“You must be very

  proud of yourself!”

“No, I own a business

and I have a life!”

Self-pride can, and almost always does, get in the way of progress — and even survival!

Self-pride. Now isn’t that like stubbornness? “Stop being so stubborn,” my stubborn mother used to say, “it’s gonna get you in trouble. People care about you as a person and they respect what you’ve accomplished, but no body cares about your honor except you   . . . not even me!”

So, yes, I am the son of a wise mother.

As a management consultant and entrepreneur coach for many years, I’ve seen my share of business and life failures. Research studies always point parental fingers to “being under-capitalized” as symptomatic of poor management and the key reason for business failure.

But rarely does anyone look beyond “poor management” being the ultimate culprit to see what else is lurking in the shadows . . . what else is there to account for business and life failures?

Someone should be looking. Why?

Because at the end of this fraying personal and business lifeline is a very heavy anchor that is best categorized as self-pride. It’s something that happens when you choose to get sidetracked from your business and life pursuits, to deal with some imagined threat to your ego.

You put day-to-day operations off to the side to entangle yourself in a legal suit that you know you’re right about just to gloat in satisfaction at having humiliated an annoying competitor, or to realize a thousand dollars payoff after legal expenses.

How much business is lost in the process of your ego-indulging diversions?

The minute the sidetracking starts, it has a tendency (like An object in motion tends to stay in motion) to snowball itself into an avalanche. And it doesn’t take long (sometimes just minutes!) to get to the point of completely immobilizing growth and survival modes.

In minor role applications, the sidetracking diverts needed attention from goal pursuits, family well-being, and from business and career opportunities and success.

Turning your spotlight inward takes the focus away from where you’re headed, and when it gets dark — you’re bound to trip over or run into some thing. You may or may not get up, or be able to.

In major role applications of this sidetracking, businesses go bankrupt, couples get divorced, children get abandoned, and some people can end up depressed enough to be taking their own lives as their failures become more pronounced.

What to do?

There’s always choice involved. Turn the other cheek! Why not? Is letting go so hard when you consider the consequences of holding on?

When you choose to feel insulted (you’ll know when you feel your face flush or knees wobble or stomach churn or head ache or fists clench), you need choose to stop where you are and stop whatever you’re doing.

Force yourself to take some (at least 3 or 4) really deep breaths, while saying to yourself with each inhale, “Healing energy into my body!” and with each exhale, “Stress and tension out of my body!” Remind yourself again that your behavior is your choice!

You can choose to escalate a situation or simply back away from it because it gets in the way of your success (and presumably because you prefer success to getting sidetracked). Getting (choosing to be) sidetracked is simply an admission that you have chosen for someone else to get inside your brain and control your behavior.

Don’t choose your self-pride over your self!

www.TheWriterWorks.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

If you failed to teach a

key employee 

something important

today, are you

missing the boat?

     With what I presume to be 55% of American employees being UNhappy [See yesterday’s blog post below this one], there’s very little “happiness-transition” wiggle room for a business owner or manager to exercise. The first important step, though, in the direction of kicking up productivity is to more fully engage employees in the day-to-day operations of your business. 

     Should you flat out trust the one person who seems most likely to head off to a competitor? Should you risk sharing critical product development or service expense information with people who you’re not confident will even be there in six months? Does it make any sense to encourage the employee your classmates would vote “Most likely to be brain-dead,” who you’ve kept around to do the slug work nobody else will touch? Sometimes the least likely people rise to the occasion. Think on that one.

     How about — instead of asking those questions about your employees — you ask some questions of your SELF? Where, for example, are you and your business headed right now? Where do you expect to be in five years? How (what’s the process you’ll use) do you expect to survive the next five months? What will you be doing differently then than you’re doing today? Why are you waiting five months?

     Keeping on that track for another minute, what’s something new you’ve learned about your business today? What’s something new you’ve learned about your SELF today? (Yes, both events did in fact occur; you just blocked them out or didn’t give yourself enough credit for the discoveries.)

