When is a pat on the back

  really a kick in the butt?

A client tells you your service is great, then complains about it later to others. Assuming nothing changed along the way to erode the value of your praiseworthy performance, your sense of anguish may simply be the result of of a mixed message. Mixed messages find their way into everyday business exchanges with increasing regularity.

“Pretty good job . . . for a woman!” is a typical example. “You’re doing this the right way, but you need to slow down and think it through better!” is another. Have you ever heard something like: “We need to move forward with plans to collaborate, but not at the expense of our own department (division, team, group)?”

Mixed messages are nonproductive. Mixed messages often couch hidden agendas. Unlike much problem solving that requires “two to tango” and cannot be realistically addressed by a single entity alone, mixed message situations can be resolved by one person taking preventive measures. These include paraphrasing, note taking, feedback, diagramming, and offering/ requesting examples. 

1)  PARAPHRASING. Instead of simply taking statements at face value and then squirming with them later, ask: “Do I understand you correctly to mean . . . (and repeat back what you think you heard, using your own words)?”

2)  NOTE TAKING. The biggest problem with note taking is that most people do not take notes. And even when they do, they fail to directly request the speaker to allow for it. “Would you mind please slowing down on (or repeating) that point for me  so I can make note of it because I don’t want to forget what you said.” is not just called for; it’s flattering to the speaker. But write it!!

3)  FEEDBACK. Speakers need to pause periodically and take inventory: “How are we doing here so far? Do you have any questions? Is all of this information clear?” Listeners need to politely interrupt periodically and take inventory: “Excuse me. Can we take a ‘Time Out’ minute here to summarize this last bit of information? I want to make sure I understand what you mean.” Write it!!

4)  DIAGRAMS. When speaker or listener is not 100% sure that communications are clear, ask for a diagram of the information; arranging keywords and ideas visually helps ensure accuracy, and can often illuminate a new perspective.

5)  EXAMPLES. Ask for them. Very few exchanges of information fail to become transparently clear when examples are offered and discussed.

Getting tangled up in miscommunication can be frustrating, annoying, and stressful. One person who is determined to “get it right” the first time, and who is willing to accept that it may take longer and be more work, will ultimately experience greater accuracy in dealing with others, and accuracy spells success.                               

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 Hal@BUSINESSWORKS.US  or comment below.

No matter which end of

the interview

you’re on…

     Few things can feel more satisfying than to win over the person at the other end of an interview by taking quiet control with championship communication skills.

     Active listening, thoughtful speaking and careful observations pay big dividends in employee/employer screening and hiring interviews, as well as in day-to-day operations.

     Yes, it’s true that nothing beats a great handshake, neat appearance, good grooming, eye-contact, and a bright smile for openers. But once you’re seated, you need a new set of tools.

     And no matter which end of the interview you’re on, be careful to not blow off a great first impression with lousy body language.

     When you sit back in your seat (especially in a sprawl and/or with hands clasped behind your head) you are giving off a superiority attitude that no one likes, even if you happen to be superior.

     If your arms, legs, ankles, hands, wrists are folded, you are communicating defensiveness, which will not work to your advantage, even if you are feeling that way.

     Open-ended questions provide the most revealing answers:

• “Tell me what’s important to you that’s not on this resume?

• What would you do if I gave you a million dollars cash right this minute?

• Who or what has made the biggest difference in your life and how did that happen?

• What would make you choose situation A over situation B even though B would offer you more money? (or better benefits?)

• What’s the hardest work situation you’ve ever had to deal with?

• How did you get started in this business anyway?”

are all good examples.

     WHAT the answers are to these or any other questions are only 20% important. HOW the answers are delivered accounts for 80% of what’s important! How rushed or deliberate are the responses?

     How serious or humorous are the answers? If humor is included, is it disparaging or self-effacing? In good taste? Does eye-contact have a focal point or is it more like staring? Leering? Avoiding?

Resist the temptation to fill the air with words.

Silence is a very useful and telling tool as long as it doesn’t go past the point of being intimidating.

In the same context, note taking is always a powerful practice; it keeps your attention focused; it supplements your memory banks; it’s flattering.

     Prompt, then listen. Never hesitate to clarify with paraphrasing (“Do I understand you correctly to mean . . . ?” Fill in your own words to check the meaning of something you’re in doubt about). Ask for examples. Ask for diagrams. Offer examples. Offer diagrams.

     Be careful with any job candidate who seems preoccupied with issues involving compensation, insurance, vacations, sick days, personal timeoffs, overtime pay, time reporting, lunch and coffee breaks. If you’re a candidate, be careful of a prospective employer who doesn’t volunteer this information up front.  

     When you can be prepared to the point where the interview is something you look forward to, you are likely to be ready to communicate effectively no matter which end of it you’re on. When you can be a detective during the interview, and make adjustments along the way, you’ll be increasing your odds for success regardless of whether you’re asking or answering.   

Hal@BUSINESSWORKS.US 

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You!

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Your Moment of Truth

is NOW!   

     Who’s reading this stuff on a Saturday night? YOU are. Why? Well, I can’t answer that one, but I can report that you’re not alone. Saturday nights are — believe it or not — one of the highest quality visitor nights here at BusinessWorks.

