Check out and contribute to the daily growing 7-Word Story started 106 days ago (inside a coffin).  Click on the link to the right, or go to the “BOOKS” tab at the top of this page, then to the top headline link.

You didn’t know Santa smoked?

     The stockings (um, our real socks, not today’s designer specials that hold ten gallons of goodies) were hung (actually safety-pinned to the back of the stuffed chair because the only “chimney” in our 3-room apartment next to the railroad tracks was the incinerator out in the hall that spewed nose-killing smoke around all the door openings when the garbage was burned in it every week) with care (rolling pin threats insured that the safety pins were delicately applied).

     Yeah, carrots for the reindeer and milk and cookies for Santa (left with a note begging for one or two things each) were inevitably transformed to early morning crumbs, drops of spilt milk, an empty booze bottle (Santa needed to warm up after all that North Pole snow) and cigarette butts (you didn’t know Santa smoked?).

     Let’s stay with the socks.  So, these were always the best because when we reached in, we pulled out great stuff like walnuts, and maybe an orange (depending on how big your feet were since this measurement dictated the sock you were allowed to pin up).

     Sometimes, we’d get hard candies, maybe even a candy cane, or Topps Bubble Gum with baseball cards, and almost always the big deal-breaker: a comic book!  If you were really lucky, you might get a new pair of shoelaces or (Zounds!) a pink rubber ball!

     I was probably 15 before I realized that not everybody removed and counted every single one of the 3,000 shreds of tinsel strips and laid them neatly in wax paper wrapped batches of 50 to save for next year, always a challenge after they had been sprayed with canned white “snow.” 

     We never got much in the way of gifts, but we were never hurting for canned white snow, which seemed to just miraculously appear somewhere in between the booze bottles.

     Relatives we hated always showed up with stupid presents we didn’t want (a new set of wheels for a toy car I didn’t have, a boat compass –whoot whoo!– a great amenity for my used, bent 24″ balloon-tire Schwinn bike that had a broken chain and a hitch in its git-along, a plaid shirt from the Salvation Army).

     Neighbors showed up to drink.  Dad’s drinking friends showed up to eat.  It was like somebody robbed the delicatessen across the street once a year.  From Christmas ’til New Year’s, we ate pounds of bologna, salami, cheese, ham (if the economy was good), and coleslaw ’til it was coming out our ears.  My little brother opted for his new shoelaces, which he claimed tasted better.

     Sounds pretty gruesome, huh?  Well, when you don’t know any better . . . it was just fine with us.  I guess there was too much drinking and smoking going on too, but, hey, it was what people did then (and some still do!). 

     Anyway, we did have two very special things that not many people seem to have today: family love and appreciation for what we did have.  I wish these two things for all of you.  They made a difference in my life.  (I do, though, have a rather hefty-size stocking over the fireplace right now!)     halalpiar 

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See Nov 29th post (below) for New Year’s contest prize and rules – Then GO FOR IT!  Emails to Hal@TheWriterWorks.com with “SOUNDS OF THE SEASON” in the subject line.          # # #

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