     How will any of that new information help you tomorrow? When was the last time you and your family depended on someone else’s decision making? When was the last time you put yourself in your employees’ shoes and thought about their perspective of your business and your decision making? How do you think dependency feels?

     When was the last time you stopped long enough to teach an employee something important that she or he can use to do a better job, or be able to take home to share with family? Do you take active interest in your people every day? Why not? They may never admit it and you may never believe it, but all studies ever done would reinforce that you can be sure they take active interest in you every day, probably every hour! 

     So, that means you’re obliged to return the interest? No. You’re obliged to do everything you can possibly do to cultivate employee enthusiasm for the work they are doing. When financial reward is not possible, emotional support and psychological reward and teaching by example have to suffice. And if you’re consistent about making those money-substitutes work, they will. All human beings need reinforcement and reassurance. Employees need it from their bosses. Are you on it?                                                                              

Comment below or Hal@BusinessWorks.US Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You! Make it a GREAT Day! Blog via RSS feed or $1/mo Kindle. GRANDPARENT Gift? http://bit.ly/3nDlGF

Is Your Business

A Headcase?

The word therapy may sound ominous to the business mind. It evokes the specter of illness, or worse, of craziness. That should not be. Therapy is part of education. Therapy teaches us through personal experience about who we are and how we became that way. Therapy teaches us how personal responsibility plays a role in who we are. Therapy teaches us how we relate to others and how important other people are in the conduct of our lives. And therapy helps us claim our freedom and take charge of our lives. These are all elements of growing up and getting a complete education.”

     If this seems like a strange and out-of-place subject for you, let me assure you that it is extremely relevant. Why? Because every business –like every human– has problems to solve that have been created and nurtured internally. And, more often than not, a great many of these are denied and consciously or inadvertently glossed over by the boss.

     If you were to distill down all my years of diverse career experiences into one defining function, it would be that I have been a reality therapist to businesses. Powerful corporate executives, entrepreneurs, sales and healthcare professionals alike have called me in the middle of the night, reduced to tears. They have called on the verge of lighting fuses to blow up their businesses.

     I’ve seen business temper tantrums where filled file folders, office equipment, and even scalpels were flung in rage across offices and into doors. Because businesses that needed therapy, that were being run by owners and managers who refuted the need for it, had no place else to bury upsets but inside the troubled stressed-out minds of their leaders.

     Every person and every business, I believe, can benefit by some degree of professional therapy engagement at some point, perhaps continuously, in their lives. Therapy need not be as threatening or embarrassing as Hollywood would have us believe, nor as intimidating as the naysayers around us claim.

     The truth is therapy can be extremely enlightening, masterfully empowering, and a magnet for improved mental, physical, and emotional good health — the secret keys to increased sales!                  

     It may be useful to pause here and be reminded that the feelings of being threatened, embarrassed, and intimidated –like those feelings of enlightenment, empowerment, and improved health — are all behaviors and all behaviors are choices. Why choose negative over positive? Because of some fear? If the fear is not genuine, realistic, and physical, it is imagined; it is fantasy; it is also a choice!

     Many businesses fail because the leaders operate under a self-fulfilling prophecy that a business is beyond repair and nothing can be done to save it. The economy. The bank. The landlord. Lousy sales. Lazy employees. Products or services without real benefits or competitive advantages. No future. Poor track-record. They fail.

     The fix? Hire an informed, experienced, fresh, outside perspective to shrink out your business and coach your leaders.

     Savvy business owners and managers recognize that the business needs to be considered a living, breathing organism, and treated as if it were a separate individual entity apart from the paperwork, computer files, and physical workspace.

     In this context, business therapy can be a healthy and productive intervention capable of turning problems into opportunities. The distance from survive to thrive is measured in receptive leadership that’s willing to explore and innovate.

Hal@BUSINESSWORKS.US 

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You!

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

The best “CHANGE” message 

Yes, but are you happy?

     Survey findings based on 2009 data collected from 1.3 million Americans (by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) report — state-by-state, plus D.C. — identify where the happiest people live.