     I have to think it’s because entrepreneurs never sleep and are always looking for that innovative edge they can grab hold of . . . so, okay, here are some innovative edges:

     If you’re the geeky-type, intent on being the next great Internet-market guru, OR if you’re a down and out sales-type struggling to make ends meet, OR you’re a business owner-type who feels like you might have been losing touch with reality lately (like who hasn’t?), please allow me to offer the following advice: (Consider it my investment in wanting to see you succeed because you came here on a Saturday night.) 

1) GET OUT! Put down and turn off all the hi-tech trappings for just an hour a day and use that time to take the risk of meeting and one-on-one socializing with real living people. Go out for breakfast tomorrow morning and actually talk with the waitress or waiter and the people at the next table instead of texting your Facebook friends or Twitter followers.  

2) INSTEAD OF BRUSHING OFF THIS IDEA, and deciding it’s a waste of your time (and I guarantee you it’s not!), listen to what those around you have to say and how they say it. Withhold your judgements. Just listen and absorb. Clarify. Ask for examples. Take notes (with a real pen and paper pocket-pad!). Then go sit somewhere quiet and write down what you learned about your SELF in that process.

Go to a busy street corner and ask three people for directions. Listen to what they say and how they say it. Ask them if they would repeat the directions slowly enough for you to write them down because you’re not good at remembering things like that. Then go sit somewhere quiet and write down what you learned about your SELF in that process.

3) GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY! The best vehicle I’ve ever found (and I am now nearly 300 years-old!) is this one:   http://bit.ly/Bb1Tw  Do it! I promise you will NEVER regret this piece of advice. It may be the single most important thing you ever learn in your life, or are ever able to teach anyone else.

4) REMEMBER THAT THE MORE YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT YOUR SELF, the better you will be at dealing effectively with others, and you can never be a success in life (regardless of how you define “success”) until and unless you can deal effectively with others.

     These 4 suggestions go F A R beyond using cell phones and social networks, and F A R beyond wallowing in self-pity about how bad finances are, and F A R beyond being swallowed up by nonproductive, fantasy (non-here-and-now) thinking.

      It’s all about getting back to basic, real, in-person, human contact . . . no matter how much that threatens you. Because the moment of truth for your business and your SELF . . . is NOW!. 

~~~~~~~~~ Visit Hal’s Recent Guest Blog Posts ~~~~~~~~~

“Every Sales Pro A Small Business Owner” @ www.iSalesman.com ; “The SALES Snow Job” @ http://bit.ly/bYHmXx ; “Got A Sick Website?” @ http://bit.ly/6iYe6g ; “Leadership Puzzles” @ http://tinyurl.com/yfsczbk ; “What’s Your T-Shirt Say?” @ http://bit.ly/7K0s4a   

Comment below or direct to Hal@BUSINESSWORKS.US Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You! Make it a GREAT Day! Get blog emails FREE via RSS feed OR $1 mo Amazon Kindle. Gr8 Gift 4 GRANDPARENTS: http://bit.ly/3nDlGF

Humility Beats Flattery

     Sure, it’s nice to give and receive flattering comments — when they’re sincere. Trouble is that truly genuine sincerity is about as rare as a flock of spotted owls landing on your Uncle Sid’s satellite dish.

     Humility, on the other hand, is internally driven and –by its very nature — never questioned for authenticity. Contrary to Hollywood’s overblown theatrics, humility is not a simply silent behavior that requires a reverently bowed head, hat-in-hand, innocently blinking eyes presentation. Humility is an active choice.

     Both words (humility and flattery) are over 700 years old.

     “Humility” at Dictionary.com is defined as the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or modest estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc… humbleness.

     “Flattery” is defined as excessive, insincere praise; fawning; pandering.

     So how would you categorize the last time you exercised these behaviors in your dealings with associates? With employees? With Customers? Vendors and suppliers? Referrers? Within your industry or profession? Your community?

     What did each incident get you? I’m willing to bet the ranch that your humbleness outperformed your pandering in terms of triggering positive responses … 100% of the time! Would that be an accurate assessment?

     So what’s preventing you from choosing the winning behavior more often?

     The answer to that question is: YOU!

     It is an active and conscious choice to deal with others in a sincere or insincere manner.

     Choosing humility translates to giving genuine credit to where genuine credit is due, even when you may not like or agree with the source, and this especially applies to those who work for and with you.

     It also means being careful to not underestimate the performance capabilities or the sincerity of others, again especially of employees.

     How can you best accomplish these ends?

• By listening 80% of the time.

• By paraphrasing what you just heard, in your own words, and checking with the source to make sure you have a clear understanding of the other person’s thinking and intent, and that you’re not imposing your own bias into other’s ideas and suggestions.

• By asking for examples, to better clarify statements.

• By taking notes so you can

  • Sleep on it when time allows

  • Recover where you left off when you get interrupted (which can sometimes last hours or days)

  • Accurately reflect other’s comments and credit them appropriately

  • Build others’ self-esteem; when you jot down notes of their comments (and, by the way, directly ask them to slow down so you can keep accurate notes), you are quietly saying that you value and appreciate others and their ideas.              

Bottom LIne: 

Don’t think that because you may already have a successful business, that you have all the answers. Odds are you may simply have been lucky to get to where you are, and that you really don’t have ANY answers.

Regardless of what you believe, you and your business can only stand to benefit by listening carefully — and with a strong sense of humility — to what those who surround you have to say. My best guess is that you’ll surprise yourself!

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Hal@Businessworks.US  302.933.0116

Open Minds Open Doors

Many thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!