BEST/HAPPIEST STATES 

#1 – #6: Louisiana, Hawaii, Florida, Tennessee, Arizona, South Carolina.

WORST/UNHAPPIEST STATES 

#46 – #51: California, New Jersey, Indiana, Michigan, Connecticut, New York. 

     If you can’t stand waiting ’til the end of this post to find out where your state stands, I’ll give you the whole scoop right here, right now, but you have to promise to return after you find out whether you’re supposed to be happy or not, so you can get some free happiness guidance! Here. Do it!  . . . and when you’re done, ‘Mon Back!

     Welcome back! So are you happy now? Or did that little side trip just make things worse for you? Well, the survey findings are probably a useful thing for helping to target your sales message geographically.

    I mean you could probably send some angry messages into Louisiana, Florida and Hawaii, for example, and get back a lot of knowing smiles with piles of sales dollars. But you may not want to be so cavalier when you’re aiming at those sad souls in New York, Connecticut and Michigan.

     Hey, truth is that no matter who says what you’re supposed to be experiencing, happiness — like any other behavior — is a choice! Consciously or unconsciously, each of us choose our behaviors every minute of every day! And, like success, happiness is the journey, not the destination.

     Of course some states with more sunshine might do a better job of hosting the journey, or setting the table for our choices, but nothing and no one outside your mind creates or causes happiness or unhappiness. And where you live has very little to do with it. 

     Surely you know there’s truth to the old expression that “Misery Loves Company.” But, btw, so does “Happiness” and you need only look at faces around you at one of your upcoming parties to underscore that reality.

     The only gift greater than happiness is sharing happiness. Try it. You’ll like it.

# # #

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Hal@Businessworks.US or 302.933.0116

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals. God Bless You.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

Pity all you want, but

nothing happens ’til you’ve

put yourself in other’s shoes.

     Okay, you’re a leader. You own and/or operate and/or manage a business, or part of one (or you’re a sales professional, which is essentially the same thing!). You need to wear many hats, day to day, and probably one of the most difficult of these to keep balanced on your head (and for most leaders) is the one that dictates your role when serious, draining emotional problems arise.

     Odds are you have no training as a shrink or you would be one, and it’s bad enough being constantly looked upon by others who think of you (and sometimes openly treat you) as a surrogate parent … then along comes tragedy, or calamity, or personal, or family, or community, or even a company upset or grief period.

     And it’s often hard to know how to respond.

     First of all, respond. When you can respond instead of react, you can never over-react, and you will more likely than not help others to also respond instead of react too. That’s a good thing. HOW do you make that happen? First recognize that responding instead of reacting (like all behavior) is a choice! Next, try:  http://bit.ly/Bb1Tw 

     When you can focus your response energy on empathy and being empathetic (which the dictionary defines as “understanding and sharing the feelings of others”), you can help yourself and others to be immensely relieved, productive, positive, and motivating.

     When you focus instead on sympathy and being sympathetic (which the dictionary defines as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune”), it’s rare to experience an outcome that’s anything more than one that has simply piled on more pity and sorrow.

     We need only to turn to what’s probably the greatest exampleof our lifetimes — in the defining behavior, for example, exercised by “America’s Mayor” Rudy Giuliani after the infamous terrorist attacks of “9/11” — for inspiration and a lesson in the values of using empathy in leadership. His ability to put himself in other’s shoes, and to help a panicked nation be there with him by virtue of his acts and words, sprouted calm and order and honor and harmony from the chaos.

# # #               

 Right this minute,

is what you are doing

helping you get to

where you want to go?

     Oh, c’mon now,  I can’t be that productive every single minute; I’d be a robot! Yes, this is true; you’d be a robot; well, let’s say it’s  probably true, but you CAN be productive a whole lot more than you are right now and a whole lot more than you think you can be…and, uh, not be a robot.

     Here’s the trick:  Focus your brain on trying to be “here and now” as much as you possibly can, every passing moment. No, you’re not likely to succeed at it 100% of the time. And even 50% of the time may prove daunting. But if you are at 10% and go to 20%, that’s a major victory that will yield major benefits. Work your way to 30%, 4o%? You’re headed for the mountaintop!

     Why “here and now”?  Because everything else is fantasy, and you’re living in a reality world. When your dominant thoughts revolve around past and / or future events, ideas, experiences most of the time, it’s like trying to relocate Disneyland into a war zone.

     Your focus is not in tune  with what’s happening around you, and that’s wasted time and effort that you will never get back. (Er, in case you DO figure out how to get it back, call me collect immediately; I’ll make us both billionaires!)

     Sure, Hal, you make it sound easy,  but it’s pretty hard to not get worried about future stuff or to avoid dwelling on the past. How can I do that?

     Ah, funny you should ask.  First of all, recognize that we are talking about CHOICE. Your behavior is your choice. It can be conscious or unconscious, but it is a choice … or it’s a choice that sets up the behavior. Okay, so recognizing it’s a choice means also realizing that it’s as simple to choose to be tuned in to the present as it is to choose not to be.

     Next: Take ONE MINUTE out of your nerve-racking fast-lane life  and take some deep breaths. That will help, you get in touch with the most immediate “here and now” thing happening in your entire life: your breathing!

     If you do this in earnest, I guarantee you positive results, and I guarantee you it will help you get yourself focused on “here and now.”  IT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER RIGHT NOW IN JUST ONE MINUTE!

     You will be more productive more often, starting right this minute!  What have you got to lose? Wasted efforts? GO FOR IT!   

# # #               

When You Can’t Get +

Don’t Settle For –

     We are all humans  (I believe; at least my blog diagnostics don’t show quality visits here from Animal Planet — or any other planet, for that matter!) and because we are (human), it is part of our pattern of emotional instincts that when we cannot get positive recognition, we settle for ANY kind of recognition, and will sometimes resort to seeking NEGATIVE recognition when nothing else is forthcoming.

     Negative recognition  is, after all, better than no recognition at all, right? Wrong! Unless of course you happen to be 3 years-old … or a manic-depressant … or a masochist … or a hermit … or a piece of broccoli! 

     Aha!  But many of us ACT 3 years-old when we are not getting pats on the back (or fanny, if you’re on a sports team; or on your knee or the back of your hand if you’re a patient … why do doctors always pat reassurance into your knee or back of your hand?) This is true for sure.

     The point is  that seeking negative recognition is a mentally unbalanced and emotionally unhealthy behavior. Consider if you will that those who make a practice of this, are those who frequently prompt wars, fights, arguments, teenage “groundings” (remember those?), military court-marshals, disciplinary actions, prejudice, divorce, abandonment, murder, jail terms, HIGH risk!

     When we can’t get positive recognition  for something we’ve done or said or thought, we have a tendency to turn in the direction of seeking some alternative (vs. just letting it go, because letting go is life’s most difficult task!) In other words, we drag ourselves down to the point where getting verbally bashed actually serves as a payoff!

     Yeah, right;  poor me; I really did screw up; I deserve all the criticism; beat me! (HA!HA! At least I finally got myself noticed!) Hey, folks: this is a sick mental/emotional state that calls for professional guidance. We all take it on the chin sometimes, but when someone is out seeking to take it on the chin, there’s a problem there.

     If that someone is you, get help! If it’s someone who works for you, get that person help. Having to evidence negative behavior to get noticed (ala temper tantrums) can end up costing your your business, lickity-split! It only takes one knife-blade, one bullet, one match!

     Remember all behavior is a choice.

     Some people get stuck not realizing or practicing that. Sometimes a professional is the best one to get that behavior UNstuck. 

     Oh, one other thought,  be more conscious of how important positive recognition is to 99.99% of all employees (and children) and make a practice of dishing it out a whole lot more than you probably think is needed or appropriate. It’s hard to offer too much

# # #

“Leaders have to control their

emotions under pressure.”

Rudy Giuliani, Time Magazine’s “Mayor of the world”

     We’re reminded to be kinder than necessary because everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle. If that reminder is only half true, we’re talking about a lot of pent up stress. Bottled up anxieties = emotions under pressure. Leaders, by virtue of being leaders must rise above that.

     Forcing your brain to functionin ways that are totally opposite of what you are feeling can be a daunting if not overwhelming challenge, but not one that’s impossible. Why? Because you choose your behavior. You choose whether you will reACT or reSPOND to any given situation.

     Being aware that you have that choice and consciously making that choice is a fairly conclusive bit of evidence that you are indeed someone who is in a leadership position. This is not to say that you need to be unfeeling or insensitive about other people and situations. It means you need to control your feelings when you’re in the pressure-cooker!

     The best starting point for this is to follow the 4-step 60-second exercise spelled out at:

http://halalpiar.com/2009/05/4-steps-in-one-minute-zero-stress/

     Next, recognize that not only is the act of leadership a choice, but so too is the designation that empowers the action. Or, as some have more succinctly put it: if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen!

     Remember too that leaders are both born AND made, but that leadership doesn’t fall from the sky! 

     What is this elusive quality all about? TIME magazine (which I don’t think gets very much right in general, but happened to here) had this to say about designating Rudy Giuliani as “Mayor of the World” and as the 2001 “Person of the Year”:

For having more faith in us than we had in ourselves, for being brave when required and rude where appropriate and tender without being trite, for not sleeping and not quitting and not shrinking from the pain all around him.”

# # #  

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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WATCH FOR ONE OF HAL’S SHORT STORIES COMING this September in a new book from Nightengale Press: THE ART OF GRANDPARENTING

To be on sale at Barnes & Noble and at special discounted price here! 

The World’s Greatest Expert

on Death and Dying–

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD

–Points to Five Stages:

• Denial and Isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

     She said we –all of us–  must experience each of these five stages to one degree or another in the order they are shown above with every loss experience. The only exceptions being instances where people get stuck in a given stage and never get beyond it.

     So as business owners, managers, and entrepreneurs, some of us experience bits and pieces of these five stages everyday with daily losses.

     Kübler-Ross said that losses are not limited to human death, and can  include the loss of a limb or faculty, or ability… loss of a valuable possession (a home, a car, a business), loss of companionship (including divorce and separation), loss of freedom (including jail), loss of a job, loss of a client, loss of a prospect or opportunity, loss of self-esteem, loss of authority, etc., etc.

     And to a lesser degree, we even experience these stages when we lose a dollar, a photograph, a letter, an address, a contest, and so on.

     So what’s the point? Healthy successful people do everything humanly possible to channel all their energies and mental focus on reaching the level (or “Stage”) of ACCEPTANCE as quickly as possible, and on maintaining themselves at that level as permanently as possible.

     Everything else is non-productive. Everything else leaves us feeling deflated and defeated and negative. Some people stay in these places their entire lives. Some are institutionalized. Some do themselves in.

     Stages 1-4 are pure torment. We must go through them, but the goal needs to be to move through them as rapidly as our minds and bodies allow us to. Getting through the maze may take friends and rescuers to stand by shoulder to shoulder. We have all performed that function for someone else, but perhaps have forgotten?  

     Keep always in the front of your mind that no matter how out of control it may feel to be stuck somewhere in denial and isolation, or in anger, or in a bargaining position, or a state of depression, it IS a matter of choice!

     The minute we choose to accept loss, the quicker we can get on with a happy and productive existence and make the most of the short time we each have here on Earth…make the most of the relationships we’ve been blessed with: with other people and places and purposes.

     We need not choose to lock ourselves into suffering and misery. Life and business life are way too short to have wasted time and energy with anything besides being happy and healthy and in active pursuit of our dreams.  

# # #  

Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

FREE BLOG SUBSCRIPTION? Click on ”Posts RSS Feed” (Center Column), or now on your AMAZON Kindle for just $1.99 a month after a free trial. FEELING CREATIVE? Add your own 7 words to the end of the daily 280 POSTS tale! Click under “7-Word Story” (center column)